Chapter 8
I was glad that I wasn't holding my drink when Rio said that, otherwise I surely would have dropped it. "What do you mean, I can't meet her? Is all of this just pointless then?" If I couldn't meet her, how would I save her? Would that vision of her crying over my dying body really be how things had to end?
Rio lightly coughed, sensing that I was upset over her words. "This is just a theory, and it may turn out I'm wrong. But if I'm right, that doesn't mean things are pointless. It just means it will be more work for you, but I still believe that even if I'm right, you can still save her."
I kept my hands underneath the table, so neither her nor Sakuta could see how tight my fists were clenched at that moment. I nodded to her for her to continue, trying not to betray the emotions bubbling up underneath my hopefully calm exterior.
"It may not always be what you want to hear, but she's always had a way of figuring things out in the past." Beside me, Sakuta spoke up, perhaps able to sense some of my frustration. From one of the pockets on her lab coat, Rio pulled out a magnet. No, upon closer inspection, it was two magnets side by side.
"You know the basics of magnets and how they work, right? Pretend that these two magnets are you and Sakura normally. You have no problem being in contact with one another because of the magnetic attraction." She pulled the two magnets apart before flipping one of them around.
"So what happens when you try to put the magnets together when they are oriented the same way?" As she spoke, she attempted to put the two magnets back together. No matter how much she tried, the magnets would fight against her.
Slowly, I began to understand. Placing the magnets back into her pocket, Rio looked towards me. "My theory is that because of your syndrome, you've essentially become that flipped magnet. You tried to get to her in time the first try, but were unable to save her. Today, you went to the hospital but she was already gone from there."
"So how am I supposed to save her if I can't get close to her?" I thought this was going to be good news, but everything I had heard just made the whole situation harder than it already was. At the end of the day, I was the only one who remembered each day. How was I supposed to save her when I was constantly having to start from scratch?
Rio had opened up her notebook and was scanning through the many pages filled with her handwriting. "Is the news good? No, it probably doesn't seem that way. But every small part of the puzzle builds together. NASA didn't send people to the moon after a day, it took a lot of people doing a lot of research, trial and error, and even then it was unsure if the mission would be a success."
I could tell she had more to say, but catching her glance I looked over and saw that our food was on the way to our table. Closing the notebook, Rio placed it on the open seat at the table. "The same is true here. The more we know, and the more we can figure out regarding your syndrome, the more likely it is that we can find a solution."
I thought back to the dream I had, where Sakura was out of my reach. Maybe Rio was right about this theory. I quickly told her about the dream as we ate. "You know why we sleep and dream right?" She took a break from her meal, clearly thinking more of the mystery at hand than the bowl of ramen in front of her.
"Because our bodies recieve so much stimulation each day, our brain needs that time while we are asleep to really process everything. Dreams, however, can involve things that had nothing to do with what you experienced that day. Sometimes, you might have dreams involving things that you fear, even if you had no stimuli that would invoke that fear."
"In your case, I believe it's due to the syndrome affecting your subconscious that you've had these dreams. Seeing the different attempts to save Sakura even when you hadn't actually attempted them yet, being unable to reach out to her in your latest dream. The mind is a mystery, even after decades of research, and more so the syndrome. Most people consider it a type of folklore if you ask them about it."
"Again, it's just a theory. But based on everything I've heard so far, I think it might be true. I don't know if there would be any pushback like when you tried to speak with the other you, but I'm not sure trying to force the two magnets together would end up going well." Rio drank the rest of her water, finally giving her vocal cords some rest.
I noticed I had merely picked at my food after she had started speaking, my mind no longer focused on the meal. "Supposing that you are right, where does that leave me then? Everything sounds bad, but yet you seem hopeful like you may have found a solution."
I wasn't an expert at communication, my years of going solo held me back somewhat. But I could tell from how she never looked away from me, the fact she never once sounded apologetic or disappointed in her theory made me think that despite everything she had said, there was still some good to come out of it.
"One idea is to have one of us intervene for you, though how effective having a stranger come up to you like a certain robot assassin claiming to be there to save you is up for debate. Not to mention, I think that you'd be the best one to do so."
I thought back to the hospital and Kyoko. What if it wasn't a stranger, but someone she knew? I immediately shut down that idea. How would I begin to explain things to her, when we were barely on speaking terms? She might just call me crazy and try to protect Sakura from me even more, however pointless that would be while I was still stuck in this loop.
"I couldn't ask you guys to go that far, even if you did say yes. But you're right, I don't think that would work. If I'm the one that has to keep repeating until I succeed, I have to try and be the one to end things." I had already received so much help from them, I couldn't keep using them as a crutch..
Beside me, Sakuta pushed his plate to the side, finished with his meal. "I know you Rio, I'm sure you've still got some ideas floating around." She pulled the notebook back out, no longer focused on the meal. "You're correct, I was running late for a reason after all."
"We've established some baselines in this theory. You can't get in contact with yourself, and when you try to get to Sakura, you get that magnetic resistance. But, what if you manage to get the other you to save her?" I was confused, I had already tried that and it almost lead to a disaster.
Seeing the question forming on my face, she continued. "Just because you can't get close to her or your other self, that doesn't mean other people can't. Are there any people that both of you know that you can think of that might be of some assistance?"
"Well..." I thought for a moment. Kyoko would have more questions than I could safely answer, and I had no way to get in contact with her anyway. Without her phone number or knowing where she lived, I was stuck with hopefully trying to run into her which didn't seem like the best option considering the time limit that I had. Even if I ran into her at the hospital again, and managed to get her contact info, I'd have no way to explain how I knew her number the next time I looped.
"There might be one person." It was still a long shot, but there was one person I knew I could find. Whether or not it would be a success was another story. Rio nodded, satisfied with my answer. "Do you think you could get to them in time today?"
I checked the clock on the wall, and mentally did the math. "No I don't think so, I know where they will be but by now they could be anywhere. If I manage to find them, it would be too late to be effective today." Sorry Sakura, please just be patient a little longer.
We stood up from the table, not wanting to hold the table as more customers had came into the restaurant. Paying the bill at the counter, we headed outside. Rio stopped just a few feet from the entrance. "I'll keep working at the lab to see if I can find anything other solutions. What will you guys do?"
I looked over to Sakuta to see him looking over to me. He thought for a moment. "I know of a place we can go, unless you have somewhere you wanted to go?" I shook my head. "If you think it's a good idea then I'll follow you." Sakuta nodded, and looked to Rio. "Will you be coming over to the apartment later on then?" She nodded, "even if I am unable to come up with anything more at the lab, we might make a breakthrough together."
We waved her off, and then it was just Sakuta and I. "So where is this place you want to go?" We were headed toward the nearest station. "It's a place that I met someone who changed my life when I was at a very low point. I hope you don't mind sand too much."
On the train, I could see the beach in the distance. There didn't seem to be too many people there, though this wasn't one of the popular beaches to visit. Sakuta explained why he picked this spot as we rode. "So that one event led to you meeting your future fiancé?" He nodded. "It didn't seem like it at the time, but one of the worst days of my life ended up being the catalyst to the best thing to happen to me."
As we stepped off the train, I thought over what Sakuta had said. Because of his situation, he had ended up coming to this beach and meeting a stranger who had such an impact on him that he had picked what school to go to, hoping to meet that person again. Instead, he found the love of his life. "It's like a fairy tale, isn't it?"
I looked over to Sakuta, staring out to the ocean. "Someone meeting a stranger that impacted them so much that they end up meeting someone they fell in love with, though I guess that would make me the princess in the story." He laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh with him.
He took his gaze off the horizon and looked over to me. "What are the first words you'll say to her once this is all over?" It caught me off guard, and I said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm sorry, I suppose." He shook his head.
"You may feel sorry, I get it. But I don't think that's what she wants to hear." He gestured to me, and I followed him to one of the benches close by. "Someone once told me, the three phrases their three favorite phrases are thank you, you did your best, and I love you." I could tell by the look on his face that he was recalling a pleasant memory.
"If she really means that much to you, that you're willing to go through all of this to save her, I think she'd want to hear something else instead of I'm sorry. What do you have to be sorry for? Most people might not be willing to go through such a trial, but you haven't given up. You're doing your best. Even if it takes longer than you'd like, as long as you don't give up, I'm sure she would be proud of you."
I looked away, not wanting to let him see the tears forming. If it was anyone else, I would have not believed them. But despite how Sakuta may appear to come off, I could sense the honesty behind his words. He believed whole heartedly in them, and I could see more of what Mai saw in him.
He was right. As long as I never let the circumstances pull me down, as long as I kept trying and fighting, Sakura would be proud of me. Even if I couldn't bring myself to say "I love you", I could still thank her for making me into the person I was now. When she reached her low points and put up a front to pretend things were okay, I could tell her "You're doing your best, I'm proud of you."
I wiped away the tears, thankful that Sakuta never said a word. We sat silently together for a bit, watching the sunset slowly creep in. The sky filled with color, as though it was a private show for just the two of us. As the sun began to sink in the horizon, Sakuta stood up. "We should probably start heading back, I'd hate to disappoint Mai by not being home when she gets there."
"Wait." I managed to speak up before we wandered too far. Sakuta stopped and looked to me. "Thank you for taking me here, and for everything you and everyone else have done to help me. If it wasn't for all of your help, I'd still be lost and trying to do things alone." He smiled, "Of course. Just try to remember what I said when this is all over and you get to see her. You've got this."
The wait for the next train was quick, Sakuta must have checked the time table before leaving the station earlier. After only a few minutes, we were seated once again. By now, the sun had completely set, yet we could still admire the scenery thanks to all the streetlights. Looking across the train to the other side, I could see the buildings of the city lit up, banishing as much of the darkness as possible.
As we reached our stop, I thought back to what Sakuta had told me at the beach.
"Saying I'm sorry is easy, and a lot of times people say it without really meaning it, or think that by saying it somehow makes everything better. Anyone can apologize, but not everyone can show that they really mean it."
I wasn't sure how I could explain everything to her, I'm sure she'd probably think I needed to stop reading so many books after saying something as ridiculous as "I've repeated the same day countless times to save you." Not to mention, how do you tell someone you saved them from dying without them knowing they would have died that day in the first place?
No, the first words out of my mouth to her wouldn't be "I'm sorry." I had so many things I wanted to say to her, but that flew to the bottom of the list. "This is our stop." Sakuta spoke up, interupting my internal thoughts. I cleared my head, and we disembarked.
"So any ideas what else Rio might come up with?" Sakuta asked as we walked from the station to the apartment. "I'm sure whatever it is, it won't be what I expected." He laughed, nodding. "Like I said, it may not always be what you expect but she's never let me down before."
I laughed with him, then a thought came to mind. "Do you think that..." Before I could finish, I heard someone from me. "You can really be laughing at a time like this? How dare you!" I turned around to see Kyoko, her face covered in tears. Too little too late, I realized what had caused her to be like this.
"She's dead, and you can walk around laughing? I knew you were no good for her, don't ever come near me again!" She shouted, tears still falling down her face. I tried to raise my hand to get her to stop, but she had already run off. I was stunned. I never imagined I would have run into her again today, and at such a bad time no less.
Beside me, Sakuta whistled. "I take it you know her then?" I nodded, still too shocked to speak. I felt his hand on my shoulder, a reassuring touch. "It's not your fault, she's just lashing out. I take it she was a close friend to Sakura?" I nodded again.
He removed his hand from my shoulder, "come on, there's no point moping around here." I followed, still in shock. I could understand how Kyoko felt, the numb cold feeling that started when I first saw the news. The feeling turning into anger, sadness, pain, it was overwhelming.
If that's how I felt, it only made sense that Kyoko would have been outraged seeing me laughing after finding out your best friend was no longer alive. Our relationship was barely anything, always her trying to figure out what was going on between Sakura and I. To say we were anything more than people who knew each other was a huge stretch in my eyes.
"Don't worry too much about it, when you wake up it'll be a fresh slate anyway." Sakuta continued to try and cheer me up, as difficult as it was. I nodded absent mindedly, replaying the words in my head over and over, Kyoko's face covered in tears. How could I think of anything else? The anger and pain in her voice seared into me, making me feel as though her words had branded onto my soul.
Without realizing it, we had made it back to the apartment. I was so lost replaying the scene in my head, I didn't even realize we had rode the elevator up with Mai. As though they were speaking far away, I faintly heard Sakuta explain what had happened as we were walking back from the station. I never even heard the sound of the doorbell as Rio had arrived, eager to share whatever she had come up with at the lab.
Sakuta had pulled me towards the bathroom, handing me a towel. "Just go take some time, we'll be out here when you're ready to talk alright? If you want, I'll wait outside the bathroom if you feel like talking." I nodded, unsure of what question I was actually answering.
I sank into the warm bath water, barely noticing the heat over the chill that had settled into my body. All along, I had been so focused on my pain, I had never spared a thought to how anyone else would feel after hearing the news. True, it had been replaced by the hope that I could turn things around, but the encounter with Kyoko had ripped off the cover I put into place, and now all those emotions had begun to rush back.
I closed my eyes, no longer wishing to see the world around me. Instead of the peaceful void of nothing that you would expect when you close your eyes, I saw Kyoko. She was walking by an electronics shop when the news had come on. At first she kept walking, after all most young people have other things they are worried about, the news is just more problems that adults focus on.
It wasn't until she heard the name that she stopped walking, frozen in place. I saw the look on her face, one moment happy and content, the next moment there was nothing. She turned pale, the blood draining from her face as her brain processed the words and images. She had turned and ran aimlessly from the shop, and it was a familiar noise that made her stop.
I couldn't imagine what it felt like to be her, hearing the news and seeing the one person you couldn't bear to see walking about as though they didn't have a care in the world. Did she know if I had even heard the news? I'm sure she didn't know, but her grief had overpowered her.
Before, when I had run into her at the hospital, she had said I was dead if I hurt Sakura. At the time, I brushed it off. But now, I felt that she really could do it. I shivered at the thought of Kyoko coming after me, nothing but revenge on her mind.
"Are you still there?" I finally called out. I wasn't sure if Sakuta would really stick around, but from the other side of the door I could hear him. "Yeah, I am." Instead of spending time with his sister or fiancé, he had waited for someone he barely knew to be okay.
"Thank you, I think I'm doing a little better now. I'm sorry, the whole situation just completely overwhelmed me. I never thought I'd run into her again, at least not at night." I got up and dried off, no reason to keep everyone waiting on me even longer.
From the other side of the door, I could hear Sakuta getting up. "No worries, we're just glad you're doing okay. We did kind of mess up dinner plans, so come out to the living room and we can order something." I felt bad, now there was four people who had delayed their plans because of me.
But I remember what Sakuta had said to me. All things considered, I still had managed to get back here, I didn't break down in the street. Without Sakuta there to support me, I may have done just that. "I did my best." What else could I have done in that situation? Tell Kyoko it would be okay and that when I woke up the day would start over, meaning Sakura would be alive again?
No, that wouldn't have fixed anything. In fact, that might just make Kyoko want to kill me even more. "I'll make it up to you Kyoko, just don't kill me before then." I silently made a prayer, before getting dressed. It was time to see if Rio had any good news to balance the day back out.
The Author's Desk
Poor Kyoko. I know we had the scene in the film of her at the funeral, but we never know what happened when she heard the news. Hearing the news that someone you care about has passed is always a gut punch, and for Kyoko I felt it made sense that those feelings would boil over and cause her to lash out due to the pain.
I really wanted to balance this chapter between those gut punch moments, with some levity. If you've seen or read Seishun Buta Yarō, you'll know how powerful the beach scene is. I hope I was able to get even a small part of that in this chapter.
Next chapter, I have a feeling it will be a little shorter. I know where I want things to end up, because man do I love ending on a cliffhanger/shocking reveal. I'm still unsure how many more chapters are left, part of me is already thinking of a post story. Whether that ends up as a seperate story, or simply more chapters on this one, I have no idea yet. But hopefully the thought of even more story is exciting for you, I know it's exciting (and a little scary) for me.
As always, thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next chapter.
