Hey everybody!
Who's ready for some little chat?! No one? Well sorry, that's what the next chapter will be, so take your favorite sort of hot beverage (for me it will always be hot chocolate), snuggle into some warm clothes or fluffy blanket, and enjoy this rather calm chapter ;-)
As always, I dearly appreciate your comments, thank you for taking your time to feed this poor writer's soul^^
See you friday!
Chapter 45 - Weakness
-Mihawk-
"I did not agree to his," he said, knocking firmly on the table, "I forbid it!"
"You can't forbid it," Roronoa grumbled from the far end of the table, without even looking up from the newspaper.
"Of course I can!" Now Mihawk turned to his little frog, who had ignored their conversation until just now. "I am the lord of this island."
"But no king of those monkeys." Roronoa still didn't even give him the honor of looking at him. "If they help Perona, just let them."
"Stay out of this, Roronoa. This has nothing to do with you."
"Stop making such a fuss about this. Not like she asked you to help her."
"I... I didn't ask them either," Perona muttered, rubbing her hands. "But what was I supposed do when they just started to help me?"
Mihawk glared at Perona, who sat opposite him at the dinner table, long forgotten her by now cold dinner.
"I do not care what you did or did not do. You wanted to revive the garden in the backyard, and I allowed it..."
"Not that you actually had a choice given you weren't even there."
"... but you have no say over the front yard and the Humandrills are not welcomed there. I forbid that they just dig it up!" Mihawk decided to ignore Roronoa's interjection, who just turned a page.
"But I didn't do anything," Perona replied desperately, "they just started working. I didn't encourage them to do anything, nor did I give them orders, they wouldn't listen to me anyway."
"Then I will eradicate them once and for all. One way or another, I have been far too lenient towards those beasts for far too long."
"Oh, just shut up." Loudly groaning, Roronoa slammed the newspaper shut at the end of the table. "Neither Perona nor the monkeys are to blame for your bad mood. It's a garden, damn it, let them dig it up, it's not like you actually care."
"Could you, only for once please, not interfere, Roronoa. This has nothing to do with you. I am the lord of the island and the Humandrills have always been indifferent to me, as warriors of the forest they at least had the benefit of taking care of unwanted visitors, mostly," he added, looking at Perona deprecative, "but now they dare to plough my land like farmers? I left them the forest behind the ruins, but this..."
"Perona, just get lost. I handle him."
As if she had just been waiting for this, she swiftly jumped up and rushed out of the room faster than Mihawk had thought she was capable of.
"Roronoa," he growled at the other, "no matter what you say, this discussion is not over. It is my castle, my island, and..."
"Calm down." Roronoa rose, came over to him, and settled on a chair opposite to Mihawk. "The truth is that you don't care about a few stupid monkeys helping Perona. You said yourself that you don't really care about the island, as long as nobody touches the castle."
Mihawk pushed his plate away and looked at Roronoa seriously.
"Actually, you're annoyed by Eizen's letter, right?" Roronoa leaned back. "I don't like it either, okay? But it's not Perona's fault and I think it could be worse than these monkeys running after her like little puppies. It's good if they make themselves useful, less work for us."
"You are aware that neither you nor I are actually working in this household?" Mihawk said coolly.
"Well, we train all day and when Perona does the work, we should at least leave it to her how she does it."
Mihawk could not disagree with that. In fact, Jiroushin had helped Perona from time to time during his stay, and both Roronoa and himself had cooked a few times – which should be avoided in the future – but most of the work Perona did on her own and even though Mihawk found her extremely annoying, it was pleasant to find a warm meal and freshly washed clothes after a day of hard work. Roronoa also seemed to accept her for whatever reason, so Mihawk sighed and gave in with a nod.
"Fine, for all I care. If that will silence you."
Roronoa snorted: "I'm not the one who gets so upset about some stupid letter."
"Roronoa, he uses you for his purposes. You are hopefully aware that he does not take you to all these meetings as decoration, but to..."
"Oh gosh, just shut up. Of course I know that, Mihawk, but it's too late now, don't you think? We can't keep discussing this stuff every time some letter arrives, okay? It is the way it is now and I'm annoyed, too, but you're not making it any better."
He did not like being criticized by Roronoa and he did not agree with him, but recalling the past few weeks, he decided that it was probably wiser to avoid another dispute. Sighing, he rose and began to clear the table.
"When did you grow up like that, Roronoa? I am not used to you being the voice of reason."
"Tze," the other grumbled, and started to help. "Wouldn't be necessary if you stopped being an idiot."
"Says the man who wanted to cut off his own feet during a fight and buried himself under a burning tower."
"Pah, I don't need to be scolded by some snob with a shirt fetish."
Almost harmonious, they teased each other and removed the traces of the past dinner. For a few minutes, the mood became lighter and Mihawk forgot that his student was so easily irritated lately, until Roronoa brought the conversation back to the letter and the corners of his mouth dropped down again.
"But you know you can come along this time?"
"Oh, how kind. Should I feel honored that this shady politician invites me?" Mihawk was far from delighted that Eizen obviously wanted to make a fool oh him over and over again, especially in front of Roronoa's eyes.
"Then don't, damn it, you're so annoying today." Roronoa groaned and withdrew the letter he had just offered Mihawk. "It was just a suggestion, I thought you would find it interesting to see the new headquarters. But if you don't want to, then I just go on my own. It's only for a few days, so it doesn't matter, right?"
Only now Mihawk noticed – unfortunately too late again – that Roronoa was also in a very bad mood.
"Roronoa, I...," he began appeasing, but Roronoa waved him off and went to the fireplace, where he began to pile up unnecessarily much firewood, which would only make it difficult to ignite.
"Stop Roronoaing me all the time, especially if it's only because you can't stand if I oppose you."
"Why are you suddenly so upset? You were happy a few seconds ago or is it because I took Yoru away from you again."
"Of course not!" Roronoa did not sound convincing as he continued to pile wood in the fireplace, an activity he usually never did. Mihawk could not remember if he was honest, if Roronoa had ever lit the fire himself. "But you pretend like you're the only one having a hard time here. In case you forgot I am the one who has to act like some sweet girl in high-heels!"
Once again, Mihawk had forgotten how easy it was to irritate Roronoa currently, and he had probably clearly underestimated how much Roronoa was bothered by this subject. Maybe it was about more than he had thought. So this time it was up to Mihawk to lead the conversation in the right direction.
"Well, you signed this contract, Roronoa, and even though I dislike it and would prefer you breaking it rather today than tomorrow, you probably had your reasons..."
"Do you think I don't know that?!"
Roronoa threw the wood, he had just held, so harshly against his pile that it burst apart like an explosion. Logs flew around and crashed to the ground around Roronoa like fallen warriors. So much for pouring oil on troubled water.
"Nah!" Mihawk had raised his index finger while Roronoa stared at him like a wild, cornered beast.
Surprised, Roronoa grabbed his temples and turned his gaze away.
"Sorry," he murmured, "I haven't even noticed it."
Smiling mildly, he watched as Roronoa inhaled deeply several times and his eyes regained human norm.
"It is not always that easy, is it? The downside of your craving to defeat me." He joined Roronoa on the floor and collected the wood. "But I think you are doing very well. Even these days, I am reluctant to control myself as well as you do after just a few days. On the other hand, you have always rarely let yourself be controlled by your own feelings."
Roronoa still took deep breaths.
"I'm almost as annoying as you," he growled, squatting down, "getting upset so quickly because of something like that..." He put his hands behind the back of his head and just fell back. On the floor, he stared at the ceiling. Mihawk decided not to let this small remark bother him, favoring this fragile peace.
"Oh, no worries, Roronoa. You may have special abilities, but a monster is a monster and, in the beginning, it was difficult for everyone of us. I think you are doing quite well."
"Well, thank you, the judgment of an island lord who has just threatened to wipe out an entire race just because they are digging up some dirt reassures me immensely."
With a smile, Mihawk began to pile up the necessary wood and to remove the rest. It would be easy to get upset about the youngster's words, but over the last few weeks – and actually months – he had learned that Roronoa said straight away what he thought, no matter how ugly that might be, but that he did not mean to be disrespectful beyond saying the truth.
"You are doing me injustice, Roronoa."
"Oh, I do that?"
"As I said, it is normal. You are now your own demon, everything buried in the depths of your conscience that might question reason and compassion, is now on the surface of your emotions. It will take some time before you can control such unusually strong and negative feelings."
"Yes, I know," Roronoa snorted behind him, "you've told me that so many times, but it's annoying. I'm nastier than during my time of the month and that's for weeks. Honestly, it's freaking hard to stay patient."
Mihawk blushed as the other spoke so freely about his female problems. Luckily, Roronoa could not see that.
"Well, on the bright side, for once I can see behind your so serene mask. How else would I have learned that you are so annoyed about Eizen?"
Once again, the younger one snorted.
"And you didn't realize that before? Geez, you really have to work on your social skills."
"I am rather surprised that you even know what those words mean."
"Oh, shut up."
"That sounds a lot more like you."
Mihawk had cleared the remaining logs back to their place and went to the fire pit.
"Have you seen it by the way?" The younger one muttered. "Trafalgar Law became the new Shichibukai. He was also on the Sabaody Archipelago when the others were there, right? "
He just nodded. "Some wannabe swordfighter and a clown, as I said, the title is becoming less and less valuable."
"Oh yes, Buggy, I almost forgot that idiot. I still can't understand how he became a Shichibukai."
"You know him?"
"Oh yeah, locked Luffy in a cage once. Pretty annoying guy, but back then we met Nami too, so who knows what it was good for."
Mihawk paused for a moment. "So that was at the beginning of your crew, if I understand you correctly?"
"If you mean Luffy and me with crew, then yes." Roronoa sighed deeply. "At that time things were still simple and easy. Sometimes I miss that."
"Oh yes, the carefreeness of youth, right?", Mihawk replied lightly, although he was far from cheerful.
"This has nothing to do with youth," Roronoa grumbled softly, "everything has somehow become more complicated, but maybe I only imagine it because of my bad mood."
"A little bit maybe," Mihawk quietly agreed. He knew exactly what the other was referring to, and he knew what journey Roronoa still had to face, a journey Mihawk had send the youngster on, a journey Jiroushin had of course warned him of.
Almost every human being carried a monster within, for some it was stronger, in others hardly perceptible, as individual as every human being. Roronoa was no exception and Mihawk knew exactly how much harder it was to accept this monster than to rather letting it wither in the darkest shadow of the mind.
Roronoa's monster had been very present, had quickly become apparent whenever Roronoa's life had been endangered, and now it was just as present as part of Roronoa's character. For now, Roronoa himself was the monster – the demon – whom he had always feared.
It would take time for him to regain his usual inner calm, but Mihawk had no doubt that Roronoa was strong enough to master it, as he had done with every challenge so far. However, he had to admit that a moody Roronoa was not the easiest to deal with, and Mihawk almost felt the need to apologize to Jiroushin for the past, after he had faced his very own monster.
A few days before Jiroushin had left the island, he and Roronoa had been involved in a serious argument. Mihawk did not know exactly what it had started with – it had been quite unusual, as Roronoa and Jiroushin generally got along very well – but when Mihawk had entered the room, Roronoa had just declared that he did not regret what he had done at Senichi and would do it again, no matter the consequences.
Yes, on that day, for once, Mihawk had been the one to prevent a real conflict and then had spent hours talking to both friends separately, a talent he by no means called his own. The good thing was that he had been able to have a decent talk with Jiroushin, which unfortunately did not work with Roronoa. Even the day the Vice Admiral had left, Roronoa had barely exchanged a few sentences with him.
After that it had gotten better. It could also be because, unlike Jiroushin, Mihawk could understand how difficult it was for Roronoa when suddenly his own mind was much more irritated than usual; when frantic rage and sheer anger, as well as cold hatred and exasperating frustration, overwhelmed one within one second.
Still, it was not easy, not even for him. Roronoa no longer became dangerous to himself and did not lose his mind but acting in such anger made it difficult to control his own power, even that Mihawk understood only too well. He also understood how agonizing it had to be for someone like Roronoa, who could otherwise control his own emotions so well. After all, Mihawk felt similar as soon as his little frog was involved; even if he disliked admitting it, he had long since accepted it.
Especially during training Roronoa's mood was noticeable. His impatience and dissatisfaction often challenged them both, even though he developed magnificently. In the meantime, Roronoa no longer fought against Mihawk, solely because Mihawk had almost lost his cool for one second, and he certainly did not want to risk that again. His student just got too good too quickly.
Today, Roronoa had coated his own swords for the first time, which of course he had succeeded perfectly. That was why he had been practicing with Yoru for so long that his armor was flawless. It was not strong enough yet, but that would come over time, so this was one of the few days when Roronoa had been in a good mood.
Of course, this was not entirely true. In his other form the monster seemed barely to influence Roronoa, almost as if even the Demon of the East Blue could not taint the purity of the honorable Lady Loreen. For this reason, too, Roronoa had absolved most of the training sessions in that form and his progress was remarkable there as well. Nevertheless, Mihawk felt that Roronoa was particularly sensitive about his female side these days.
"With what flimsy reason Eizen invited you this time?" Mihawk tried to continue the conversation, this time keeping his own feelings in check.
"Don't know, don't care. The only things I care about are the horrible clothes and shoes I will have to wear."
With a quiet laugh Mihawk lit the firewood.
"Yes, you can laugh. Have you ever worn heels or tights or a fucking bodice just once in your life?"
"Of course not, Roronoa. But I have not heard you complain about such things for a long time. I thought you would slowly become accustomed to the demands of the female sex."
"As if I'd ever get used to it."
Mihawk turned away from the first crackling flames and looked down at Roronoa, who had now covered his eyes with the back of his hand.
"As if I'd ever get used to it."
Mihawk remained silent. They had not talked about this subject for a long time. In the beginning - shortly after he found Roronoa as a girl on Sasaki - this was of course the main topic of many conversations. Shortly after Roronoa had managed to transform, they had talked about it many times. But mostly for practical reasons; what clothes Roronoa needed, how he had to deal with this new body in battle, how the use of Haki would affect his shape and things like that.
Rarely, extremely rarely, had they talked about how Roronoa felt about the fact that no matter what he did, he had to transform into Lady Loreen after a certain period. Although he had been training for several months now, he barely lasted longer than a day and a half and after that he could not transform himself back for several hours.
Mihawk could hardly comprehend how this certainty had to feel. But he had already suspected that Roronoa had by now accepted his fate. At least he mostly made the impression. But, of course, in his current state, he was very vulnerable to negative thoughts. Mihawk did not know what to reply. He did not want to be arrogant and explain to Roronoa how lucky he should feel to be alive after his actions, because Mihawk was well aware that he could not understand how Roronoa had to feel.
After several minutes of silence, Roronoa sat up next to him. He sighed heavily and tilted his head first to the right and then to the left until his bones cracked.
Perhaps Mihawk should look for an opportunity for Roronoa to speak again with somebody, who had experienced something similar, such as Vice Admiral Comil, commander of the G-2, who as Mihawk knew had once been someone else as well, even though Roronoa was silent about who that Marine really was. When Mihawk had visited his father at the G-2, Comil had insisted on a meeting, but of course Mihawk had ignored that and had simply left. Now he almost regretted it. Perhaps it would be good for Roronoa to seek advice from someone who had gone through the same thing.
"You know," Roronoa muttered next to him, "it really has changed since then."
"Hmm?" Mihawk turned his gaze away from the crackling flames and looked at the youngster by his side, who looked closely at the fire.
"On Sasaki I never noticed it because the fireplace was almost never used. But here I have thought about it many times; fire is a very weird element, isn't it?"
Mihawk turned to the flames again.
"Are you afraid of it?" He asked simply, recalling what had happened at the G-6.
"No. I would have expected to be, but if I'm honest, it almost fascinates me."
Silently, Mihawk pulled an armchair closer and leaned against it.
"Do you remember what happened?" He knew the answer. "Do you remember how the fire consumed you?" He did not want to know the answer and yet he had to ask.
"Yes." Roronoa's view was still on the fire. "Sometimes I dream about it, even now I can feel it, I just need to look at the flames. " He laughed quietly. "Ridiculous, isn't it?"
"As someone who has not been burned yet, I do not allow myself to judge," Mihawk replied politely.
"Sometimes I'm almost annoyed by how considerate you are towards me."
Mihawk looked at the other from the side.
"Well, you are not going to answer my questions one way or the other, are you?"
Now Roronoa met his gaze.
"What questions?"
"You know what happened, don't you? How can it be that you died on Senichi and ended up on Sasaki in this other body? How can it be that you were trapped in this other body, until you watched the downfall of your own crew. How can it be that you can transform now, but you can never leave this other body behind? You know the reasons, right?"
It spoke for Roronoa that he did not dodge Mihawk's gaze. For a moment, he seemed to ponder, remembering things he had buried deeply.
"I know some things, but certainly not everything."
"But you are not going to tell me what you know, are you? You will not tell me how you survived or if you could survive again? You are not going to tell me what all of this has to do with these other people, and if there was any reason you ended up on my island, exactly that one day I visited?"
Roronoa remained silent.
"Sometimes," Mihawk admitted, "I would like to believe that it was fate. But of course I know that you do not believe such things, because it would mean that the path you go would not be based on your own choices."
Roronoa next to him leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his folded forearms as he continued to watch the flames.
"I survived because I wanted to," he said to the flames. "I decided to return to life, no matter the consequences, even aware of the consequences. That's the reason why I'm tied to Lady Loreen for the rest of my life."
Mihawk almost held his breath. After more than eight months, Roronoa finally decided to tell him the truth, or at least part of it. He feared that a single false word would make the gates fall close again.
"Could you make that decision again?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I'll be given the choice again. If so, I will definitely come back, no matter what the price will be."
This answer raised more questions than Mihawk had expected, as he felt silent bewilderment. Roronoa had looked behind the veil of death; he knew things no one else could know.
"So, anyone who is willing to pay a price could come back?"
"No. Most don't, not like me and the others. We are the ones who wanted to come back." Roronoa sighed softly. "Those who didn't want to let go."
For a second, Mihawk had to think of his mother and sister, but he decided to linger in the present and enjoy Roronoa's rare chattiness.
"That is, you knew you were born again as Lady Loreen?"
"That is, I knew that I would be weak, after all she had said that I had to learn from my mistakes and my mistake was not to trust anyone else except my own strength, which you told me only like a thousand times... I thought it was going to be my body just a lot weaker; but a totally different body, I didn't expect that."
Roronoa sounded bitter. But Mihawk just wondered who she was; perhaps she had been some kind of hallucination that Roronoa had seen in the moment of death. It was obvious that this was no longer a real conversation between them, because Roronoa was no one to open up in a conversation, and that meant that Mihawk could finally hear things that Roronoa would never otherwise say to him. So, he stayed silent.
"I thought my body would never get as strong as it used to be. But it's much worse. Instead of just being weak, I can pursue my goal in this body here, but I just don't understand why Lady Loreen should be my weakness." He remained silent for a moment, but then he kept talking, "You know, I hate it when people say that someone can do something better or worse, just because of gender. I hate how this fucking cook always pretends that women can't protect themselves as if they weren't strong."
Mihawk did not respond. So she had told him that he had to learn from his mistakes. So Roronoa had come back into life to learn from his mistakes, Lady Loreen existed for precisely this reason. Did he come to Sasaki for this reason as well?
"And now my weakness is just that. I hate that I live up to some cliché. In my body I'm strong and people fear my gaze, but Loreen is so weak and everyone likes her. Kuina was a girl, but she was not weak, not like Loreen. I never defeated her, not once until she died, and if she were alive today, I'm sure she would have defeated you already."
He knew who the youngster was talking about. Kuina, the daughter of Roronoa's first teacher and former owner of the Wado-Ichi-Monji; Roronoa had mentioned her only a few times, but so respectful that Mihawk was probably obliged to thank her.
However, Mihawk felt that Roronoa's reasoning was different from his. Roronoa had said that she wanted him to learn from his mistakes, but did this mean that Lady Loreen should simply represent the contrast to his physical strength?
No, the longer he thought about it, the more likely it was that she had not necessarily meant Roronoa's physical strength. But what then? Why Lady Loreen? Why Sasaki? Why Mihawk?
He had no idea who she was or how it was even possible that Roronoa had risen from the dead in another body, but he certainly knew one thing:
And my mistake was not to trust anyone else except my own strength.
It was certainly not about Roronoa's strength.
"My sister was strong," Mihawk said finally, as Roronoa remained silent and he felt that a prolonged silence would hinder his thirst for knowledge, "no one defeated her, and many tried. I do not know if I am equal to her or if I would have ever defeated her, but there was no swordfighter in the world who was better than Sharak and I testify to you that she was a woman, Roronoa, a strong woman. It may be that Lady Loreen lives up to some clichés, but we both know women who contradict them."
"I know," the younger whispered now, "and that almost makes it worse."
He sighed such a soft sigh that Mihawk was surprised he was even able to sound that gentle with his true voice.
"At first, I thought I didn't care if I were man or woman. No matter the body, I knew I could be strong enough to defeat you and somehow, I thought it would... I would have liked to have defeated you in this other body, because of Kuina."
What a painful wish.
"But it's not possible and you know that as well, right? I notice it during every workout, I exhaust much faster, my muscles become sore much easier, grow much slower. No matter how much I train as Loreen, I will never be able to prove to the world that people like the cook and my old teacher are wrong. I thought I got this body to get rid of this cliché once and for all, but the more time goes by, the more I understand that I can never do it and sometimes that makes me freaking mad."
Once again, Mihawk remained calm. What Roronoa said was true. Sharak's physique had been similar to his own, she had been very tall, probably taller than he was now, similar proportions, similar muscle tone. Like Mihawk, his sister had been an almost perfect athlete.
But Lady Loreen's slender body was quite different. Roronoa's other body was not only small, but also fragile. Despite all the physical strain Roronoa took on, his successes did not live up to his performance. Lady Loreen's body was not made to fight, and Roronoa had expected it to happen, but that he fulfilled some stereotypes seemed to trouble him the most, and yet Mihawk still had the constant feeling that Lady Loreen's form served a very different reason, not as punishment, not even as an Achilles heels or obstacle. But to explore this more deeply, he had to keep this conversation going.
"I will not say it is impossible, yet at this point I cannot foresee that you, as Lady Loreen, will ever defeat me. At least not as long as I do not get weaker due to age."
This time it was Roronoa who nodded in silence. Mihawk decided to steer the conversation into a different direction, which was more informational for him.
"But if you knew you were going to come back to life weaker, why did you take this risk in the first place?"
Very slowly Roronoa looked over to him, his eyes so open and full of unspoken emotions that they almost took Mihawk's breath away.
"I had no choice. I had to come back. I would have come back as toy if I could have protected Luffy like that." Then Roronoa looked back into the flames. "But obviously you don't get it."
"Would you mind explaining it to me?" He rather felt that Roronoa was the one who looked at it from the wrong point of view.
"Oh, what's there to explain?" Roronoa murmured. "You saw it, back then, how they reacted. How they all react when they faced Lady Loreen."
Smiling, Mihawk stretched out his legs and crossed them. Slowly he understood Roronoa's thought process, his oh so childishly naive, false thought process.
"What do you mean? The courtesy? The respect?"
"They all behaved differently; they treated me differently." Suddenly Roronoa turned to him again. "You're the only one who doesn't treat me any different."
Mihawk shrugged his shoulders, pondered whether it was up to him to tell Roronoa the truth or whether he should let fate take its course.
"Well, that may be because I know who Lady Loreen actually is. An unfair advantage, I would say."
"Oh, bullshit!" Roronoa waved it off. "Jiroushin knows who I am, and he hates it when I run around as Loreen. He can't stand it because he doesn't know how to deal with me then. Kanan knows it and yes, she is still damn affectionate, but she is more reserved, more careful, and concerning Ei... I mean, only you are always equally annoying, always worry too much, always scold me like a toddler, no matter what body I am in. Even this conversation here, I don't think anyone else would talk to me like that, but with Loreen it's easy for people. "
For a moment, Mihawk considered the words of the youngster. It reminded him of the conversation they had when Roronoa had decided not to return to his crew. He was so close to understanding and yet at so far away, at the other end of the Grand Line. Mihawk should tell him the truth, should tell him that all of this was due to Roronoa himself and not because of the others. Whether Roronoa was aware of it or not, he had it much easier to open up to others as Loreen than in his true form.
With a sigh, Mihawk looked at his fingernails, noted a fine splinter of wood caught between skin an nail, it would probably be more instructive if Roronoa understood by himself, but this would require a lot of patience from him.
"But Roronoa, you are wrongly flattering me. At first, I was far from confident in my communication with you, especially when it came to Lady Loreen, but I had months to get to know you."
"I know what you mean, but I'm talking about something else." Now Roronoa dropped back on his back. "But as I said you don't get it."
Mihawk took a moment and wondered who of them did not get it. It would be so much easier to tell Roronoa the truth, but if Lady Loreen existed to make Roronoa recognize his mistakes, it would probably not be beneficial if Mihawk would take that away from him. However, he was able to give the other a little help.
"It is about your crew," he said thoughtfully. "Your problem is not just that you are weaker or that you are weaker if you are Lady Loreen of all things, it has something to do with your crew."
Roronoa remained silent, while Mihawk continued to express his thoughts aloud.
"When you met them, they only saw Lady Loreen and that unsettled you. You are worried that they will never see you again as the strong, indestructible Roronoa Zoro. You do not want them to treat you differently."
He looked down at the younger man, who stared stubbornly at the ceiling.
"But you forget that they did not even have the chance to think about it, like me, like Jiroushin. They will need some time to understand this change. Because you have changed - whether you like it or not, Roronoa - and so they will treat you differently."
The younger one still refused to look at him.
"I understand that you are reluctant to appear as weak in front of your crew. But..."
"That's not it." Roronoa rose. "No matter how hurt I was, my crew was there for me and protected me. That's not my problem."
"What is it then, Roronoa?"
But the younger one shook his head.
"It doesn't matter. I'm going to bed now. I still have to answer Eizen. Are you coming along in two weeks or not?"
"Of course I will accompany you if you want me to, but Roronoa... ", he quickly continued as Roronoa prepared to go, "... does that mean that you want to deny them the truth?"
He got up to face his little frog.
"I really do not understand why you would hide who you are if it does not bother you that they might protect you and not the other way around. So what is your problem, Roronoa? Tell me if I do not understand."
But Roronoa just kept going.
"No, I'm not going to tell them."
Behind him, the door slammed shut.
