To Be Loyal
Chapter Eleven
Disclaimer: HP is J.K.'s.
A/N: Okay. Here it is. Important chapter here, which will lead into the next one. I hope you enjoy it. Note the time skip-third one in two chapters. It's all part of the plan.
Also, I changed things so Sirius's favorite relative was blasted off the family tree (mentioned in Chapter 4) in fifth year, not fourth, and changed things to reflect that.
"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with caution." —Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Get UP, you insufferable sleepyheads!" —Sirius Black to the other Marauders, Christmas morning, 1993
December 22, 1976
Sirius used to love the Christmas holidays, especially at Hogwarts.
He had loved the increasingly merry atmosphere of the Common Room as winter break approached, and had once been well known for singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. In third year, the Marauders had stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas, and Sirius had woken up the other three at six in the morning.
Now, he could barely muster the cheer to wish the other Marauders a Merry Christmas.
It's been almost a year since the last time I saw her, Sirius thought as he walked back to the Common Room with James and Lily. Remus was in the Hospital Wing, recovering from his usual exhaustion the day after the full moon, and Peter was staying with him. Over the months following the battle outside the Great Hall, the number of Gryffindors who escorted Sirius through the halls had gradually dwindled. James, however, had scarcely left his side, and Lily had started hanging out with the Marauders more and more over the past month or so. Sirius had been somewhat surprised to find that he enjoyed her company. She was rather lively and easy to hold on a conversation with when she wasn't angry at him or James.
Sirius's thoughts were inevitably drawn back to the source of his depressed mood. Old guilt weighed him down, and he wondered how many more years it would be before he did something to save his sister.
"Are you all right, Sirius?" Lily asked him, her tone concerned. She and James wore matching worried expressions. Sirius had Lily whisper to James outside the Great Hall that she thought Sirius was sad because he might never spend another Christmas with his family, but James had told her that he had been the same way during fifth year.
Sirius quickly changed the subject to the Christmas Feast, but he was interrupted by a jeering voice from behind them. "Too bad you won't be at the Christmas party this year, Black," the voice drawled. Sirius whirled, wand out, but he lowered it when he found only one smirking, pale-faced Slytherin behind them.
Sirius knew the party he was referring to. It changed locations every year, but it always took place at a manor owned by a snobbish pureblood that Sirius's parents were friends with. Sirius had been forced to attend every year except for third year, when, high on feelings of invincibility, he had refused to come home. It's been a long time since I felt like that, Sirius thought ruefully.
"I'll be glad to be staying at Potter Manor, Snape," Sirius said evenly. See? I can be civil with him, he told himself. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw James fingering his wand while Lily stood stock-straight, arms crossed tightly over her chest. A shred of uncertainty entered Snape's eyes when they found Lily, but then his expression hardened.
"I was invited. It's a pity you aren't attending, because the place where the party will be held is the home of someone you know well, Black," Snape taunted, a malicious gleam in his dark eyes. Sirius realized then that Snape was carrying out some sort of plan of revenge against Sirius, most likely in retaliation for the Whomping Willow Incident.
"A little girl," Snape said softly, his voice honeyed with triumphant scorn, and Sirius's blood ran cold. "A servant to every whim of the family who owns the house. A Squib, whose name is Melania." Snape's eyes narrowed as a small, sadistic smirk passed across his face. "Does that name ring a faint bell in that thick head of yours, Black? A filthy mistake that is no better than a house elf… that does sound like company you would ke-"
Snape's words tore the scab off the emotional wound Mel's loss had given Sirius, and pure, blinding rage flowed forth. It overtook him as he processed Snape's words, and Sirius's wand flew up to point at Snape's throat. "Mortaer," he incanted, his magic flaring up.
Snape gagged, kicking his legs as the constrictive magic of the spell, overpowered by Sirius's rage, lifted him off the ground. He clutched at his throat, gasping for air without success.
"You bastard," Sirius snapped, his voice trembling with hurt and hatred. "Do you even understand what it's like to care about someone?"
"Sirius!" Lily snapped, her voice edged with fear. "Put him down!"
Sirius twisted his wand counterclockwise, and the spell relaxed enough to allow Snape to take shallow breaths. He flicked his wand toward himself, and Snape shot forward until he was almost nose-to-nose with Sirius. "Where is she?" Sirius ground out, every word a threat. His voice and hands were shaking, but he managed to keep a tight grip on his wand.
Lily tried to pull Sirius's wand away, and he shoved her aside. "James, give me a hand," Lily snapped. Shock and indecision had apparently caused James to freeze up.
Sirius felt James's hand on his shoulder and shrugged it off. Lily raised her wand to disarm Sirius, but James stepped in her way.
"Tell me!" Sirius roared into Snape's pale face.
"What are you doing?" Lily hissed at James at almost the same time.
"I…" James started before trailing off. He turned to Sirius. "Please, mate, whatever's going on, just let him down."
"I can't do that, Prongs," Sirius replied flatly, pushing away a flicker of doubt. Snape knows. He knows where Mel is. Mel needs me. He slowly began to turn his wand clockwise, and Snape made a small choking noise.
"Stop it!" Lily cried, sounding almost in tears. James stumbled out of her way, his face white.
"Malfoy Manor," Snape croaked, and Sirius lowered his wand. Snape dropped to the ground just as Lily barreled into Sirius, tackling him to the ground.
Lily rolled off of him quickly, but Sirius stayed on the ground, listening to Snape's deep, desperate breathing. What did I just do?
His father had made him learn that curse, but he had never intended to use it.
"I can't believe you, Sirius!" Lily shrieked, standing over him and pointing a finger in his face. "Just when we were getting along, you go and pull some Dark torture bullshite! I can't tell whether I really know you or not since you seem to really want Severus dead. And you!" she added, whirling to face James. "You went along with him!"
"Lily, I…" James trailed off at the fearsome look on the redhead's face.
"As for you," Lily growled at Snape, "get out of here. You probably didn't deserve what Black just did, but you were obviously trying to be hurtful."
Snape clambered to his feet, wheezing, and shuffled off. He threw one unreadable glance back at Lily, who was already storming off in the other direction without looking back at any of the three boys.
"C'mon," James snapped at Sirius, finally overcoming his shock at the situation. He grabbed Sirius under one arm and hauling him roughly to his feet. "We're going to the Hospital Wing to talk to Remus and Peter."
Sirius stood silently as James ranted about what Sirius had done, pacing back and forth in front of Remus's bed. Thankfully, this close to Christmas, the Hospital Wing was empty except for Remus, and Madam Pomfrey was out.
He was paying more attention to his own thoughts than James's Lily hates me now, right when I was beginning to consider her a real friend. What if I'm expelled and the Potters kick me out? He took a deep, steady breath as he realized that Snape probably wouldn't go to Dumbledore since it would mean risking awkward questions about what he had said to Sirius. Lily might, though. And I'd deserve it. I could've learned where the party was being held from another Slytherin, and my method was horrible. Sirius hunched his shoulders and stared at the ground.
One thought rose above the rest. Torturer. Just like your family, except you're also a target. It's only a matter of time before your friends realize it and leave.
Despite everything, his mind kept circling back to Mel. Malfoy Manor. If it had been anywhere else, Sirius might have thought about attempting a rescue mission with James's Cloak, but he knew from James's father that the Manor was a Death Eater stronghold that the Aurors had been trying to crack for over a year. Sirius clenched his hands into fists in frustration. One day, Mel. I promise, one day I'll-
Sirius's train of thought was cut off by James, who had turned to face him. "Lily was right, Sirius. I thought I understood why you told Snape about the Willow, but this is the second time you've done something like this. How can we trust you?"
The words hit Sirius like a freight train. Oh Merlin, it's happening already. He staggered slightly on his feet, his breathing quickening in fear as his brain ran through what he expected would come next.
"Sit down, Sirius," Remus said quietly. Sirius collapsed into the chair at Remus's bedside and buried his face in his hands.
"Look at me," Remus ordered firmly, his tired expression suddenly intent, and Sirius let out a sob.
"Please," he begged as he lifted his head. "I'm sorry, I swear I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I'm so-" his desperate, yet sincere apology was cut off by Remus sitting up and putting a hand on his shoulder.
"We're not going to stop being friends with you, Sirius," Remus reassured him, rubbing Sirius's back. "We're family, remember? Brothers. But you need to explain yourself, and deal with the consequences of what you've done."
Sirius's breathing leveled out. He glanced at James and bit his lip as he took in the conflicting emotions on his friend's face.
"He's right, Sirius," James said firmly. "I'm mad, but I'd never turn my back on you. Tell us why you did this. Tell us what on earth Snape was talking about."
"I think I have an idea," Remus offered after a long moment of silence in which Sirius couldn't make himself speak up. "Sirius told me that his favorite relative was blasted off the Black family tree during winter break last year. Is she this Melania that Snape mentioned?" Remus's eyes narrowed. "You've mentioned Melania before," he realized, "while I was visiting Potter Manor."
Sirius stayed silent, his thoughts whirling in anxious turmoil. "No," he finally said, starting down at his feet. The lie tasted foul as it passed between his lips. "No, she's not. Snape's just-"
"You're lying," Peter blurted, speaking up for the first time. All eyes turned onto the shortest Marauder, who was standing on the other side of Remus's bed. Peter flushed bright red and shrugged but held his ground. "I can tell."
Remus and James stared questioningly at Sirius, who got to his feet and headed to the door without looking up. James planted himself in his way and stared down at him. "We deserve an explanation. I do, at least, after how you made me look in front of Lily."
"James, that is just about the least concerning detail of what happened," Remus sighed exasperatedly, but James didn't budge.
"I'm sorry about that, Prongs, and about what I did, but I need you to get out of the way," Sirius said tightly. I need to get out of here.
"No," James said stubbornly. He stepped in front of Sirius when he tried to dodge around him.
Fed up, Sirius threw his shoulder into James's chest, taking him by surprise and knocking him to the side. He sprinted out the door and down the corridor, tears burning in his eyes.
A/N: I think this chapter might be great, but I want to hear your thoughts. If you've come this far, please consider reviewing! If you're willing, please let me know what you think of the story's pace if you specifically like or don't like it. If you have questions, I will most likely answer them in a PM.
If you're mad about Snape, well, my idea is that he's chosen power and prejudice over a positive friendship, and while he's kind of bitter about losing Lily, he's just going further down the dark path. He's also (somewhat understandably) furious with Sirius for scaring him half out of his mind and almost getting him killed during the Whomping Willow Incident, and he wants to hurt Sirius in return.
By the way, I'm on campus right now, but classes don't start for several more days. We've got a whole Welcome Week due to some COVID reasoning. Once classes start in less than a week, I might be more busy, but right now I have a lot of time on my hands.
