Hey everybody!
I hope you're having a great time! My current weekend is filled from morning to evening with a crashcurs, preparing me for my exam (in several month if you mind...) so yeah, not really that much freetime, but it's all good, because I do have enough time to post, of course ;-)
And I hope you guys have enough time to read a little bit this weekend, because this is a fun little chapter ;-P
See you monday^^
Chapter 42 - Mistakes
-Mihawk-
"What in heaven's name...?"
Suddenly, both the demon of his disciple and Jiroushin looked at him.
"Hawky? What are you...?"
"What is going on here?" He growled, unable to stop staring at Roronoa's eyes. "Why the hell did you...?"
"Zoro, ignore him. You must not lose control now, understood? Your coating has become brittle."
"Okay." Roronoa turned his gaze away from Mihawk, nodded to the Vice Admiral, and closed those strange eyes that could impress even Mihawk.
"What…"
"Hawky, please stay calm. Your presence certainly does not contribute to Zoro's concentration and..."
"What's going on here?!" Mihawk interrupted the Vice Admiral and hurried towards him, never leaving Roronoa out of the corner of his eye, who stood there like a statue and constantly coated the bamboo stick in his hand. "Explain yourself, Jiroushin!"
They stood forehead against forehead.
"Calm down, Mihawk. You are two days late, Zoro is a fast learner. We do nothing more than bring him to the verge and as you can see, it works..."
"You fool." Mihawk rushed around, ripping Yuro off his back and the wooden chain from his neck, pushing both into Jiroushin's arms. Then he stepped towards his protégé. "Roronoa, put that dead plant away and attack me."
Both, the man behind him and the boy in front of him, made a surprised noise and Mihawk felt their eyes on him.
"Hawky, what are you..."
"Silence!"
A glance over his shoulder showed him an expression that he had become accustomed to over the years and which Jiroushin could otherwise hide so well. But his anger and indignation were too great for Mihawk to give meaning to Jiroushin's feelings.
"Why should I attack you?"
Roronoa, on the other hand, did not seem to be intimidated in the least. It was obvious that he struggled to keep up his concentration, his body trembled slightly, and his voice was even rougher than usual. But he withstood Mihawk's eyes as usual. It almost seemed as if Roronoa was waking up from a kind of trance, much more attentive than just seconds earlier.
"So I can show this botcher of a teacher his incompetence."
Jiroushin took a loud breath but did not speak.
Quite contrary to Roronoa: "I thought you wouldn't fight me, so you don't kill me by accident in your bloodlust."
"Then let us both hope that in such a case Jiroushin pulls Yoru fast enough to stop me before I kill you."
For another second Roronoa looked at him illegible, then he threw away the bamboo and before it touched the ground, Roronoa attacked. Normally Mihawk would have dodged him, but that was not the point of this lesson. With ease, Mihawk parried his protégé's coated fist.
For a moment Roronoa hesitated, took a step back and examined his teacher as if he did not know what to think of the situation. But then he shook his head, showed his almost indifferent grin, and attacked again. This time, Mihawk did not block his fist, but wrapped it with his own hand, grabbing tightly, dugging his fingers into the coated flesh of the youngster.
"Mihawk, what are you doing? You're going to break his fingers!"
Mihawk ignored his friend's words and stared directly at his student, who breathed heavily but answered his gaze without the slightest hesitation. After another breath, Roronoa grunted quietly and slammed his free hand after him, but again Mihawk grabbed the other's fist and held him almost defenseless.
"If you do not want me to break your fingers, I would advise you to not hold back any longer," Mihawk growled, pressing even more firmly.
He credited Roronoa for keeping an almost straight face and giving no other sign that he was in pain. But Mihawk was not here to play the good teacher, but to tame the danger that Jiroushin had exposed himself and Roronoa to.
With a slight movement, he allowed Roronoa to free his fingers and press them against Mihawk's. If they were equal, this could have been an interesting exchange of forces, gripping each other's hands, just an arm's length between their faces. But since Roronoa was clearly inferior to him, he was only trying by all means to prevent Mihawk from breaking the backs of his hands. Roronoa's Haki was almost a proper armor by now, but under the pressure exerted by Mihawk, his disciple barely managed to maintain it.
Mihawk could feel Roronoa squirming under his fingers; of course, he was too weak to free himself. The longer the fight lasted - if one wanted to call it a fight - the more unsteady Roronoa's Haki flow became, which Mihawk could easily feel and it confirmed his fear. If the flow were to break now, Roronoa would break as well.
Once again, he could hear Jiroushin shouting words at him, asking him to stop what he was doing, but it was too late for that, it had been too late for a long time.
Roronoa still did not complain; except for his breaking breath and his struggling fingers, nothing showed that he was fighting a fight that he had already lost. But Mihawk wondered how long it would take, how long he had to ignore Jiroushin's calls, and how long Roronoa was able to endure the pain. But Mihawk knew that if something would not change soon, Roronoa's bones would give in, they would break, and despite his anger, despite his rage and ability to quickly lose control when it came to Roronoa, Mihawk, of course, had no interest in breaking the hands his protégé.
"If you won't let it happen soon, I will break your hands!" Without interrupting eye-contact, Mihawk repeated his warning, knowing full well that broken hands would then be Roronoa's smallest problem. For if not his bones, Roronoa himself would soon break.
But it was at that moment that it happened. Suddenly there was pressure, suddenly Roronoa's fingers dug deep into Mihawk's flesh. Suddenly, Roronoa's Haki was so much stronger than before, so much steadier than before, and suddenly he managed to absorb Mihawk's Haki and that, although Mihawk controlled his Haki as much as he could. For a second - perhaps a little longer than a second - they faced each other and Mihawk felt his fighting spirit awaken.
But then that pressure was gone, Roronoa's legs gave way and his Haki disappeared. Breathing heavily, he knelt in front of Mihawk, his hands still encaged by Mihawk's coated fists, without being able to free himself.
Mihawk watched him closely. So that was it. Jiroushin's reckless behavior had actually led to Roronoa becoming a monster, without losing control, albeit for just a fraction of a second. Nevertheless, it had been dangerous - extremely dangerous - of Jiroushin to train with Roronoa at the verge of losing control at any time, turning into a monster, a monster that Jiroushin was undoubtedly inferior to. Even Mihawk had long considered whether he would go down this path; it was certainly the most promising, but also the easiest way to break Roronoa, to lose him to madness forever. It had been pure luck that Roronoa had survived it.
"Let go of him!"
Surprised, Mihawk raised his head and noted Jiroushin, then looked at his own hands, still discolored by Haki. Blood dripped down between his fingers, where he crushed Roronoa's hands.
He quickly let go. Powerless, Roronoa's hands dropped down, while he did not even bother to look at them, breathing heavily, before he slumped to the side. He had his eyes half opened, but he hardly seemed to be still conscious.
Mihawk stared at Jiroushin.
"Bringing him to the verge?" He whispered, breathing almost as hard as his little frog at the ground. "Were you too stupid to see that Roronoa had already crossed that verge long ago, or were you so naive to think that he wouldn't break?"
He paced forwards and took his weapons from Jiroushin, then he turned on his heels and hurried into the forest.
"Take care of him!" He ordered and stomped back to his boat to dock it safely.
The unrestrained anger in him was great, but at the same time he was delighted. What Jiroushin had done had been a mistake, no doubt he had taken a risk that Mihawk had wanted to prevent by all means. He himself would probably have gone a different path, a long and therefore demanding path, but which would have ensured that Roronoa could become a monster without breaking first.
But things had developed the way they had, Roronoa had discovered his true powers for a fraction of a second. In just over half a year he had become as strong as Mihawk would have given him at least one more year. By now, he was sure that Roronoa would need less than five years to defeat him, and after he had no longer dared to hope to find an equal opponent again, after nearly 15 years, this period seemed unbelievably short.
After he had docked his coffin boat and had taken his few belongings off board, he rushed back into the forest.
Nevertheless, he would have to settle things with Jiroushin. It was not so much a problem that the Vice Admiral had chosen a method that Mihawk himself considered to be far too aggressive and dangerous – although that would have been a problem if Roronoa had broken – but rather that Mihawk and Jiroushin had clearly discussed what he could and could not add to the training schedule. Roronoa had learned to distinguish his own from foreign Haki; Mihawk had been well aware that Roronoa would not take long to do so. At least for the basics Mihawk had doubted that Roronoa would take longer than one or two days. Therefore, he had discussed with Jiroushin that afterwards Roronoa would have been ready to learn to hide his own presence as well as to perceive foreign presences through the Kenbunshoku Haki.
Mihawk would have even agreed if Jiroushin had allowed Roronoa to give it a try with real weapons. At some point, the youngster had to start hardening swords, so Mihawk would have accepted that; he might not have been pleased not to be present at Roronoa's first attempt, but he would have understood.
But this was something else. Jiroushin had willingly put Roronoa and himself in danger. Although the Vice Admiral knew how dangerous Roronoa could become if he became a monster without being able to control it, he had trained with Mihawk's little frog to narrow down the verge at which Roronoa could break and lose his mind. But obviously Jiroushin had not seen that, when Mihawk had entered the scene, Roronoa had crossed that verge dangerously far.
Mihawk reached the castle, the heavy gate fell shut behind him, and left his belongings uncaring in the entrance hall as he rushed to the hallway where the chambers lay. On his way he ran into Jiroushin. When he saw Mihawk, he stopped.
"Listen, Hawky. I understand you're upset, but can't we...?"
"I am not going to discuss your incompetence in the hallway, Jiroushin," he roughly interrupted the other, not even slowing down his pace. "Wait for me in the fireplace room. I will first check on Roronoa and then meet you there."
"But wait, Hawky."
"I have nothing more to tell you."
Mihawk continued his path. Even though the situation had developed in a pleasant way, he was angry with Jiroushin, even more so, he felt betrayed by his best friend. He had discussed with Jiroushin exactly what Roronoa had been allowed to train and what not, and Jiroushin had simply ignored it, had put Roronoa and himself in danger.
If Mihawk had arrived just a few minutes later, it could have been too late. Roronoa's Haki had already been so unsteady when he had arrived, that it was obscure to Mihawk, how Jiroushin could not have noticed. The moment Roronoa had finally given in to his own power, allowed himself to release it, at that moment he could just as easily have been lost to that power for good, or it would have simply overtaken him at some point.
Without knocking, the lord of the island stomped into the room of his little frog. Roronoa was nowhere to be seen, but he could hear water running from the adjoining bathroom before it was turned off. A few dull steps later, the youngster appeared in the door frame and looked only mildly surprised over to him.
"How are you, Roronoa?" Mihawk asked, consciously much kinder than he had spoken to Jiroushin.
Roronoa shrugged and threw a towel over his bare shoulders.
"Exhausted," he surprisingly admitted, rather than acting as unimpressed as usual.
Mihawk watched the youngster scurry over to the bed and dropping on unmade sheets. Except for his underpants, Roronoa was naked, apparently had been in the shower until a few seconds ago. His bare chest, legs, and arms showed the bruises of the past few days, discolored spots, abrasions, and minor cuts, nothing of concern, no unusual image.
But his hands were different. Despite the sloppy bandages – already slightly reddened and damp from the shower – Mihawk could clearly see the swelling.
"How bad are your injuries?" Mihawk asked, guilt-conscious, and walked over to the bed.
"Oh that?" Roronoa raised his left hand and then dropped it on his eyes, as if the light were dazzling him. "Not bad, a bit aching, a bit bruised. I don't think I can flip you off for a few days, but nothing to worry about."
"I cannot remember you ever making such an obscene gesture towards me," Mihawk commented calmly, dropping on his chair.
"At least not when you're watching," Roronoa replied with a smile, looking at him from beneath the shadow of his arm.
"I am surprised you have not turned yet," Mihawk continued the conversation, deciding to ignore that little side-blow.
"I will soon, can feel it," Roronoa muttered. "But I thought you were coming, so..."
The younger one did not finish his sentence, but shrugged his shoulders again, leaving, as so often, something unsaid.
"Well, you should rest and then eat something. Afterwards please come to the fireplace room. In the meantime, I will have to teach Jiroushin a lesson about his misconduct."
"Tze, as if he's your subordinate," Roronoa grumbled.
Mihawk rose.
"He was for some years, both as Marine and afterwards. But he has never opposed my order, to this day, and for that he will have to bear the consequences. But that is not supposed to be your burden. Rest for now."
"You're talking so much again, so annoying," murmured the other as Mihawk walked to the door.
"Mihawk." He stopped. "Don't blame Jiroushin. He couldn't do anything about it. I forced him."
Slowly Mihawk turned around to the younger one, who had not moved an inch.
"What are you talking about? Please, how should you be able to force Jiroushin to do...?"
"It's actually your fault."
"What?!"
Heavily, Roronoa sat up and looked at him from the bed.
"Well, you just didn't show up and I got impatient. During the first few days Jiroushin told me how I could try to reach this state without going berserk, but he said it would be too dangerous and you would probably be against doing it this way. But I just wanted to keep training and not waste time doing nothing, so I told him he could come along and keep an eye on me, or I would do it on my own."
Mihawk stared at the younger one in dismay. For a moment, he had forgotten that Roronoa could be like that. Stubborn and incomprehensible.
"Because of two days you made such an uprising? But there are so many other things you could have learned in the meantime."
Roronoa shrugged.
"Didn't know when you'd come back and Jiroushin said you'd probably want to be there the first time I would coat a sword. So I didn't have much more options around..."
"You could have trained with Jiroushin until you..."
"Until I what? Can perceive the presence of others and hide mine? Distinguishing foreign Haki from mine and using both independently? Until I defeat Jiroushin?"
"Yes!" Angry, he opened his arms. "Yes! Why didn't you fight him until you defeated him, until you...?"
"I defeated him."
For a moment, they just looked at each other.
"What?"
"Both with stick and without, the day before yesterday within less than half an hour. But he does not want to use his sword until I can harden mine."
He stared at the youngster in disbelief, who looked back unimpressed.
"So no, there was nothing else I could do. Everything else, according to Jiroushin, will come with time, but not in days or weeks, but rather months or years. That's why I decided to tackle my greatest challenge, successfully, as you may have noticed."
Wordlessly, he stared at Roronoa. He had guessed that his little frog would soon surpass Jiroushin, but that it would happen so quickly, had been even beyond his expectations. So, it really was about time to teach him to fight with real weapons.
"You stupid boy," Mihawk finally muttered. "You could have fallen into the madness for good, could have killed Jiroushin and yourself, and all this only for a few days of training. Was it really worth it?"
Roronoa grinned at him smugly.
"Tell me?" He whispered almost playfully. "Did you have fun?"
Mihawk could not answer that question. He could not say how much this moment, when Roronoa had finally ignited his true power, had aroused him, had inspired him, had almost made him really fight.
Now Roronoa grinned broadly and tilted his head slightly, seemed much more dangerous now than during their argument.
"I thought so."
"So you understand what happened? What happened to you?"
Roronoa nodded, now seriously again.
"Jiroushin explained the stuff about mental self-regulation to me and that in this odd state I can release all my Haki at the same time. He said that I would probably have to use both skills together to have a chance against you."
"He is not wrong," Mihawk agreed. "But he is mistaken about one thing. The impressive thing about your ability is not that you can release all your own and the collected Haki at once, but that you can also still use Haki even when your reserves are exhausted, just like only me and a handful of other people can."
The younger one answered his gaze coolly.
"Of course it is dangerous, it will weaken you and could cost you your life." Now Mihawk could not prevent a grin. "But I doubt that this prize will deter you."
Roronoa laughed quietly. "I'm surprised you're not trying to talk me out of it. Especially given that you wanted to rip Jiroushin a new one just a minute ago, because he put us in danger."
"That is something different, Roronoa. I simply do not want anything to happen to you before you can defeat me." He did not laugh; he was deadly serious. "But when that day comes, I want you to confront me with everything you have and can offer. I want you to use all your strength, not holding back and defeat me as the better fighter."
With each word, Roronoa's face had become more unreadable. Now he answered Mihawk's gaze silently and Mihawk wondered what the young man was thinking.
"What now? No witty answer, no daring promise, not even an arrogant grin? I am shocked, Roronoa, I am not used to such behavior from you. Where is your great talk about the fact that I have once again underestimated you, that you have now come one step closer, that your hunting me down at great speed?"
Roronoa was silent, but nothing had remained of his mischievous grin. Mihawk watched the younger man thoughtfully. Jiroushin may not have noticed it, but could it be that...?
"It was good that you came." Roronoa dodged his gaze. "At the ruins... just before you came... I don't know if..."
"I know," he interrupted Roronoa, who tried to put into words what he could hardly understand. But that he was able to realize his constitution at all while clinging to the last sparks of his consciousness, Mihawk was immensely impressed. "You did well, Roronoa, another one in your place would have broken."
"If you hadn't come… I would have broken," Roronoa admitted hoarsely. "I could feel it, I... I was about to... it could have gone wrong."
Rarely Roronoa had been that honest and open towards him, and even less often did Roronoa admit his own insecurity; he was ashamed, obviously.
"But you did not break, you have been successful and from now on you will only become stronger. I am really curious to see how quickly you can get better."
Roronoa did not respond. He just seemed so unusually young. Sometimes Mihawk forgot that Roronoa was almost still a child. No, he never forgot that his little frog was only half his age, but sometimes during their conversations when Roronoa looked at him, faced him fearlessly, made fun of him, sometimes Mihawk forgot that he was still so young, could still be so insecure.
"I know that feeling," he said simply, looking at the other one. "When I understood how dangerous and uncontrollable I can be, it was very similar to me. At some point it will get easier."
He turned towards the door.
"When?"
"When you know that there is someone strong enough to stop you in doubt. So, you have no reason to worry, as long as I am stronger than you, I will shoulder this responsibility."
"Well, here I thought you'd give me some training tips, not some kind of philosophical bullshit."
Smiling, Mihawk reached for the door.
"Impossible as always. Sleep, Roronoa, recover, and later we will talk."
He pulled the door close behind him.
"As if I would listen to any of your orders."
Mihawk marched through the entrance hall towards the fireplace room. But the gentle feeling that just had filled him diminished with every step. He was happy with Roronoa's development, grateful that he had survived unscathed. Although, of course, he also knew what Roronoa was about to face. It was not easy to defeat one's inner monster, but it was much harder to become one's own monster. But Roronoa should not have to worry about that tonight.
Still, concerning Jiroushin Mihawk was not as sympathetic. Roronoa was stubborn, reckless, and tired of life sometimes. It was not surprising to Mihawk that this youngster would come up with such dangerous ideas and intended to try them regardless of any consequences.
That was precisely why Jiroushin should have looked after him!
Below the perpetually grinning happy-face was a reliable, serious strategist, whom Mihawk trusted unconditionally. He had not doubted for a second that Jiroushin would cope with the stubbornness of his little frog, had not doubted that Jiroushin would follow his words.
Gruffly, he opened the door to the fireplace room. His best friend knelt opposite him by the fireplace and just lit a fire. When he saw Mihawk, he rose and brushed the dust off his pants.
"Don't look at me like that, Hawky, I don't deserve that."
"You deserve your head cut off!" The anger, which had just faded, flared up again as he stepped towards Jiroushin. "What have you been thinking? Were you not aware that...?"
"Don't scold me like that," the blond interrupted him just as angry, "it wasn't as if I wanted Zoro to try something so risky! He left me no choice."
"What are you talking about? He is still almost a kid! How do you want to become a father if you cannot even deal with some teenager?"
Suddenly, Jiroushin became pale in anger.
"Don't you dare dragging my unborn child into this matter! What do you think I should have done, oh great master of the sword? He knew what to do and if you haven't noticed it yet, this pirate doesn't listen to orders and prohibitions."
Mihawk ignored the other's hurt feelings.
"Then you should have just forced him, if necessary by physical means. After all, he is still..."
"He is still what? Inferior?" The Vice Admiral snorted. "Stop fooling yourself. The only way I could have stopped him would have been by using my rapier and you won't see the day that I hurt a student entrusted to me, just to..."
"Oh yeah, you pacifist, and you even dare to defend yourself? So instead of wounding him once, you'd rather risk breaking him."
"Now stop it!" Jiroushin roared, an unhealthy redness crawled up his neck and replaced the pale anger. "You know Zoro better than I do. You must have been aware that he would not be stopped, not by you and certainly not by me. I had no choice and I'm not letting me be accused by you of standing next to him instead of letting him go through this on his own."
He was not used to Jiroushin arguing with him, not like that. Normally, the blond quickly recognized his mistakes and apologized; most of the time, their struggles were short-lived, even though Mihawk could be so relentless.
"It wasn't a mistake," Jiroushin insisted. "I didn't make a mistake. I have nothing to blame myself for. But you have a problem with it, not because it happened, but because I was there and not you. Because Zoro and I went down a path that seemed too risky to you and you weren't there to keep everything under control."
"And I have a every right to be angry." Unlike Jiroushin, Mihawk spoke much calmer, even though he clenched his fists in rage. "I have a every right to be angry, Jiroushin. I trusted you that you would not try anything like that, and you betrayed my trust. But much worse than that is that if I had not come, Roronoa would have lost his mind because you did not even notice it..."
"Do you really think I had not noticed?"
Startled, he looked at Jiroushin, who bit his lip.
"Do you really think I had not noticed how disturbed Zoro's armor was, how absently he was looking? Do you think I didn't know he was about to break?"
"Then why did you carry on? Why didn't you interrupt him? You would have..."
By now they had returned to room volume, it was almost a normal conversation, were it not for these hurt feelings.
"It was too late, Mihawk. You did not come by the very moment he reached that state. As soon as he had even scratched the verge, he changed. He shivered and trembled, was absentminded, barely listened to me, ignored every one of my suggestions to stop, and simply raised his Haki level. All I could do was be there and hope he would survive."
In doubt, Mihawk looked at the other.
"Why didn't you just stop him, why didn't you just knock him out?"
"Tze, you mean doing something that reckless and attacking him during such a state? The way you did it? That was pretty much the last thing that came to my mind and I still don't understand why you did something that dangerous and even less how he could survive it. Everyone knows that a fight with such an unsteady Haki flow has serious consequences for one's body. He should not have survived it, and certainly not gained control."
Suddenly Mihawk understood what had happened, suddenly he understood why they were so divided. He had forgotten, forgotten how Roronoa could be in training, that he wouldn't take a No for an answer.
Mihawk had been training the youngster for so long that he had forgotten how unusual it was for a teacher to find a compromise with his student, and he had forgotten that there were moments when Roronoa would not accept compromises and his own monster was certainly one of the things Roronoa would not negotiate about.
He should have prepared Jiroushin better, warned him, not only of the unruly stubbornness, the unwavety coarseness, and the persistent ambition, he should have warned Jiroushin first and foremost of Roronoa's relentless determination.
But perhaps Jiroushin could not have stopped Mihawk's little frog even then, perhaps Mihawk would not even have been able to do it himself. When Roronoa made a decision, nothing could dissuade him, as Mihawk knew all too well.
And, of course, Jiroushin was right. Roronoa was not the first person with special Haki abilities, and anyone who wanted to teach Haki at a reasonable level knew that an unsteady Haki flow should not be disturbed from the outside. If a beginner produced a lot of Haki and the flow became too instable, the energy could clot in some areas. In such a case the user was not allowed to lose concentration, because otherwise that much accumulated energy could explode within the body and in such a situation it would not matter whether it was Roronoa's own Haki or not; at such a moment a beginner could kill oneself and for this reason a reasonable basic knowledge in Haki application was indispensable.
If one considered that Roronoa was carrying a sleeping monster, which was just waiting for him to lose control under such a burden in order to take his place, then Jiroushin was indeed right. It was madness to attack a student in such a situation.
But this was not about any student, it was about Roronoa, and how could Jiroushin have known that Roronoa's strength was the direct fight? Mihawk knew from months of racking his brain that Roronoa's mind was never as sharp as in real combat. Roronoa, who was worried about being just a dull club, became the sharpest blade in battle, and Mihawk knew that. He knew that Roronoa never concentrated as much as in combat, even when playing chess, even when he read and translated his books, he could never concentrate as well as he did when he was fighting.
Therefore, Mihawk had attacked him because Roronoa had been on the verge of losing concentration and thus control, and Mihawk had known that this had been the only way to possibly save him from it.
But how could Jiroushin have known?
Now Mihawk understood why he and Jiroushin disagreed. The Vice Admiral was a textbook example teacher, knew the rules and the taboos, had taught more people in sword fighting than Mihawk had probably ever crossed blades with. He did what was right, the way it was taught, trusting in his common sense and learned knowledge.
Mihawk, on the other hand, was not interested in conventional training and teaching methods. The few people he had ever taught, he had mostly trained after what he had thought was right, had, of course, explained many things to them, and had gone through all these basics and exercises with them that were necessary, but in the end Mihawk had never done anything other than notice his disciple's weaknesses and eradicated them until none had been left.
However, this was not quite the case with Roronoa. He did not know how many times they had argued, how often Roronoa had ignored Mihawk's orders and how often Mihawk had been almost forced to adapt his own methods for the youngster. At one point, Mihawk had accepted that Roronoa was anything but ordinary, and that he had to adapt to his little frog so that Roronoa could learn the way he needed to.
It had been a long, conflict-ridden journey that Mihawk had been very reluctant to follow, but he himself was someone who liked to move away from the old rules. How could he have expected Jiroushin to do this within a few days, when it had taken him several months?
The biggest difference between them was that Mihawk knew Roronoa and had given him more responsibility – had been given no choice than to give him more responsibility - than a teacher would normally give to his student, as Jiroushin had not wanted to do.
The reason why things had developed as they had was because Mihawk had not factored in how well he knew Roronoa, and that no knowledge of the world, no experience, and no intelligence could make up for it. He had misunderstood that the reason he was able to teach Roronoa so well was solely because they were so familiar with each other.
"It was my mistake," he whispered softly, turning away from Jiroushin as the truth caught up with him.
"Excuse me?" Jiroushin asked behind him. "You would never admit that you did something wrong. I thought you couldn't make any mistakes."
Disapprovingly, Mihawk clicked his tongue.
"Roronoa would strongly disagree with you."
"That doesn't surprise me, but that you make mistakes at all and then notice them self-reflectively; who are you and what have you done with Hawky?"
With a smile, Mihawk had to look at the other again.
"I have to apologize, Jirou. I should have been aware that I cannot impose on you a responsibility that is not even in my hands."
"I don't understand in the least what you're saying, Hawky. But it's balm for my soul that you apologize, no matter for what."
Shaking his head, Mihawk wandered over to his armchair and let himself fall into it.
"Well then I should perhaps thank you. Thanks to you, Roronoa has now defeated and taken in his monster, but if I think about it, I should rather thank myself for not letting him lose his mind."
"Tze", Jiroushin laughed, "I don't even want any of that praise, you can have it all for yourself. I'm not proud that Zoro has become a monster himself. If I would have any say, he would have buried this dark part of himself forever."
"Oh, Jiroushin. You were not able to stop me and Roronoa certainly makes his own decisions, accept it or leave if you cannot bear it."
The blond dropped to the floor next to him, despite the roughly twenty seats within his reach.
"You're not serious, Hawky. Am I supposed to find a liking in helping a child lose himself, just as you lost yourself then? I'm sorry if I'd prefer Zoro to live a happy, satisfied life, but..."
"Oh, Jirou, listen to you talk," Mihawk almost laughed. "Happiness and satisfaction? Do you think Roronoa could ever be happy if he could not pursue his dream? And what are you talking about Zoro so kindly now? I thought you wanted to punish him for his wrongdoings? And now Zoro is supposed to live a happy and satisfied life? You should have seen him when I talked to him just now; he did not seem unhappy or lost to me. On the contrary, I think Roronoa has finally found what he has been looking for, for a long time."
"Keep talking, Hawky. But if you are right, it at least calms me down a little bit." The Vice Admiral rose. "Be that as it may, let's talk about it tomorrow. I dearly need some sleep now. Your little frog kept me on my toes quite nicely."
"Then you should rest. I would like to discuss the last few days with you tomorrow morning, but now I have to talk to Roronoa first. "
"Suit yourself." But then Jiroushin stopped and looked at him over his shoulder. "How is your father doing, by the way? Nataku exaggerated again, didn't he?"
Mihawk nodded with a sigh. "Of course. The old Gat has a body corroded by alcohol, but that is it. Otherwise, the meeting was as unnecessary as expected."
With his eyebrows raised, Jiroushin looked at him, but then he raised only one hand and muttered: "Fair enough," before leaving Mihawk alone.
Lost in thoughts, Mihawk looked at the whispering flames. He had never thought things would develop like this. He had never thought he would ever be so afraid, but the moment he had stood in front of Roronoa, knowing that he could lose him any second, only to be inspired by his success now.
Breathing deeply, he put a hand in front of his eyes, shuting out the heat of the fire for a moment. There was something in his mind that he could not quite grasp, could not quite understand, and comprehend, and that gave him a headache. He needed calmness, silence, a moment of carelessness, in order to have the patience to deal with it.
He thought he would have been able to rest enough during the last few days, but the constant concern for Roronoa had never let go of him. Perhaps now was the time, knowing Roronoa was safe, had taken the biggest hurdle of his being, perhaps Mihawk could now retreat into himself for a few minutes and take the time to...
"Wow, you look shitty. Would have thought that after two weeks of vacation you would at least look a little less grumpy."
"Roronoa," he muttered, rubbing his nose as the sarcastic voice of his little frog filled the room. How could he have hoped to find peace for a second in this castle, his retreat from the world?
