A few days later, Lida managed to get herself out of bed in the late evening and come down to check on her family. She hadn't left her room at all that day, unless it was to be sick. Her hair was stringy and her face very pale. She took the stairs slowly and peered into the living room upon a very sweet scene.
Little Vera, who always thrived on being fussed over, had taken quite comfortably to her Babushka's presence. She'd brought her her hairbrush and was sitting cross legged on the ottoman in front of her sucking on her blankie, while Red gently ran the brush through her hair and they watched The Little Mermaid. Koyla was shyer, but he was lying on the couch watching the movie too. He was very good about fetching things for his Grandmother that she needed, and always made sure to keep her water bottle filled up. It was wonderful how accepting children could be and those two were learning a valuable lesson. One that meant everything to their father.
"I think it's going to be okay," Lida said softly, as she tiptoed past them down the hall to the entrance where Vasily was standing on the stepstool.
"I think it will," Vasily agreed, as he set a screw onto his drill.
"The doctor told you to do this?" Lida asked.
"He gave me a list," Vasily nodded. He placed the deadbolt up against the top of the door and then drilled it into place. This was to make sure Red couldn't try to leave the house by herself. He was going to install a lock at the back door of the house too, and had gotten a special alarm for her bedroom that would wake them if she tried to leave in the night.
He had taken his mother to her doctor appointment that morning, and while there'd been no change from the diagnosis she'd already been given, it had been incredibly helpful anyway.
They'd been able to get a referral to a day program for adults suffering with dementia, and the doctor's recommendation meant that insurance would cover most of the cost. She was going to be able to go there each day during the week while he worked. Her prescriptions had been examined and nearly all changed, and Vasily had gotten a lot of useful information about what to expect and precautions he should take.
"I had an interesting phone conversation today," Lida told him. She slid down the wall to the floor and sat on her bottom and looked up at him.
"Oh, yeah?" Vasily said. He was concentrating on fitting another screw onto his drill. A shrill sound came as he screwed it down, and then he bolted the door shut.
"It was Nicky," Lida said, as Vasily climbed down from the step stool. "She called your cell phone, but you left it in your sock drawer?"
"I forgot it," Vasily explained. "I had to hide it last night after I finally got it back from Ma. She held it hostage for like six hours."
Lida smiled. "That was kind of funny."
"Smart of you to give her that old one of yours for her though," Vasily said. "She just sat looking at it the whole time we were at the doctor's, and that was a long wait."
Lida had swapped her old phone for Vasily's yesterday when Red wasn't looking, and she was completely obsessed with it. Lida had deleted everything off of it she didn't want her to have access to and had downloaded a bunch of apps for her to play on. She had never known how many resources were specifically designed for adults with memory problems and had fun picking out games and programs she thought would entertain her, and maybe even help improve her condition. Red had learned how to swipe her finger across the screen amazingly fast, and it had become a very useful tool for when you needed her to sit still.
"Anyway, Nicky was very upset," Lida said, as Vasily stepped off the stool. "You usually do have your phone on you, yet you haven't answered any of her calls?"
"I've been very busy," Vasily replied.
"I know," Lida said. "But all you had to tell her was that your mom was alright. She clearly cares about her a lot."
"Yeah, I got that impression too," Vasily said, folding up the step stool under one arm and gathering his tools up in the other to move onto the next installation.
Lida used her hands for balance to brace herself as she climbed slowly up off the floor. From experience, Vasily knew that in a month or so his wife would be back to herself, but right now she looked like death. This week had done nothing to help with her stress levels and she'd been as supportive as she could be despite how awful she felt herself.
"You should go to bed," he told her. "I can manage everyone myself."
Klara, his father's girlfriend, had offered to pick his kids up from daycare and school, and Vasily had been feeling too worn down to reject her help. It was an uncomfortable situation, but he knew her offer was well-intentioned, and with Lida mostly out of commission right now and Dmitri refusing to assist him, he needed to take what he could get. Klara had delivered them back home fed, bathed, and clothed for bed and had sent them inside, while she watched from the car, with leftovers packaged up again. A blessing for Vasily, who hadn't had to worry about meals these past few days, as well as for Lida who couldn't tolerate the smell of someone cooking in her kitchen at present.
"I will," Lida told him. "But I want you to think about what I said about Nicky. I think you owe it to her to keep her informed about what's going on."
"I owe her," Vasily echoed.
Lida gave him a disapproving look, and pressed her hand against the wall to steady herself as she felt another wave of nausea overcoming her. "She told me she will be getting out in just over a year. She could be a big help to us."
"I didn't realize she wanted to be involved like that," Vasily said.
"Well, you probably would have if you'd answered your phone," Lida said shortly. "But she seemed good natured enough."
"I guess so," Vasily conceded. "It's just strange she's come out of nowhere. Ma never mentioned her to any of us before."
"There's probably a lot of things she never told you guys," Lida said wisely. "Maybe Nicky could fill in some of those blanks."
"Go back to bed," Vasily urged her.
He looked briefly into the living room and gave them a ten minute warning. Koyla and Vera both
complained loudly and Red stared at them with curiosity, not seeming to process what they were objecting about. Vera had gotten on the floor and was at her dollhouse. Koyla was hanging upside down off the couch. Red was using Vera's hair brush to comb through her own grey hair now.
"I'm sure I never sounded like them," Vasily said to his mother. He turned back to his kids. "Keep complaining like that and you can go to bed immediately."
It worked. Vasily walked out of the room and into the kitchen so he could lock the patio door. He could hear Lida dry heaving and gagging in the hallway bathroom, and winced at the moans she made in between. It had to be awful to be that sick all of the time. She had told him that with each convulsion she'd feel a sharp pang around her swollen abdomen. Tears would flow freely down her cheeks and because she'd already birthed two kids and her muscles were weaker, her bladder usually wanted to let go. It was an unusual pregnancy complication, but one that had plagued Lida for all of her pregnancies.
Vasily set down the step stool in front of the door and was climbing up on it to install the lock when he caught sight of his mother in the hallway behind him. She had heard the sounds of Lida being sick, noises mostly disguised from her this far because Lida had barely left her bedroom.
"Don't worry, she's okay," Vasily promised. "Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat before you go to sleep?"
She'd had essentially no interest in food since he'd gotten her, and hadn't had much more than what it would take to keep a bird alive so far. Whatever he gave her to snack on during the day, he would be lucky to see her take a few bites out of and she had no interest in bigger meals, although she usually would sit at the table with them. The doctor hadn't been too concerned. Said just to keep food always available and try to encourage her to eat.
Red didn't come into the kitchen though. She still was looking at the partially closed bathroom door in concern and after a moment's hesitation she pushed on it and let herself in. Vasily walked over in time to see her place a gentle hand on Lida's back and kneel down on the floor beside her. While Lida continued to dry heave over the toilet bowl, Red began to brush her blonde hair back with her hand until she had pulled every strand off of her face.
"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Lida asked her gently, when she finally was able to lift her head. She was panting heavily.
"Thank you," Lida said. She wiped a few stray tears from her eyes using her sleeve and leaned into her mother-in-law's arms. Woman to woman she felt that there was understanding between them right now in such a confusing world. That Red knew innately what was happening to her, even as her mental cognition tried to cloud it. Lida stayed still in her arms, allowing Red to pat her head and stroke her hair back.
Lida didn't stop her when Red's hands ceased playing with her hair several minutes later and slid down her body to the bottom of her sweatshirt. She let her tug at the fabric and squeeze it in her hands, before figuring out how to pull it up and expose Lida's belly. She hardly was showing, she looked more bloated than anything in her own opinion, but Red couldn't take her eyes off of her abdomen.
"I'm going to have a baby," Lida explained. She took Red's hand that had pulled up her sweater and guided it over to the lower pouch of her belly. Red spread her fingers wider and tilted her head to the side, watching as Lida's tummy moved upward and down with every breath that she took. She was completely mesmerized.
"In a few months you'll be able to feel the baby move."
Lida's head still felt like it was spinning and she knew this sick session wasn't over yet. So she stayed put on the floor, resting her heavy head against Red's shoulder while she allowed her to continue to caress her belly. She listened to the sound of the drill in the kitchen as Vasily continued his chores. Then the whining when the movie ended and he ordered both kids up to bed. They were sharing a room now, since they had given Vera's to Red, so it took longer to make them fall asleep because they kept fooling around together. Lida stayed on the bathroom floor for a long while until she felt able to get back up, and Red never left her side.
She tried to follow Lida when she finally was ready to go back upstairs too, but Vasily came and took over. He brought her with him into the kitchen. He had to pack Koyla's lunch for school tomorrow and there was a load of laundry in the dryer that needed to be folded. Vasily filled a basket with the clothes and brought it over to the table and set it in front of his mother, feeling a sense of melancholy of all the times as a child he and his brothers had wanted to "help" their mama in the kitchen.
Red rolled up the sleeves of her nightgown and sat at a chair at the table, ready to get down to work. She picked up one of Vera's dresses and set it on the table. Then instead of picking up the next article of clothing, she started digging through the clothes intently. She was tossing them all over the kitchen table with her only goal appearing to be to empty out the basket as quickly as she could.
It kept her attention though, which was all that Vasily cared about at the moment. He didn't want her to wander around the house and wake up the kids or make noise. He also didn't want her to go to sleep yet either, because the longer he kept her up the more likely she would be to sleep through the night. He made the most of the stimulation he could provide her, which was a tool Nicky hadn't had at her disposal in a cell block. So, while Red made a mess of the laundry he worked quickly to make a sandwich, pack up some cookies, and peel some fruit.
"Try this, mama," Vasily offered, setting a wedge of a clementine down in front of her. She picked it up between her index finger and thumb, squeezing it so the juices seeped out and dripped down her hand. Then she tossed it over her shoulder onto the floor.
"I'm eating mine," Vasily told her, letting her see him pull apart another piece of the clementine and pop it in his mouth. He made a show of eating another one in front of her before he tried again, holding one out.
"It's really good," he told her, and she cocked her head at him. Her eyes looked up into his for a moment, like she was trying to read whether his intentions were good or not. Then she opened her mouth, and he placed it on her tongue before she could change her mind. He half expected her to spit it out, but she chewed it slowly with her eyes never leaving his face.
"Nicky called to say hi to you," he told her conversationally. "That's nice isn't it?"
He watched her closely to see if she would react to Nicky's name, even though it would have hurt his feelings if she had. He had spent three full days with her without so much as a shadow of recognition. She still looked at him like a strange curiosity most of the time. Someone she couldn't quite figure out, but who she seemed to accept anyways.
She held out her hand and her eyes were focused, not on his face, but on the rest of the clementine he was holding.
"Here you go," he handed it to her, and she turned her back on him to focus on pulling it apart and feeding it to herself. Quite a relief to her son, who hadn't been able to get her to eat anything substantial all day.
He packaged up Koyla's lunch and stuck it in the fridge and then scratched the back of his neck as he picked up a shirt that had gotten caught on one of the kitchen chairs. He began to fold it, while Red eyed him curiously. She finished every bite of the clementine and he was about to go see if he could get her to eat a second one, when she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up.
She knelt down on the floor and picked up a pair of trousers, then brought them over to him.
"Thank you," Vasily said. She smiled as she watched him fold them, and then went to get him another article of clothing. It became something of a game, her fetching him one item at a time, and him thanking her for each one.
"We can put it away in the morning when everyone else is awake," he explained, as he matched the socks that were in a pile on the kitchen counter.
Red walked out into the living room and he let her go. Finishing pairing all of the socks first and then starting a new load of laundry in the washer before he went to check on her. She was sitting on the floor again, holding the remote control for the television against her head and Vera's hairbrush out in front of her.
"I'll brush your hair for you," he offered gently, holding out his hand to see if she would take him up on that and which item she would hand him. She gave him the television remote.
"Thank you," he said, switching the television on to a show that he liked.
Then he knelt down on the floor beside her. He didn't know why she liked the floor so much, but she spent more time sitting on it than the couch. He suspected she liked the carpets they had down on it. They were very plush and thick.
"Yuri and Maxsim are going to come over for supper tomorrow," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "That will be nice, won't it?"
She was scratching the hairbrush bristles against her palm now. Vasily reached for it and her grip slackened. He knew from all the times his kids had asked him to play hairdresser with them, that having someone playing with your hair was one of the most relaxing things there was. So he usually tried to indulge her, because the more peaceful things were before bed the better she was likely to sleep, in his opinion. Which was important because he'd be back at work in a couple of days and need appropriate rest.
He brushed her hair and was watching the television, and she was watching her too. It was peaceful and they were both comfortable, and it struck Vasily just how normal this had become for him so soon. He suspected he was still in shock. He had been so focused on the logistics and taking care of all the practical things that needed to be in order, that he hadn't had a chance to consider how he felt emotionally. That always needed to come last and he had learned long ago how to be stronger than he ever would have imagined. To figure out how to be content and make the best of far less than you deserved. His mother had taught him that lesson well.
They watched an entire episode together and were about to begin a new one, when she started showing signs of growing restless again. Vasily set the brush down, waiting to see what she would do. Often she'd get jolted by a sudden burst of energy and take to pacing back and forth, needing movement until she settled. She was leaning heavinly back against his chest and looking up at him in concern. She was fidgeting still, her hands tugging anxiously at the collar and sleeves of her nightgown.
"What is it?" her son asked, resting his hand on her shoulder. She wouldn't take her eyes off of him.
"Vasily."
His heart fluttered at the sound of his name, which easily would have been missed if he hadn't been staring right at her and seen her lips move.
"Yes, it's me," he assured her, leaning forward and resting his chin on her shoulder. He had his ear angled to her lips now. Should she say it again, he didn't want to miss it.
"Where are we?"
"We're at home, Mama," Vasily said, squeezing her shoulder. "You're home."
She nodded her head in understanding and reached up her hand to carress his cheek.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, smoothing her thumb back and forth along his jawline.
"You don't have to be," he told her, and he truly meant it. The words he thought he'd needed to hear didn't matter anymore. He had been through a lot, but she had been through much more. She hadn't always been right, but she had always tried to make things alright for himself and his brothers. She'd given them a home and a mother that any child would have been blessed to have had, and she'd never told them the full story of her life. She wouldn't have put them in the middle like that. Not even to clear her own name. She'd spared them from more than they would ever know, and she had paid the price with her very own sanity.
"Are you okay?" She asked him, concern was etched into every word.
"Of course," he responded automatically, and she smiled at him.
"Good," she said, sounding relieved as she patted his cheek.
Vasily didn't want to move or even breathe too loudly. He sucked in his breath, waiting for more. To see what she would say next. To find out what had been going through her mind these past few days. For these last couple of years. What was she aware of? Did she remember how he had come to pick her up? Did she realize how long he had abandoned her for? If there was one thing to be permanently erased from her mind, he hoped that was it.
"I'm going to be here with you from now on, Ma," he promised her. "You don't have to worry about anything."
She smiled at him. "I know."
"You do?"
"Of course," she said confidently.
A part of him wondered for a brief moment if this was the beginning of a step in the right direction. If being at home with her family and away from that horrible place could really make her get better. Yet, it was only mere seconds, before he could ask her anything more, that he saw the light go out. Her eyes started darting back and forth uncertainly across his face. Her hand stopped stroking his face. All of a sudden their closeness seemed uncomfortable, and as soon as he put some space between them she was up on her feet and on the other side of the room. For what, neither of them knew. She was patting her hand against the wall in a circular motion.
"Ma?" she turned back around to face him, her eyes full of questions. He paused and waited for her to see him again, recognize she was staring at her son, but there was nothing.
"I think you're probably ready for bed," Vasily said, trying to disguise the disappointment in his voice. He picked up the remote and switched off the television. He got back up to his feet and she watched his every move.
"Come on," he said, holding out a hand to wave her back over to his side of the room. "It's okay. I'm just going to take you to your bed."
She listened, after a moment's hesitation, and let him put a hand on her back as he guided down the hall and up the stairs to her bedroom. He knew now that there was still sense in her mind. Her brain was working overtime to try and understand a world that was never going to make sense to her again. It was his turn now to make things okay.
