An: In honour of THAT ep

After a moment of frozen fear, Jenny threw back the covers and stood up, folding her arms and glowering at Matthew, who instantaneously threw his hands up in the air and backed away.

"You got somethin' more to tell us then I take it?" Jenny snapped impatiently, as Matthew continued to stand there in silence.

"Yes!" Matthew grasped at this permission to speak. "Yes. Um…I mean…it acutally makes…I mean if you two…I mean blimey though, she's a lizard and…"

"What of it?" Jenny snarled at him and he backed away even further, almost out the door.

"My dear," Vastra serenely slid out of bed and briefly touched Jenny on the shoulder. "Don't terrify the poor man."

Jenny stared in disbelief at Vastra's calmness as she moved behind Matthew to close the door once more; he scuttled into the corner as she approached him.

"Perhaps you'd like to sit down." Vastra gestured towards the chair in the corner before tugging on a thick woollen dressing gown. Matthew seemed unnerved at the idea of coming any further into the room and stayed in his corner. Despite his broad shoulders, he tried to shrink in on himself. Vastra draped Jenny's dressing gown over her shoulders as she went to sit down in the chair, as Matthew seemed to have no intention of using it, and with a sigh Jenny uncrossed her arms and put it on.

"Well?" Jenny asked, once she'd tied it around her waist.

"'ere. You're police from London right?"

"I am a private detective. I occasionally assist Scotland Yard but I am by no means employed by them." Vastra answered him.

"So…just to say, if I said I'd done somethin'…a bit illegal, you wouldn't just turn me in or nuffin'." Matthew eyed Jenny warily. She frowned at him, puzzled.

"It would entirely depend upon the nature of the illegal action you'd taken." Vastra shrugged.

"But I mean you two…I mean…" Matthew trailed off into silence.

A penny dropped in Jenny's head, Jenny could hear it rolling around until it finally clattered onto its side. "Oh!" She exclaimed suddenly. Matthew started, staring at her in fear. Vastra merely shot her a puzzled glance. Jenny bit her lip to stop a rather inappropriate grin spreading across her face. She turned towards Vastra. "Him and Joe." Jenny waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

They both looked at a now scarlet-faced Matthew who nonetheless looked relieved. "Oh." Vastra's eyes glittered and a faint smile tugged at her lips.

"So 'e stayed the night then." Jenny prompted, putting a particular emphasis on the phrase.

"Aye." Matthew relaxed although his cheeks still burned. "But the next morning, 'e seemed troubled, see. An' then 'e just took off. An' I ain't seen 'im since." There was a small pause as Matthew seemed to be struggling with something. "Does 'e really 'ave a wife in London?"

Jenny and Vastra looked at each other. "Yes." Jenny said decisively. Lying wouldn't make Matthew's situation any better.

"Oh." His shoulders sagged. "Well…anyways. That's about all I know I'm afraid. Maybe he's gone back to her." He sighed dejectedly.

"Seeing as she was the lady who hired us to find him, I highly doubt that." Vastra snorted. But Matthew brightened at the reminder.

"Oh! Yeah."

Jenny's mouth twitched at the hopeful expression dawning on his features but she managed to control herself. "Well, thank you fer lettin' us know the whole of the business. It might 'elp with our enquiries."

"'ere!" Matthew stepped forward suddenly. "You ain't gonna give 'im away either are ye? With yer enquiries?"

"Not in the slightest." Vastra assured him. "The police do not need to know the reason for his visit to your abode, beyond needing lodgings for the night. And, as he could procure them adequately enough, they can hardly arrest him for that."

"Right." Matthew nodded. "Well I'll leave you to…uh…it. Um! You will let me know? If you find 'im?"

"When we find him, we will." Jenny nodded reassuringly, beginning to feel very much sorry for Matthew.

"Right." He said again, dejection creeping back into his tone, before turning and striding out the door, closing it behind him.

"Well." Vastra said in a slightly stunned voice.

"Well." Jenny agreed, still staring at the shut door.

"However, I fear there is little else we can do apart from send out search parties." Vastra sighed as she divested herself of her dressing gown and curled back up in bed once more.

"Aye the coppers said they wouldn't do nuffin' 'less he committed a crime. Even more useless than Inspector Gregson." Jenny shook her head, carefully locking the door this time before joining Vastra.

Vastra and Jenny spent a very boring week, waiting for any news from either Jim or Matthew but nothing came to them. Nor were the police of any assistance, indeed they became impatient with Jenny over her frequent enquiries at the station and told her quite sternly that if she bothered them again without a crime having been committed, they'd make her spend a night in the cells.

10th March 1888

Jenny had begun the habit of trawling the local paper for any hint of news. One morning, she was once more perusing it over breakfast when she saw an article that made her eyes go wide.

Inhaling deeply, she stood up, grabbed the newspaper and, abandoning her breakfast, stomped back upstairs to their room. She stormed over to the small desk where Vastra was seated and threw the paper in front of the Silurian.

"What is this?" Vastra set her book down and peered at the paper. An amused look flashed across her eyes but she kept a studiously straight face as she turned to meet Jenny's gaze. "Yes my dear?" she asked, with an expression of innocent bewilderment.

Jenny swelled as she took a deep breath, jabbed at the paper with her finger and read aloud furiously "Mysterious monster reported to be stalking Swindon. Only seen at night. Has the attire of a lady but the face as of Satan hisself. Recalls the myth of the Stratton Sea Serpent. Half the town in terror." She paused for a breath, giving Vastra a fixed grin. "This "mysterious monster" wouldn't 'appen to be you, my darling, would it? Or is there more'n one prehistoric creature roamin' about the place?"

Vastra had quailed slightly under Jenny's highly unimpressed glare but managed to regain some degree of poise as she averted her eyes and gave a dismissive shrug, stammering "I…I was bored one night. I needed some fresh air."

"One?" Jenny folded her arms.

"One can never get too much fresh air." Vastra replied primly, turning back to the desk so she wouldn't have to see Jenny's expression and folding the paper up to tuck it away. She pulled a piece of paper towards her and made to start writing a letter.

Jenny took a very audible deep breath and Vastra half flinched, waiting for the incoming lecture. The breath merely came out as an equally deep and audible sigh and Jenny moved away to collapse heavily onto the bed.

"Fink I preferred fightin' 'awks." She grumbled.

Vastra looked up, staring at the wall in front of the desk as she considered this statement. "I must admit, I do not prefer you fighting hawks." She loaded her pen and began to write a letter, instructing Parker that they would be yet even longer than originally planned and could he please some money out for the Irregulars or generally make sure they got fed. He would, of course, be reimbursed the cost when they returned.

Jenny lifted her head off the bed, her frustration relenting at such a touching statement.

"I'm near enuff healed. Could train if we 'ad anywhere to do so." Jenny heaved herself back upright.

"It might break the scabs." Vastra shook her head, signing off her letter.

"So what we gonna do about this then." Jenny perched on the edge of the desk and picked up the paper once more. "Sez 'ere they're organising hunts."

"I suppose I shall have to curtail my night time activities." Vastra clicked in irritation as she rose and handed the now addressed envelope to Jenny.

Jenny frowned as she took it, the paper slipping from her other hand. "Why din't you wake me up ter go with yer?" a note of hurt crept into her voice. "You could've bin injured. Captured! An' then what would I do ey?"

Somehow, Vastra mused, Jenny's tone was worse than a lecture. "Storm the gaol to free me?" she shrugged, gesturing blasély with her hands. "Seeing as I suspect I am henceforth banned from venturing out the room, with or without my veil, would you mind sending that letter off for me? And I wouldn't mind some lamb for lunch." She curled up in a huff on the bed.

Jenny's outrage at such a dismissal of her concerns moved beyond the realm of mere words and to avoid what would probably be a very noisy and attention bringing row if she ever managed to give voice to her fury, Jenny grabbed her cloak and strode from the room, muttering under her breath as she invented new insulting invectives against stupid bloody lizard detectives.

A nervous looking Matthew was waiting for her outside the hotel. "I saw the newspaper." He said as way of a greeting, as he joined her, managing to match her pace with long strides of his own.

"You an' 'alf of bleedin' Swindon." Jenny snorted.

"Is it 'er then? That they're after?"

"'ow many "mysterious monsters" d'you think there are in town?"

"Well…she don't seem like a monster to me." Matthew earned no small amount of Jenny's esteem for that. She decided against telling him that Vastra ate people on occasion.

"What're you gonna do?" he asked earnestly.

"Do? Nuffin'." Jenny sighed.

"But they might come after 'er!" Matthew earned himself more of Jenny's esteem; really he seemed more worried than she was.

"So long as she stays in 'er room, she'll be fine." Jenny tried to reassure him.

"An' if she don't?" Matthew asked.

Jenny stopped dead in the street as she calculated the odds of Vastra staying put. Vastra was more the sort to go out and try and lure a mob to make fools of them.

"What'm I gonna do…" she groaned, slumping suddenly against a wall.

"Go ter the police." Matthew said suddenly.

"You what?" Jenny jerked her head up in alarm.

"Nah! Listen! Go to the police. Say as 'ow you've got information. Well you do. You just don't tell 'em that information. You tell 'em…I dunno. That you seen it. The monster. A way ways from 'ere. Throw 'em off the scent."

"An' when they discover I bin stringin' 'em along? What'll they do then? I'm 'avin' enough bleedin' trouble gettin' 'em to help with Joe as it is. They've already threatened me with a night in the cells, if I bother 'em unnecessarily."

"I dunno! We could set up a decoy like. We get 'em to chase that instead of yer missus."

"How?" Jenny ignored the "missus".

"I…I c'ld dress up as a monster." Matthew volunteered, with only a second's hesitation. "Paint me face'n everythin'. Then you c'ld lead 'em after me an' when they catch me I just says it was all a joke. Y'know. Just a navvy larkin' about."

"Wot an' get you into trouble?"

"I won't get into no trouble. Not fer a prank. C'ld say I 'eard about that Stratton story an' thought to set up for an April Fool's joke. On'y got caught a bit early see."

April. It was nearly April. The realisation struck Jenny out of the blue but she forced herself to focus on what Matthew was saying.

"You'd risk that fer us?"

Matthew shrugged his broad shoulders. "Well…yer still lookin' fer Joe. Most would've given up by now. An' you ain't y'know…tellin' on us or nuffin' either. An'…" He gave a quick grin. "s'a bit funny ain't it. A double bluff like."

Jenny stared at him incredulously but the idea had taken root already and at the very least it sounded like some excitement. Her eyes flickered across his broad shoulders and narrowed.

"You'll never fit into one of Vastra's dresses though…"

An: Is there more than one prehistoric creature roaming about the place tho...

I am using this article as inspiration for the article about Vastra. Alas it's about 30 years too early to be acutally about Vastra but hey. photos/swindonlocal/9964296145/in/album-72157621965075674/

The local paper back in those days was called the Swindon Advertiser and Wiltshire, Berkshire and Gloucestershire Chronicle, apparently back then they liked really long newspaper names, in case anyone is interested apart from me.