Hey everybody,

I hope you're having a great start into the new week! So glad we finally made it here, from now on things will get a little bit more exciting and I hope you will like this new chapter as well.

Thank you for all you kind words and for keeping up with me and this little fic ;-)

See you friday^^


Chapter 13 - Trust

-Mihawk-

So, here they were again. Back to the beginning, again.

Once again Roronoa had decided to stay with him and once again it made him happier than he would ever admit.

He sighed and covered his eyes with his forearm; what had this boy done to him?

You should go under deck.

Since when did he do what this cheeky youngster told him? Since when did he do what anybody told him?

You look awful. And old! When was the last time you got a wink of sleep?

How could he have changed that much within a month?

Go, take a nap. I stay up here and watch out; if something happens, I call you.

They had barely left the Sabaody Archipelago, when Roronoa had ordered him to catch some sleep, as if Roronoa were the one out of the two of them, who always had to take care of everything and who had to constantly worry about the other.

Mihawk's objections had, in fact, reached nothing. Roronoa was simply too stubborn.

You're saying you don't trust me?

Well, when had he started trusting Roronoa?

Now he lay on his expansive, comfortable bed and actually tried to sleep. But how should he come to rest after all the last few hours?

Roronoa would stay with him for two years from now on, not a few weeks, not a few months, two whole years.

Mihawk would see him fight; he would see how much stronger Roronoa could become.

In two years, he was able to transform a gifted, promising talent into an extraordinary master of the sword. In two years, he was able to make a man out of this boy. The next two years promised to be an interesting time.

But they also promised to be a challenge. Over the next two years, the youngster would continue to put his patience to the test. Over the next two years, the youngster would constantly put his control to the test.

Mihawk sighed. Within a month, his little frog had changed him so much, who knew what could happen in two years?

Slowly, he turned to the side.

He could not change anything of that right now and pondering about what had not even happened yet would not help him either. A few hours of sleep, on the other hand, could prove to be useful.

He should sleep, as soon as they would arrive at Kuraigana, he would train the other.

He was supposed to sleep, because afterwards he had to be a Hawk Eyes again, Shichibukai and a teacher.

Those two years promised to be the best and the worst.

He woke up.

Something was different than before. Through the little bull's-eye to his right faint rays of sun still enlightened his room, so it was still day, but what was different?

But then he knew, he was no longer alone.

Mihawk continued to breathe calmly, pretending to be still asleep. Someone was watching him.

Exhaling, he relaxed.

"Roronoa," he muttered, looking at the foot of the bed.

There the youngster sat in his male form and looked at him seriously. The daylight was reflected in his eyes and he seemed more distant than ever. It seemed as if the other had watched him sleep.

"What are you doing down here? I thought you wanted to guard the ship?" He asked calmly, as thousands of questions stormed his mind, and sat up.

Roronoa did not answer.

He wore the same simple white shirt in which Mihawk had found him in the clearing more than a month ago, but now it fit him as if made for him, but the black trousers seemed too big, as if they actually belonged to Mihawk.

"Has something happened?" He asked, trying to get the other to speak up.

Still, Roronoa looked at him with this strange gaze, as if he had to overcome himself to do something.

"What is wrong, Roronoa?" Slowly, Mihawk became impatient.

"Why do you trust me?" The other's words sounded hollow, while the youngster continued to look at him. "I could be your enemy. Why do you trust me so much that you sleep in my presence?"

That question surprised him.

"But Roronoa, I have already lived with you under the same roof for a whole month. Besides, were you not the one, who took a nap the deck this morning? Does that not mean you trust me as well and am not I posing a much greater danger to you than you do to me?"

Now the other looked away.

"Is this why you are here? Because you do not trust me?" Mihawk asked further.

Roronoa stared at him again, whatever he had struggled with, it seemed as if he had made up his mind.

"You wouldn't do anything to me. You don't pose any danger to me," Roronoa said.

"Oh, are you playing the Kanan would not approve it card again?"

Why did the other look so distressed? Usually when he was baiting Mihawk like that he would show a crooked grin, right now he looked like he was about to betray his own moral.

"This has nothing to do with Kanan. You just can't do it."

"And why do you think so?" He did not like what was going on here. Although the sun was shining through the window, it was dark and although he was the clear winner, he felt almost threatened. As if Roronoa with Josei on his belt could actually pose a danger to him.

"Because of your feelings."

"What?" He forgot to breathe.

Roronoa stood up. "You can't do anything to me because you love me, in your own twisted, weird way. Don't think I wouldn't notice your shameless glances."

What in heaven's name was the other talking about? Was this some kind of childish prank? A joke Mihawk couldn't comprehend?

The other came around the big bed and stopped in front of him.

He laughed dryly. "Roronoa, please. What is this nonsense? Did Shakuyak put anything in your drink? What are you talking about? Such presumptions are..."

The youngster folded his arms. "Drop the act. I can read you. Otherwise, there would be no reason for you to teach me at all."

Appeasing, Mihawk raised both hands. Perhaps the other had actually been given drugs, he saw no other reason for Roronoa to behave this oddly, to say such bizarre things.

"Roronoa, we both know that I really appreciate the relationship between us, but just because you are important to me does not mean that I have romantic feelings towards you. It may be hard for a child like you to believe, but not every form of affection must be because of physical attraction or roman..."

"Shut up!"

Roronoa bent forwards, his earrings sparkling in the sunlight and a crooked grin had crept onto his lips – the grin Mihawk knew so well - but still his eyes seemed so sad, so empty, so unfamiliar.

"Roronoa, what in..."

The younger man bent over him, grabbed his hair with one hand and his chin with the other, his eyes staring at Mihawk like a man on a mission. The very next moment Mihawk felt the rough lips of the other against his own, but they were gentler than expected, almost hesitant.

He wanted to back off, what he could effortlessly do, but something made him stop. Mihawk tried to understand, he tried to understand why the younger did this. This was something Mihawk had not been expecting, he had never expected Roronoa to do something like this, so why was he doing it? What was his reasoning?

Almost melancholy, these green eyes looked at him as if Roronoa was mourning. Was this an escape from reality? Why would he do that?

This was wrong, but still these eyes regarded him so miserably, almost pleading, as if they wanted to ask him for something, as if Roronoa wanted to beg him to do something.

Mihawk closed his eyes, he could no longer withstand Roronoa's...

An unknown pain pierced his heart. He gasped for air and the other's lips were gone.

"Sorry." Roronoa's voice sounded colder than ever.

Mihawk slumped forward and held his chest, hot liquid pouring out between his hands, soaking his shirt, dripping down on his lap and the bed.

"But that was the only way."

He stared up at the other. Roronoa's mouth trembled, but otherwise he seemed calm and cold. Still, Mihawk knew that he wasn't, he could read the other to easily right now.

"I knew this was the only way I could distract you to get close enough to you."

Josei's blade in Roronoa's hand shimmered in dark red, covered with Mihawk's blood.

"But why Roronoa?" Mihawk asked, coughing, tasting blood. He had taught Roronoa the way of lightning-fast, ice-cold killing. Roronoa had pierced his heart, had slit it apart, had ripped open the important veins with a single cut, and now the red elixir of life flowed unhindered out of his body.

If he did not stop the bleeding immediately, he would bleed to death within a few seconds, not even minutes. But even if he could stop it, this wound was so precise, so perfectly executed that he would not last until the next island. Mihawk would die.

"That's not how I imagined it," Zoro muttered, "I wanted to defeat you fair and honest, not by ambush. But I have no choice."

"So, you were... forced?"

He was already feeling dizzy.

Roronoa nodded. "You were right. As long as Eizen has the right bargaining chips, everyone has to play his game."

"He has... your crew?"

"If I kill you, he will release them."

Mihawk swallowed and looked at the other.

"Why didn't you notice?" Roronoa whispered. "Why did you trust me that easily?"

He smiled weakly. This was the end of it. It was certainly not as he had imagined, but at least it had been Roronoa, at least, his death had a purpose in saving Roronoa's friends.

"Because it needs a... monster to kill another... one."

At least he was no longer a prisoner in the political game of power and wealth. No, it was not the worst death he could have imagined.

"And why didn't you kill me?!" Roronoa's voice broke and a single tear ran down his hard face. "Why wasn't it you who freed me from those chains?!"

And that was the moment Mihawk understood. His death was nothing more than a move in a game, he was nothing more than a castle taken from the chessboard and now Roronoa was the pawn in his place. Now Roronoa was the one deprived of his freedom.

Mihawk had never wanted to tame his little frog and now Roronoa would be locked up, nothing more than one of Eizen's objects of virtu, just because Mihawk had not been able to guard him better.

"I didn't want any of this here," Roronoa whispered, "I just wanted to be the best swordsman in the world."

Mihawk collapsed.

"I told you that you can't trust me. But you didn't want to listen."

He opened his eyes, brushing over his unharmed chest.

It had been a nightmare.

His heart beat quickly, but his thoughts gathered faster.

Such dreams were certainly not pleasant, but they happened, even if it shocked him how realistic this one had been. For a second Mihawk had actually felt the pain, had almost heard Roronoa's words, had really felt his lips.

The blood that just had covered his body and the bed was missing; was still where it belonged.

It was dark, the sun had already set long ago, it was night.

Sighing, he buried his face under his arms for a moment. Dreams were no stranger to him, of course, but he had not had any nightmares for years. The world could not scare him with anything, but now it was probably different.

He got up and strolled over into the small, adjacent bathroom. But the stale water did not help much, so he observed his reflection for a moment.

He had to figure out the reasons behind the fears from this dream and confront them. He was no one to be impressed by such things. His subconscious wanted to tell him that he disliked if he could not control everything and that there was apparently something out of reach for him to control. This dream was a warning.

Obviously, part of this fear was about Roronoa, even an amateur could see that. Of course, he worried about the boy, and of course he knew that Roronoa was the one person, who would not allow himself to be controlled by anybody, be it Mihawk or whoever; nothing surprising at all.

The other thing was probably his constant distrust in Eizen. After the recent events Roronoa would stay with Mihawk for two years, two years, giving Eizen enough time to force Roronoa under his control.

But what...?

But I don't know if you can trust me.

That was what Roronoa had told him. Roronoa was afraid of his inner strength, of using Haki. In the end, these words meant that Roronoa was afraid that he would accidently hurt Mihawk.

Ridiculous!

Even if he had significantly underestimated Roronoa in his male form, the other was still far from posing any danger to him.

So why? So why would he say something like that?

But more importantly, why did Mihawk dream of such a thing?

Did he really not trust Roronoa in the end?

Nonsense! Of course, he did!

But... but maybe he was actually scared?

Mihawk resolutely straightened his collar and climbed upwards.

-Zoro-

The first stars appeared in the night sky.

The sun had just set, and the horizon still painted the sea in a fiery orange.

Zoro lay on deck and watched the sky. Now, that the sun had disappeared, it quickly became colder, but he enjoyed the coldness, well aware that he would soon freeze in this body.

He had spent the whole day brooding. After sending Mihawk to bed – that idiot had indeed looked awful - he had no choice but to keep watch. Which could be quite boring.

For a few hours he had practiced meditation. Now, that the decision had been made, there was nothing left to ponder. He knew Luffy would agree with Rayleigh's proposal. He knew he had two long years to get stronger, much stronger.

But Zoro also knew this had its price.

Mihawk had advised him to hide his and Luffy's survival. That meant for the next two years people were not allowed to know that he was Lady Loreen and since he could not hinder his body from transforming, he had to continue playing the character Lady Loreen.

Kuraigana had the advantage of him being relatively undisturbed there, but he was not naive enough to believe that the World Government would leave him and Mihawk alone.

To study from Mihawk, he had to fill in the character Lady Loreen, and he already hated the plain thought about that.

What had he only gotten involved in?

Suddenly he could hear the throne being pushed backwards.

He sat up and saw the Shichibukai climbing on deck. He didn't really look better than before, quite the opposite. Heavy shadows marked his eyes and the wrinkles on his forehead were deeper than usual. His mouth was nothing more than a thin line; no, he didn't look like he had slept half a day.

But it was the way the elder looked at him that worried him the most.

"What happened to you?" Zoro muttered, resting his head on his hands. "You're looking even worse."

"Very charming," the other replied sarcastically, pulling the chair back over the hatch. Mihawk looked at him again so piercingly and sat down.

"What?"

"You did not transform?"

"Obviously."

Why did he look at Zoro like that?

"Why? You think of Loreen as an unwanted side effect, so why have you not changed yet? You should be able to do so by now."

He was not surprised in the least that the other had already seen through his curse, his know-it-all-attitude was so annoying.

"Why should I have transformed?" Zoro grumbled. "It takes energy and I have to recover, transforming back and forth all the time is damn exhausting. And if we start training tomorrow, I have to be fit."

The elder nodded approvingly, putting a hand on his chin. His beard was rougher and more unkempt than usual.

"Besides, my other clothes were down there and I'm not going to transform in this dress."

Now the other grinned weakly.

"That is right, I have not really thought about that yet. This is really a problem that we should also address."

"Also?"

The other's grin grew.

"Exactly. There is something more important that I want to discuss with you first."

Zoro nodded, but he didn't like what was going on. The other had something about him that he disliked. As if the other had seen something that frightened him, and if the Shichibukai was afraid, it was reason enough to unsettle Zoro.

"And what would that be?"

The elder stretched his neck.

"Well, now that you are willing to learn the use of Haki, and of course we will confront that as soon as possible, I still have a question: Why is this such a sensitive topic for you? Why do you not want to use Haki? You even denied that you are able to learn it before."

Zoro froze and turned his gaze away.

He had been overenthusiastic; the knowledge that Luffy could use Haki had made him careless. If his captain could use Haki, he had to do it too; he was not allowed to stand back. But he had spoken impulsively, had recklessly said something that he did not mean.

Slowly he got cold and the thin coat was barely enough to protect him from the fresh wind.

The elder sighed, got up, and went under deck again. When he reappeared, he offered Zoro a blanket.

"You really have to pay more attention to yourself in this body. You should be aware by now that your needs in this body differ. Neglecting this body is neglecting yourself and your dream of defeating me, keep that in mind."

Zoro replied nothing as the Shichibukai sat down again, but simply wrapped the blanket around his shivering body.

"Well?" The other looked at him anticipating.

He bit his lower lip and stayed silent.

"Roronoa, you will have to talk about it at some point. This is not about humiliating or ridiculing you, but..."

"I've never said I'm not able to use it." He trembled, but no longer because of the chill air.

Mihawk then crouched down on the ground opposite to him, leaning against his throne, apparently making an effort to give this conversation a less formal setting.

"Roronoa, that means you have done it before?"

He nodded slowly, remembered pictures of his past.

"What happened, Roronoa?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing."

"If nothing had happened, you would not behave this way."

Again, Zoro shook his head.

"Roronoa, you said I could not trust you, you said I had no idea what using Haki would mean for you. So, tell me, Roronoa, what happened? Why are you so afraid of your own powers?"

Slowly he looked up. The elder was calm, straightforward but not intrusive. Sighing, he leaned back, trying to gain some space.

"I was eleven," he began reluctantly, closing his eyes for a moment, "at that time I was training under Master Koshiro at a kendo school in the East Blue. As you can imagine, I was a good student, but also self-confident and arrogant."

"Oh, what a surprise."

"Shut up."

"So, Koshiro was your old master. Did he want to teach you Haki?"

Zoro shook his head. "No, he was against it."

He took a deep breath and loosened his shoulders.

"At that time, some battleship anchored near our village. Some soldiers were enthusiastic about the art of the sword and visited our dojo to look for promising talents."

"And they found you?"

He nodded: "My master was far from thrilled that they showed up, on the other hand it was a way for us students to compete with strangers."

"And they noticed you?"

He nodded again: "Mhm. I was pretty good, so good that some of them ran back to the ship to get their superior. For almost half a day, this Vice Admiral observed me before offering to teach me if I would come with him."

"And you did?"

"Of course not. I didn't think much of the Marines and back then Master Koshiro was... it would have been wrong for me to leave."

"Why did you feel so committed to your master?"

For a second, he looked at the other, but decided not to address that story as well.

"The Vice Admiral was very disappointed and wanted to persuade me to come along. He wanted to show me how much faster I could improve under his guidance by teaching me a special technique. However, my master was not particularly convinced of this. He thought I was too young, and he was worried about overstraining me. But that had only fueled me more, so I agreed to follow the Vice Admiral if he would teach me this technique."

The Shichibukai straightened up.

"This technique was Haki, I suppose."

Zoro nodded to the floor: "According to my master, it was a skill that required a high degree of mental maturity and inner strength, but the Vice Admiral thought I was very talented and he wanted to see if a boy my age could handle it."

The elder leaned his head to the side.

"I am surprised that you have agreed to this proposal contrary to the opinion of your teacher. It does not suit you."

Zoro shrugged his shoulders.

"The problem was that I was actually improving very quickly at that point and was pretty convinced of myself. His words sounded to me at the time as if my master wanted to slow me down. I thought he was scared that I would get too good too soon, that I would be better than his daughter was with eleven, than he was with eleven."

"He wanted you to be thorough. Your enthusiasm made you inattentive."

Zoro agreed: "Exactly, but I didn't get that back then. In fact, I just agreed to the deal because of that. Not because I wanted to become a Marine or something, but just to show my master that I could learn more, that he could trust me more, challenge me more."

"So this Vice Admiral taught you Haki?"

"Like you, he thought that a swordsman had to be able to use an armor to protect his swords to be one of the best, and I wanted to be the best, so I trained continuously and was able to use the simplest basic forms within a few days."

He could see the surprise in the other's face but decided to ignore it.

"Even my master was impressed and that made me incredibly proud, but also arrogant, because I wanted to learn even more. I didn't just want to be able to put a weak shell around my sword. I wanted to fight with it, I wanted to be able to move freely. So, I begged the Vice Admiral to go one step further with me."

Zoro fell silent, while the other nodded softly: "Understandably, but I still see no reason for your grand aversion. Where does this uncertainty come from?"

"I'm not finished yet," he murmured. "At that time, I was far from insecure. On the contrary, for the first time in several months I felt like I was actually making real progress. I felt important, especially because the other students, even the soldiers, were impressed by me. I was special."

The other grinned slightly. "So, this is how you got your confidence?"

But Zoro looked away not able to shrug off this friendly mocking.

"Despite the objections of my master, the Vice Admiral decided that I should test my skills in a practice fight. Like you, he thought I would learn easier in direct confrontation than in theory. So he and a few soldiers came to the dojo to challenge me."

The pictures in his mind started to blur.

"And what happened then, Roronoa?"

He was silent.

"Roronoa!"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

He hesitated.

"I was exhausted, I had been training constantly for days, barely slept, not taking any rest. But I would never have given up and this fight had been my chance, but these Marines fought so differently than any student, it wasn't a practice fight at all, at least not as I knew it. They were fighting like it was a matter of life and death, none of them wanted to be defeated by some boy. But I wanted to be better, I didn't want to lose, I wasn't allowed to lose, and then my sword broke."

He felt his hands begin to tremble. He dug them deep into the blanket, tried to hide them.

"Despite Haki?" Mihawk asked.

"It was the Haki," he whispered. "Instead of coating my weapon, I filled it from the inside out and let it burst, that's at least how my master explained it to me later."

For a moment they both remained silent, then the elder sighed: "I admit that this form of Haki application is very unpleasant, but a broken sword is far from being a reason..."

"The sword is not the reason," Zoro disagreed, "it's only the last thing I remember: The bursting blade in front of my eyes."

It was so quiet, even the wind seemed to listen to him.

"Is that the case?" the Shichibukai muttered earnestly. "Then what is the next thing you remember?"

For a second, Zoro hesitated and remembered that moment.

"I was lying on the floor, it was wet, it was cold; Master Koshiro was cowering above me; his glasses were broken and he was covered in blood all over. He was wounded, an injury at his left shoulder, but it wasn't bad enough for so much blood." He took another deep breath. "And I too was covered in blood, my clothes were wet and heavy but still warm, it smelled of sweat and blood."

He bit his lower lip.

"That day I killed five people and injured dozens, and I don't remember a second of it. My master made sure that the Marines wouldn't hold me accountable and since no one wanted to admit that an entire unit had gotten defeated by a child, it was not even documented."

Slowly, the other rose and folded his arms.

"For several days I was bedridden. I had minor injuries but nothing bad, but I couldn't move my body no matter how hard I tried. When I got back to the dojo, no one talked about the incident and my master taught me the way he had always done."

Zoro looked at the sea while Mihawk turned away.

"When I asked him what had happened, he just said that my talent was one of a kind and that I was destined to do something incomparable, but that it was in my hands if for better or for worse. He said that I should think carefully about which way I wanted to go. That day I swore to never use Haki again, because at that moment my teacher was afraid of me, afraid of the monster within me."

He had never talked about it. Whom could he have told such a thing? Whom could he have showed the monster he tried to hide all his life? Who could understand this feeling?

"You wanted to know my story, well, there you have it. Are you satisfied now?" He asked the elder's back.

Hawk Eyes remained silent for a long time, and Zoro wasn't sure if he really wanted the other to break this silence. However, it gradually became unbearable.

Eventually, the other turned to him.

"Roronoa, tell me, do you still want to be the best swordsman in the world?"

Coolly, the elder looked down to him.

"Of course."

Mihawk nodded plainly.

"Then you will have to learn to use Haki."

"Yes, but haven't you just list..."

"Roronoa. You are right. It is unusual and it is certainly something that we must not deal with lightly. But it is not an excuse to not learn Haki." The elder crouched down again, so that they were at eye level. "It is very simple, Roronoa. Without Haki, without the special technique of hardening, it will be impossible for you to defeat me. As in the East Blue, your swords will be destroyed in the battle against the Black Sword. It is not like you have a choice. If you want to be the best swordsman in the world, you have to be able to use Haki and your Haki must be stronger than mine."

Zoro looked away.

"But what if I can't control it? What if I become this monster again?"

"Then we will train until you can control it. Two years should be long enough."

The elder got up again.

"But..."

"Roronoa!" He offered him a hand. "You can trust me. You heard Shakuyak. It takes a monster to kill another. So, without this monster within you, you will not even be able to defeat me."

Zoro didn't know why, but somehow those words had something comforting. As if the other knew exactly what he was talking about.