-Chapter 88-Lean on me-
-Rachel pov-
It's been a little while since everything went down. It's been three weeks to be exact. I got out a few days ago and Brittany a few days before me. She's still kind of down though.
She's still super small and weighs barely anything. I absolutely hate it. It's not like she's doing it to stay fit or anything. She is small because of what happened to me.
I know she blames herself. She really shouldn't but she does. Now we have nationals to prepare for and she's weak. Anytime she pushes to hard she falls. It's absolutely crazy to watch happen.
One of our spitfires is burning out. My ray of sunshine is going dull. My own happiness is stopping and I can't take it. It hurts so much to see her down on herself.
"Rachel?" I look up and see a worried Blaine "You coming to do the Nationals nominations?"
"Yeah" I get out of my chair "Let's go"
I walk with Blaine to the club room and see Brittany there. I smile and walk over to her. I sit beside her and go to lean on her. Instead I'm met with air as she moves away slightly.
A...am I not good enough anymore? Did I do something that I'm not away of? Am I the reason she's upset? What if she's thinking about breaking off the engagement?
I shouldn't be this shocked about it though. She's been doing this a lot. Hell I don't even think she's worn her ring. I look down at mine and play with it.
This means the work to me. Why can't it mean the world to her too? Maybe she realized how much trouble I am...maybe she's found someone better in the club.
Why else would she be here early? She always gets here early now. She doesn't walk with me at all. I can feel the numbness coming back in.
"Alright!" I look up at my mom as she claps with a smile "Who has a solo ready?"
"I've got a song" I stand up not really feeling my body and walk to the front "I've got one"
I go to the piano and find the keys. I can prove I'm still a good choice. If she just hears I'd help her maybe...maybe she'll come back! Maybe she'll still think I'm worth it!
-Rachel singing-
Oh look there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break
So..
Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall
Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away
And if you wanna let go
Baby, it's okay
Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
To me
Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall
I turn as the group claps but I tune them out. I look straight at Brittany who doesn't even give an expression. She turns her head and looks away. I feel my heart shatter piece by piece.
"You know I've always wanted to do a duet!" Blaine walks over to me "Why don't we do sad or helpful songs? I have the perfect one I think!"
I nod and let Blaine take over the piano. I'm needed for a song. Stop being numb and stupid for once in you damn life. She doesn't love you anymore and you don't need her!
-Blaine-Rachel-Both-
She put him out, like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said, "I'll love her 'til I die"
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
The rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
"Stop it" I look up confused "STOP ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DID NOT ALMSOT DIE! STOP ACTING FINE! THIS IS NOT BROADWAY! YOU CAN HURT! PLEASE JUST SHOW YOUR DAMN HURT!"
"I-I" I feel tears form in my eyes "You haven't even talked about what's hurting you!"
"YOU ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!" Brittany storms and picks me up by my shirt collar "You act like nothing happened! Like I...like I didn't hold your dying body in my arms! Like I wasn't covered in your blood for a few days! You act like it never happened! Stop acting! This is reality not some dream Rachel! Stop acting!"
"Brittany?" I watch the tears fall down her face and her hold gets tighter "Brittany you're starting to hurt me"
"I've been so scared of sleeping" I fed her shaking as she holds my collar "I haven't slept a wink because..because I don't wanna wake up and this be a dream! I don't wanna wake up you not be with me! I'm scared to get close again! I'm scared to the lose the girl I love!"
"It's not a dream Brittany" I slowly reach up and cup her face "I'm here ok? You feel me right? You can feel my hands on your face right? Answer Britt"
"I can" I feel her hold get loosened as more tears fall "I'm so scared to lose you"
Soon I'm let go and she's sobbing. I pull her into me as she pushes me. I'm not letting her get away. I'm going to hold on for all I've got left.
-Blaine-Santana-Lucy-Group-
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise,
We know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show.
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand,
We all need somebody to lean on.
I finally look up with Britt at the group. I smile as they all have no judgement on their faces. Just love in their eyes.
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand,
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load
You have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me.
I feel Brittany lay her head on my shoulder as the group sings together. Our family sings together. I really do love all of these people. My sisters and my brothers.
Call me if you need a friend
Call me, call me, uh-huh
Call me when you need a friend
Call me if you ever need a friend
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me if you need a friend
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me, call me
Call me
"I think we have our group song" Mom wheels over to me and Brittany "You two ok?"
"Honestly?" She nods and I shake my head "I won't be for a little while...but that ok! Because it's ok not to be ok"
"But we have each other" Brittany kisses my forehead and pulls me closer "And we have our family here"
"Why don't we do our picks next meeting" Mom wheels to the doors with a smile "Meeting dismissed"
I smile and then start laughing when the group hugs us. I've not felt so much love. I've never felt so much love towards me. I finally feel safe and secure.
I won't let them down when we get to nationals.
