Sheldon woke with a start, sitting upright from his uncomfortable position in the chair. He was momentarily disoriented as he took in the familiar surroundings of the apartment. The lights were glaring, though a quick glance out the window confirmed it was quite early, with the sun just making its appearance in the hazy clouds. Confused, he searched for his last memory; the earthquake and the mad dash to find Amy. He stood, shakily looking down at her slim form, still fast asleep, her head cradled in his spot. A slow, hesitant smile spread over his face. My Amy. A still voice inside him cast a quick call of thanks to the Universe that he had found her, and she was here, in his apartment, safe and sound.
Formulating a plan in his head, he moved to the island and began to prepare tea and toast. He knew how tired they both were, and tea would be comforting while they tackled what he was sure would be a heavy conversation, about all the sorts of things he usually avoided: emotions, hurt feelings, and difficult and transparent explanations of behavior. Efficient as always, in both movement and purpose, Sheldon had the toast buttered and plated as the kettle sang. Moving to pull it from the burner, he dedicated his attention to pouring the steaming water over the tea bags and into the mugs.
Sitting up slowly, Amy heard the sound of the kettle. Looking around, she realized with confusion that she was inside Sheldon's apartment. But how? How did I get here? The last thing she remembered was sitting outside Sheldon's apartment, on the ground, waiting for him. Looking over at the kitchen, she watched Sheldon silently, his ever-graceful movements as he prepared tea. His long fingers were wrapped around the kettle, and she was nearly mesmerized by his hands, and the long, agile fingers. She shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the stirrings of desire that had washed over her. Stop it! You probably ruined everything with your foolishness, so don't get your hopes up. Her eyes continued to take him in, a fission of anxiety present as she worried her lip.
Feeling her eyes upon him, Sheldon looked up from the tea, after having added a touch of honey, as Amy preferred. His eyes met hers, and he was overwhelmed by his love for her. He could feel first the happiness that she was here, and then like a fountain within his breast, both love and desire filled him to almost bursting. He held his smile in check, knowing full well that they had much to discuss. He felt a sense of relief that, though he saw some fear, and certainly a bit of sadness in her face, he did not see the anger he had expected.
It was strange, really, that all his life, he had never known how to interpret emotions in the eyes; to "pick up" on what others were feeling. But with Amy? Her eyes were always- always- the most expressive part of her countenance. And usually, he could read her in a way he could not read any others. This was a comfort to him, as it lifted a heavy burden from his mind. He could count on Amy to be forthright and honest when she spoke. When she refrained from speaking? Her eyes often told the story. With her, he had less to fear. Right now, she was rather uncharacteristically chewing upon her bottom lip. When his gaze drifted down to said lip, he felt the hard sting of need pool in his belly as the sight of her teeth first torturing her lip, and then her tongue running itself over the abraded skin to comfort, somehow triggered some primal desire within him. Gulping, his eyes found hers again, and he blinked. Now is not the time. Closing down the need, ruthlessly, he cleared his throat. "You're awake," he said, stating the obvious.
"Yes," she replied. "Sheldon? I don't remember how I got into the apartment." She raised her hands briefly, as though she were about to shrug, but dropped them helplessly at her sides, as she glanced around the apartment. She stood, moving slowly toward the kitchen island.
The corner of his mouth lifted in a half-smile. "Yes, Physics to the rescue. I came across you, sitting on the floor, in a dead-sleep, against my door. I," he hesitated, "I carried you in."
"Oh!" The overt surprise in her voice was clear. Sheldon looked down,, feeling his cheeks redden with embarrassment. He wasn't usually self-conscious, but in that moment, he felt insecure. Clearly, Amy thought him weak- too weak to carry her. Did that make him less in her eyes? Amy noticed his cheeks, and realizing her guffaw, she continued quickly, "I must have been so heavy! I'm so sorry, Sheldon… "
"It was nothing. Please," he gestured his hand toward the bench at the island, "Sit." Amy inched to the bench, not making eye contact. Sitting gingerly, she cradled her sore wrist with her other hand. Sheldon took notice immediately. "Are you in need of any pain medication? Is your wrist healing well?" Instinctively, Sheldon had reached his hand out to touch her, offering comfort. Before he could, though, Amy pulled her wrist protectively against her torso. Feeling despondent that his touch was unwelcome for the first time in their acquaintance, Sheldon jerked his hand to his side, pulling it back against himself robotically. He reached, instead, for his cup of tea, and took a look, slow swig as to avert his eyes away from hers.
"I'm ok. Thank you, though." Amy said, her voice low. "Um, Sheldon, thank you for the tea."
"You are welcome," he began. He allowed his eyes to travel over her face once more, looking for clues on how to start this heavy conversation. "I felt we may both need a hot beverage, you know, for comfort."
"Comfort?" she murmured. "Yes, of course, for comfort." Comfort? Did that mean… ? Once again, Amy found herself nervous and filled with regret. Damn it, Sheldon, you and your hot beverages! Why must tea be such a symbol of angst? "So, I guess we should talk."
"That seems prudent." His response was so typically Sheldon that Amy felt herself smile.
"I don't know where to begin."
"Perhaps we should start at the beginning." Bringing the cup back to his lips, Amy watched him drink deeply from his mug.
"The beginning. I… You mean, of our relationship? That seems a little excessive. I think there must be…"
"Amy, please. Don't be pedantic."
Feeling her cheeks redden with embarrassment, coupled with insult, Amy's voice rose in frustration. "Pedantic? Me? Really! Is that necessary Sheldon? I mean, how am I supposed to know where you want to start? Why should I be the one that always has to begin these conversations? I mean, I just… Why must we…? Why is this so hard!…. I just don't…. " She began to stand, her hands moving wildly as she spoke defensively.
Watching her working herself into a frenzy, Sheldon felt anxiety rushing around inside his mind and his body nearly shook with the tension. Why is it so hard? Why does this hurt so much? Reaching up, he placed his hand upon his chest, pressing into the center, his heart pounding with what he now recognized as fear. Is it too late?
Then, almost without thought, and in a voice so hushed and rushed that Amy strained to hear him, Sheldon pleaded, "Amy, please, just.. why did you leave me?" His eyes met hers, but only briefly, before setting once again on the teacup in front of him. His hands cradled the cup, almost as though they sought whatever warmth remained.
The room filled with poignant silence.
Raising his gaze once more, and forcing himself to meet her eyes, Sheldon sighed. "Why?" His eyes were wounded. Amy could feel the pain there, the confusion. She knew he had not understood. Shame filled her as easily as the tears that swarmed her vision. Tell him the truth. Tell him everything you feel. He deserves to understand, even if this is the end. Standing quietly, Amy began to pace, silence filling the room, as Sheldon waited for her to explain her actions.
"Why? You want to know why I left? Ok…. because… because… I didn't know what else to do." She shrugged helplessly before continuing, her eyes following the pathway of her feet as she moved back and forth slowly across the room. "I thought… You said… We had finally…" Sighing, she closed her eyes, and let the momentum of her steps drive her back and forth across the floor. She opened her eyes once more, halting her steps, and shook her head desperately. "Sheldon, you and I… it's not working, not this way."
Sheldon lost his breath. Not working. What is happening? What is she saying? He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word in edgewise, Amy had moved on, her thoughts and words exposing her vulnerability. He held his thoughts, and for once, he listened.
In a fast tumble of words and thoughts, Amy resumed her anxious pacing, "I was pushing you, forcing your hand at every step. Every inch forward followed by two steps back. And you aren't able to give me everything I thought I wanted. I've been thinking about this a long, long time. I shouldn't be pushing you. I shouldn't have to force you to love me and want to be with me."
She began moving faster, her eyes moving quickly all around the apartment, her words cascading from her mouth and filling the room. Stopping suddenly, she turned to him, and gesticulating wildly with her hands toward him, she said, her voice raised, "I heard you, ok?! I heard you tell Leonard that i couldn't be your roommate. Do you know how that made me feel? We had just… been intimate… for the first time, and I thought it would change everything! I thought it was a sign of your commitment to me, to us, to our future! But then I came down the hall, happy and excited, and what do I hear? 'I can't be roommates with Amy.'"
All the stress and worry of the last days had her voice rising incrementally as she mimicked the harsh tone he had used that morning. "How was I supposed to feel? My boyfriend, the only man I have ever loved, and he's disgusted by the mere thought of us occupying the same space? I thought we had made love, and I realized, nope, it was just coitus for you- and worse! It must have been unsatisfactory, too to have left you so… unmoved! And to my shock and dismay, I knew- coitus didn't change a thing. The one thing I thought would draw us closer together, that would cement our relationship and our future. And instead? It's… sorry Amy, that one thing you hoped for and held out for all these years? Nope, he doesn't want that. He doesn't want you that close."
Stopping to grab a rushed breath, Amy lifted her eyes to his, her gaze penetrated with doubt. "You don't- or maybe can't- want me that way, Sheldon. So… I had to leave. I had to, and I had to think. I had to be away from you or I would never have been able to decide! When you're around, I can't think clearly! I, I had to go. Don't you see? I had to get away. I had to decide!" Finally, when she seemed to have come to a natural stop in her rather rushed and frenzied diatribe, Amy stopped moving altogether, her arms falling to her sides.
"Decide what?" Sheldon stood now, moving towards her, drawn imperceptibly closer to her. He leaned in, watching her now. He was holding his breath, and he had to let it out long and slow, and pull more air into his lungs.
Quietly, she responded. "Everything. I matter. My feelings matter. I realize now that I had this perception of what our relationship should be. And I needed to figure out if I could continue this way. I knew you wanted a reset— i could tell. The way you spoke with Leonard. The regret in your voice. The disappointment. You want to take another step back. Take coitus off the table again. Reset the relationship like you did all those years ago when I kissed you without your permission. I… didn't know if I wanted that, or if I could even handle that. Could I go back again? I couldn't be sure. It was wrong to push you. I realize that now. And I knew, then, and I know now, that things cannot stay the same. Without growth, all that remains is stagnancy. Eventually all things that are stagnant. they rot… I thought, maybe we ruined one another. Or, worse, if I stayed, would you resent me for pushing you? Would I resent you for holding me back from what I wanted? Did I even know what i really wanted? it had all become so loud in my mind, that I couldn't hear my own thoughts. I needed to be alone, to think…. See? I needed to decide if I could still be in this relationship, knowing its limitations. Knowing how you felt, how you feel… I… "
Sheldon took another step closer, interrupting her. "Wait. Limitations? A reset? You've got this all wrong, Amy. Let me…"
"No, Sheldon, don't." Her hands were waiving anxiously again as she shook them at him to stop him from interrupting her. "Don't! You don't need to explain yourself. I understand! And I was wrong! I'm sorry! I figured it out! When I started seeing you everywhere I went, I knew! You were there in the elevator, you were the little boy. You were everywhere! And I knew! You are more important than anything. I hope, please, please don't let it be too late. I don't need it! See! Why do we need to follow some timeline dictated by social standards? We don't! I don't need to live with you, or be your roommate. I don't need to get engaged and get married and have a house and kids, and all of that. I don't need it. I just have to remember how far you've already come and how much you care for me. It's enough! I won't force you to do any of it. And it's fine. See, it's fine. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to do anything! I've got everything worked out in my head. And it's going to be ok, right? It's going to ok. No living together, no pressure, no nothing. I've…"
Reaching out, Sheldon grabbed hold of her arms to stop their flailing. His eyes were big, and his cheeks were red, and his facial muscle twitched from holding in all the things he wanted to say. "Amy, you think you've got it all figured out. But you don't! Listen, stop, just stop and listen. I have to something to say."
Overwhelmed with a fear that she didn't understand, and worse, that she had indeed pushed him too far this time, Amy rushed on, "Sheldon, no, see, please, it's not too late. We can work it out. I'm not going to push you and I'm not going to force you into anything else. I just…"
Suddenly Sheldon's lips were on hers in a blinding kiss, rough and demanding. She could taste his frustration as he ran his tongue along her lips, seeking entry. Startled, confused, and suddenly struck with potency, Amy felt the kiss grow heated. He pulled her flush against him and he poured all his need and feelings into the kiss, conveying his passion for her. Her hands fell to his side, grasping his hips in an effort to keep her legs from giving out completely underneath her. It felt so good, so right and natural to have his long length against her. And as it had in their night of passion, something shifted, ephemeral and brief. The heat that burned so hot, began to simmer within them both as they touched one another. His arms ran over her back and sides, as the kiss gentled. Her arms moved to roam over the taut muscles of his back. The need and desire so great between them, that the kiss was life-sustaining, saving them both from despair. Reluctantly, Sheldon pulled his lips from hers, laying his forehead against hers, his eyes closed as they savored the feel of one another. A moment of peace surrounded them both in the quiet.
"Marry me?" he whispered, pulling her even closer, her head under his chin, her face buried in his chest, as his hand caressed the dark tresses that lay across her back.
"What?" she cried, roughly pulling herself from his hold to search his eyes. "Sheldon, no! ! I didn't say all this so that you would…."
He moved his hands to her face, and took her mouth again, slowly this time, his lips rubbed against hers. Slower still he took her bottom lip between his, tasting and nibbling until he felt her body still and relax beneath his touch. Edging away, he held her face in his hands, holding her eyes, hoping to communicate the depth of his heart in his unwavering gaze. "Amy Farrah Fowler, you mesmerize me. Your mere presence brings me happiness, in ways I cannot even enumerate mathematically- believe me, I've tried,"
He watched her eyes light with humor and he saw her start to move as if to speak. He interrupted her with yet another press of his lips against hers. "I cannot seem to have enough of you. You stimulate my mind, and you alone have awakened my body to this.. need that I still don't understand. I did not think it was possible to love anyone. I imagined a solitary life; steady, secure, and content in my scientific pursuits. But then? Then there was you. Bright like the sun in the sky, like a comic streaking across the inky darkness of space. You have shown me again and again how easy it is to love, just by being. Suddenly that solitary life seemed a lot less satisfactory. I told Leonard I couldn't be your roommate. It's true, I can't have you as a mere roommate! You are infinitely more. You are….everything. You are my Amy. And I love you, so much. And I want that full life you described…. but only with you. I don't want you to be just my roommate, Amy. I want you to be my wife. So, marry me," He paused then, studying her reaction. Her eyes were wide, with disbelief, and he saw with some relief, with hope.
She nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly, as if she were only now comprehending the depth and truth of his words. "Yes?" he asked, needing her to confirm - aloud- that she would be his.
A huge smile broke out over her face, lighting her eyes with joy. Her head began nodding emphatically now, and tears streamed down her face. Yes! Yes! I love you!" And she threw her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. He pulled her back and she kissed him passionately. "You're sure?" she asked as they broke apart.
"Absolutely certain." He closed the small distance between them, claiming her lips once more. She groaned into his kiss, the fire burning between them once again. He stopped suddenly, pulling himself out of her hold. "Oh, there's one thing more."
Moving with a purpose to his desk, he opened the top drawer and withdrew a ring box. Moving back over to her, he smiled crookedly, holding out the box toward her, "My Meemaw would never forgive me if I didn't do this properly, and Penny might go all Nebraska on my ass," She giggled as he opened the ring box. "This is the ring my Pop-pop gave my Meemaw. She told me that one day I would find someone to devote my life to. I thought she was crazy and told her to give the ring to Missy or Georgie, but she insisted. She said she knew it was meant for me, and for the woman who would be my match," And then Sheldon knelt on one knee, holding up the ring before her. "That will only ever be you." New tears streamed down Amy's face as Sheldon slipped the ring onto her finger. Pulling him back to stand within the circle of her arms, she kissed him.
"Mine?" he asked.
"Yours," she answered.
He kissed her then and felt the need grow between them like the flames of an inferno. Pulling from her grasp, he took her hand and urgently led her down the hall toward his bedroom. Closing the door behind them, he ran his hands over her, slowly and with care. He felt her trembling beneath his touch. He allowed himself a moment to kiss her lips, and let those kisses trail up to her closed eyelids, and hearing her soft intake of breath, he found his way back to her lips. Her hands became busy, working the buckle of his belt. His hands, likewise, made short work of her cardigan's buttons. Having freed Amy from her cardigan, his hands worked at the button of her skirt. She moaned as his lips moved to suckle at her ear lobe.
"Why must you always have so many layers on?" He murmured against her ear as her skirt fell over her hips and to the floor. He felt her shiver beneath his hands, as they again worked at the buttons of her shirt. He pulled apart from her only long enough to push the top away from her shoulders before his lips found the dimple on her shoulder blade. His fingers worked the snap of her bra, desperate to touch her velvet skin. As Amy's tongue brushed against his, erupting in a fury of movement, the catch parted and his hands coasted up and were filled with her breasts. His thumbs immediately ghosted over her nipples, driving them to hard peaks as his mouth pillaged hers.
Amy groaned aloud then, the need overwhelming her. Amy's hands impatiently pushed at his shirts and broke their direct contact just long enough to roughly rip them over his head, before pulling her against him, skin to skin. He groaned when her soft hands caressed over his heated skin. "Amy," he moaned, taking her mouth again and guiding her backward toward his bed. The need to be inside of her was almost more than he could bear.
Amy's hands were pushing his pants down as they moved. Having reached the bed, Amy felt the back of the bed meet her knees, and she lowered herself to the mattress, reaching behind her, and pulling herself toward the headboard. Sheldon stopped at the foot of the bed, his eyes rushing over her hungrily. He quickly removed his pants and undergarments. He crawled toward her, sitting back briefly, silently allowing himself to take in the image of her, in just her panties, her eyes calling to him.
"Sheldon," she whispered, "Please," She wasn't sure what she was begging for exactly, but she knew that whatever he did, she wanted it. His hands ghosted up her legs to her hips, gripping her panties, and pulling them down and off. He tossed them to the floor. Caressing her skin as he went, Sheldon moved his hands up a path of her inner legs and thighs before letting his weight fall between her legs, his hand covering her center. He slipped his fingers within her, his thumb circling at her clitoris as he kissed a path from her abdomen to her breasts, taking first one and then the other into his mouth. "OH," she called out as his long fingers drove her up and over the first crest.
He felt her quivering as his lips followed the path back down her body. Without thought or preamble, he followed instinct and tasted. Alternating between licking and sucking, he probed her with his fingers and his tongue. Her hips were squirming and she was gasping for breath. Amy grasped his head in her hand, pulling on his hair as he ruthlessly drove her to peak once more. "Sheldon," she moaned as he moved against her, his lips tracing that same pattern back to her lips.
"Amy, " he kissed her languidly. His eyes moved over her face, her eyes closed, and her breath evening out as she came back to herself. He was certain he had never seen anything more beautiful than Amy orgasming. Somehow, he was even more aroused, having brought her this pleasure, and his erection was rock-hard. The desire to take her, now, was too strong to hold back. He positioned himself at her entrance. "Amy," he said again, running his hand over her cheek.
Her eyes opened slowly as she smiled. "I love you," she whispered to him. He moved, then, wanting desperately to be within her. His hips shifted forward and felt himself slip inside of her. They both moaned as they joined together. His eyes closed involuntarily as he took in the feel of her wet, slick, heat all around him. He gritted his teeth to keep from coming, allowing her a moment to adjust to him.
"Sheldon, you feel so good," Amy murmured lifting her hips as he slipped deeper still. He raised himself from his elbows to his hands and began to penetrate her, slow and deep. She groaned with each thrust and reached her hands up to move them across his chest. "Yes," she grunted moving her hips to meet his thrusts. She could hardly believe it, so soon, but she felt the stirrings of another orgasm building deep within her. She wrapped her legs around his back, clinching him to her as he gained momentum. "Don't stop," she groaned again her hips pistoning quickly against his.
Pressing into her, again and again, harder and faster, Sheldon was panting with the exertion. He felt the push and pull of her hips against his, the painful pleasure of her knees in his sides. He groaned aloud and found himself dipping down to capture her mouth as his rhythm faltered. He felt something cataclysmic splinter within him when he pulled his lips from hers and their penetrating gaze was locked, lost as they were within the passion they built together. He felt, almost as though he felt the tremors of another earthquake about him. He lost his equilibrium and felt the world-shaking uncontrollably all around him. "I love you," he whispered. These words seemed to be Amy's undoing.
"Sheeelllldon,… " Amy called his name in pleasure. He felt her walls tighten and clench around him. He could both see and feel her trembling beneath him and all around him. He could hold out no longer. He felt the tightening of his orgasm upon him. He grunted and slammed roughly within her convulsing frame: Once, twice, and finally, losing himself within her, he buried himself into her heat, calling her name. Complete, he collapsed upon her.
Breathing erratically, he felt he had nearly been knocked unconscious. Laying there for a while, wasted, his eyes closed, and his head buried in her neck, he concentrated on bringing his heart rate back to normal. Feeling her naked beneath him, he couldn't really understand it all, but somehow, he still wanted her. Then he felt the gentlest of touches upon his back, as Amy moved her hands lazily upon and down his muscles. He shivered, his body responding to her touch.
"You better cut that out," He said, feeling the stirrings of new arousal, even so soon after succumbing to his passion. Would he never get enough of her?
She giggled, the happy sound filling the room. A bright, big smile spread rapidly across his face. Then he turned serious, thinking once again of that moment of crushing clarity.
"Did you feel that?" he asked, wondering if she had felt the same splintering of self as they made love. He lazily kissed her neck, awaiting her reply.
"Hmmm," she said craning her neck to the side to provide him a better angle. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around her hips and shifting quickly, brought her atop his long frame, as to see her eyes. She gasped at the movement, and then halted, feeling his new arousal beneath her. She moved to sit above him, her wetness teasing his length. "I feel it," she blushed at the admission. "I always do with you," she said kissing him, her tongue and teeth alternating as she tugged upon his lower lip and ran her hands through his hair.
Breaking their kiss, her eyes met his again and he nodded.
"Tremors," they said together. Drawn again into another heated kiss, Amy let her hands wander down to take him into her hand. He groaned and his hips shot up of their own accord, his body bowing.
"Amy," he groaned, taking her breasts into his hands as she positioned him at her entrance once more. She moaned as he drove himself up and into her and she rode him hard and fast to another furious orgasm. She fell upon him, sweaty, and exhausted.
"Fun fact," he began, as she giggled against his lips, "It's not just the shifting of the tectonic plates that cause an earthquake," His hands gripped her hair as he kissed her desperately.
"That's correct, Dr. Cooper. New evidence indicates," she said moving to his side and kissing him playfully, "that we also make the earth move." He kissed her nose, pulling her against him, yawning.
"I'm exhausted, you Vixen."
"MMMM, me too. Love you, fiancé."
He heard her breathing deepen, and knew she was slipping into sleep. The comfort of having her tucked to his side, coupled with the exhaustion of their physical activities made for a very sleepy Sheldon.
Tremors, indeed. As he joined Amy in sleep, Sheldon knew he would never feel quite the same way about earthquakes ever again.
