Nicky's heart felt like it was in her stomach on the day she was released from prison. She hadn't been able to eat anything in a week. She was barely sleeping. She felt like she was holding her breath, waiting for something to go wrong. It seemed too good to be true that she could finally be free.

Yet, her time finally came without much excitement. She left quietly without much fanfare or meaningful goodbyes. There was nobody left on the inside that she really cared enough about to make leaving a bittersweet occasion. She had lost everyone by that point and the world outside the prison walls was the one that felt real to her.

The sight of the old blue Toyota parked off in the shade made her heart start pounding. He had promised to be waiting for her, but she wouldn't have been surprised if he had changed his mind. She had spoken to him only a handful of times over the past year and he had never reached out first. They weren't friends, and usually he seemed to only be tolerating her to be nice, so she had been stunned when he'd offered to come pick her up. Not many people would go out of their way like that for an essential stranger, but Red would have, and Vasily had inherited his mother's heart.

The windows of the car were down and a tanned arm was dangling out. A thick platinum wedding band was on his pinkie finger and he kept flexing and balling up his hand. As he caught sight of her approaching in his rearview mirror, Nicky saw him stiffen slightly as he drew his arm back up inside the window. A moment later he stepped out of the vehicle, and they were face to face for the first time.

"I'm Vasily," he introduced himself, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his blue jeans.

"Nicky," she replied, though it was quite unnecessary.

They knew who one another was. And that was about all they knew. Nothing they had ever discussed on their few phone calls had been personal. They'd talked exclusively about Red. The link that connected them. They would have nothing in common were it not for her.

Vasily was her child and Nicky knew with confidence that Red had loved her like her own. Their shared affection for their mother had bonded them together, and though it was highly uncomfortable for Vasily to be with her now, he was making the effort. He was doing what his mother would have wanted.

Nicky got into the passenger seat beside him and buckled her seatbelt. Vasily picked up the travel mug in the cup holder and took a few sips of coffee. Then he silently set it back in its place. He turned the key in the ignition, and warm air blew into Nicky's face as the air conditioner turned on. The radio came alive, and Vasily pushed the automatic button to roll up both of their windows.

"I got you a breakfast sandwich," he said, pointing at the dash where he'd placed a small brown paper bag. "It's been sitting for awhile though, I'm afraid."

"I don't mind," Nicky said, her appetite suddenly back with a vengeance. She reached for it and began to unwrap the yellow paper from around the sandwich. She took a bite. A toasted buttery bagel, eggs, and bacon...how long had it been since she'd had bacon? She closed her eyes as she chewed. This was what freedom tasted like.

"Thank you," she said gratefully.

"There's a bottle of water in the glove compartment if you're thirsty," he told her.

"Thanks," she said again. She pushed on the glove compartment and the door fell down bumping her knees. "I hope the drive wasn't too long?"

"Not bad," Vasily replied. "I got here fast and then just took a nap while I waited for you. I thought you'd be out hours ago. You told me to be here for nine."

"Yeah, but the people who work here are incompetent," Nicky replied, picking up a clear water bottle and untwisting the cap. "I don't have to tell you that though."

"No," he agreed.

He grew quiet as he put the car into drive and they crawled through the parking lot. The posted speed limit was only 30, and Vasily was doing exactly that. Every inch of the exterior of the fortress was taken in by Nicky, as she looked out her window and watched it slowly pass by. This place had taught her everything she knew about love. Her heart had expanded in here beyond what she thought she was capable, and in the end she had lost every single person she loved. Including Red. She was just a shadow memory of this awful place now too.

"Do you mind if I roll down the window for a sec?" she asked him.

Vasily glanced at her quizzically as she lowered the window and stuck her arm out of it. "Fuck you!" she said, sticking her middle finger up at the place until they turned out onto the road.

"Feel better?"

"A little," she replied.

"If you want we could turn around and I could get a picture of you flipping the place off?" he smirked. "You could frame it."

"I'm okay," Nicky said, but they both laughed and a little bit of the ice between them seemed to thaw.

"It's about one hour to reach the city," he informed her. "It's up to you what you want to do. If you'd like to go to your home and settle in, or if you'd rather-"

"I want to see her first," Nicky said shortly. She glanced at him out of the corner of her big brown eyes. "If that's okay."

Vasily nodded his head. His eyes glued on the road.

"She's at her program," he explained after a pause. "You can come with me to pick her up."

"Does she like it there?" Nicky asked, leaning her head back against the seat.

"Sometimes it's hard to get her to leave," Vasily replied, with a small twitch at the corners of his mouth. "But dropping her off in the morning can be rough. She does okay…"

"That's good," Nicky said.

"She's usually very tired in the evenings after all that, so I wouldn't expect too much from her," Vasily warned her quietly.

"No, I don't," Nicky assured him quickly.

"I was thinking you could come over to my house for supper," Vasily offered. "My wife is making chicken chipotle for supper. Do you like that?"

Nicky smiled. "Your mom used to make that for me."

Vasily glanced at her and swiftly turned his gaze back to the road before their eyes could lock. They were flying through the countryside now, picking up speed. Nicky felt overwhelmed by all the bright colours she was suddenly privy to. The lush green grass and yellow fields of wheat. The sky was the most perfect shade of blue with big fluffy cumulus clouds scattered about. She had gone so long without beautiful things.

"This is delicious," Nicky told him, after she swallowed another bite of the breakfast sandwich.

"After prison you'd probably say that about anything," Vasily replied.

She finished her sandwich silently and Vasily concentrated on the road. They were still sidestepping one another, trying to figure out how best to navigate this awkward situation. She scrunched up the papers into a little ball when she was done eating and then sipped slowly at her water bottle.

"I'll give you money for gas once I get my mom to reactivate my cards," Nicky said. "And for whatever you lost taking today off work."

"That's not necessary," Vasily shook his head.

"I know it's a big imposition," Nicky said. "This is eating up your whole day."

Vasily frowned. "I offered to come get you," he pointed out.

"Yeah," Nicky conceded. Words were failing her. She wanted to express how guilty she felt for forcing herself on his family when she had no expectation that her presence would mean anything to Red now. She didn't want to draw his attention to the absurdities of their situation though, because she had nothing else to do and nowhere else to be except with his mother.

"I've been curious about you," Vasily admitted.

"Really?" said Nicky.

"Sure," Vasily replied.

"Well, I'm an open book," Nicky said, shoving the paper ball from her sandwich into the brown bag and shoving it down at her feet. "Ask me anything."

"That chapter in my mother's life is one I essentially know nothing about. She never talked about it," Vasily said, pushing harder down on the gas so they started taking more speed.

"She probably just didn't want you to worry," Nicky reckoned.

"Oh, I have no doubt," Vasily said, "but she kept us in the dark about everything. She always refused to explain herself to us."

"I always felt like she would take anyone's problems and make them her own, but most of the worst experiences of her life I found out by accident," Nicky said. "She didn't like to talk about them."

"She was ashamed," said Vasily.

"And I think she didn't want to appear weak," said Nicky, staring down at her lap. She hadn't noticed herself begin to clench her hands together, her knuckles whitening.

"She's very weak now," Vasily cautioned. "She's so delicate and innocent. She can't hear the baby cry without bursting into tears herself, and I know it should break my heart to see her that way. I mean it does….but if I'm being honest, I like her better now than as the woman she came to be."

Nicky didn't know what she could say to that. She turned her head and her wide brown eyes stared at Vasily's profile as he watched the road with a stony expression on his face. How anyone could prefer someone in a demented state was sort of an alarming confession. It showed just how fractured the mother/son relationship had become.

"I love my mother," Vasily stated, should there be any doubt. "But I haven't liked her in a very long time. I watched her transform into someone I didn't know or respect anymore."

"I can't imagine what it was like to be you," Nicky said gently. "She told me you were only sixteen when she went in. I thought I had it rough at that age…"

"I didn't see her for years," Vasily said. "Did she tell you that? She wouldn't allow it."

"No, she never told me that," Nicky replied. "By the time I was in, you or your brothers were visiting just about every weekend."

"I guess I was about twenty-one when I drove up to see her for the first time," Vasily shared. "And she didn't tell me not to come back, so it became a regular thing."

"She always was happier on the days she got to see you and your brothers," Nicky assured him. "Even your Dad. She loved seeing you guys."

"It worked well for awhile," Vasily sighed. "And then she started not making any sense. We didn't see her for months on two occasions because she was in medical, and then when we finally saw her again she was covered in bruises that she refused to explain."

"She was attacked," Nicky explained. "Slocked in the head so many times that I was grateful just to see she came back with all her brain cells intact."

She cleared her throat. "Or most of them anyway."

"I got so tired of the mind games," Vasily said. "She'd obsess about things that didn't even matter, get mad at me for stuff that I couldn't control, punish me with the silent treatment, and then blow up my phone expecting me to drop everything for her. Then she didn't come out to meet my children after begging to see them, and it was the last straw for me."

"Understandable," Nicky told him.

"Of course, a lot of that behaviour makes sense to me now," Vasily said. "And even the stuff that doesn't, I can't understand what was going through because she wouldn't ever tell me anything. I don't know what it's like in a place like that."

"Believe me, you're better off not knowing," Nicky said dryly.

Vasily glanced at her and then back at the road. "It just hurts to see she put so much effort into a relationship with you when she was so intent on blocking us out."

"Look, I'll be real with you," Nicky said after a moment to gather her thoughts.

"Prison is the most isolating experiment I can ever describe, and we became a family in there. A family so much more real to me than the one I was born into. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her, and I know there is nothing she wouldn't have done for me. She's been a mom to me since the day we met."

She saw Vasily involuntarily wince at those words, but she still wasn't finished.

"You don't know what it's like in there, and I think it's a testament to how much she loves you that she didn't want you to know. She talked about 'her boys' all the time though. That's what she called you guys. 'Her boys'. I know about how she used to let you set up your train tracks in the back of the store and how she took you to the beach every week in the summers."

"I had a wonderful childhood," Vasily said. "I had a great mother; who happened to play a dangerous game, with dangerous people, and lose."

Nicky raised her eyebrows at him and he shrugged. "That's how she explained it to us."

"Did she ever tell you who made her play with them in the first place?" Nicky asked. "It wasn't her idea."

Vasily shot her a confused look. "We never knew the details, she'd send us upstairs when Ganya and his men came around."

"Was your father with her?" Nicky asked.

"Not so much," Vasily shook his head. "I don't think he really knew what was happening until it was too late. He didn't like to talk about it."

"Interesting," Nicky pursed her lips. She seemed about to say something and then changed her mind. It hardly seemed like the time or place, and Red had had all the time in the world to set her children straight if she'd wanted to.

The road that stretched out ahead of them had driven out of the countryside and was merging into the city landscape on the horizon. Vasily sipped at his coffee and Nicky was distracted by the appearance of monuments and buildings, both familiar and new. They were driving down into the older area of Astoria. Vasily explained that he parked the car in a garage near his home, and that everything was within short walking distance. Red's daycare program was in a building a mere five minute stroll from Vasily's house, and she enjoyed walking to and from with him everyday.

"This is where I grew up," Vasily explained, as they stepped out onto the sidewalk together after parking the car.

The pavement was hot with the sun beating down on it and Nicky wished she had something else to wear besides the baggy jeans and grey t-shirt they had given her. People in various styles were brushing past them, dodging in and out of traffic as yellow taxis beeped their horns at each other and cyclists pedaled past. Vasily walked with a purpose and Nicky had to quicken her own pace to keep up with him.

"Koyla and Vera go to the same elementary school that me and my brothers went to," Vasily shared. "And I live now just around the corner from my parents old house."

"Have you ever taken her for a walk to see it?" Nicky asked.

"We go by it all the time," Vasily replied. "I don't think she's even noticed."

Nicky was so drawn in. Her eyes trying to take in everything that she passed. Soaking up this world she was rejoining. Except this wasn't her world. She felt like a tourist right now. Walking streets she had never walked before. Going to see a mom that didn't belong to her anymore. She was on borrowed time, here by Vasily's grace. She didn't think she would have been as generous if their situations were reversed.

They reached an old red brick building. There was a sign outside explaining they provided adult day programs as well other mental health services. Vasily pulled open the door and held it for Nicky to walk in ahead of him. The foyer was quiet and empty of people aside from themselves. A directory was posted on the wall with arrows to guide people where to go, but Vasily led her down the corridor and then through a passage on the right that was painted with bright cheerful colours.

"Hi Carly," Vasily walked straight up to the counter at the end of the hall, and spoke with warmness and familiarity to the woman standing there.

"Hi Vasily," she smiled. She was a petite brunette with horn-rimmed glasses and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. "You're early."

"I didn't have to work today," Vasily explained. "Tomorrow will be like usual. How was she?"

"She's fine," Carly said, sliding a clipboard and pen across the counter at him. "She's been outside since this morning and we haven't had any luck persuading her to come back in."

"In the garden?" Vasily asked. He scribbled his signature and then glanced at the clock to write in the correct time. It was one forty-five.

"Yes," Carly nodded. "We had a picnic lunch outside."

"That's nice," Vasily replied politely, handing her back the clipboard.

Nicky was hanging back, listening to their conversation with curiosity. She was sort of impressed by the authoritative and calm way Vasily had everything organized. Without even seeing her yet, Nicky already could tell that Red was taken care of and in more than capable hands. She hadn't been sure what to expect. Maybe for her son to be a bit more flustered and relieved that someone was here now to help carry the load. It wasn't necessary though. Nicky could tell she wasn't needed and still wasn't sure what she could contribute that wouldn't be regarded as overstepping.

"Do you have some time now to update some paperwork?" Carly was asking. "Otherwise, I can give it to you to go over at home and bring back."

"No, might as well do it now, or I'll forget," Vasily replied. He turned to look over his shoulder back at Nicky.

"Do you want to go ahead to her while I deal with this?" he asked generously. "I'll probably be a few minutes."

"Okay," Nicky said, her voice a little bit shaky.

She watched Carly walk around to unlock the secure door to enter the facility. She locked it behind her and pointed Nicky down the wide hallway. It opened up into a large open space with bright cheerful baby blue walls and so many picture windows that overlooked a fenced in yard. There were couches and more-accessible chairs set up around a television set that some patrons were watching. A big fish tank stood against one wall. There were also large printed signs labelling anything and everything.

Nicky knew already that Red was outside, but she walked slowly through the area and ignored the curious stares she was receiving. She was busy taking in the place where Red spent the majority of her days. She thought it seemed friendly and a few of the workers who noticed her smiled in welcome. The piano in the corner was being played quietly. There was exercise equipment. Tables with different materials or activities set up on them. A worker and an older man were playing checkers together. In the kitchen, an old woman in a wheelchair was using a spatula to ice cupcakes she had probably baked herself.

Nicky walked past them all and pushed open the glass door that led to the backyard. The white fence was tall and blocked out the view of the street and much of the noise. There were gliders and swings set up. Bird feeders hung from the strong branches of a shady maple tree. Nicky looked around and spotted Red at once and the familiarity of her made Nicky suck in her breath.

She observed her from behind for a moment before walking over. Red was on her hands and knees in the grass crawling around some fern bushes. She had on a denim dress with a pair of black leggings and running shoes. Her grey hair was cut to just below her chin and was brushed neatly. Nicky noticed that she had pink nail polish on her short trimmed nails. Not a colour Red would likely have chosen for herself, but it was nice to see someone had taken the time to give her a manicure.

Not having the faintest idea what Red was doing, Nicky decided to get down on the ground as well to see for herself. She was a bit hesitant of getting too close to her, unsure of how Red would react. Yet she crawled slowly across the soft carpet of grass until she was in step with her. Then she dropped down onto her belly and rested her chin on her arms.

"Oh, that's what you're looking at," Nicky said aloud, looking over at Red to see if she would respond to her voice.

Slightly disappointed that Red hadn't even looked at her, Nicky turned her focus back to the large brown rabbit cleaning its whiskers behind the bushes.

"Hey Hoppy," Nicky called, then made chirpy chirping sounds trying to beckon the rabbit close to them. She thought that would make Red happy.

The rabbit was watching them carefully. Nicky took a chance and wriggled closer over to it on her belly. She had her hand out trying to entice the bunny's curiosity. It stayed still and did not try to hop away once Nicky was close enough to stroke its coat. She kept making chirping noises under her breath as she got back up onto her knees and scooped the bunny into her arms.

"Don't bite me," she warned it. "Let's be friends."

She didn't have to worry though. Clearly used to being handled around this place, the bunny rabbit had snuggled into her arms. It was quite content to be carried and Nicky shuffled back on her knees until she was directly in front of Red.

"Do you want to hold him?" Nicky asked. "Or her...I didn't check."

Red seemed wary of getting too close to the rabbit, despite how intent she was on watching it. She leaned in, her face close to its face, but she kept her hands on her lap.

"He's gentle, you can pet him," Nicky told her. "Or did you only want him so you could think about cooking him into a stew? I wouldn't be surprised either way with you."

She took a chance, and reached for one of Red's hands with her own. She was pleased when it wasn't immediately pulled back. She brought the lined hand up to run over the rabbit's coat, up and down. She showed her how to pet it and then smiled when Red continued to do so even after she let go.

"This isn't such a bad place," Nicky said quietly. "You seem to be making out okay. Plenty to do around here and you look cute too."

She smiled as she tugged affectionately at the short sleeve of Red's dress.

"I'm going to have to get you to go shopping with me," she said. "I need a whole new wardrobe because I'm pretty sure I sold everything in my closet last time I was home."

Red kept petting the rabbit that Nicky was holding out for her. She didn't even glance at Nicky or give any indication that she was listening to a word being said, but that didn't stop Nicky from continuing to chat. Now describing the bacon in the sandwich Vasily had bought for her and how she planned to have bacon with her breakfast every morning for the rest of the week just because she could now.

"It's the little things in life," she was laughing to herself, when she saw Vasily come out of the building and begin walking across the lawn towards them.

"You found Buster," he said.

"Too late, I already decided he looked like a Hoppy," Nicky told him.

Vasily plucked a dandelion out of the grass and handed it to his mother. "See if he wants this," he suggested to her in Russian.

Red reached for it and brought it up to the rabbit's lips. She smiled when it began to nibble on it. She held it out until it was nearly all gone, and then pulled back urgently, nervous it was going to go after her finger next. She looked up at Vasily and held her hand out, a silent request for another flower.

"Tomorrow," Vasily told her in Russian. "He'll get a stomach ache."

Red continued to hold her hand up to him. Vasily turned away though. He walked over to the shed near the building and pulled out a watering can. It wasn't too big and he filled it up with water from the gardening hose.

"You need to water your garden before we go home," he told her.

Red got up off of the ground at the sight of the green watering can. She accepted it and lugged it over to the garden that was in the early stages of sprouting. They watched her go up the line giving careful attention to each plant. She watered at their roots and ran her hand over the stalks and buds that were beginning to appear. When the watering can was emptied, and she was only halfway through, she started shaking the can roughly until Vasily went over and took it from her. He refilled it from the hose while she watched his every step, then he brought it back to her and she wordlessly continued the task.

"She planted those in the spring with one of the volunteers," Vasily explained. "She's been obsessed about them ever since. I don't know what she's going to do in the winter."

"She did a good job," Nicky said. She got back to her feet and smiled, feeling something like a proud parent as she watched on with Vasily.

"She potted all the flower baskets by the windows too," Vasily pointed back to the building. "But she isn't as interested in maintaining them. She spends most of her time digging in the soil and checking on the vegetables."

"She's always been very dedicated to her work," Nicky said, setting the bunny back down in the grass and watching it hop a few paces away.

"I like this place," Nicky said. "She seems very comfortable here."

"I do too," Vasily agreed. "They treat her well."

Red had accidentally dumped some of the water from the jug onto herself and was holding her skirt out with one hand looking distressed.

"It's going to dry really fast on such a hot day," Vasily reassured her. He gently took the watering can from her and said it was time to put it away and go home.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested.

Red was still holding her skirt out in disgust but she didn't seem to have any objection to a walk. There was always so much to see on outings and she enjoyed the exercise and freedom to move wherever she wanted. She allowed Vasily to take her arm and guide her back inside the building. Nicky silently trailed behind them.

"See you tomorrow, Galina," Carly said brightly. She had gathered up her belongings while they'd been outside and handed Vasily a large black bag which he slung over his shoulder.

When they reached the street, Vasily automatically reached for his mother's hand and held it tightly. She did not object, and allowed him to escort her the right way around the block while she turned around every few feet to try and follow the progression of a passing car. Nicky was behind her and felt a little dejected that Red hadn't considered her worthy of a second glance. It almost felt like she was deliberately avoiding eye contact, though she knew that was a ridiculous thought.

It took them a long time to walk the short distance around the block, but it was fine. Red was watching everything and Vasily indulged her. They paused several times for her to look at something a little bit longer. A squirrel scurrying up a tree, some teenagers skateboarding in the park, and some vendors who had tables set up right onto the street.

Red looked animated and alive. Her son held her hand and she knew that meant she was safe. She wasn't thinking ahead or looking back. She was just there, in that moment. Innocent, engaged, and completely unaware of her own condition. It was a blessing in many ways, and the burden of her disease was her family members own to carry now. Today had given Nicky peace of mind, which to her was more valuable than gold. Yet, the hardest part was asking herself repeatedly whether there was still a place for her in Red's life? Or was she just in the way.