Chapter 5

Nathan's point of view

Nathan was sitting behind the school, and looking at his phone, waiting for Hannah to answer. It was a 6th time he called her, but the calls were left without any reply. Nathan breathed in and put the phone away after the 7th try. He breathed in again, and took out some hard drug pills.

While taking them, he looked over to the yard, and saw a lot of other students friendly chatting, sitting by themselves and doing something stupid, like reading some sci-fi nerdy books.

– Who the hell even reads that 3rd class nerd shit anyway? – Want to seem a smart one, read some quality literature, you losers, – Nathan said to himself, while continuing to swallow.


He was on his third pill, when he was suddenly stopped by a security guard.

– Mr Prescott, what are you going? – The guard shocking said, when he saw Nathan. Nathan raised his head and noticed him too. He quickly grabbed the pills and began breathing heavily over someone standing close.

– Mr Prescott, follow me to the Principal Wells' office please, and I'm confiscating your drugs, – The guard said, but Nathan got up and screamed:

– Fuck off, pig! – Nathan screamed and left, ignoring the guard's complaints.

– I will launch a formal complaint, Mr Prescott! – The guard attempted to stop Nathan, but only made him angrier.

– You can try, bastard and say goodbye to your job, – Nathan said and angrily walked away. The guard realized reporting him for drug use is pointless.


– Fuck, now l can't even calm myself properly, and goodfuckingbye my safe space, – Nathan was mumbling while walking away. – Stupid math test, made me stressed.

Nathan was miserable in finding more ways to calm down. He even tried Hannah's method – nothing worked.


– And l just had to forget my mp3 at my dorm!– He loudly said. Even more loudly than he should had, as he immediately caught some stares from people around.

They were staring at him and some glasses guy even gave a screw-loose sign before turning away. Nathan became infuriated, and out of spite, he gave the guy an extremely strong shoulder bump, before leaving really fast and mumbling "loser" under his nose. The guy even fell on the ground.

– Geez, what's that guy's deal? – People quietly whispered to each other, and helped the guy get up. Nathan gave the group a middle finger, not even facing their direction, hoping they don't notice that he was shaking.

Fuckers. – He thought, while going forward, although deep inside he knew he was wrong in this situation. He took another couple of breaths, hoping that he stops shivering. Yeah, three pills at one time is no joke.


Nathan got to his dorm and locked the door. He thew his backpack on the other side of the room, with the study books flying out of it.

– Fuck you school! – He screamed.

He sat at his desk and took his precious camera. Nathan looked at the recent pictures he took with a smile, even though most of them were dark-themed ones. One of those pics was a picture of that Max Caufield, that recently scored a place in Nathan's "kill" list.

– I will so add blood on the photo of that bitch this evening, especially after that shit with Hannah, – Nathan said to himself and spend some other time going through the photos. Who knows, maybe today that photos are going to be good enough for Mr Jefferson?

Nathan decided to skip Science and Geography and tried to write something in his diary, only noticing there was two pages left. The rest of the pages were filled with only one phrase, written in messy, big letters:

I HATE MY LIFE

Nathan again wrote the same phrase with his shaking hands. He took another pill. At this point, drugs replaced his blood. Suddenly, his phone beeped. He took it – maybe Hannah?

It wasn't Hannah, but Nathan still smiled – Victoria.


V: Hey Nathan! Hope your math test gone well and you receive the highest mark. Those loser teachers better give you it ;)

Hope you are okay. Sorry, don't know where Hannah is rn, but if you need help, you know where to ask it. Also: the photography lesson is going to be pretty soon – don't be late!

Xoxo Vic )))


After this message, Nathan felt a little easier. – Victoria… – You always know how to cheer me up, you wizard, – He laughed and looked at the phone again. A message from Han – bingo!


H: Yo… Sry for not responding, was busy. Hope you nailed that math test, btw

N: Thanks Han 3

H: Sorry again for ditching you, Nate. I buy you something on my way back, ok? And, the "Call Of Duty night" is still fresh and going strong, so get ready to be crushed!

N: Buhaha, like you manage to do that. ;)

H: Ha-ha, you're right. Byeee my cinnamon roll )))


Nathan breathed in. On the remaining time, took some meth, and smoked it, while laying in bed.

Suddenly, the bell rang. Nathan got up – his head was spinning from the number of pills he took, but he still grabbed his camera, hoping to catch Mr Jefferson before his class.


– Hello Nathan, – Nathan suddenly heard a voice behind him and saw Mr Jefferson. He almost jumped from shock.

– Oh, sorry Mr Jefferson, l brought you out some of my new photos… Hope you like them, – Nathan said with a timid tone. Mr Jefferson smiled and took Nathan to the now empty classroom.

Mr Jefferson was looking over Nathan's photos, regularly commenting on how they were really decent. Nathan was almost glowing of excitement. Mr Jefferson suddenly focused a lot of his attention on Max's photo, but Nathan ignored it.

– You are getting better and better Nathan, – Said Mr Jefferson and looked at him. And despite that his voice sounded kind, his eyes were completely hollow.

– Still, you have the ways where to grow, – Mr Jefferson said. – But l say that this photo of Max Caufield is one of your best examples. With these words, he copied the photo on his flash drive and hid it.

Nathan breathed with relax. Finally, his life example praised him… Such pity that his dad can't be so supportive…

– Thank you, Mr Jefferson, – Nathan said, not even trying to hide the excitement. Jefferson, on the other hand, looked disinterested.

Suddenly, the bell rang again, and the class started to get filled with students. Nathan took his seat and saw Victoria, who sat next to him. She friendly waved, and Nathan returned the gesture.


The lesson passed pretty normally. When it finished, Nathan exited the class, hoping to find a place to smoke before Hannah arrives.

– Yeah, today Hannah so has a "skipping school" day, – Nathan thought.


While he was walking across the hallway, he saw how a lot of people were staring at him, sometimes with fear in their eyes. Nathan seemed to ignore them, but it was only an act.

Nathan got on the roof and hid in the place where him and Victoria always hang out. He lit a cigarette and began smoking it. He also took his mp3 and turned it on.

– Fuck the headphones, you are the only one here, Nathan, – He said to himself and played his music – the classical violin music, around the whole school roof.

Nathan looked over. The whole Blackwell, including the yard was under his eyesight. The view there was always incredibly beautiful, but he didn't care. He leaned towards the roof door and finished off his cigarette.

Suddenly, he got a message from his father. Nathan was conflicted in opening it up, but did it anyway. That's what his father wrote:


D: Hello Nathan. l was just informed by Principal Wells that you were caught taking goddamn drugs on the school grounds. I'm really disappointed in you.

Don't you dare to tell me that anyone else from the students had seen you.


Nathan's heart immediately sank.

– Shitshitshit… – He began breathing heavily.


D: Of course, l spoke to Wells, and that bastard guard is sure will be fired and the case will be erased, but how dare you put your reputation, the Prescott's family reputation on the line?! Nathan, if you ever do an outburst like that again, l promise that l'm taking you home. The dorm kids are a bad influence.


After reading this message, Nathan felt a little numb, but nothing else. Just a stupid rant from his asshole dad, nothing new.

– Like he ever does anything to me, – Nathan kept reassuring himself, while going down from the roof. Deep inside, he understood that everything wasn't so easy, and his father can always punish him.

And boy, does his dad can punish properly...


He finally locked himself in his freaky clean dorm and even loaded the door with some of his stuff.

Nathan felt more and more numb, maybe it was drugs. He fell on his bed, his head was kept straight, and he was looking at the celling and tripping away from his nightmare thoughts.

He took out a pen and wrote "I hate my fucking life" on his wrist, but immediately erased it.

– No, Nathan, this is wrong. – Get your shit together man, – He ordered, but his body was too stubborn and over-stressed. Yeah, in this round, Nathan's drug-influenced body and brain had won.

He got up and looked over at his medicine again. He felt horrible, by even remembering it existed.

Nathan, everything is fine. – You are fine. – Jefferson said you don't need that shit, and he is right... They bring me nothing but a fucking death headache a whole day, – Nathan was worrying. Only yesterday, he lied to Hannah about taking his anti-schizophrenic and anti-depressant medication, and still felt a chunk of guilt.

Hannah here trusts me, and believes that I'm actually taking that shit, and l do this to her. – Nathan thought and took a couple of short breathes again.

He tried to distract himself by listening to the music through the headphones. On one time, Nathan thought he was going crazy – he actually sat and prepared to do his homework.

He was sitting at his desk, thinking about that task from math and was listening to his mp3. Suddenly, a shred of light fell on Nathan's face, when one of his black curtains opened.

Ugh shit, – Nathan annoyingly tried to close it again, and at some point, was forced to look outside. Suddenly, he saw something that blew his mind.

It was Hannah sitting on the bench, next to Max Caufield – that annoying, whiny snitch, who got Nathan in trouble with the principal!

Two girls were sitting and seemingly had a friendly chat. Hannah didn't even texted Nathan that she was now back on campus!

– The fuck?! – Was all that Nathan managed to think when he saw that weird scene.