The Breakdown

Chapter 19-Maddie

Maddie had been excited about a nice dinner out with Mike, but become very aggravated when he pulled up to Tom Chandler's house. She thought he might be trying to keep their relationship under wraps. It frustrated and upset her. Then she saw the way the patio was decorated and the food was delicious. She could tell Mike was nervous. They really hadn't talked about the issues. Just glossed over things. She didn't want to upset Mike, because she felt he was a little fragile. Finally, he spoke up.

"I know you were a little frustrated that I didn't take you to a fancy restaurant, but I wanted this to be a bit private. We'll go out plenty more. I know how I treated you was wrong. Like I was only in it for sex. And maybe at the time; I was, but when things went dark, all I really wanted was to hear your voice. To feel your confidence, and know while nothing was okay, it would be eventually. I just didn't know how to make that happen." Mike admitted.

"All you had to was talk." Maddie said.

"And I know that now, but that was never a strong suit of mine." Mike told her.

"I do have something of my own to admit to. Felicity is not my first child. I never told you because I knew you would feel you had to bare my loss too, and it would have been too much. I was married…not long. My son, Andrew was two months old when I deployed. When I got back home, I couldn't find Chris or Andrew. It took me two years to find out that they had died. So, I kind of knew where you were coming from. Like you, I was terrible about talking about my people, and stuffing the grief and pain down. I am absolutely terrified, Mike. I am afraid that I will put my heart on the line again with you and Felicity and the same will happen. And no one knows about Chris and Andrew. I've led people to believe that I have never had a child." Maddie explained. She could tell Mike was stunned.

"I understand why you didn't, but I wish you would have told me." Mike said.

"When I heard that you had gotten confirmation; I thought about calling you, offering to talk as I had been where you were, but our separation…and I was pregnant, and didn't know how to do it." Maddie remarked.

"Dr. Taylor has told me I should have reached out and not tried to go through it all on my own." Mike said.

"Mike; I've never asked, but why did you try to kill yourself? And alcohol and sleep pills? You had guns at your disposal." Maddie asked.

"I wanted to be in pain. If I shot myself, it would have been too quick. I wanted to suffer like Christine and my kids suffered. And as far as why, it was the loss of hope. There had been always been a tiny amount of hope. Despite all the logic, the hope was there until I got that call. Without hope, I had no courage to actually ask for help. I don't mean to make you feel badly, but I wanted to call you, but was terrified of what you would say. To me, suicide seemed like the only choice." Mike answered. He got out of his chair and knelt down next to her.

"I understand." Maddie said. It did make sense to her, but she had no idea how to move forward.

"Look, I know I should have treated you differently. Made it clear how I felt. I was never very good at this, but I do love you. I loved you before and I love you even more now. I want to marry you if you can forgive me for how I treated you before. Its not because of Felicity. I am a traditionalist and I want our daughter to grow up with us married, but I am well aware we could raise our daughter and not marry. If you don't want to, I understand because of how I treated you. Just know, I always loved you. I loved you before I ever slept with you." Mike said as he took a ring box out of his pocket and opened it. The ring was stunning and Maddie was surprised, but she knew what Mike had said was heartfelt.

"I love you too. And it wasn't all on you. I should have been clearer in what I wanted and needed from you. I will marry you, on the condition that from here on out, we are always honest with each other. We tell one another our hopes, dreams, needs, desires, and disappointments. Our expectations of each other. If we do all that, I think we'll be okay." Maddie answered before giving Mike a hug. He gave her a kiss and than slipped the ring on her finger.