Warning: this chapter contains adult themes, like mentions of violence and suicide
Jade POV
I find Cat's mom sitting at their kitchen table sipping from a cup of tea. As she sees me she looks at me worried "Is Cat OK? Did she ate her soup?" she asks me
"Yes. She is alright. Just a little tired. She is taking a nap now" I reassure her
I see her sigh in relief "Thank goodness..."
I seat next to her at the table. She looks at me and says "Jade... If you're going to be with my daughter I need you to make sure she always takes certain pills at least once a day"
I take the bottle of her pills from my jeans and put them on the table "These pills?" I ask her
She looks at them than at me "Did she tell you...?"
I shake my head no "She didn't want me to find out. But today she felt sick while we were eating. She told me it was probably a side effect of the 'special vitamins' she takes. So I asked her to show them to me and she started to... freak out. I think she had a crisis"
She looks at me worried "Did she hurt herself? Is she hurt?"
"No. But she looked very scared and... she also scared me a bit. I know her from years now and I had never seen her like that. She looked like she was facing some sort of trauma that she was remembering about... She mentioned someone named... Ellie... I think." I say
She looks down and just nods standing up "Do you want some tea Jade? "
"No thanks Mrs. Valentine" I reply.
"Please, Jade, I told you many times to call me Carla. Afterall I know you since you were little and now you and Cat are together so feel free to..." she is rambling so I stop her
"Ok, thank you, Carla. But quite frankly I think you're trying to change subject right now" I tell her
She sits back down. And looks at her hands in her lap.
"I want to know what's wrong with my girlfriend. Why she needs such heavy anti depressant? I need to know so I can help her" I insist on asking her
"You can't really help her. She just needs to forget about it... So she can live her life" she says without looking at me
"Forget about what?" I ask
She looks up at the ceiling, squeezing her eyes for a moment and I can see she is suppressing tears "I'm not sure you want to hear this Jade... You are still so young afterall"
"I want to know what happened to my girlfriend. So I can take care of her and protect her" I say
Carla nods and takes a deep breath before continuing "Luckily my husband took our son fishing today. Because I didn't want him to hear about this either... Our son doesn't remember about it. Cause he can't... But Cat... She never really forgot... The pills she takes... They only help her block out the trauma and pretend it never happened. So she can forget about the pain... we told Cat and her brother to call those pills special vitamins so other people wouldn't understand what they are. Manny, our son needs them to focus on things while Cat needs another type of pills to block out the memories from coming back to her... But if she doesn't take them even just for one day... You saw my little girl's reaction..." she wipes a tear from one of her eyes sobbing "It was even worse when she was little... For both her and her brother"
"That sounds... terrible... What happened?" I ask her. I'm feeling so anxious at every word she says... But I just have to know.
She gulps and takes another sip of her tea before continuing "Our son... Cat's older brother... He wasn't our first son..." she says
I look at her stunned and confused
"I got pregnant of our first daughter when I was very young..." she says
I look at her incredulous "Cat had an older sister? But... She never mentioned her. I never saw a single picture of her"
"We hid every photo we had of her. So it would have been easier for Cat to try to forget about her sister... And what happened to her" Carla tells me. She closes her eyes looking very tired and massaging one of her temples.
I can't believe what I just learned... But I need to know more.
"Cat's sister... Your first daughter. She was the one Cat mentioned to me during her panic attack, Ellie, right?" I ask her
She nods and I see tears starting to run down her face "She was beautiful... And so full of life... She loved to sing. Just like..."
"Cat..." I conclude for her
She nods again "Years after Ellie was born, we had another son, Manny and a few years later another daughter... Cat. But we didn't have many money at the time. So both my husband and I needed to work to provide to the maintenance of our family. So Ellie being the older one... Was like a second mom to our other kids... She was 16, the same age Cat is right now, when..." she stops talking bringing an hand to her mouth to contain her sobbing
I take her other hand in mine to make her feel better and she holds it... I usually don't like touching other people... Or being touched. Unless it's someone I really care about, and in this case I care about Carla. This woman is going to be my mother-in-law one day and I can see how much she is hurting because of what happened to her first daughter.
"Cat was 6 at the time and Manny was 9. We had left them at home with Ellie one day... But Ellie was having problems with her boyfriend. He was 3 years older than her. We didn't know about him... She was always very private about these kind of things... She didn't want us to be worried. If she had only talked to us... That's why we encourage our other kids to tell us everything now. And I'm glad Cat listens to us, since she told us about you and her" she tells me with a little smile
I smile back feeling a bit bad for not having the same kind of relationship with my own parents. I wish I could've also been more open with them, about my relationship with Cat.
She sighs as she continues "That day... Her boyfriend came to our house. They had an argument, that turned into a fight... they had just broke up apparently. Ellie tried to make him leave... But he was so jealous of her... He was thinking she wanted to leave him cause she was seeing someone else... So he... he..." she stops and starts sobbing again
"Carla... Maybe it's better if..." I want to know what happened and I'm already feeling my blood boil with rage as I start to have an idea to what might have happened but I can see how much she is hurting just remembering about it and I'm beginning to think that maybe it's better not to push her. But she tells me
"No...you deserve to know... I can see how much you care about Cat, so you deserve to know..." she says
I nod and she continues "He became violent... I think he had psychological issues... He started... beating her. Cat and Manny saw the whole thing. Ellie... She told them to run away and call the police but he... started strangling her..."
Carla stops talking again and stands up looking away from me. I look at her back shaking. I feel tears running down my own cheek as I hear her crying.
Oh my God. I can't believe Cat and her family went through something like that... And to think that for years I thought she was like a little princess living the happiest life ever while I was the one with a shitty situation at my house... Turns out Cat was just on meds trying to block out such a tragedy from her memory, while I was being a gank to everyone and getting in trouble for no real reason. I was just a stupid kid who couldn't accept her parents' divorce.
I feel like such a dumbass right now. Poor Cat... And poor Carla. I stand up and go hug her. She hugs me back sobbing.
After a bit she sits down again and takes a long breath.
"Carla you don't need to continue... Do you want me to bring you a glass of water?" I ask her.
"No I'm fine. Thanks... You need to know why Cat is the way she is... When that bastard was killing our first daughter... Cat ran to call the 911 just like we had taught her to do in case of emergency... Then she hid in her room under her bed, and stayed there the whole time. Thank God for that... Unfortunately our first son wasn't so lucky... He..." she suppresses another sob "Manny... Ran to the kitchen to grab a knife... He wanted to help her big sister... That maniac was still on top of Ellie, choking her, when Manny jumped on him and stabbed him in the neck. But that monster was still able to throw our poor son against our coffee table... He hit his head so hard, the doctors were unsure if he was going ot make it..." she wipes another tear as she continues "After almost killing our son too, that son of a bitch tried to leave our house, but he didn't make it far before he bled out... When the police arrived... They found him dead in our driveway... And when they entered our house they found our kids... Little Manny with his head in a pool of blood... And Ellie... She wasn't breathing anymore. She was already dead..." she starts crying again and I realize I'm crying too as I sob myself at her words when she continues "Cat was the only one unharmed... Physically at least... She was shaking, sweating cold, curled up under her bed... She didn't want to leave from there. She just kept screaming and lashing out telling the officers she wanted her big sister... My husband and I were at work when the police called us to tell us what had happened... I will never forget it. It was the worst moment of our life"
"Carla... That's... Horrible... Everything that happened... I can't imagine the pain all of you must have felt..." I say through my sobs
She continues to wipe her tears "Our only consolation was that at least two of our kids were still alive... Manny was able to make it. But he suffered of a heavy brain trauma... He needed lots of help after that. Both psychological and medical. We still take him to see doctors regularly and sometimes he seems to get better... only to become even worse eventually. He is on constant medications and takes a lot more drugs compared to Cat, to be able to be fine. But he is still... Well... You know him... He has his good days, but also his bad ones... Sometimes he gets very bad..." she tells me
I feel so bad for Cat's brother. Manny... He was an hero for trying to save their older sister despite being so little at the time. And to think I've always just thought of him as a freak... I feel like shit right now.
I think of Cat and of what she had to go through... I'm so proud of her. She was able to call the police. Despite how scared and little she was, she was able to call for help...
I nods and Carla continues
"Manny's brain trauma doesn't allow him to fully remember what happened that day... He struggles even to remember that he had another sister other than Cat. But Cat never forgot about her... After what happened she just started lashing out at everyone... She was having nightmares every night. She slept with me and my husband for over two years. We left our old house and moved here to help her but it didn't work. Their grandmother, my husband's mom also helped us take care of her and Manny, and Cat got really close to her 'Nona'. But it was still not enough. I even left my job to be with her and Manny all the time. Manny needed constant help... He had... very bad episodes because of his issues. He needed constant help and watch. Sometimes he would've become dangerous for himself and the people around him. That used to terrorize Cat... Whenever she would have seen her brother like that, she would have started having flashbacks about what had happened to her sister. She used to run away from us to go hide under her bed and every time it was always so difficult for us to make her come out. It was such a difficult time for our family. Both my husband and I just wanted our kids to be healthy and happy again. We brought Cat and Manny to see the best doctors we could find to get them psychological help... Eventually they both seemed to get better with time... But growing up Cat started blaming herself for her sister's death. We were telling her every day that she had done all she could and that she was so brave for calling the police. But she wouldn't believe us... All she could remember was hiding scared under her bed. She admired her brother for trying to help their older sister and blamed herself for what had happened to him too. Every time she would have seen a picture of Ellie she would have started crying... Until one day when she was 10, we found her about to jump from her room's window with a picture of her sister. She was saying she wanted to see Ellie again to tell her she was sorry for not helping her. Luckily we stopped her in time" Carla sobs loudly while saying that and I cry too, telling her:
"Oh my God... Thank you... For saving her. I can't even imagine a world without Cat..." I say with a shaky voice
She is the one grabbing my hand this time "She is our little girl. And I'm so grateful she has someone like you now. You care so much about her"
"I love her... I never loved anyone the way I love her" I tell her immediately without even thinking
"I know..." she says smiling "I guess because of Manny's issues we didn't pay enough attention to Cat's ones... So after what she tried to do, we realized that the psychological help she was getting was not enough. We decided to remove all the pictures of Ellie from our house. And started to give her pharmaceutical medications. Like we did for Manny... But mainly anti-depressants for her... She couldn't deal with what had happened to her sister. So she needed to block it out. Thanks to the pills she takes, she is able not to think about Ellie and how she died. I know she can remember Ellie... But those pills help her blocking her sister's memory out so she can pretend she never existed. They keep her carefree and cheerful... Maybe even too much sometimes. But after she started taking them we could finally see her smile every day. It was like she couldn't even remember why she had been sad in the first place and started wanting her childhood back. The years she had lost mourning the loss of her sister and feeling guilty. She decorated her room with toys, and photos of puppies and everything she had always loved, to feel happy like she used to before what happened to Ellie. Remembering her sister is too much for Cat to handle. She just can't live with what happened. I feel sad sometimes thinking that my son can't remember his older sister while my younger daughter doesn't want to, and prefers to convince herself she never even had a sister, and that by keep taking those pills, one day she may end up not remember about Ellie at all... But if that's what it takes to not have lose another daughter, I'm willing to accept it" Carla says looking very sadly in front of her "I've put some pills in her soup too, before, after she told she had threw up... She... needs them. She can't start having flashbacks again"
I'm speechless... Now that I know everything I feel so bad, so worried and even afraid of losing Cat, after learning she went as far as to try to kill herself when she was younger... I also feel so angry about what happened to her sister. Because of that psychopath who took Ellie's life, Cat and her brother don't have an older sister now and are full of issues and fears while their parents lost one of their kids. I know the guy who killed her is also dead but I feel like it isn't enough. In my opinion he deserved to pay way more and for way longer after everything he did to them. I just hope there's an hell so he can burn in it forever...
I also can't help but think that it doesn't seem right to me to just let Cat forget about her sister. To make those anti-depressant have this power on her. She loved Ellie, she just can't keep pretending she never existed. She needs to accept that what happened wasn't her fault so she can remember her sister with a smile. Cat still needs her sister.
So I say
"I understand why she needs those pills Carla... But maybe... Maybe Cat became addicted to them over the years, don't you think? I know you think she needs them to block out the pain for her sister's death, but maybe... She can find an healthier way to cope with what happened to Ellie. Maybe I can help her understand..." I was saying but she cuts me off
"No Jade. Many doctors have tried with her trust me. After years of analysis and therapy, you saw how she still gets when she starts remembering what happened... If she just stops taking her pills, she will have a panic attack after another every day until she will try hurting herself again!" Carla tells me looking worried
"I understand where you're coming from but before when she was having one of her panic attacks I was able to calm her down. She returned almost back to normal and without having to take any pill" I insist.
"You didn't see her at her worst..." she says shaking her head
"But if you will just let me..." I try again
"No Jade! Promise me you will make sure she will continue to take those pill and that you will never mention Ellie in front of her!" Carla almost yells at me
"I just want her to..." but again she interrupts me
"Promise me Jade! Or I swear this is the last time I let you see my daughter! I will even make her change school to keep her away from you, if you plan on convincing her to stop taking her pills!" Carla says serious
I stay silent. I can't risk that... I would hate Carla right now maybe even scream or slap her in any other circumstances for threatening to take the person I care the most in my life away from me. But I know Carla. She is a good person and she is just so scared to lose another daughter that she is even willing to do something that extreme to protect Cat. So I tell her "I promise. I won't say anything to her"
"And you also won't try to stop her from taking her pills regularly. Right?" she asks me
I nod despite myself.
She relaxes "Good. Thank you Jade. And sorry... But I just need to protect my daughter" she says
"I understand..."I say thoughtful. She thinks to be helping her but I know that keep taking those pills, could be dangerous for her in the long term for both her physical and mental health. I have to try to do something about it whether Carla wants to or not. But I keep my thoughts to myself this time. She stands up after a bit and I follow her with my gaze but my mind is somewhere else...
Cat can't live like this... She needs to be happy on her own, she doesn't need some pills to keep her cheerful by blocking out her sister's memory... But at the same time the risk is too high... Her mom seems to think that Cat will try to harm herself if she will stop taking those pills. And I would never forgive myself if something like that would've to happen to my sweet Cat... I want to believe she wouldn't do something like that. Before maybe, but not now. Cat wouldn't leave me like that. We are in love. She knows how much I need her... Just like she needs me now. Me, not those pills.
Carla returns with a picture in her hands and watery eyes again. She hands it to me. I take it as she says "She... she was Ellie... Cat's big sister"
I look at the picture. It's a family photo. I can see Cat's parents looking younger and hugging two little kids on either side, one young boy with dark hair and a little girl with a similar hair color but more brunette. Manny and Cat. I smile looking at my girlfriend when she was so little. She looked so happy. She was smiling widely just like she does now... Only she didn't need anti-depressants to feel so happy back then... Next to her there is a teenage young girl around the age Cat and I have right now and oh my God! Ellie looks so much like Cat does now! Only she seemed a little taller and had blonde dyed hair.
"She was beautiful... She looked so much like Cat... She also..." I point at her hair
"Used to dye her hair. Yes" Carla giggles through her tears "Only blonde. While Cat wanted her hair to be red like..."
"A red velvet cupcake" I finish for her with a smile. Then I notice something else: Ellie, has something in her hair. An hair clip with the shape of a ladybug. Wait... A ladybug?
"She loved that hair clip.." she says noticing that I'm looking at that particular "She also had it that night when..." Carla stops and looks away form the picture, while I think...
A ladybug...
Cat's locker at school... At Hollywood Arts we all have custom lockers that everyone made by themselves... I was always surprised by the fact that Cat's one was surprisingly simple for her colorful and extravagant tastes. She just made her locker pink and with some simple flowers glued on it. But looking closely behind those flowers... Ever since the first time she showed it to me, I noticed a fake ladybug hidden behind the flowers... I asked her why it looked like she had made sure that the ladybug was just barely visible and hidden behind the flowers but she had just shrugged without replying to me. But I know now... That was her way to remember her sister.
I knew her subconscious actually wants her to remember about Ellie... She is just too scared to do it cause she doesn't want to think about what happened to her. That's why she keeps the ladybug hidden behind those flowers... Just like she keeps her sister's memory hidden behind her anti-depressants and cheerfulness.
I hand the picture back to Carla with a moved smile and I say "Thank you Carla. For telling me all of this. I promise I will always take care of Cat. She is all my life now"
She sobs smiling and pulls me in another hug.
Review please!
