An: In Which Nothing Goes Particularly Well
Jenny found the Silurian in the plant room, leaning back in her wicker chair with her eyes closed, looking rather forlorn. Jenny sat carefully in the chair opposite, usually used by clients.
"I din't mean ter be out all night." she began. "I met Jess. She's friends with Missus Blackett. Hence the surname. Which I wondered about. An' we ended up goin' drinkin' an'…I ain't used ter it so she took me back to 'ers rather'n bother you, comin' in at a late hour an' everythin'."
"I am neither your mistress nor your mother." Vastra replied dismissively when Jenny stopped. "What you do with your time is of little concern to me."
"Yeah but we're still friends ain't we? I shoulda tol' yer. 'specially after I went missin' before. Though e'en I don' unnerstand wot 'appened there. The Doctor mentioned an Underworld but I dunno what one really is. It din't feel like two days when I was there." She was rambling and Vastra still wasn't looking at her. "I'm sorry if I worried yer is all." Jenny got up with a sigh.
"I cannot recall that I ever told you what my plans were when we lived in the flat. Did you worry?" Vastra asked her as she walked towards the door.
"Not really. Figgered it was yer own business." Jenny turned back and shrugged.
"Well then."
"Well if it's all so fine what are yer pissed about?" Jenny snapped
"A question I could well ask you!" Vastra finally opened her eyes and sat upright. "They were children. They were teasing. They were happy! What about that required you to storm out and disappear for two days? Jack was very upset."
"I was in an Underworld! Whatever one of them is! I din't disappear…"
"You still walked out!" Vastra surged to her feet. "I wouldn't care if you went off to Scotland for a week without telling me but I'd like to know, as a friend, what caused you to be so upset in the first place!"
Jenny took a steadying breath because she still hadn't really prepared an answer for that question.
"Was it the kissing?" Vastra's voice trembled. "Why didn't you tell me in that case? I would've stopped! I thought…Jenny?"
"Look, I dunno alright? It just did. Them bein' all stupid about it."
"Stupid?" Jenny thought the Irregulars' acceptance was stupidity?
"It were only a bleedin' kiss! They were actin' like we…"
"Only?" All those precious kisses… "I see. Well I suppose that would anger you, something so trivial to you being taken seriously by others." It was Vastra's turn to storm out, past where Jenny stood unmoving.
She felt stunned by Vastra's reaction. When she finally processed it, she swore under her breath. She'd been afraid. Terrified if Vastra thought it was in any way serious that the Silurian's aversion to apes would cause her to retreat. It appeared, she thought as she sat back down in the chair, her head in her hands, that she'd misjudged the situation slightly.
It amazed her, a short while later, when her stomach grumbled. She was hungry despite everything. With a sigh of annoyance at her stomach, she got up and made her way to the kitchen. She was distracted by an unfamiliar scent in the house. Vastra couldn't possibly be cooking could she? There was no sign of the Silurian in the kitchen. She tracked the scent down to the living room. The fire was lit and on top of the coals Parker had shovelled in was a small layer of ash that was collapsing into the grate. She frowned and looked at the doorway as if instinct told her what it'd been and her suspicions were confirmed by the lack of mistletoe in the doorway. She didn't bother checking the rest of the house; Vastra was thorough in most everything she did. Jenny sank to her knees in front of the fire and her heart sank through the floor.
"Miss Jenny?" Parker came in with another scuttle of coal. "Are ye alright?"
"Yeah! I'm fine. Sorry Parker. I know I ain't exactly bin attendin' me duties the past coupla days." She got up and dusted her skirt off.
"Well s'Christmas ain't it Miss Jenny?" Parker patted her on the shoulder. "I think it the best thing in the world you see yer family. Be off mysel' the next few days, spendin' time with the missus." He shovelled more coal on the fire, destroying the last vestiges of the thin layer of ash. "Why don't yer go see Alice? I'm sure she'd appreciate the company an' she could do with a walk out. If ye've had a few, s'always good to clear yer head the next day." He raised his eyebrows knowingly.
"Thanks Parker. " she nodded and left him to it. A day out riding wouldn't do anything to clear the air but it would clear her head. She grabbed some bread and ham from the kitchen, checked the coast was clear upstairs to grab her jodphurs and then went out to the stables.
Alice whickered softly at it as she walked in and got changed.
"You an' me ey?" Jenny laid her head against Alice's flank. "You wouldn't mess up I bet. If you loved someone. Bet you wouldn't be afraid of nuffin' would yer?" she moved to Alice's head to put the bridle on and Alice head-butted her gently. "C'mon then." She saddled the horse up and rode her out into the country before urging Alice into a gallop, the cold wintry air making her eyes stream at that speed.
She was careful to get back by dinner time, although there was still no sign of Vastra. Jenny went into their room but couldn't face another night of Vastra ignoring her. Not after finding the remains of the mistletoe. She collected her nightgown and a dress and went to sleep in the spare room. She looked at the wardrobe in the corner and knelt down; pulling out the box that contained the beads she'd bought Vastra. She ran her fingers over them before slamming the box shut and hugging it to her. It'd been a wish. A wish for a proper Christmas. She sniffed once or twice and then gave up and went to bed.
24th December 1887
It was Christmas Eve and Jenny was feeling completely miserable. But she'd promised the Irregulars a Christmas dinner that day and with her lack of experience in the matter that would no doubt take a while to cook up.
Jenny pondered as she went through the details of how precisely to dress a chicken how she could've been so senseless as to assume the kisses were nothing to Vastra. The Silurian had quoted a poem at her! She'd been practically courting her, in an awkward Silurian with little knowledge of human courtship way. She'd been so afraid of losing that, she'd been the one to retreat and lost it anyway. Vastra's message by burning the mistletoe was quite clear to Jenny.
The Paternoster Irregulars arrived early but were happy enough to help out with the final chopping of vegetables. Jenny was cheerful as she greeted them in to the kitchen and they were relieved, having been afraid that there'd been arguments. She sat and ate with them, her lack of appetite disguised by them stuffing down food like no tomorrow. She entertained them with stories of where she'd been, of seeing her sister, though they exclaimed disbelief at the idea of an Underworld.
"Well I s'pose if there's lizard women an' the like, there could be underworlds." Cris chewed on a bit of beef thoughtfully.
The logic sounded fair to the Irregulars.
"I got attacked by a giant dog yesterday. Reckon that'n was from an underworld." Boggin interrupted.
"Bet it weren't neither. Giant dogs don't come from underworlds." Jack argued.
"Ain't there meant to be a dog guardin' the gates of 'ell?" Boggin complained. "Thas an underworld ain't it."
"No Christian belief, thas you." Jack shook his head. "What is an underworld anyways? It carn't be 'ell."
"Separate region of space and time, closed off from the rest of the universe, only accessible through certain rituals like turnin' round thrice widdershins." Jenny quoted the Doctor at them and they were suitably impressed. "An' I din't see no dogs neither."
She waited nervously for a question about Vastra, but they seemed to be assuming that if she was cheerful, there was nothing wrong and she wasn't about to disillusion them. Not before Christmas. And they were far too distracted by the amount of food on the table to notice the lack of mistletoe in the doorway.
In the evening, after waving goodbye to the Irregulars, she gazed at the Christmas tree, wondering if she should take it down. There didn't seem much point now. But the Irregulars would notice that, even if they didn't notice the mistletoe so she left it up. She hadn't seen Vastra all day but she quietly placed the present under the tree anyway before she snuffed out the candles for the night.
25th December 1887
It was still there when she stoked up the fires in the morning but it was still early and Vastra was never up at this hour. She missed Parker's conversation, the Irregular's chatter as she sat and had a lonely breakfast. The wood popped in the stove but that was about the only sound she could hear. She imagined if she'd not run away, what she and Vastra would be doing now. The warmth of her imaginings was in stark contrast to the cold silence of the day. She slumped across the sturdy kitchen table she liked so much and bit her lip. She refused to cry on Christmas Day.
Her reveries were interrupted by a knock on the front door but she heard footsteps on the stairs and stopped on her way to answer. She heard Vastra exclaim "Doctor!" and the two of them walk into the living room. Curiosity combined with a concern over what Vastra would tell him led her to press an ear up against the living room door once it'd been slammed shut.
"I take it you have come to tell me what happened to Rose?" Jenny heard Vastra ask. "I was surprised she did not accompany you when you turned up with Martha."
"Who's Martha? Wait, don't tell me. Dunno who Martha is yet, must've got the dates wrong."
"Doctor…"
"I…I lost her Vastra. Rose. She's not dead! Just gone. But I was always going to, wasn't I. That was inevitable. But ha. You pretend. You think maybe it'll just go on and on and that it won't really…"
"What will you do now?" Vastra's voice sounded cold and distant.
"Go on, of course. Got to go on. I mean it's me. Find someone else I suppose, the way it's meant to be, this Martha out there waiting for me. And I've survived worse, let's face it. But…" the Doctor sighed.
"But?"
"She was the only one, Vastra. Since long ago on Gallifrey in my youth. Ha! Me. In me youth. She…healed me. Made me better. After the Time War. Didn't think I could get so much better. And now she's gone."
"Perhaps you should have been more careful, as you once told me."
"Yeah well. Talking of which! You! What about you and Jenny?" The Doctor seemed to perk up a bit and Jenny winced, leaning closer against the door.
"What about us? We live here quite comfortably. We work together on cases, when they arise. There's nothing more to tell."
"Ohh c'mon Vastra. Livin' with you is never that calm. 'Sides you said you kissed her last time!"
Jenny's listening intensified in a rather significant pause.
"She is an ape Doctor."
"Yeah, well." The Doctor sounded disappointed by the response. "Humans. They get to ya. Spend half yer life savin' 'em if you're not careful. Blimey, they need so much help but for some reason…"
There was another long silence but Jenny couldn't see what was going on.
"Anyway!" The Doctor said eventually. "I'm bein' rather depressing and it's Christmas!" he was trying to be chirpy, Jenny thought as she heard him get up. "Judging by the present. For Jenny or from Jenny."
"I don't know. I did not place it there." Vastra said indifferently.
"Must be for you then. Go on. Open it then."
"Later."
"I s'pose it's best if you open it with Jenny here."
There was another pause and Jenny wished she could see inside the room, see Vastra's expression.
"Was it worth it Doctor? Being with Rose? If it was inevitable that you would lose her, was it worth it?" Vastra's voice was filled with sorrow.
In the silence that followed Jenny moved away, not really wanting to hear the answer to that. For she'd just realised why precisely it was inevitable as part of their first ever conversation echoed back to her once more. "I'm two hundred and thirteen." "And I'm nine hundred and thirteen. Can we act our ages?" Rose had said the Doctor regenerated. He didn't grow old, he regenerated. He would've outlived her. If Vastra was equally as long lived, Jenny would die long before her, would turn to bones and if she was buried with the poor as was her lot and her coffin dug back up and burned, her bones turn to ash and smoke after that. Even if they did reconcile, if it wasn't worth it…if Jenny wasn't worth it.
Jenny went back up to the spare bedroom. She could still live here. Be a maid. Still help Vastra out. Or she could leave. She had that now. The door slammed and she watched from the window as the Doctor walk down the street, his shoulders bowed, off on his next adventure. She could go off on her next adventure.
Vastra had been her adventure and it appeared it was over.
An: *Tenth Doctor voice* I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. *normal voice* I was listening to Black Smoke by Ann Sophie.
