To Be Loyal

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: HP is J.K.'s

A/N: A few quick notes: Remus's charmed wolves are more important than you might think. There are a couple of references to The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in this chapter, so if you aren't familiar with The Chronicles of Narnia, you'll be confused. Just know that Mel is being adorable and using her imagination. Finally, Sirius and Mel's relationship is inspired by the HP fic Too Young To Die.

Also, regarding Remus's characterization: I'm not planning for him to have much low self-esteem or anxiety problems about being a werewolf at least during the upcoming Hogwarts years. I think that this is realistic because at this point, Remus has found friends who accept him in the Marauders and has always had loving parents.

Please review!

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." —Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"Sometimes I think like I can see the Man on the Moon, and he's taunting me. If someone ever comes up with a cure for lycanthropy, I'm going to laugh in his face." -Remus Lupin, winter of 1972, soon after admitting to his friends that he was in fact a werewolf.

July 18, 1976

"Padfoot," growled a voice, and Moony's eyes flickered open. He glanced at the source of the noise, a tiny figurine of a dark gray wolf.

The Marauders had carried out many successful pranks over their years at Hogwarts, and they were rarely caught. James's invisibility cloak was invaluable in evading discovery, but one day in third year, Remus Lupin realized that it did have its limits.

On the next Hogsmeade trip, Remus had bought two small animated wolf sculptures. Later, he had used a complex series of charms to enchant one statue to speak the name of any person who entered its counterpart's field of vision. The sculptures had proven their worth by informing the Marauders whenever Filch entered or exited his office and, on one occasion, saving them from being caught by Professor McGonagall in an empty classroom after curfew. Currently, the second figurine was stationed just outside the door to Sirius's room.

Remus slid out of bed and crept quietly out of the room, wary of Padfoot's canine hearing and Peter sleeping in the other bed. He caught a glimpse of Padfoot at the far end of the hallway before the black dog disappeared down a staircase. As Remus followed his friend down the long halls and grand staircases of Potter Manor, he thought back to all he knew about Sirius's family.

The Marauders had learned about Sirius's home life in sporadic bursts over the years. They had all heard the rumors about the Blacks, and James had told Remus and Peter in first year that Mr. Potter was certain Sirius's parents were Death Eaters. Remus had immediately agreed when James asked him and Peter not to judge Sirius by his parents. Any concerns he had had about the Black firstborn being Dark had dissolved in second year after Moony's friends had learned about and accepted his lycanthropy.

During fifth year, Remus began to truly worry about Sirius, who had returned from Christmas break subdued and with a strange limp he wouldn't explain. His feud with the Slytherins, including Regulus, escalated until James had had to intervene to keep Sirius from taking on more than he could handle. Remus had confronted Sirius about his behavior, and Sirius had confided that his family had blasted his favorite relative off of the family tree. The bitter, weary look on Sirius's face had kept the younger Remus from asking any more questions, but it hadn't been the last time Remus would see Sirius's characteristic loyalty to his friends and attitude of casual, carefree rebellion twist into something that had been shaped by anger and pain.

Throughout the rest of fifth year, Sirius's friendship with the other Marauders had remained strong in spite of a rising tide of worrisome hints, numerous injuries from summer break, and a sometimes vicious hatred of anything related to Slytherin or blood supremacy. James, Sirius, and Peter's success in becoming Animagi and joining Remus on full moons had forestalled any major discord until the situation reached the crescendo that had been the Whomping Willow Incident in March. It had taken Remus months to forgive Sirius for that. At least he finally realized that he needed to rein in his anger against the Slytherins, Remus thought as he entered the dining room and found Padfoot staring up at the moon.

"Hey, Padfoot," Remus said softly, not wanting to alarm him, and Padfoot's head turned sharply in his direction. "Keeping an eye on my nemesis for me, are you?" Remus asked, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a half-smile.

Padfoot nodded in response, and Remus walked over to the glass wall and stared up at the half-moon. "Not so scary now," he mused, "but still a reminder of things to come." Remus reached over and rubbed Padfoot's head. "Would you change back for me, Sirius?" he asked quietly.

Sirius stood up on all four paws before transforming back to human. Remus took a step back in surprise as Sirius knelt on the tile floor, tears spilling down his face now that he was out of his dog form.

The shock of seeing Sirius cry wore off, and Remus knelt down next to his friend and rubbed his back gently. Sirius began to sob, his frame shuddering even as he wrapped his arms around himself. Remus knelt next to him and put a careful arm around Sirius's shoulders. "What is it, Padfoot?" he asked softly.

Between choked, broken sobs, Sirius stammered, "I d-don't belong here, Moony."

"What do you mean?"

"This is Prongs's house, where Prongs's parents live. And they, they shouldn't have to deal with me." Sirius stared through the glass at the dark forest beyond the lawn, his eyes losing focus for a moment.

"You resisted your parents for the Marauders, Sirius, and for the things the four of us and the Potters believe in," Remus reminded him gently. "The Potters would have taken you in no matter what, but you more than earned it anyway."

"Thanks, Moony, really, but I-I don't know. I'll think about it," Sirius replied edgily, pressing his hands to the side of his head and squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "You don't know how messed up I am, Moony. Ever since I got here, I've been trying to distract myself from all this, but I just keep ending back here. I swing back and forth from feeling like a burden on the Potters to wondering if I failed Regulus and Mel to half-missing my bastard parents! I hate them, I hate them!" he half-shrieked, barely keeping his voice down.

Remus was taken aback by Sirius's loss of control, but he reminded himself that this was the reason he had placed the wolf figurine outside of his friend's door. Pushing aside his own uneasiness, Remus pulled Sirius in a hug. Sirius pressed his forehead against Remus's shoulder, taking deep, controlling breaths.

"We're going to be here for you, Padfoot," Remus said, somehow managing to sound firm with a wavering voice. He still couldn't believe that they had used the Cruciatus Curse on Sirius. "You don't need them, and they've given up their right to deserve anything from you."

Sirius remained silent and slowly drew back from Remus, who kept an arm around his shoulders. "Thank you, Remus," he said quietly, "but I don't know if I can be the friend all of you deserve." He held up his hand just in time to forestall Remus's protest. "Please, I know you forgave me, but I can't forget how I almost got you arrested or killed by telling Snape how to get past the Willow."

Remus hesitated before deciding to accede to Sirius's request and change the subject. "Who's Mel?'" Seeing Sirius's confused expression, Remus elaborated, "You said that you failed Regulus and 'Mel.' Who are you talking about?"

Sirius's face closed off immediately, and his breathing quickened. Remus could tell that he was again teetering on the brink of a panic attack. "Woah, Sirius," he said softly. "Take a-"

In a flash of red pajamas and black fur, Sirius was gone and Padfoot was trotting toward the door. A few seconds later, the black dog slipped out of the moonlit dining room and into the shadows of the hall.

Confused and more than a little scared, Remus listened intently for the soft sounds Padfoot's paws made as he scampered up the carpeted stairs.

He needed to talk to James and Peter.


July 18, 1976

Flashes of memory barraged Padfoot's mind as he raced through Potter Manor, waking up portrait after portrait as he sprinted toward his room.

Mel was laughing, her shiny black hair dangling freely as she leaned out the window and felt rain slip through her fingers. Sirius watched her with trepidation, keeping a steadying hand on her shoulder-

Mel was crying, blood trickling from her knee, and Sirius was willing his magic to heal her-

Sirius was smuggling childrens' books into Mel's cupboard and helping her sound out the words-

She wanted longer books, and Sirius was handing her a copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe that he'd been given by a Muggle family down the street-

Her bright, playful eyes were peering at him through the keyhole of the door, and she was telling him that if she went deeper into the attic, she swore she could feel the chill of a Narnian winter-

And now her small arms were around his neck, and she was planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek and telling him that she loved him.

Padfoot came to a skidding halt outside the room where he was staying and pushed the door open with his nose. The great dog curled up on the floor at the end of the bed and pressed his nose into the carpet.

It was hard enough for Sirius to talk about what his parents had done to him, let alone how they had treated Melania Black. He normally suppressed any thoughts he had about her unless he was alone in his bed at night or talking with Regulus. It hurt too much. Older brother or not, Sirius-and sometimes Regulus, he admitted, forcing himself to be fair-had raised her, no matter what others might say. They had never been enough, but they had been all she had. Sirius remembered the relief he'd felt as Mel had learned to read quickly despite his rubbish teaching, how she had pleaded for him and Regulus to reenact different stories from The Tales of Beedle the Bard with her, and the peaceful way she used to relax in his arms.

And they had taken her from him.

Padfoot got to his paws and exited. Ignoring the annoyed whispers of the awakened portraits, he padded down the hall to James's bedroom, turned the door's handle with his mouth, and laid down at the foot of his best mate's bed.

One day, Padfoot promised himself, he'd see justice done.