An: In Which Characters Tell Their Back Stories For No Other Reason Than To Let The Readers Know How The Hell They Ended Up There

They will be henceforth known as Pearce (Silly Vest Wearer) and Darrow (All Dread Her) I cannot write those other names without cracking up and it is detrimental to my writing process.

The title should be instantly recognisable to any Tru 90s Kid

The blank look on Jenny's face as well as Vastra's made Pearce and Darrow smile grimly at each other.

"They call them the Lonely Assassins. But they don't actually kill you." Darrow explained.

"They drop you in the past with no means of returning…"

"…and you live out a life, eventually dying of old age."

"Or boredom." Pearce spat.

"They were hired to deal with us after we..."

"…became slightly too infamous." Pearce's voice was tinged with pride.

"Impenetrable bank, you know how it is. Far too tempting."

"We weren't to know…"

"…that they needed to keep up the reputation of being impenetrable."

"Can't spill the beans if you're back in the damn Victorian Era." Pearce sighed, leaning back in her chair.

"So, you joined the circus to fit in. Like Vastra." Jenny was getting impatient.

Darrow nodded approvingly. "Picked up a smart one did you Vastra?"

Vastra smiled coldly. "But the Weeping Angels didn't take your lockets I'm assuming."

"No. That was…"

"Torchwood." Pearce interrupted." We underestimated the Victorian Era. We were…"

"…engaged in criminal activities, using our lockets as…"

"…a perfect get away route."

"One always stays on board, or outside…"

"…the moment something is acquired or trouble is gotten into…"

"…flash!" Darrow finished.

"I thought it was so you could always return to each other's sides." Jenny frowned and folded her arms.

"It can't be both?" Darrow smiled disarmingly.

Jenny flushed.

"Unfortunately," Pearce continued, "we didn't realise that such magic tricks were not dismissed so easily now."

"It being the age of reason. Science and deduction."

"We can only assume stories about us made their way from police and guards to Torchwood."

"At any rate, they were waiting for us…"

Pearce had scoped the place for weeks and had seen nothing more intimidating than a sleepy looking guard and the occasional strolling policeman. She was confident. Darrow would remain at their hideout, waiting and she, Pearce, would put the old man to sleep, nip in, nip out along with a nice bit of shine. It was an operation they had carried out innumerable times.

She toyed with the knife Darrow had lent her, waiting for the policeman to pass into the distance, confident he wouldn't return this way again for at least an hour. By which time she would be long gone, back to the safety of Darrow. These silly little people wouldn't ever catch her, the infamous Space Pirate. They didn't have the brains to do anything but stand amazed as she disappeared in front of their eyes.

She easily hauled herself up over the wall, dropping down with barely a sound. With confident ease, she sauntered across the courtyard to the door. Flicking the knife into the air and catching it again, she placed the point in the lock, slid a wire in beside it and gave a twisting jerk. The door swung open to reveal the petrified stare of the elderly guard. It gave her satisfaction to see it and she stepped forward, drawing her pistol.

Her arm was halted in its action by a steely grip. She tried to jerk away but she was held fast. Another arm reached out and forced her own into an X across her chest. She heard the guard give a terrified squeal and flee.

"Now then, Ms Vest Wearer, you have been the source of considerable inconvenience and upset for us." A voice sneered from behind her.

She ignored it and fumbled for her locket.

"She's going to use the locket Mr C…"

She cursed as she felt another hand on her shoulder as she flicked the catch but it was lost along with the name of her attacker as she was transported away.

"Only it took all of us, of course." Pearce began pacing in frustration.

"They were prepared for that too." Darrow sighed. "There was I, resting and cleaning one of my knives when they all appeared in the room. They broke Pearce's from around her neck. Grabbed at mine. I tried to stab them…"

"…but they didn't bleed."

For the first time, Jenny heard a hint of uncertainty and disbelief in Pearce's voice. "Yeah, we know the sort." She nodded sympathetically.

"Really?" Darrow smiled at Jenny again, making Vastra's eyes narrow. "At any rate, they seemed more interested in the lockets, so I broke my chain too and we both scarpered. It was easy enough to hide after all."

"We look human."

"That's because we are." Darrow reminded her companion sardonically.

"I mean we look like them." Pearce waved a hand at Jenny. "The dumb ones from this era. Those types of humans."

Vastra laid a restraining hand gently on Jenny's arm. She wasn't sure on the young woman's capacity to deflect so many knives and the two pirates still had their pistols as well.

"Fortunately, we had other skills we could use other than just our lockets." Darrow seemed blissfully unaware as she demonstratively flipped a knife into the air. "And the circus gave us an opportunity to use them."

Pearce eyed Jenny, mentally assessing her capabilities. "And an opportunity for excitement, with our lockets gone."

"But I assume you had some way to trace the lockets. Why didn't you try to retrieve them before now?" Vastra prompted.

"We didn't know where they were for ages." Darrow admitted, sheathing her knife. "We had a crude device which we managed to build but nothing showed up on it. We thought we'd made it wrong."

"But then we suddenly saw all these little blips." Pearce's eyes glittered.

"At a whorehouse. Here. Well the whorehouse was deserted when we checked it out but we turn up to find you here Vastra!"

Jenny rolled her eyes at the fact that her presence was once again forgotten.

"Working with the police no less." The suddenly threatening tone of Pearce's voice brought Jenny onto her guard.

"Living in such a nice house too. You never bought this with your wages from the circus." Darrow gestured to the Plant Room.

Jenny's fingers itched for her sword.

"Particularly as you left in such a hurry. Such a shame." Pearce toyed with her gun and grinned malevolently. "I always wanted to know. Whether you could've caught bullets with your tongue." She aimed her gun at Vastra and mimicked the sound of a gun firing.

"And I wonder, if I could, would you be able to reload before I killed you?" Vastra's tongue flicked out.

Jenny glanced between Vastra to Pearce before locking gazes with Darrow. Their eyes had a brief but illuminating conversation and they came to a silent agreement.

"Um…darling." Darrow laid a hand on Pearce's arm, smoothly lowering it and plucking the gun from her hand. "I think they'd struggle to help us with retrieving our lockets if we shoot them."

Jenny darted forward and grabbed the gun from Darrow's hand, pointing it firmly at Pearce.

Darrow's jaw dropped in shocked approval at Jenny's betrayal of their agreement. Pearce responded by standing and reaching over, drawing Darrow's gun from its holster and aiming at Jenny.

"We could still shoot this one."

Vastra darted upright, hissing. Darrow, disconcerted at being the only one left seated and unarmed to boot, scrambled up, knocking her chair over. She looked helplessly at Vastra this time, whose eyes only spoke of painful and extended murder if Pearce fired.

Even the sound of knocking at the back door didn't break the frozen tableau.

"I don't know how you two ever get a single case when you never answer the door. Oh! I see you've already got one. With guns too. Look at that Donna, did you ever see a picture more perfectly portraying human stupidity!"

Vastra struggled to contain the feeling of relief that flooded through her at the sound of the Doctor's voice. If anyone could talk their way out of a situation, it was him. Pearce spinning round to point the gun at the Doctor only added to the sensation of relief.

"Ohh." The Doctor exclaimed as she did. "Come on now. I know you wear a ridiculous vest but you're meant to be the sensible one. Aren't you…Pearce." The Doctor grinned irrepressibly as Pearce moved towards him, sauntering up to her and placing a finger against the barrel of Pearce's gun. "How about I just take that then ey?" he whipped it out her hand. "Ooh. Flintlock pistol. Like you ey Jenny Flint?"

Rolling her eyes, Jenny threw the gun into Pearce's vacated chair.

"That's more like it. See Donna? That's humans being clever." He threw the gun he'd taken from Pearce into a convenient plant pot.

"Who are you?" Pearce was dumbfounded that she'd been disarmed so easily.

"What?" The Doctor mocked horror. "You don't remember good ol' Jovial John Smith! Doctor of Juggling?! I'm hurt Pearce. Truly. You have pierced my heart." He laughed at his own joke.

"What…" Pearce and Darrow spoke simultaneously.

"Was there anyone normal in that circus?" Jenny asked Vastra as she watched the Doctor explain to Darrow and Pearce.

"Well there was George." Vastra pointed out.

"He needs a step ladder just to reach a table top." Jenny stared at her.

"So? Compared to a time traveller, space pirates and a lizard woman from the dawn of time, I'd say that's a minor matter. And it certainly doesn't stop him being normal." Vastra told her contemptuously.

Jenny opened her mouth but couldn't think of a reply so wisely closed it again.

"Absolutely right Vastra." The Doctor interrupted. "Met a bloke, Bannakaffalatta. Barely came up to my waist. Perfectly normal. Half cyborg Zocci he was. Absolutely brilliant. Saved my life." He flopped down into Pearce's vacated chair, jerking back up as he sat on the gun. He hooked it up on one finger and glared at it before placing it delicately on the floor beside him.

"I don't remember him." Donna interrupted, righting Darrow's chair and sitting by the Doctor.

"Well you weren't there. Anyway!" he clapped his hands together and swiftly changed the subject. "Now we're all getting along so splendid…" he trailed off as he felt the muzzle of a pistol pressed against the back of his head. "Oh come onnnnn Pearce. Really?" he raised his hands in the air.

"Time traveller hm Doctor?" Darrow was smiling cockily once more. She moved round and retrieved her own gun from the plant pot.

"You will help us infiltrate Torchwood…"

"…and retrieve what is ours."

"And then you will return us to our own time." Pearce hissed triumphantly.

"Ah. Well. That might be a little complicated. You see, Torchwood was set up to stop me. Specifically me too, not a past me, might've swung it with that. Um…" the Doctor absentmindedly scratched the back of his head. "They might not be best pleased to see me." He finished weakly.