This flits around so much I'm sorry but it does have a happy ending :)


Hearing the blood rush in her head she felt as if her breath was literally taken away from her.

Fear.

She blinked rapidly, the ever collecting moisture in her eyes coating them to the extent the tears started to fall down her face.

Both presences in the room stood still looking at each other.

Neither of them able to come up with the words to start the conversation knowing that either one of them would snap, most likely Jac.

Soon enough she found the courage.

The courage to move soon found her and she walked briskly over to him chucking her arms around his neck and kissing him with such passion it almost took his breath away.

The kiss was heavenly, a dream almost.

A dream which both of them wanted to be their forever.

Their reality.

His hands dragged gently through her copper hair as the kiss came to a natural end allowing them to look at each other in the eyes.

None of them spoke.

Instead, she took his hand and laid on the bed, she tapped the space next to her and he shuffled beside her.

Jac rested her head on Kian's chest listening to him breathe in and out as he massaged her scalp gently.

Soon enough he started to feel dampness on his shirt, he gently took a couple of his fingers and hooked them under Jac's chin to guide her face up to his seeing the tears smarting her eyes and gliding down her cheeks.

Kian used his thumb to wipe the tears and he kissed her on the top of her head as she settled down on his chest again.

"I'm sorry"

"Dont apologise"

"I should have told you"

"I should have told you things as well"

"You think?" she scoffs him a steely glare as she sits up cross-legged on the bed "You looked after my child drugged up to your eyeballs and all you can bring yourself to say is 'I should have told you things as well'?"

"Jac you obviously asked Fletch and Sacha to talk to me for a reason" he ignores her obvious jibe, she just sniffles slightly "Talk to me, I'm here for you"

"Like you were once before?"

"Yes, like I was before" he confirms, she eyes him up and bites her lip, her teeth sinking down into her bottom lip as she stands up and walks over the window which she sits on the window sill "So speak to me?"

"There's nothing to say, I just wanted to see you"

"Because?"

"Because...it doesn't matter" she mutters dismissively "I've been in this position before and I will get through it and to be honest I dont know why I asked you here, you should go"

"Come on Jac don't push me away" he sighs in annoyance at her persistence not to say anything "You obviously want to speak to me otherwise you wouldn't have asked me here"

"Shut up" she snaps glaring at him, he slides off the bed and walks over to her "Dont you dare touch me otherwise I will scream and shout and have you removed"

He just looks at her trying to compose herself, her voice wavering rather dramatically and vividly in front of his eyes.

Gingerly he reaches out and touches her hand careful not to push too far but to his surprise, she linked her fingers around his almost gripping on for dear life maybe in a brief attempt to ground herself.

"I want to help"

"I know you do" she softens slightly, he offers her a cheeky grin causing a small grin to flicker over her features

"So speak to me" he suggests, she nods slowly walking into his awaiting arms and falling into the calmness of his body, his hands securing themselves around her

"I feel lost"

"Lost?" he queries, she looks up at him and nods sadly allowing him to walk her over to the bed as they both lay on it

"Yeah lost" she nods "And sad, and scared, and I dont feel like me"

"You're an amazing person Jac-"

"Kian I didnt ask you to come here to compliment me" she mutters, he raises his eyebrows "I invited you here for you to listen"

"Listen...I can listen"

"You're doing a great job at it so far" she rolls her eyes, he grins cheekily at her causing her to nudge him "Just listen, I dont want fixes I just want someone to listen who knows me"

"I definitely know you" he smirks, she just glares at him

"If you're not going to take this seriously leave" she snaps, he sighs and nods gesturing for her to rest her head on his chest which she does

"I'm listening"

"After the shooting, I had to leave I knew it would affect me I guess maybe, oh I dont know...it did effect me I went off with Clayton and soon enough he could tell it was eating me up from the inside out and then one thing led to another and I ended up in here"

"How long have you been in here then?"

"A month or so, I'm better than I was" she confirms cautiously unsure if she actually was better "Well I think I am... Anyway, all I could hear was the gunshots in my head, I could just hear them and they were ringing in my head and I couldnt stop them it was almost like I could feel the pain before..."

"Before as in?"

"Yeah when I got shot" she confirms, he nods slowly watching her look into his eyes knowing they were both being sincere about this whole situation

They sat in silence for a bit, Kian was wondering if she had actually fallen asleep as she hadn't said anything in a while especially with the way his fingers were massaging her head gently.

"I was so scared" she whispers, he bends down to kiss her on the back of the head "I literally thought I was in pain, I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would be dripping in sweat and sometimes I would scream alerting Clayton and thats how he knew something was probably up and that I was holding back on him"

"I saw you go off with him, that night"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"How did you feel?" she asks peering up at him with the utmost curiosity "Be honest"

"I felt like my heart was ripped out" he states as Jac nods slowly "It hurt me to see you go off with him so much that i...you know"

"I know" she takes his hand and squeezes it before planting a soft kiss on his knuckles, "Sacha told me, Fletch..."

"Oh right," he says unsure of how she felt about it "I'm sorry"

"It's fine" she brushes him off "I'm not fine though and that is so hard to admit especially when it's-"

"When you're Jac 'Ice Queen' Naylor?"

"Yeah, that" she nods slightly letting out a chuckle "But I knew I had to be in here for Emma, and for myself to get better so that I could be a better mum to her"

"I went to rehab"

"Rehab?" she queries looking up at him with a soft frown "I bet that did wonders for your pride and masculinity"

"Forever the romantic" he nudges her, she grins cheekily at him "Or should I say sarcastic?"

"Funny" she pokes him in the side causing a smirk "Seriously though you really went to rehab?"

"Max said it was a requirement" he mutters, she sighs slightly "What?"

"So you didnt get better for yourself?"

"I don't understand"

"This is also something which I was afraid of"

"How do you mean?"

"I was hoping that with me running away as I did you would find the courage to get better for yourself not for other people, believe in yourself almost..."

"Jac-"

"Thats why I had to leave to make you realise you cant do that to me, I dont want to be needed like that to cure an addiction, thats not the point thats not what I want and you shouldn't want it either. You should have grown a pair and got better for yourself"

"Calm down" he whispers as she shakes her head biting her lip knowing she was starting to get very agitated "I understand"

"Do you though?" she questions blankly and bluntly, he sighs "So you're clean then?"

"Have been ever since"

"Right, I'm happy for you"

"Really? You dont look it" he chuckles slightly as she offers him a glare, her eyes narrowing

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure?"

"Did you even love me?"

"Yes"

"I loved you too" she responds with a smile, he smiles back at her "I'm sorry it had to end like this but I need to say this and it won't be easy for either of us"

"Ok"

"I can't do this not until we start doing things for ourselves"

"I dont understand"

"I can't be with you until you realise that you need to get better for yourself not me, you dont need to please me Kian all I want to do is love you and be seen as someone who is loved by you I dont want to be the cure to your addiction and I want you to get better for yourself so you can understand that you can be clean for yourself-"

"I am clean though"

"I mean the next time, because there will be a next time" hse whispers, he nods slowly "There will always be a next time-"

"Not necessarily"

"You're not listening to me" she protests folding her arms across her chest as if she was a child "We can't do this, we can't have a future Kian, I'm sorry, I really am"

"Jac done push me away, please"

"I dont know what to do" she stresses, he sighs and nods sitting in front of her and taking her hands into his, she gulps and looks up at him with tears in her eyes "I want to heal"

"I do too" he cups her cheek as she looks into his eyes, her eyes pooling with salty tears

"I dont know if i-"

"I dont know if I can either"

"But you want to try?"

"I want to try" he confirms "If it doesn't work, it doesn't work"

"And if it works"

"Then we will be happy"

"Happy" she muses with a small smile "It's been a long time since I've felt that"

"Me too but I think we can, both of us, if we helped each other even if it may be difficult, even if there may be times where it is difficult"

"I want to hold you in my arms and protect you"

"What if it's just words?"

"It's not because I love you Jac, so much"

"I love you too but-"

"No buts"

"I dont know Kian this is huge for both of us we're too fragile right now and I dont think it's wise for us to do this"

"Think about it as it might just be what we both need to fight this"

"I want to get better"

"I want to as well and we'll get there soon enough"