Hey everybody,
back in rhythm! So here we go with a new chapter! Have fun and see you monday ;-)
Chapter 30 - Perspective
-Zoro-
"So, what do you think?" He asked casually - yet almost sheepishly - the Shichibukai, who ate dinner and read the newspaper at the same time. Even when Zoro had come in, Mihawk had only looked up briefly and then concentrated on his favorite reading.
"I think it is a good time, albeit a little bit short-term," the elder replied calmly. Zoro had no idea whether the past training influenced his mood or not. "Maybe it is good for you to leave this island for a few days."
Somehow, he disliked how relaxed the other reacted. A stark contrast to his behavior the last time they had talked about something like this. Displeased, Zoro lifted up the letter and scanned over it again.
"So here it says that you can come along if you want to."
Now the elder finally looked at him, raising an eyebrow asking.
"It's just a half-day final gathering or something with a following statement. Not even five days, according to Eizen, and he thought it might actually be interesting for you," Zoro continued.
The letter had arrived during their training, but Zoro disagreed with Mihawk, Eizen's invitation – or rather demand to show up – couldn't have come to a worse time.
"I am sorry, Roronoa," the elder replied, raising his newspaper again, "but even if I wanted to, I could not accompany you."
"What? Why?"
Why shouldn't the other be able to? It wasn't like Hawk Eyes had anything like hobbies or commitments anyway; beside Zoro's training and the protection of the five islands, his duties as Shichibukai were practically non-existent with a few exceptions.
"This morning I have also received a short-term appointment notice, which I should not refuse. It would be impossible for me to return in time for it."
"Yeah sure," Zoro snorted, his arms crossed. "Listen, if you don't want to, okay, but then at least don't lie to me. What kind of appointments would you even have?"
"It is a private matter," the other dodged his question, only confirming Zoro's suspicion that Mihawk really only needed a bad excuse to get rid of him for a few days. "Would you even want me to accompany you?"
Now the other suddenly looked at him. Zoro had not been prepared for this question. Defensively, he shrugged his shoulders and raised both arms.
"No idea. After the last time I thought you don't like it when I'm alone with Eizen. After all you're some kind of freakish control freak."
"You told me to work on it and now you are complaining?"
Mihawk turned a page, reading again. For a moment Zoro just stood there, but for the elder the conversation was obviously settled.
Something had changed, he just didn't know exactly what. This wasn't the first time the mood between them was weird and usually Zoro didn't care. The other one had his phases sometimes, he didn't care.
But the way Mihawk had given him the choice and had ended their training… it made no sense to him. Zoro had already decided, had decided over and over again to stay with the other in order to get better, stronger. So why did the other doubt that he was serious?
"You really do not understand, do you?" Suddenly, these yellow eyes looked directly at him. "You still think I am testing you, right?"
"Punishing," he agreed half-jokingly, "or something like that."
Now the other smiled. "Sometimes it surprises me how you are able to stay so simple-minded."
"What?! If you just want to insult me further, I can just..."
"Roronoa." Laughing, the elder folded his newspaper. "I was serious about what I said. You are a person who is willing to give up and accept many things in order to achieve what is important to you. Protecting your friends, realizing your dream. I almost envy you for this indomitable will."
Defending, Zoro raised both arms. He was most suspicious of this side of the Shichibukai; if the other wanted to praise him or butter him up, they always went into dangerous territory.
"And yet you are not perfect either, fortunately; for all your godforsaken talent and devilish ambition, it would otherwise be really unfair. You are a person who is afraid of only few, very few things, so you rarely have to deal with this feeling."
What was the other talking? Sure, he wasn't a scaredy cat like Ussop and he didn't let fear paralyze him, like Nami or Chopper, but of course he knew what fear was.
"I am not talking about this tension when there is danger; this uncertainty about whether one chooses the right thing." It was as if the other knew exactly what he was thinking. "Tell me, Roronoa, when were you so scared that you could not think clearly, that you lacked the air to breathe? When were you really terrified?"
Sabaody Archipelago
"You are no one who is afraid of your own death, you have proven this several times. There are only two things that really scare you."Now the other stood up."Of course, the loss of people you care about. You have proven many times that you are willing to make the impossible possible in order to prevent their death. We have often discussed that your protective instinct regularly trumps your instinct for self-preservation. Still, the concern for other people is a very common bargaining chip, from which even I cannot completely free myself."
How arrogant the other sounded.
"Your other fear much more interesting. You are afraid to fail, afraid to lose control. You are a perfectionist and at our first meeting you lived by the mindset of rather dying by trying than to live with the shame of failure."
Zoro remained silent.
"I think you are afraid that you cannot control this mania, and instead of failing, you would rather not try it at all, not if you have a way you can avoid it."Now the other grinned slightly."You are a person who is not even afraid of death and instead of succumbing to the fear of losing your friends, you always throw yourself in the line of fire because you know you can protect them. For this reason, you are very rarely afraid, and I am talking about true fear. But I wonder what happens when you are helpless? If you cannot do anything to escape that fear, what will you do? If you cannot stand up to this fear, you are not ready to become a true master of the sword."
Zoro didn't grin. Was Mihawk right?Was there some fear Zoro didn't deal with, he didn't even realize he had, didn't even want to notice?Had he actually held back up until now because he was scared?
"You should use the next few days and think about it in peace, Roronoa. Fear is not a bad thing; it is even very important."Zoro knew that."After that, you will understand what I mean and why you could not surpass yourself at today's training today."
For a moment, he pondered."That is, this choice you gave me was just hypothetical?"
Mihawk laughed softly and walked past Zoro.
"Oh no, I was serious. If you do not decide to fight your monster, we do not need to move on."When they were next to each other, the elder stopped."I have no doubt that you will choose the right path, but you have to do it yourself. Good night, Roronoa."
The next morning came faster than Zoro had barely slept and had spent too many hours thinking about Mihawk's cryptic words.
He still didn't really know what the other actually expected from him. Of course Zoro wanted to face his inner demon, he really wanted to be the best swordsman in the world and in a fight against Hawk Eyes he couldn't afford to pay attention that his Haki did not reach a critical point.
He had been training for this all his didn't want to lose, he couldn't else could he ever face Kuina again? Thus, he did not want to give up under any circumstances. He wanted to keep going and he didn't feel like he had trained only half-heartedly.
Zoro hadn't really slept during the last night.
Now he had left Kuraigana, Mihawk, and Perona behind and found himself in a large chamber on a ship of the World two hours, he would meet with Eizen and Rihaku to prepare for the meeting the next then he wanted to sleep a bit, but he lay awake on the zipper of his dress tweaked awkwardly, but much more bothered him that he could not find peace.
Why didn't he see what the Shichibukai meant?
He understood what Mihawk was saying, but he just didn't feel like he had been paralyzed with fear. Of course, when he thought back to that day when he had been on Mary Joa and had helplessly watched how his crew had been defeated by Kuma, yes, back then, that had been real fear. But if he thought of the previous day, no, the feeling had not been comparable, not in the least.
Yes, he wasn't looking forward to lose control again, but he wasn't looking forward to meet Eizen and yet he was here now.
Suddenly it knocked on the door and Ms. Rihaku stuck in her head, even that she did with an angelic elegance.
"Oh, sorry, I did not want to bother."Considering how gracefully she moved among all these well-born suits, she now seemed almost shy, like a country cousin. Her rare, almost insecure smile and tiny dimples made her look much younger than the cool expression she usually showed."I just wanted to give you the schedule for the meeting. It has just arrived."
The woman with the almond-shaped eyes bowed deeply and offered a bundle of papers to him. Zoro got up in a hurry and came over to her. He quickly thanked her and tried to find words that would probably fit a Lady Loreen. No, he really didn't want to be here while he was talking to this politician and discussing tomorrow's daily schedule before she finally said goodbye.
But before she closed the door, she bit her lower lip with blushed cheeks and looked at Zoro again so unusually insecure, which did not at all correspond to her otherwise so sublime look.
"May I ask you one more question, Lady Loreen?"As always, she was extremely polite."Are you doing well?"
"Well... of course." Zoro looked at her confused, but she smiled weakly, unlike Eizen, she seemed absolutely honest.
"I apologize for my curiosity, but I am a little worried. Mr. Eizen has, of course, informed me about your fragile health and now I am surprised that you are travelling completely unaccompanied, especially because you seem very exhausted. I am sorry if I am too blunt."
It was true that he did not want Perona to accompany him - for several reasons - and Mihawk had not objected. But he hadn't thought for a moment about how to justify it, or that anyone would notice it at all.
"Um... erm..."
Again, the other woman bowed deeply.
"I am sorry that I became too personal." It was still surprising, she just seemed so insecure, so shy, but as soon as Eizen or anyone else showed up, she was professionalism and self-assurance in person.
"No, no," he replied quickly, raising a hand, "it's not something you need to worry about. I assure you that you don't have to worry about my health at all."
Ms. Rihaku looked at him in amazement before nodding.
"I understand, Lady Loreen. It is truly wise not to show weakness, especially in this men's world."Then she pressed Zoro's hand for a moment. "If you need something, you can come to me. I can remain as silent as the grave."
With that she went her way, leaving Zoro behind, shaking his head and dropping back on the Eizen had been right about his gift after all, or was this just a trap to gain Zoro's trust?
-Mihawk-
Roronoa had left the island.
Almost automatically, Mihawk's mood dropped.
They had not seen each other this morning. The main reason for this was that Roronoa had left at an almost inhumane early hour, it was still dark outside. The real reason, however, was that Mihawk had simply decided not to say goodbye.
It was not that they were arguing again, maybe a little tension, but that was part of the training. Nevertheless, he was glad that he did not need to see the younger one for a few days.
Of course, he found it problematic that his little frog was already on his way to meet with Eizen, on the other hand he was relieved that he could actually settle his private affairs privately. He was glad that Roronoa was no longer in the line of fire; still, now lying in his bed and feeling Roronoa moving farther and farther away, he felt how his mood reached a new low.
During the last evening, Roronoa had come to his room to tell him when he would have to leave and that - contrary to Mihawk's wish - he would not take the ghost girl along, as she was annoying as hell. A statement he could only agree with.
But that also meant that she was still here, probably cooking something in the kitchen and therefore he had even less desire to get up. The ghost girl had asked him for help several times – and he knew that Roronoa was actually encouraging her – but he really had better things to do than to think for her, laying around here, for example. But that meant he had to deal with his own thoughts and that was almost even more annoying.
He rose groaning. Outside, it was still night, even after he had left the shower and he had really taken a lot of time. In the mirror, his gaze fell on the five fine lines on his right shoulder. The wound had already healed, of course it was not a problem at all, would not leave a scar. However, the skin was still uneven, even somewhat sensitive.
Shaking his head, he dressed and left his room. He should be right and meet the ghost girl in the kitchen. Surprised, she looked up from the newspaper as he came in.
"What are you doing here?" She greeted him, apparently in shock. "You usually don't get up before sunrise."
Condescendingly, he looked down to her. Who was she wanting to tell him when to come into his kitchen?
"Good morning," he replied coolly, ignoring her to take care of his breakfast.
"Um..." She jumped up and raced past him to the sink. "The coffee is not finished yet. I had no idea you were getting up so early."
He just waved it off and fetched a bowl to make his scrambled eggs as she began to make coffee. In silence, they worked side by side, even if he could feel her eyes on him.
"You're really good," she muttered, sitting on the counter to watch him better.
"It is just scrambled eggs," he said, unimpressed. However, it was true that he had perfected this simple dish because he preferred it as breakfast. When he took the time to have breakfast and if he prepared it himself, he would always choose scrambled eggs, as simple as that.
His freeloader observed him calmly again, until he finally left the kitchen with food and coffee. She followed him conspicuously.
"Why do you never eat in the kitchen?" She asked curiously. "Eating alone in the fireplace room is totally stupid"
"Staff eats in the kitchen," he explained drily, "and the chairs there are uncomfortable."
She was annoying, why had Roronoa left her with Mihawk? After all she was Roronoa's responsibility and not Mihawk's, he was just not good with pets.
"I like to eat in the kitchen," she muttered, sulking.
"As I said."
Snorting, she followed him into the fireplace room, like an annoying limpet. As he sat down, she offered him the newspaper.
"For you, Dra…cule?"
For a moment he looked at her before taking it. She smiled shily and seemed nervous, but he decided to focus on his favorite reading. Graciously, he was able to enjoy his breakfast in absolute silence, even though he could feel her gaze all the time. He had the uneasy feeling that she would haunt him throughout the day, and he should be right. When he got up to clear away the remnants of his meal, she came after him.
"Are you my shadow?" He asked annoyed. "Or why are you bothering me?"
"I wanted to help you clean up," she muttered innocently.
He let her do it.
"Say, Dracule," she stammered as she took the plate, "weren't you pretty rude to Zoro yesterday?"
"Excuse me?"
She allowed herself to criticize his actions? She saw herself in the position to evaluate his training methods? Was she tired of life?
"So... so I mean," she quickly rowed back, "Zoro seemed to me as if he didn't understand what you wanted from him. I don't think he knew he wasn't training at full power."
Mihawk was not surprised that she knew everything. After all, her ridiculous ghosts floated around and watched everything all day long. He did not care as long as she left his privacy alone. But he was more than surprised that she had the audacity to discuss Roronoa's progress with him.
She seemed to notice his mood – not entirely surprising, after all, he stared at her directly – because she quickly continued: "You know, fear and negative thoughts are kind of my specialty, so I know exactly what you mean. But Zoro is barely scared of anything, I don't think fear ever dominated him, if at all, it's always spurred him on."
She seemed to have really thought about it a lot.
"I have no idea what you want to teach him, and I don't want to interfere." That was better for her. "But I'd like to understand why you're giving Zoro a choice instead of just explaining to him what's going on. I don't think he understood."
He owed her no explanation. Dear God, he owed her nothing.
"Then, for once, use your own head," he challenged her. "Why do you think I am making Roronoa choose?"
He actually thought that he had told Roronoa quite clearly what he expected of the other.
For a moment, she looked at the tea towel in her hands.
"So that he understands it himself," she muttered thoughtfully. "You know he didn't even notice it, so you want him to think about it himself. Because if he doesn't even notice his own mistakes later, how can he improve if you don't stand in front of him and explain it to him?"
"That is true," he admitted, "Roronoa needs to learn to reflect more on his actions and thoughts in the few areas he has difficulties. He must learn to maintain his concentration and to perceive his own weaknesses, even in unpleasant situations. The task of a teacher is not only to teach a student knowledge, but also to promote independent thinking and enquiries."
She stared at him with big eyes, though her eyes always looked huge thanks to her make-up.
"What? You seem surprised. Did you doubt my actions had a deeper meaning?"
"Um," she said, looking away. "I just didn't expect you to tell me. That was nice, thank you," she added, slyly.
He paused for a moment. He had not even realized that it could actually matter to her.
Suddenly, a small clock beeped beside her.
"Oh no, I'm late!" She suddenly exclaimed and jumped up.
"What are you talking about? There is no one left to prepare breakfast for."
"That's not what it's all about," she said as she turned off the clock and rushed through the kitchen.
Mildly interested, he watched her take one of the large baskets out of the pantry, filled with food. He sighed.
"I have told you before that you should not waste food on the Humandrills. This is not a welfare club. You throw money out the window, my money, mind you."
"With the heating costs that this castle is devouring, I don't think you're worried about money."
She rushed with the basket towards the back exit.
"Tze, whatever. It is wasted effort, ghost girl. You can still give them as much..."
"Psst!" She had lifted the basket against her hip to have one hand free and opened the door. Then she held her index finger in front of her lips, to silence him. She actually dared to silence him. "If you talk too loudly, they certainly won't come. After all, they are afraid of you."
Dumbfounded, he actually stayed silent and watched her rush down the steps, putting the basket in the backyard. On the far horizon, a strip of bright blue indicated the end of the night. As she closed the door, he shook his head.
"Why are you making such an effort? As soon as you roam the woods without Roronoa or me, they will not hesitate to kill you."
Now she looked at him unusually cold.
"So what?" She crossed her arms. "Why would this stop me from filling empty stomachs?"
This counter-question surprised him, but she did not stay with him anymore, but hustled over to the small kitchen window. Now she smiled happily again.
"Here they come!" She whispered excitedly.
Sighing, he followed her to the window and peeked outside as well.
A dozen Humandrills scurried carefully through the back garden. They seemed obviously nervous and observed the castle suspiciously. They had to feel Mihawk's presence and knew that he did not like it when they got too close to his home. Once in the backyard, they split up and took place on the left and right of the stairs; on the bottom heel the ghost girl had placed the basket with the food. It seemed as if they were expecting an attack at any moment.
When nothing happened after several seconds, Mihawk wanted to leave, but suddenly one of the monkeys whistled quietly and another shadow separated from the dark forest. Surprised, Mihawk watched as the thirteenth Humandrill approached carefully, in its hands a basket identical to the one that stood on the stairs. Similar to the ghost girl, the primate had placed the basket against its hip to have one hand free to carry a weapon.
Almost sublimely, the primate passed between the saluting contemporaries and reached the stairs. There it looked skeptically up to the door before carefully putting the basket on the lowest stairs. The next moment it grabbed the other basket and immediately ran away, followed by the other Humandrills.
"Aren't they cute?" The young woman whispered by his side, rushing to the kitchen door.
"Incredibly cute," he commented sarcastically, but then a surprised sound crept over his lips. "Oh."
In the light of the kitchen, he could now see that the basket that the ghost girl brought in was not empty at all. Almost half of it was filled with all sorts of mushrooms, nuts, roots, and fruits. Perona's broad grin could compete with Jiroushin's.
"You see!" Radiantly, she held the basket towards him. "They are not evil monsters. They're just misunderstood."
"Whatever." He turned around and left the ghost girl in the kitchen.
The Humandrills had actually brought her food, they had actually copied some of her good-naturedness. Shaking his head, he went back to his own chambers, where she would certainly not follow him.
Maybe, just maybe, he had underestimated her.
