Hello everybody,
hope you're doing well and I have to say, we made it far, right? ;-)
Only five chapters left, but I hope that you will enjoy it until the end ^^
Have a great week and thank you all for your support!
See you friday ;-)
Chapter 54 - Honesty
-Mihawk-
"What did I say? What did I say?! Crazy, both of you!"
Smiling, Mihawk continued his path alongside his best friend.
"Shut up, Jiroushin."
"He is not wrong, Roronoa. This probably was our last training session. Even you will undoubtedly need the next two weeks to recover, especially as Lady Loreen, and you will certainly be annoyed about it again by tomorrow. Was it really worth it, Roronoa?"
The younger one laughed quietly next to his ear.
"Hell yeah."
Then he coughed and Mihawk felt a warm liquid dropping down his shoulder.
"Rest for now, Roronoa, we are almost home."
His little frog muttered something incomprehensible and leaned his head against Mihawk's neck.
He could feel the Vice Admiral's gaze but decided to ignore it as he carried Roronoa on his back towards the castle, the little smile never quite gone. The fight had lasted only a few breaths longer than their previous ones, in which Jiroushin had stopped him every time before Mihawk had gotten serious, but the difference had probably been immense.
Sighing, Mihawk noticed with a glance that the foggy horizon now offered one crooked mountain less than the previous day; it would take time for him to get used to this view. It had gone well, after all the rest of the island was still unharmed, after all Roronoa was still alive. But he did owe it to Jiroushin, who had managed to stop Mihawk.
Mihawk still felt it in his bones, the fight had been far too short for him, but it had been a fight, like a small foretaste of what was about to come.
Of course, they had fought without swords, to Roronoa's luck, yet Mihawk had broken him several ribs and that he was coughing blood was not exactly reassuring either. In addition, Roronoa's right forearm was also broken – he had actually tried to block a direct blow from Mihawk instead of dodging as if he had completely forgotten the last two years – and, moreover, part of his well-healed scar had reopened. Mihawk had not even been aware that something like that was possible, but the impact with his hardened hand had done far more damage than he had expected.
However, this did not surprise him. Mihawk knew that in his true fighting state he in general did not think that he would actually hurt his opponent – badly – and every time he was wrong in the end.
"Jiroushin, would you mind checking on Perona and prepare something for dinner with her?" He suggested as they walked up the stairs at the castle. "I will put Roronoa to bed and take care of his injuries."
"Told you I only need to sleep," the younger one mumbled against his neck, half asleep.
"Of course, Roronoa, and we have already seen how well that works."
The Vice Admiral grinned mischievously at him with his eyebrows raised, his gaze saying a lot and Mihawk was grateful that at least he did not say it out loud. He decided not to let Jiroushin tarnish his liberated mood and nodded to him only briefly as they went their separate ways.
This would probably be the last time he would carry an injured Roronoa to his room; something he had done so many times and which filled him with a very peculiar form of peace.
"Say," muttered Roronoa, who was surprisingly still not asleep, "how was it for you?"
For a second, he paused, and a gentle warmth rose within him. Even now Roronoa thought of him and whether he had enjoyed their little fight. He could hardly remember anybody asking him that after a fight – well, that may also be because most of his opponents did not survive one – and it touched him.
"Clearly too short," he honestly admitted, continuing his way, "I wish you were stronger."
Roronoa laughed quietly before harshly gasping for air.
"Soon," he whispered, "give me a little bit more time. Soon we can really fight with each other."
Goosebumps crept over Mihawk's body, but he did not respond, feeling that his voice would betray him. Silently, he opened the door in front of him.
"What?" Roronoa chuckled. "Did I finally make you shut up?"
Grinning, he entered the room of his little frog.
"Oh, please Roronoa, as if this were the first time."
Carefully, he carried Roronoa into the bathroom and dropped him down on the floor of the shower.
"Just let me go to bed," the younger man grumbled as he leaned against the shower wall and Mihawk took off his tattered shirt.
"No, you know by now how this goes, first we remove the dirt and care for your wounds, afterwards you can sleep."
Then he took off Roronoa's shoes and socks.
"You don't have to do that," his disciple said tired, "I can manage on my own."
"You cannot, Roronoa, you can barely stand, let alone walk."
"Fine, get Perona, she can do it."
Surprised he paused undressing Roronoa.
"Does it bother you that I disrobe you?"
"Tze, I don't care, I'm not some uptight snob." A dirty grin crept over Roronoa's lips, but immediately he got serious again. "But you don't like it."
Once again, the younger one stunned him.
"What has gotten into you, Roronoa?" He muttered, continuing his work, unable to prevent from blushing. "I am not used to that kind consideration and kindness from you. You should be careful with it, otherwise I will get used to it."
By now Roronoa was sitting in underpants in front of him, so Mihawk got up and went over to the sink to get a clean cloth.
"But it's true," Roronoa muttered, "you're always so prudish and always try to avoid stuff like that."
Nodding, he squatted in front of his little frog again and began to clean the by now less bleeding injuries of dirt and sweat with the damp and warm cloth. He noticed that Roronoa's right wrist was also clearly swollen and that the youngster had still suffered some other injuries from their fight, which he had not noticed at first, and yet the younger one did not wince once or even withdrew his face.
"That may be the case. However, I have caused these wounds, so I can also care for them. I am responsible for them."
"You and your responsibility," Roronoa groaned, closing his unharmed eye and leaning his head back. "It was my decision to challenge you."
"And you and your decisions," he replied with a grin.
From then on, the other stayed silent while Mihawk continued his work in consensual peace. After cleaning and treating Roronoa's injuries, he carried the youngster to his bed. He walked over to the closet and looked for something loose that Roronoa could put on without much movement.
"I hope that the broken bones heal quickly. I do not want to send you back to your crew without being able to defend yourself properly."
"And you think a few scratches would stop me from doing so?"
In the absence of a better alternative, Mihawk opted for a fluffy grey bathrobe that Roronoa probably had never worn before, which still looked more reasonable than the ugly green coat Roronoa would walk around in at choice.
"I would love you to be in perfect condition when you see your friends again after two long years."
Roronoa remained silent and reluctantly let Mihawk help him in the bathrobe. After that, Mihawk covered him up, like a small child after a long day.
"You should sleep now to heal your wounds."
"You don't give me any medication?"
"Oh, I would like that, but you seem to be doing better than I feared and I am just too satisfied for the moment to start another argument."
He could see that this statement surprised Roronoa. Shaking his head, the younger man leaned back into the pillows.
"You will keep a watch until I fall asleep?" He muttered with his eyes closed.
"Not if it bothers you that much."
Roronoa shrugged.
"It's probably going to be the last time, right? Then I don't care."
"The last time?"
After cleaning up, Mihawk settled on his chair. He was impressed by how quickly Roronoa was already recovering. When Jiroushin had interrupted their fight, Roronoa had been laying on the ground motionless. It had taken a few soft pats against the cheeks to get him back into consciousness.
On the way back from the former mountain, Roronoa had repeatedly wavered between delirium and clear moments, apparently due to a concussion. However, the bathroom's coolness and the pleasant water had probably helped him to come back to his senses. Luckily, he had barely coughed up any more blood, so Mihawk did not need to worry about more serious internal injuries.
"Well, that was the last time you beat me, don't forget that," Roronoa said, looking at him from an half-opened eye. "Next time I'll be sitting at your bedside."
"Is that a promise?"
"A threat."
With a smile, Mihawk leaned back.
"I am looking forward to that day."
"You're so weird," Roronoa said with an almost childlike giggle. "Who is looking forward to being crushed and getting their title stolen?"
"You will not steal my title from me, you will earn it after years of hard work, Roronoa. But you are right, I am indeed no one who likes to lose." Slowly, he folded his arms and watched Roronoa, who was still looking at him with his sleepy gaze. "But I am awaiting this fight even more than you. It has been so long since I have been able to live out my art and I owe Yoru that we can have fun again to our heart's content."
"That sounds good," the younger one muttered, but his gaze said otherwise. For a moment, Mihawk simply withstood this unfathomable gaze.
"Say," Roronoa whispered, still looking at him so unreadable. "If I have defeated you... Can... can I still come back?"
Once again the younger one amazed him and Mihawk needed a second to understand what the other was asking. Then he smiled and shook his head.
"Roronoa, you are still confused." He leaned forward and pulled the blanket higher over the other's chest. "I thought I said it clearly: Sasaki and Kuraigana, they are both places where you will always be welcome. No matter what happens in the future, no matter what happens to me or what happens to you. You can always come home."
Roronoa only closed his eye and within less than two breaths he had fallen asleep. Shaking his head at such a talent, Mihawk rubbed his face and watched his little frog for a few more moments.
Eventually he got up and decided to take a shower as well. Slow steps led him over to his room. Yoru greeted him with a gentle hum, a little louder than usual; the old sword had probably noticed that something had happened on the island.
"He will be ready soon," he whispered, caressing the sharp blade softly, "please stay patient just a little while longer."
An approving hum accompanied him to the bathroom, where he carelessly threw his dirty clothes to the ground and entered the shower. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, enjoying the warm water on his body, and relaxed.
But his head did not come to rest, countless thoughts bounced down on him, like the drops of water. At first, the images of the past fight dominated his thinking. The sound of their colliding bodies, quick steps through the dirt, sharp breaths, deep groaning, and quiet gasping for air. He recalled Roronoa's intense gaze, the nasty grin, the jingle of his earrings, his pain-filled grunt as Mihawk had broken his arm. But he also recalled the heated feeling for more, his dry lips, the blood on his fingers, and the disappointment when Roronoa ducked under his arm.
But slowly, the exciting images of the recent past were replaced by the worries of the future, which Mihawk absolutely did not want to think about. He did not want to think about the fact that the two years he had been certain of Roronoa being by his side were about to be over. He did not want to think about the fact that this had been their last training session. Nor did he want to think about the fact that he had been the one, who had broken Roronoa's bones, or that this fact caused unwanted guilt in him.
Mihawk did not want to think of the day when Roronoa would go, nor did he want to think of the ones following. He wondered what his life had looked like before Roronoa had entered it, and he did not have the slightest idea of how to spend his time after Roronoa would have left. He knew it was pathetic that his world revolved solely around Roronoa and his sword art, but Roronoa had been the only unpredictable in this monotonous world.
Sighing, he began to wash himself, but then he noticed something that made all his gloom disappear. His otherwise flawless, pale skin showed clear redness on the upper arm and chest. Curiously, Mihawk quickly finished his shower and stepped in front of the man-high mirror to inspect his body, finding some other reddened spots, as well as one or two scuffs and scratches.
Full of fascination, he touched the largest reddened spot on the right side of his rib cage. It felt awkward, almost painful, would probably leave an ugly bruise.
Mihawk quickly dried up and got dressed, before rushing excitedly to the fireplace room, where Jiroushin was waiting for him, a plain dinner on the table.
"Hey Hawky, I told Perona that just some bread and cheese is fine. She wanted to go to the forest and collect herbs and mushrooms and then had no... what's going on with you?"
Mihawk stood in front of the others and tore down his shirt, which had not even been buttoned up.
"Look at it, Jiroushin!" He exclaimed enthusiastically as he pointed to the sore spots that would start to darken over time.
The blond dropped the newspaper in his hand and looked at Mihawk with big eyes.
"Of course, Dracule Mihawk undresses in front of me. Why not, absolutely not unusual."
"Stop your stupid jokes, Jirou, and look!"
"I am looking, Hawky. A few red spots, a few scratches; what are you so excited about? As vain as you are, you should rather dislike something like this... "
"Do you not understand, Jiroushin? Those spots are sensitive to touch, they will leave bruises." The blond still did not seem to understand what Mihawk was trying to say. "He hurt me, Jiroushin, Roronoa actually managed to hurt me."
Unfortunately, the Vice Admiral did not react as enthusiastically as Mihawk had hoped. He only raised an eyebrow and after a long "Huuuh" he lifted the newspaper up again and seemed to read on.
"Is that all you have to say?" Mihawk complained at once, fetching his shirt from the ground.
"What do you expect? That I'm overjoyed, because of some bruises? I'm sorry, Hawky, but I'm not as emotionally involved as you are and while I'm happy for you to have an actual fighting partner again soon, I certainly cannot share your excitement that you're going to lose your title at the same time."
Now that surprised Mihawk.
"Don't look at me like that. It's no ill will, believe me. Of course, I'm happy for you and for your twisted and also a little bit worrisome and disturbing relationship with Zoro, and as long as you're happy, I have absolutely no objections, but you just have to remember that your desire to be defeated by him doesn't necessarily meet the norm, okay? Ordinary people in your situation would want to maintain their position of power at all costs and not teach the first promising talent to defeat you soon. So..."
"Calm down, Jiroushin. You do not need to share my enthusiasm, even though it does hurt me a little bit, just for the record."
"Tze." The blond threw the newspaper at him and laughed childlike. "How can it be that a few bruises make you happier than being Ray's godfather?"
Mihawk caught the newspaper while looking at the other one attentively. It might have been meant as a joke, but he knew full well that there was a spark of truth in those words.
"That is not true, Jiroushin," he replied coolly. "Comparing these two things to each other is, in my opinion, unfair and very petty of you. Are you jealous of Roronoa?"
"Oh, God! No!" Jiroushin rubbed his face, and when he laughed this time, Mihawk believed him. "I wouldn't want to trade a day with him. Believe me, Hawky, you're one of the most exhausting people I've ever met and the months you taught me how to fight were the worst of my life..." Well, hopefully that was an exaggeration. "... I couldn't stand for a week what Zoro is doing here and then also meet all your demands and expectations – not to mention this semi-erotic tension that is always in the air when you are drooling over him – and sometimes I wonder how I ever actually endured you on the seas for weeks, so..."
"Just keep talking, Jiroushin. I like to listen to you discrediting me."
"Oh, the honorable Lord has figured out how to use sarcasm."
Sighing, Mihawk tried to find out if Jiroushin was really upset about him or was just making fun of him in an unfamiliar way that he would not have dared to do before.
"Jiroushin," he decided to reshape the conversation in his favor, "I do not need to talk to you about my relationship with Roronoa and its meaning to me, but this has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with my feelings towards you and your family. It offends me that you think I do not feel honored that you chose me as godfather, no matter why you did it. I know you had enough choices to make a wiser decision..."
"Oh, Hawky..."
"I am not done yet. It is unfair of you that you expect enthusiasm from me. You know I am not accustomed to brats and it does not make any difference that this one is from you. Nevertheless, I assure you that I will do everything in my power to save this child, your wife, and you from any calamity. My feelings for Roronoa do not change that, and if I have to stand in his way to protect Ray and live up to the title you gave me, I will do just that."
"Mihawk..." The Vice Admiral had stood up and looked at him with big eyes.
"I did not think it would need clarification, but if that is the case, let me be clear. I know that I am not an ordinary person and I am also aware that I have changed a lot over the past two years, which Roronoa is not insignificantly to blame for, but none of this changes the time we have spent together. You were always by my side and took care of me. There were thousands of good reasons for you to turn your back on me and yet you never did. Even if it concerns Roronoa, you ended up standing by my side, although I could understand if he had been the last straw."
Jiroushin rubbed his neck and looked to the side embarrassed.
"But you are still here and beyond that you asked me to play a role in your child's life. I am well aware of how important this child is to you and the happiness you have experienced, and I am extremely grateful that you are letting me be part of it, even if I cannot appreciate it as much as I owe it to you. So let me tell you one thing. Of all the titles I carry, the one you have given me is the only one I will never give up or give away. In this one thing I will try to live up to your expectations and hopes until the end of my life and to be Ray a decent godfather. Even if that means that I must attend such horrible family celebrations. So you could please... Tze, I am trying to give a poignant speech here, could you please be so polite and pull yourself together."
"Oh, just shut up!"
Jiroushin had always been more emotional than Mihawk, he was well aware of that, but he was always uncomfortable when his best friend cried. Tears of joy were almost even more unpleasant than those of deep sorrow – he could at least understand those – and so the loud snuffle of the other was quite the interruption, while Jiroushin searched for a handkerchief and blew his nose noisily.
"You've really changed, Hawky," he said mildly, "I'm not used to you being so considerate and open, give me a warning the next time. It was just a joke and then you come up with such a speech."
Now Mihawk blushed slightly as he realized that he had actually misunderstood Jiroushin's humor.
"Well," he replied swiftly, turning to the forgotten meal, "now that we have clarified this, I would like to eat and let the past theme rest. Roronoa probably will not be able to eat anything today, and because Perona is in the woods, there is no one to wait for."
Jiroushin followed him to the table and in a pleasant mood they began to eat. Although Mihawk would not admit it, he was happy, while Jiroushin provided the entertainment broadly grinning. Mihawk was truly lucky to have such a friend, who even in this gloomy time managed to fill him with such unquestioned warmth.
He had forgotten. His feelings for Roronoa were so overwhelming that Mihawk had truly forgotten that they were not his only ones. But he had buried these others so well all these years that he had almost forgotten. But now that he was no longer able to resist his feelings, they gradually came back to life.
Mihawk would not be able to prevent Roronoa from leaving and he would not be able to prevent it from becoming a painful farewell. He would not be able to prevent the ensuing emptiness, but Roronoa was not the only valuable in his life.
Jiroushin let him be a part in his life's dream, a dream he had almost lost, for which Mihawk still took responsibility. He had no idea how to treat children, he thought of them as annoying and exhausting, but this one brat was Jiroushin's offspring and if Jiroushin had not arrested Roronoa at that time for Mihawk's sake, he could at least try to appreciate this godforsaken... at least he should perhaps stop insulting Jiroushin's child, at least that he would probably be able to do.
"To be honest, I am still surprised that you came here so quickly. I could have sworn that you would not want to be separated from your child for so long after your last stay."
Jiroushin remained silent and the good mood suddenly cooled. Mihawk had probably hit a sore spot.
"Unless my request was not your only reason to visit us."
Shortly the green eyes flashed over to him, but the other quickly looked away, almost as if he was afraid of this conversation.
Sighing, Mihawk rose.
"I am not going to ask, Jiroushin. As a sign of my gratitude that you have agreed to prevent me from seriously injuring Roronoa. If you do not want to talk about it, I am not going to force you. I know you only stay a few days; we can also spend them in pleasant agreement."
He walked over to his armchair and picked up the latest book, translated by Roronoa. When no answer came from the other, he began to read. At one point, Jiroushin got up and cleared the table before he also came over, grabbed the first volume that Mihawk had already prepared for him the previous evening, and also began to read.
"You've really changed a lot, Hawky," he muttered after a while, flipping one page. "I'm really glad we're friends."
Two days later, Jiroushin might wanted to reconsider these statements when they were gesticulating wildly opposing each other.
"For the last time, Mihawk, I don't care if you're the best swordsman in the world, one of the seven Shichibukai, or my child's godfather, when I tell you that..."
"Do not question my competences, Jiroushin! What do you know about this? You are just some small Vice Admiral behind an even smaller desk, so do not presume that you..."
"Oh, I have a lot more experience in this field than you do, you nit-picky descendant of a world aristocrat. Unlike you, I know what hard work and hours of..."
"Hard work? Are you talking about your dance lessons under Monsieur Grouse or stamping your mountain of files?"
"At least I've worked in my life, what about you, my high and mighty Dracule Junior? I've always been quite surprised that you even know how to get dressed on your own. How many years did you need Kanan for...?"
"Hey!"
They froze on the spot as a wave of gruesome horror swept over to them. A few feet away from them, Roronoa sat on a chair in the warm light of the rarely shining sun on Kuraigana, the entire torso wrapped in bright white bandages and barely able to walk alone more than a few steps. But his aura of frustration and displeasure quickly silenced the two elders.
"While you guys are arguing about where the tree is going, Perona has already planted it on her own, you idiots."
He nodded over to the ghost girl, who covered the powerful seedling they were discussing about with earth almost in the middle of the field.
"Perona," Mihawk called her, "stop it. This place is not right! Have you ever looked at the symmetry of this garden? The complete balance would be disturbed by the cherry tree. You have to place it further away, otherwise it will crush the berry bushes and besides..."
"Nonsense," Jiroushin immediately interrupted him, "symmetry is really not that important for a healthy garden, Hawky. But the tree should still not go there, Perona. As a result, the entire area over there is no longer available for reasonable use. If you put it closer to the castle..."
"I'm done!" Loudly, Perona exhaled and put both hands against her hips, standing next to the tree, which was already taller than her. "The tree is planted, right here and that's it! It's going to grow and cast a beautiful shade and have beautiful cherry blossoms and I'm going to put a bench right underneath and read my books here and if you want the tree somewhere else, do it yourself."
Grumbling under her breath, she stomped away and began weeding the potato field.
Mihawk quickly exchanged a serious look with Jiroushin. He was used to Roronoa standing up to him, but that even Perona approached him like that was something outrageous. Angry, he took a deep breath, but before he could scold her for her inadequate behavior, Roronoa agreed with her.
"Well, it is your fault," he growled, scratching the bandages around his head, "if you two bicker all the time like old men, no one can stand it."
"But Roronoa..."
"Zoro, you can't really..."
"She didn't ask for your opinion concerning this stupid tree. You should just take care of the field here, nothing more."
That was correct. Roronoa had spent the past few days in bed, Jiroushin and Mihawk mainly in the fireplace room, and Perona in the garden. From time to time, the two former crew members had fought for fun, and whenever Mihawk had decided to visit Roronoa, Jiroushin had either decided to read or helped Perona in the garden.
As discussed, Roronoa had been allowed to leave bed today for a few hours and of course Roronoa had promptly overdone it again. Before Mihawk had even woken up, his protégé had decided to play farmer and had dug through dirt for several hours before one of Perona's ghosts had managed to wake up Jiroushin – neither him nor Mihawk were willing to admit that they had stayed up way too long the last night and had a tough time getting up – and had stopped Roronoa after Perona's efforts had been fruitless.
By the time Mihawk had finally showed up, Jiroushin had already renewed Roronoa's dirty and partially missing bandages, and on the younger man's complaint, Mihawk had decided that he and Jiroushin would take over Roronoa's work, whatever it was.
This was less than half an hour ago and they had not started it yet.
"What is this even supposed to be good for?" Mihawk growled dissatisfied, staring down at his little frog, who looked up to him from his chair no less dissatisfied. Although his presence seemed as impressive as ever, he was still unusually pale, and he had little to object to Mihawk and Jiroushin doing the work while he was resting.
"Perona had always planted lettuce on this field here, but in order for the soil to regenerate, she decided to plant only flowers for the coming year and otherwise leave it alone. For this, the Humandrills over there have started to create a new field for the salad."
Roronoa nodded to his left, where in the distance the primates worked tirelessly.
"You are telling me I am supposed to make myself dirty for some flowers?"
"I am telling you that neither you nor I have any clue about agriculture and since you forced me to sit on this chair you have to do what I would be doing now. So either you pull yourself together or you just let me do my job."
"Stop being ridiculous, Roronoa. You may be able to deceive Perona, but I can see how exhausted you are. Even if I allowed you to do whatever you please, you would hardly achieve anything in your current state."
"Well, since that's settled, start working."
In the background, Jiroushin, who had long since begun to level the ground, laughed quietly, while Mihawk withstood Roronoa's gaze for another second before joining his best friend.
At first, Mihawk had feared that Roronoa would use their exchanged roles of observer and performer to order him around, but to his surprise the younger man mostly remained silent and only raised his voice when Mihawk or Jiroushin were about to do something fundamentally wrong – as if planting flowers was something complicated – or one of them had a question.
However, Roronoa had not responded to Mihawk's last remark, and a quick glance told him that his little frog had fallen asleep.
Since then, he and Jiroushin worked in silence, Mihawk noting the smile of his friend, which he showed whenever Mihawk risked a quick side view towards Roronoa, who was peacefully dozing in the warm sunlight.
Perona had gone back to the castle a few minutes ago to prepare for lunch, and the Humandrills had apparently already finished their daily work and had also withdrawn.
Thus, the two former crew members were able to spend the rarely beautiful sunny day in peaceful gardening.
Again, Mihawk caught himself glancing over to Roronoa as he began to scatter the seeds into the loosened field, and again a crooked grin told him that Jiroushin had also noticed his gaze. The Vice Admiral chuckled quietly and rubbed his forearm over his face before standing up and sighing.
"That was the reason," he confessed, looking down at Mihawk. "That's why I came here. I was already packing when you called me."
Mihawk crouched on the loose earth and looked up to his friend, who had chosen this moment to explain the reason for his visit. Then he shrugged and continued his work.
"Will you scold me about how irresponsible I am, Jiroushin? You had more than a year to tell me your displeasure about my feelings, and decided not to say anything, so now that he is almost gone, I do not need your sermon. Roronoa will leave in a few days, so any bickering would be pointless."
"Oh Hawky, you're always so suspicious. I'm neither against your feelings, nor would I have the right to be so as they do not affect me in any way. What you feel for Roronoa concerns just you and him, so I'm in no position to judge. That's not what I meant at all."
Jiroushin resumed his work and for a moment none of them said anything.
"Well," Mihawk remarked, sitting on the floor instead of continuing, "because I obviously misunderstand you, do you want to tell me the real reason or not?"
His best friend did not respond.
"Of course you do not have to if you do not want to. I am keeping my word."
Mihawk used the silence to observe Roronoa in detail. The pirate snorted, all limbs stretched out, threatened to almost slide down from his chair. His mouth was wide open, and a fine trail of saliva dripped down his chin inelegantly. His bright white bandages almost blinded Mihawk in the light of the bright sunlight, and yet it was the sparkle of the earrings, the small cross chain, that captured Mihawk's gaze.
Smiling, he shook his head and turned his gaze away. Even after all this time it never bored him to observe Roronoa, because even if he grasped this body down to the last detail, he would never comprehend his little frog.
"Say," Jiroushin muttered, sitting next to him in the humid earth, "have your feelings really not changed at all over all these months? Not at all?"
Mihawk leaned back and looked at Jiroushin and then at Roronoa again.
"You mean my feelings for him?" He asked, although of course he knew what Jiroushin meant.
"Hmm," the other nodded.
He took the time to examine his little frog once more, took the moment to seriously reflect on Jiroushin's question.
"A difficult question," he finally replied, "feelings are nothing touchable or measurable. They are only perceived subjectively, and the memory of past emotions is nothing more than personal estimations, so it is impossible to say whether they have changed or not."
"Oh, Hawky, don't always make it that complicated..."
Synchronously, they sighed.
"I would say they do have changed. Just as intense, just as strong, and unshakeable. My faint hope that they would fade over time has unfortunately not been confirmed. However, they are no longer as wild and impulsive. At the beginning my feelings for him were uncontrollable and have somehow shaped my whole thinking, now they do not overrun me anymore. I would say I had enough time to get used to the situation and my own feelings."
The other nodded and muttered something approving.
"In the past, the certainty of my feelings filled me with guilt and pain..." Mihawk laughed quietly. "... and despair, I will admit that. I never thought that my own mind would betray me like that, especially to some ill-mannered brute like Roronoa, and yet, how lucky am I for what I have been able to experience for the last two years?"
He noticed the serious eyes of the blond. Smiling, he looked at Jiroushin with a raised eyebrow.
"What is it now, Jirou? Surprised by so much honesty?"
Now the other laughed and dug his fingers into the ground.
"To be honest? Yes. You've really changed. Who would have thought that the ice-cold, narrow-minded Mihawk would become such a gentle, open guy?"
"Just keep mocking me, Jiroushin."
"Oh no," the Vice Admiral sighed, grinding dirt between his fingers.
"But now I think you owe me the answer, Jiroushin. You said it is about my feelings for Roronoa and yet you apparently do not want to talk me out of them. So why were you willing to leave your wife and child just to talk to me in person? It must have been important to you."
Jiroushin took a quick look at him.
"Can't you guess? After all that we have discussed, after all that you have said, why should I want to talk to you so urgently and why now?"
After all, Mihawk's assumption had been correct. He had suspected it at the very beginning, as there had been no other professional or private reasons that could have served as Jiroushin's motivation for the trip. The quiet uncertainty that his best friend would ultimately not approve the past two years had been nothing more but Mihawk's own conflict over his feelings. Moreover, Jiroushin would probably be the only one Mihawk would listen to.
Shaking his head, Mihawk rose.
"I told you back then, Jiroushin, and my mind has not changed. I will not risk anything, especially now, you should be aware of that."
Jiroushin also got up.
"And just because you're so unconceivable, I thought it was necessary to talk to you, Hawky. Someone has to confront your stubbornness to prevent you from making yourself miserable."
They looked at each other on an equal footing.
"Oh, Jiroushin, you exaggerate excessively. I am aware of what I am getting into and I have made this decision taking into account all the circumstances, so I will not revise it."
Now the soldier clicked his tongue disapprovingly.
"Tell me another. You can't take the most important circumstance into account because you don't know it."
"So you want to say that I - I - made a mistake in my evaluation, that I missed a circumstance?"
Unimpressed, Jiroushin approached his gaze and nodded.
"And what should that be, my oh so smart companion?"
"Zoro's feelings, of course, you fool."
That answer confused Mihawk. He briefly glanced at the pirate, who was still peacefully sleeping, before looking doubtingly at Jiroushin.
"What are you talking about? Roronoa's feelings are probably the cornerstone of all my thoughts. Just because I take him into consideration, I decided..."
"You're way too rational sometimes, Hawky. How do you want to take Zoro's feelings into account if you don't even know how he feels?"
"What is the point of this game? Of course, I know what he..."
"You think you know what Zoro feels, but you can't know. At the end of the day, you'll only know for sure what Zoro thinks about all this if he tells you, and he can only do that if he knows the truth."
Slowly, Mihawk took a deep breath.
"I am not going to talk to him about this matter, Jiroushin. He deserves to be able to return to his crew without my burden on his shoulders."
"What he deserves, Hawky, is the truth. He deserves to know what you feel and to have the opportunity to respond to it. It's unfair to him and to you. You also deserve to know what he feels, and you deserve an answer."
Shaking his head, he waved it off.
"Go packing, Jiroushin, and do not burden your conscience with my decisions. We both know that life is not fair, but I am grateful for the last two years and I owe them to Roronoa..."
"You don't owe him anything, Hawky. Not for these reasons and if you owe him anything at all, then only the truth. Do you think he's stupid or simpleminded? If you let him go without coming clean with him, you will regret it forever and your will take away his chance to deal with it."
Mihawk wanted to explain to his best friend that he was about to cross a line when Jiroushin approached him, put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him seriously.
"You're afraid of being hurt, Hawky, and that fear is absolutely human and understandable. I can't force you to do anything, but if you've ever valued my opinion, please trust me this time. This time, be honest with Zoro, not as Shichibukai Hawk Eyes, the best swordsman in the world, not as the noble Lord Dracule Junior, a strict teacher in swordsmanship, but simply as a Mihawk."
Jiroushin smacked him again energetically on the shoulder, then raised his hand to salute and walked his way, towards the castle, leaving Mihawk and Roronoa, who was still sleeping peacefully.
