Hey everybody,

so I was just enjoying my evening, watching the news, reading some stuff, when I realized that we have monday today and I haven't updated yet, so here we go, a little bit late, but still on time.

Enjoy one of the calmer chapters, enjoy the rest, you will need it, promised ;-)


Chapter 37 - Understanding

-Mihawk-

"I still don't understand what happened."

"How many more times do I have to explain it, Jirou? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Could you stop making fun of me? This morning I just wanted to visit you and Loreen and now I was attacked by some mad - presumed dead - Roronoa Zoro!"

"My, what a great mood we have."

With the same grumpy expression, they walked side by side, towards the castle. Mihawk had thrown the unconscious youngster over his shoulder. Only a few minutes ago Roronoa had given in to his madness and had then tried to attack Jiroushin.

Mihawk had intervened. This time, he had noticed it even clearer than the first time. The speed, the raw power, and the unpredictable movements. Roronoa was not the first berserk he had met; on the contrary, Roronoa was an absolute paradigm. The mind got turned off, overpowered by the most basic instincts. A primitive desire for pain and blood supplanted everything else. In this aspect, Roronoa's mania differed little from others, only the trigger was different and Mihawk already racked his brain about how he could help Roronoa with this monster.

"That was pretty unfair of you," Jiroushin grumbled as they got closer to the castle. "Haki absorption, I didn't think that's even possible."

"You have always been a sore loser, my dear friend. Admit that Roronoa had convinced you before already. His talent is one of a kind, even you have not foreseen something like this."

The other only shrugged his shoulders wordlessly.

"Excuse me? You disagree with me?"

They had reached the castle and Jiroushin opened the door for him.

"I think you're wearing rose-tinted glasses," he said mildly, earning one of Mihawk's annoyed tongue-clicks.

"Tze, you accuse me of not being objective?"

Now his friend snorted with slight laughter and followed him through the castle, but without replying. But his silence was enough of an answer, and Mihawk was annoyed.

"Are you telling me you have not noticed that he has gotten better and better during your fight, Jirou? If I had not stepped in and banned him from continuing to absorb your Haki, he would have defeated you by now."

He had reached Roronoa's room and opened the door.

"Do you really believe that?" Jirou behind him asked. "Do you really think that this bastard of a pirate is already equal to me."

Carefully, Mihawk let his little frog sink into the soft sheets.

"You do not?" He replied, without looking up.

Again, the other was silent and joined Mihawk at the bed side while he was taking off Roronoa's boots, soon he would probably change form.

"He's good," the Vice Admiral finally admitted. "When I consider that you have only trained him for half a year by now and he didn't even know what Haki is, I'm really impressed. He will no doubt surpass you in a few years."

"So why do you sound so dissatisfied?"

The first boot fell off. This task was still difficult for him, despite having done this quite often by now.

"Because I don't understand," murmured the other behind him. "You saw how he was; that was dangerous. I don't see that Roronoa Zoro is ready to beat me, but this monster there right now, that could even be dangerous to you."

Mihawk nodded as the second shoe came off.

"I know," he confirmed, pulling his shirt slightly to one side, revealing the fine lines that had all but faded. Heavy steps marched through the room behind him and Mihawk did not resist when the other grabbed his collar from behind and pulled it roughly to the side.

"Please be careful," Mihawk grumbled coolly, "you end up tearing it."

"That was him?" Jiroushin asked, stunned, without expecting an answer. "He actually managed to hurt you?"

"Of course not. As long as Roronoa can only use such abilities when he loses his mind, it is not an injury, but only a mishap."

"Tze, excuse." The other let him go. "But that's what I mean. Why are you training him? Why in God's name do you help someone from the lowest category to get stronger when he can become an unpredictable monster that is dangerous even to you?"

"He is not dangerous to me. It was an unfortunate incident, nothing more."

Now the other groaned. "But that doesn't answer my question. Why are you so keen, in this world of dangers, to breed another one yourself?"

Slowly, Mihawk turned to Jiroushin.

"You think far too shortsightedly, Jirou. Did you learn that from your superiors?" Mihawk continued as the other wanted to contradict: "You are right, this mania is a danger to Roronoa's environment - not including me, of course - but even if I would not train him, he wants to defeat me and that is why he will do what it takes to become stronger. So, what do you prefer? An invincible enemy, but with reason and mercy, or an unpredictable monster that cannot distinguish friend from enemy?"

"That's why you train him?" The soldier thoughtfully said after a few seconds. "So he learns how to control this monster?"

Mihawk threw a blanket over his little frog. "It is about much more than just control."

"And that's why you spared him back then?"

"No, I only learned about Roronoa's special abilities a few months ago. I knew beforehand that I wanted to train him, and it shocks me that you cannot see his talent."

Jiroushin remained silent for a moment.

"It's not that I don't see his talent, Mihawk," he said earnestly, "but it just doesn't knock my socks off, like it apparently does with you. Honestly, he is not necessarily as superhumanly gifted as you claim him to be."

"What? What are you talking about, Jiroushin? Have the days in the cadet academy made you lose your mind? Have you not seen how he developed over the last few hours? At the beginning you could have eradicated him and at the end he was on a par with you."

"Hawky, of course, I've been the one fighting him, but believe me, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with talent."

Now Mihawk was getting angry. Repeatedly Roronoa had had given the lie to his expectations, had outgrown himself and had almost rubbed Mihawk's nose in his disgusting talent, and now his childhood friend wanted to tell him that Roronoa was not that talented?

"Oh, that really upsets you, ri...?"

"Of course!" He threw the shoe of his little frog to the ground. "Why are you downplaying Roronoa's talent? For all I care, he is the worst villain in your story and I do not care if you hate him from the depths of your soul, but even you cannot deny that he is outstanding! And I'm not talking about that weird ability he has. Have you ever seen him fight, in a real fight I mean? His sword skills are impressive, and you have yet to see him with three..."

He interrupted himself when Jiroushin bubbled over with laughter next to him.

"You think this is funny?"

Close to tears, the Vice Admiral nodded and tried to calm down in vain. Mihawk felt anger rising in him, anger he rarely felt. He did not like it when people made fun of him, not taking him seriously. Especially Jiroushin, not after yesterday. Not after first Nataku and then Roronoa had made fun of him.

Suddenly Jiroushin stopped laughing.

"You take the whole thing really seriously," he muttered as Mihawk focused on keeping his own feelings in check.

Both took a deep breath.

"So, to make myself clear," Jiroushin murmured then, and the laughter of before disappeared, "I don't deny that he's good. I don't even deny that he's talented, but I saw you when you were in training, I saw Sharak, Nataku, Shanks, and so many more. It's not his talent that sets him apart from the crowd."

Slowly his anger boiled down when Mihawk realized that Jiroushin was taking him serious now, while Mihawk vehemently refused to describe the red Shanks as talented or as a true swordsman for that matter.

"I really don't think his talent is that outstanding. The reason why this pirate is so good is simply his uncompromising ambition."

"What are you talking about...?"

"I'm right, Mihawk, and you know that. He's no more talented than you, not necessarily even more talented than me. His Kenbunshoku Haki is good for half a year of training but not outstanding, definitely not supernatural. No, the reason you are so upset about and at the same time so fascinated by him is only because his ambition and this wild desire to get better."

Now Jiroushin looked at him unusually seriously and folded his arms.

"Roronoa Zoro is not a miracle boy and yet the ability to outlast everything else just to achieve his goal is arguably his greatest talent. And the more time you spend with him, the longer you watch him train and fight, the more you wonder how good you could have been today if you had been like him back then. If you had a rival like him back then, who had always forced you to grow beyond you, always take that one step more."

Mihawk remained silent.

"You once told me that I had more talent in the Kenbunshoku Haki than you, because I learned it faster. This is nonsense. I was never as gifted as you or your sister, but I wanted to impress you; I had to catch up the years you were ahead of me and didn't want to be a bother during your training. That's why I trained day and night. In class, private lessons, even at dinner. I didn't learn the basics faster than you because it was easier for me, but rather because I didn't do anything else until I had mastered them."

Astonished, he looked at his childhood friend. In fact, Mihawk and his sister had taken Jiroushin under their wing after they had started becoming friends, and to this day he had been convinced that he had simply recognized the talent in his friend.

"You're a person who's good in a lot of things, Hawky. You never really had to work hard for anything. At school you were the best in class although you were napping most of the time, in private lessons you read the books once and then you could teach the teachers. Even in combat training you only had to watch something done once and you could imitate it immediately. You never had to work hard for anything, unlike the rest of the world. Your father was usually very dissatisfied with you, because you never tried and still belonged to the best. But everything was always too tedious, too bothersome for you, everything that didn't produce quick results was a waste of time for you."

"What is your point, Jirou? I am not in the mood to be scolded by you."

Jiroushin tilted his head slightly.

"Very rarely have you really been interested in something, very rarely something was worth your effort. The fewest fights could even make you a smile. I don't know, since Shanks..."

"Jiourshin!" He clicked his tongue harshly. He was very displeased by this conversation. The previous day he had to listen to similar words from Nataku, and now Jiroushin thought he had to address the same topic? As if Mihawk was not aware who he was and how he behaved.

"You love the art of the sword. I have never met anyone who honors, admires, enjoys, and pursues swordfighting as much as you do. It's more than passion, your whole life is determined by your love for your swords and your art, and apparently this bastard Roronoa Zoro is very similar to you." In slow steps, the Vice Admiral walked around the big bed, his eyes on the sleeping pirate. "But at the same time, he's so different from you. You enjoy swordfighting, but actually you stoop to do it, you with all your talents have chosen the one thing that will waste the least of your time. He, however, takes on anything to become a swordsman. He is uncompromising towards his opponent but towards himself as well when it comes to becoming the best and I think you can hardly comprehend that; it's hard for you to understand how someone is willing to give everything, even if it wouldn't do anything good just to pursue their dream."

Mihawk also thoughtfully regarded his little frog. He was surprised how many thoughts his childhood friend had already wasted on Roronoa.

"You are absolutely right," he confessed calmly, before turning away. "It makes me so angry I cannot even put it into words. I had the best teachers, the necessary talent, and all the freedom you could wish for. He on the other hand, with a second-rate teacher, second-rate talent, and a working-class child, he has the one thing I have always lacked, stubborn ambition."

He bent down after the boots on the ground, putting them away.

"However, you are mistaken if you think I would be bemoaning it. The past has passed and although I may not have reached my full potential at that time, I am the best and deservedly so and as far as Roronoa is concerned, under my lead he will soon have made up for the missed opportunities and then grow far beyond himself." He remained silent for a moment. "No, what makes me angry is that neither he nor I are the perfection I am looking for. I am close and Roronoa will be even better, but still, we cannot eradicate the missing something from our youth, no matter how many years will pass, not with him and not with me."

Jiroushin laughed quietly.

"What are you talking about? This perfection that you are talking about does not exist. Man-made things cannot be perfect and there is no perfection in sword art; it is called art because it is infinite, incomplete, and always will be."

Mihawk did not respond.

"But you're right, I don't know anyone closer to this unattainable perfection than you, and who knows, maybe this brat will actually surpass you."

"You do not understand, Jiroushin. You do not understand me."

The other smiled softly.

"No, I don't. Nobody understands you in that matter."

Again, Mihawk decided not to answer.

"This student that your sister was looking for, you were looking for, there is no one like that, Mihawk, you know that. No one could live up to those demands that you couldn't even live up to. I don't think much of this pirate here, but even to him it's not fair what you're saying. He's not the talent you want to see in him, but I still see the potential in him to surpass you, I admit that."

With a slight shake of his head, Mihawk folded his arms and sighed softly. They talked past each other, as often when he tried to explain what he really thought when it came to the sword art. Jiroushin was right, no one had ever understood his views, his deep desire for perfection and for this... something more.

"So, did you accept him as a student because of that? Because you thought he was the one?"

Again, Mihawk shook his head.

"I just told you, Jirou. He is not and I never expected him to be perfect to be able to beat me, after all, I am not as well. Roronoa will become the best swordsman in the world, I am certain of that."

Sighing, Mihawk settled on his chair next to the bed and reached for the booklet on Roronoa's bedside table; it was the third volume that Roronoa was currently translating.

"Why then, Hawky? I just don't understand why you spared him back then. You were so impressed by him. I remember exactly how you called me a year ago and told me about him. He's good, no question, but even as Loreen, no, even before he awakened your fighting spirit, ignited this fire within you, which even Shanks could only laboriously keep burning. I just don't understand... Oh." During his monologue, the Vice Admiral had wandered through the plain room, had repeatedly cast a glance at Mihawk, but spoke to himself most of the time with his arms folded. Now he had finally come to a result and looked over to Mihawk, who tried to decipher the unknown runes in front of him. "So that's how it is, he understands it? He understands you?"

Without looking up, Mihawk nodded slowly. As different or similar as they may were, none of this mattered. Rarely did he have such conversations with Roronoa, but it was not necessary either; even if he could not find the words to describe what he longed for, he knew that Roronoa understood it, pursued it, and sought it the same way.

Roronoa could come across as simple minded and had a naive world view but concerning the sword art he was the first to understand what Mihawk felt when he held a sword. Sometimes he even felt that Roronoa understood these things much easier than he did and oh how that could upset him.

"You know," he muttered, looking across the rune-covered pages at the sleeping pirate, "you are right. Back when he was facing me in the East Blue, he did not seem terribly talented to me; he could not even save his swords from breaking. At the age of almost twenty, he could not even use Haki. No, I was both entertained and impressed by his manner. His technique amused and astonished me. But you are right, I have faced much stronger opponents, and yet those fights were mostly boring and not worthy of my time."

"And yet this boy from the East Blue was able to stir up your blood."

A faint grin crept over his lips.

"Yes."

Now Jiroushin sighed quietly.

"You are incorrigible and selfish. You're training him just so you finally have a worthy opponent, right?"

"Of course. Why else should I do it?"

The other snorted and settled on the edge of the bed.

"I want to fight with him, Jiroushin, I want to fight with him regardless of the consequences, until the island breaks down among us, and I can no longer move my body due pain. I want to fight with him, over and over again. I finally want to fight again, Jiroushin."

The blond looked at him shaking his head.

"You are unbelievable. Since Shanks, I haven't heard you talk like that. I didn't even know that you were still carrying this childlike desire in you."

Mihawk did not respond. How could he explain to someone who wanted to prevent a bloody confrontation at any cost that this greed never left him. Often it was calm, wafting only under the surface, but it was never gone.

That was the price of being the best, there was no one left against whom he could fight to the fullest without having to bear the risk of killing the opponent and although Mihawk mostly did not care whether his enemy survived, his last fight, when he had really reached his limits, had happened long ago.

That was his great hope. That Roronoa would grow into such an opponent and he finally had someone with whom he did not have to hold back. Yes, that was his dream, his true, selfish, self-destructive dream.

His gaze was still on the unconscious youngster. He did not know when exactly he had begun to put all his hopes in this boy, but he knew it was far longer than just six months ago. Then he noticed how the wise eyes of his childhood friend watched him and looked up. Smiling, Jiroushin rubbed his beardless chin.

"He's really important to you, isn't he?"

Condescendingly, he leaned back.

"Well, what an unnecessary question."

Shaking his head, the other rose.

"That's not how I meant it. I meant... You like him, don't you?"

Shaking his head, Mihawk put the book away and folded his arms.

"Go take a shower, Jiroushin, you smell of sweat and dirt."

Laughing, the other nodded, before suddenly staring at the bed with his eyes ripped open in terror. Mihawk followed his gaze.

"Always fascinating, isn't it?"

As expected, Roronoa's madness affected his body. Just this morning he had completed his morning laps as Loreen, yet he was already transforming. Mihawk knew that physical exhaustion accelerated the reconversion, especially if Roronoa's Haki was exhausted. Did that mean that even if Roronoa learned to control his inner monster, he would always sooner than later turn into Loreen after using this ability?

If so, that was just one more reason that he had to become much stronger as Loreen.

"How is this even possible?" Jiroushin muttered, stunned, stepping one step closer to the bed. "So, you told the truth. Roronoa Zoro and Lady Loreen are one and the same person."

"What? Have you really still doubted that? Please, if I had needed an excuse, I would have come up with something more plausible."

The other nodded absently.

"But I still don't understand how it's possible."

Mihawk shrugged.

"Me neither. The little that Roronoa knows about this strange state, he shares with me only very reluctantly."

"Could he always do that? Amazing, a real shape-shifter."

"No, only since Senichi and only since the war he can change to his true form again. It is pretty annoying."

"Oh, that explains a lot," muttered the other, lifting up the sheet.

"What are you doing, Jirou? If your wife knew..."

"Shut up, Hawky. I just want to check something."

"And that would be?"

He watched as the other carefully lifted up Roronoa's left wrist. He was not surprised that Jiroushin had noticed during the fight that Roronoa had barely used it. He was a rather careful observer and had probably searched for reasons why Roronoa would have switched the stick from his dominant left hand to his right only seconds after the fight had begun.

"So, his injuries remain even if he becomes Loreen."

"Of course. It is not like they are just disappearing. On the contrary, what hardly causes him any problems as Roronoa Zoro can easily hinder him in this form. However, the wounds actually heal differently depending on the body."

"Hawky?"

"Hmm?"

They looked at each other.

"He said this morning you'd thrown him through the room. This is an extremely uncharacteristic behavior for you."

With half a grin, he looked away. How could he explain to Jiroushin that, unfortunately, such behavior was not that uncharacteristic for him as soon as it concerned Roronoa? But when he thought of the reason for this dispute, he lost his rotten humor.

"Nataku visited before. It was not a pleasant meeting, as you can imagine. Unfortunately, Roronoa was in the wrong place at the wrong time. "

"Oh, he was really faster than me."

"He was. So, you knew about my father?"

"Yes, you know Marine gossip spreads quickly."

Synchronously, they sighed.

"Nataku said he is dying."

"Oh, as far as I know he's in the hospital ward and probably had to have surgery, but it probably shouldn't be that bad yet. We both know that Nataku likes to have a dramatic choice of words." Carefully, the Vice Admiral covered Roronoa again.

"Will you visit him?" He then asked Mihawk.

"I have more important things to do than travel through the world just to see my father in a hospital bed, training Roronoa for example."

The other shrugged.

"You disagree?"

"Oh, I don't know, I don't want to dictate anything to you, it's your decision and Gat and you really don't have an easy relationship." Again, Jiroushin shrugged. "I'd probably go in your place."

"You would as well?"

The other tilted his head.

"I would as well?"

"Roronoa kind of gave me the same advice yesterday," he said with a sigh, rubbing his face.

"Well, if he and I agree, there has to lie some truth in it. Is it okay if I take the room at the end of the hallway again? It has a bathtub."

The other was already leaving.

"Yeah, you can, but Jirou can I ask you for something?" With big eyes, the other turned to him. "I will not ask you to forgive Roronoa for his deeds, of course not. Because I do not know if that is even possible."

Now the Vice Admiral raised an eyebrow and looked at him seriously.

"But please try to ignore it for a few days and get to know Roronoa, for me. I think you would like him, after all, you liked Loreen too."

Sighing, Jiroushin rubbed his neck.

"I'm sorry, Hawky. That is not possible. I will keep my word and help you, and I am ready to commit treason and keep everything I have experienced on this island for myself. But don't get me wrong, Hawky. I do this for you and only for you. The moment he turns his back on you or something happens, at that very moment I will personally drag him to the Marine Headquarters and give him his just punishment. Do you understand me?"

Jiroushin left behind an unnerved Shichibukai.

"Ah, such an annoying moralizer."