It Does Not Do To Leave A Live Dragon Out Of Your Calculations

When it strode out of the mist, the first thing that surprised Jenny was the size. Far smaller than the frankly majestic dragons in the cave beneath Taff's Well. It certainly couldn't have carried more than one of them, it was barely bigger than a horse. Its scales shone like pearl, even against the white fog. It ignored them, stalking past to crouch on its hind legs at the edge of basin dip in the ground. Its tail whisking back and forth reminded Jenny of a cat. This was clearly the white dragon of legend. She glanced sideways at Vastra.

"D'you think the red dragon is gonna kill it?" she whispered, shivering slightly from cold and anticipation.

"I doubt it. It doesn't seem to have succeeded any other time. Nor vice versa. I think it is defeat more than death."

Jenny was about to reply when a ruffle of air swam through the fog. She grabbed Vastra and pulled her out of the way as a long plume of smoky orange flame burnt towards them. Vastra ran, keeping Jenny's hand firmly in her own, choking on the hot air.

"I hope we're the only ones here!" Jack and Karen were running towards them, eyes streaming from the smoke.

"I suggest finding a rock and hiding under it." Karen gasped. "I thought I was going to be fighting aliens not…not that!" She gestured behind her at the two dragons.

"Trust me, some aliens are worse. And at least you're not fighting either of them." Jack slapped her on the back reassuringly as, unable to find a suitably large rock, they led flat on the ground.

An ear-splitting roar made everyone cover their ears. Jenny screwed up her eyes, it was so loud it was painful. Her ears felt like they were vibrating.

"Is this actually happening?" Karen cried. "I mean can other people hear this and see this?"

Jack shrugged helplessly. "While fantastical and amazing, and rather attractive," he winked "most of what I've dealt with falls in the range of sci-fi more than fantasy." he grinned. "Well…depending on…" Karen elbowed him before he could finish the sentence.

Jenny, with her hands clapped over her ears, ignored them, watching the dragons, half mesmerised by the way such large beasts could move so daintily in the air, dodging slashing talons and whips of tails. Occasionally another plume of fire would scorch through the fog. Whenever the dragons landed for a moment, their talons scored the earth.

"I think this is definitely a real place and that these dragons are real."

"But the dragons said you were right, that we couldn't just drive here. If this is the real Dynas Emrys why not?" Karen asked.

"I think the term you're looking for is 'out of phase'." Jack interrupted, wincing as one of the red dragon's talons tore through the wing skein of the white dragon and it let out an agonised shriek. "This is a real place and the dragons are real. But both they and probably us as well, aren't quite in the same reality."

"But it ate nine sheep!" Karen said indignantly. "People saw it! We got phonecalls!"

"This is definitely the Upworld." Jenny agreed. "The dragons said it was the Upworld." She was getting confused herself.

A bang nearby and a sudden burst of flame caused all four to scramble up, looking frantically around them.

"You are indeed all correct." A voice said.

Vastra drew her sword. A hand reached out of the smoke and gently pushed it aside, the figure of a man materialising in front of her.

"Who are you?" Vastra asked roughly.

"My name is Myrddin Emrys. But there are some who call me…Tim?"

"Merlin?" Karen looked at him, wide eyed.

He bowed. "As I was saying, you are all correct. This is the Upworld. However, around this place, I found it pertinent to cast an enchantment. The shrieks of battling dragons can have unfortunate consequences on those mortals who hear them."

"Oh great." Jenny snorted.

"I take it one of the Elder Six, those who represented lands now fallen, would have brought you here?" he asked.

"Yes. Gwytha. And Macsen. But how come the Red Dragon could get here through the Upworld and we had to fly on dragons?" Karen sounded very put out about this. Jenny couldn't understand. The ride had been intense, but a magical experience.

"I am a great enchanter, a noble magician, but even a fallen dragon has more power than me. With ease they can break through the barrier placed around here. It is, after all, merely to protect humans." Tim/Merlin looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

"It ate nine sheep!"

"It was about to have a fight." Tim pointed at the two dragons, now fighting tooth and claw as they rolled down the side of the dip. "It looks like its winning too." The Enchanter smiled in grim satisfaction.

"How do we get it home?" Jenny asked. "The other dragons, they asked us to protect it."

"It will return on its own, once the battle is over." Tim shrugged. "But it will be visible."

"What happens to the white dragon?" Vastra looked down at the miserable looking creature, blood staining its opalescent scales. It had fallen and now lay still at the bottom of the pit.

"It will stay here. This place has become its home after so many long years. It will return to the pit below, as will I." Tim made his way to the edge of the pit and started to climb down.

"So that's it?" Jenny snapped, as she stood at the edge. The red dragon was growling to itself as it climbed up, growling at Tim as he went by. It had grown larger. Even larger than Gwytha and Macsen. Whether it was bleeding or not, Jenny couldn't tell.

"Hey wait." Karen suddenly looked horrified as the dragon passed them. "Only dragons can get in or out of Tim's enchantment, right?"

"I hope you have those sonic lanterns!" the colour drained from Jack's face.

"They're in the car…" Karen whispered.

Jenny and Vastra didn't wait for any further ideas but pelted after the red dragon.

"What are you going to do?" Jack yelled after them.

"You wanted us to capture the dragon! So that's what we're going to do!" Jenny shouted back over her shoulder, drawing her sword ready. Vastra nodded at her briefly and broke away in a diagonal line.

"How? We don't have any equipment!" Karen called after her.

The dragon was striding but at a leisurely enough pace that Jenny could run in front of it. At what she calculated to be an appropriate distance she skidded to a halt and turned.

"STOP!" Jenny bellowed, brandishing her sword in front of her.

"Yelling at it? That's your plan?" Karen looked on in horror as the red dragon stopped mid-stride, snaking its head downwards towards her.

"Oh god." Jack held Karen back. The red dragon's jaws were opening, revealing very big pointy teeth.

Vastra came charging from the left, launching herself at the dragon's head, narrowly missing impaling herself on a neck spike and grabbed it around the throat. It reared up, distracted, trying to shake Vastra off.

"COME ON!" Jenny beckoned the other two as she circled round the dragon, sheathed her sword, and started climbing up its tail, using spikes and scales as hand holds.

"Oh well. At least I'm immortal." Jack swallowed hard and started climbing,

"That's a great comfort to me I'm sure!" Karen followed him.

The dragon felt the irritation on its tail and lashed around, landing back on four legs.

Karen clung on by wrapping her arms and legs fully around it. Jack almost fell, Jenny grabbed him by the jacket, allowing him enough of a reprieve to regain a hold.

"Make for the neck!" He gestured forward. "I'll help Karen."

The dragon was striding forward again, breaking into an ungainly run.

"Just hold on!" Jack yelled at Karen. "As soon as we're free of the enchantment we should be fine."

"What and then walk all the way back to bloody Cardiff?"

"Good point." Jack conceded.

Jenny got half way towards the neck when, in an attempt to shake loose its unwelcome passengers, the red dragon took flight.

Multiple profanities rang out. Jenny even heard some hissed Silurian curses that made her raise her eyebrows. She clung to the spike in front of her, alternating her swearing with prayers.

Riding Gwytha had been thrilling, smooth and warm, a wonder of flight. Jenny tried hard not to throw up as the red dragon rolled over in mid-air, digging the toes of her boots underneath the lip of scales.

"I QUIT. I HAND IN MY RESIGNATION." Jenny heard Karen scream from the tail as the dragon mercifully righted itself. "OH GOD!"

"Hey! I think I can see my house from up here!" Jack laughed manically.

"I TAKE IT BACK. I AM QUITE HAPPY TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO CARDIFF."

Jenny looked down, letting the hysterical shouts and laughter wash over her. They were quite high up. She could feel the coolness of the air begin to bite at her hands and froze. "Vastra! We need to get it to land!" She had no idea how long it would take to travel back to Cardiff, particularly by dragon, but the cold would make it impossible for more than a few minutes. Particularly for the Silurian.

"That's a good idea Jenny but how?" Jack asked.

"I don't know." Jenny whispered. There was no way they could hope to control the dragon. All they had were swords, and killing it would merely result in a plummet to their deaths. And they'd probably get in trouble if they even so much as injured it. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on holding on, imagining what else the dragon would try to get them off its back. After all, it wanted them gone as much as they wanted to be.

A swift almost vertical dive turned out to be its next move, levelling off just before they ploughed into the ground.

"Oh, we are going to have so much explaining to do." Jack shook his head as they narrowly missed knocking a chimney off a house. The dragon swiftly gained height once more.

It was slightly warmer at least, at this height, Jenny mused, trying to ignore the fact that when she looked down she could see net curtains in windows. Jack was right. They were going to be seen by somebody. But that too was preferable to freezing to death. Having to cover up a gigantic red dragon flying around was acceptable if it meant that you were alive to do the covering up. And the dragon, Jenny noticed, as did Jack and Karen, was flying remarkably calmly now, low and level.

"What did you do?" Jenny shouted, asking anyone in her immediate vicinity.

"Used a Silurian method of communication to persuade it to comply." Vastra replied simply, sounding a little weak and distant.

Jenny didn't ask.

The flight to Cardiff was a great deal shorter than Jenny expected. Which meant less time for them to come up with a strategy on where precisely to land a ruddy great dragon. They had no idea where the red dragon even needed to land, in order to return to Cardiff Below. However, the red dragon solved this problem for them by flying straight towards Cardiff Bay.

"Oh no." Jack groaned as wings were folded in along the dragon's back. "I suggest we jump for it!" The dragon was speeding like an arrow in a shallow dive towards the water. "I hope everyone can swim!"

They jumped when Vastra jumped, diving or, alternately, falling in an undignified manner into the water. It hurt, Jenny thought, as she hung in the water, half stunned, her skin stinging, the waves caused by the dragon entering the water knocking against her. She tried to peer round in the murky water, but it hurt her eyes and she closed them, kicking towards the surface.

"Well! At least we're fairly close to home." Jack held her, floating on his back as she coughed and spat out water. He pointed over towards the bay's edge where Jenny spotted a familiar red brick building. Karen was already swimming for it. Jenny could hear her cursing about the cold.

"Where's Vastra?" Jenny turned around, struggling to keep afloat with her clothes. The Silurian was swimming towards her, to Jenny's relief. Her relief was short lived when she saw how yellow Vastra's scales were. And then she realised she could see Vastra's scales. "Jack!"

"I got it." Jack grabbed Vastra by the hand, re-activating the device.

"Jack. She's too cold. We've gotta get her out of the water." Jenny was staring at Vastra's dull eyes as the Silurian held her hand.

Jack looked around the bay, searching for a boat or anything that could save them.

Jenny tugged the Silurian to her, hugging her, desperately treading water. "Please…"

An: The Golden Rule of Dragon Training is … "YELL AT IT" (the louder the better). How To Train Your Dragon, the book. Tim the Enchanter is a Monty Python reference from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Appropriate because of course, King Arthur. Merlin. Couldn't resist. Sorry. Not sorry.