Those reviews made me write faster! I have been going through some life changes myself lately and I can relate to our Olivia in this stage of my life. Writing about her and reading that you are enjoying it makes my day! Thank you! Enjoy!
Chapter 6.
However, there was bread and water brought for me, I couldn't eat much. After our little chat earlier, I was even more confused about what he thought of me now. I had seen him stare at me, his stern eyes watching me sharply. His whole demeanor screamed he was in charge of everything on this ship and that sure made me nervous.
Was he really in doubt about my intentions? Did he really think I had wanted to be with those pirates? And why was he so interested in my past in Port Royal? He was a man of the world. Someone of distinction and someone others looked up to. Then why did he want to know who I was? I was worried that he would set me up, or that he would find me even more boring than he is now, if he knew what my life was like at home.
I could almost imagine the disappointment on his handsome, hard face when he found out that my life wasn't much more than cleaning and reading in my tiny room. It was not much, less than most people had or did. But for me it had been safe and sufficient. It had not been a voluntary choice that had brought me to that life, but I had accepted it by now. The world had little room for women, especially if they were poor and without wealth. Furthermore, the world was tough, hard and I mostly wanted to protect myself. I chose the safe and secure route. It knew no other way to be.
But what would he think of it? And did I have to tell him about my parents? Maybe it would give him information that he could or wanted to do something with? I swallowed hard for a moment. Maybe he wanted to drop me off somewhere and he was still weighing in which port that would be. Maybe my story would affect the safety of the port where he would drop me off at?
Still, deep down I knew this was not a man who would abuse me or leave me somewhere dangerous. Although I found it very exciting and intimidating, it did not cause me any mortal fear. Maybe I found him scarier when he looked stern or paraded around his ship and I saw everyone taking note of him. But still I knew he wasn't a bad man. Not deep down inside. I felt he was doing his job, his responsibility the only way he knew. His way.
I perfected my drawn dolphin a little more, staring at the waves every now and then. While I really believed that the Captain was a good man deep down, I still felt very nervous to see him again. I was afraid of not living up to his expectations of me, although I had no idea what those expectations were.
Maybe ... Maybe he was genuinely interested and curious about who I was? But why? Why would a man of his qualities and qualifications bother with an insignificant girl? I wondered why he'd told me to dine with him every night, why when he could dine in peace alone or with members of his crew. Was life at sea sometimes monotonous and boring? Or was he trying to confuse me ... I shook my head. Everything I had thought so far only made me more insecure and confused. Anyway, I was going to find out tonight because I had a feeling that the Captain would drag me out of my cabin if he had to.
Armando
Her door opened very shortly after I had knocked two times. I looked at her face and saw she was still shy and nervous. Maybe even more so than this afternoon. But she was dressed, her hair half up, her eyes bright and shining. She glanced at me every few seconds, making me believe her nerves were not letting her stare at me for a longer time. I couldn't help but notice I felt even more curious about her now, now she stood here before me and I knew she was mine for as long as diner would last. And I couldn't help but look forward to those hours I would spend in her presence.
I was looking forward to an evening in pleasant company. And pleasant she certainly was.
Maybe she was just a distraction and my curiosity would be satisfied if I knew more about her. But somewhere, deep down, I knew I was more interested in her than the other women I knew. It was something about her presence, something in the way her hair curled, and her lips were beautifully shaped, even when she was chewing them nervously. But there was also something about the way she moved and how she kept her guard up at all times. She was protecting herself, but from what?
Yes, this girl did something to me, even if I didn't want to. Even though I had sworn to live only for the sea and my job to keep it clean from pirates. But she gave me perspective. In the short time she was on board, she had already brought more color into my life than I thought was even possible. And that while she didn't even seem to realize it herself.
I felt a grin form on my lips and gave her a short bow before reaching out my arm towards her.
'Good evening, miss Gray. May I escort you to diner?'
Yes, she was certainly nervous, I saw as she bit her lip for a moment before nodding and walking my way. She might have looked like a scared little mouse, but I didn't let her shyness fool me. Her eyes shone clear and brightly. This little mouse had a strong heart and was brave. Time to find out everything there was to know about miss Gray.
I saw how she was hesitant in taking my extended arm. So far, she had shied away from my touch, and when I had touched her, she had tensed up. I wondered why. I raised my brows in question as her eyes found mine. Why was she not taking my arm? It was almost as if she needed a moment to get herself together again. To force herself to be brave. I had no clue what she was expecting me to do to her, other than dine with her.
'I assure you tonight will only hold delicious food and conversation, miss Gray. Nothing more.' A beautiful pink blush appeared on her cheeks as she probably felt I had seen right through her, I saw it in her eyes. I moved a little closer, seeing she was again nervously biting her lip, before she finally took my arm and let me escort her from her cabin.
I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside that beautiful head, surrounded by brown curls. I fought the urge to place my free hand over hers, placed on my arm. I knew she was not ready for anything more than this. What most woman saw as only a friendly and reassuring gesture, seemed to be so foreign and scary to miss Gray. She piqued my interest even more. Her small hand was lightly placed on my arm. I knew that at the earliest opportunity, she would release her hold on me. Curious.
Without speaking, I escorted her to the dining cabin, seeing her eyes were fixed on everything around her, but me. I felt the urge to speak up, get her attention towards, but I remained calm. There would be more than enough of time to get more acquainted.
I walked her right to her chair, my lip twitching as I had been right about how swiftly she pulled her hand back from my arm. I shoved in her seat as she sat down and then walked towards my chair on the other side of the table, taking place. Her eyes found mine after some seconds, but not for long.
As I noticed how tense she seemed, I thought she might be afraid of me and the questions I wanted to ask her. Was that why she was so uncomfortable and so nervous? I poured us both a glass of blood red wine and was happy with my choice of this smaller table. There was enough distance for her to feel safe, but she was closer than at a larger table so that I could get a good look at her.
Olivia
I felt like there was a brick stuck in my throat, sitting here on full display. I don't know why, but this man made me so self-conscious and so nervous. The table was already set and full of beautiful dishes, filled with a whole grilled chicken, bread and olives. There were different types of hams and some fruits. It looked delicious, but I had no idea if I could get a bite down my throat. He looked flawless, as I had noticed before. His uniform was free from even the tiniest bit of dust, his hair tied back. His sharp features made him handsome, but it also gave him a stern and harsh appearance. Someone who was in charge, someone who was used to leading and expected people around him to do as he told them to.
I swallowed painfully. It was people who liked to oppress others that scared me, that forced me to be so very guarded. I had learned that you could lose everything in the blink of an eye, and I was not going to risk that ever again, not if I had any say in the matter. And an officer, someone who was in charge of a big ship like this, had to find obedience very important. I had not to offer much obedience when I was afraid for my life every minute. I felt my heart sink. My previous concerns about his curiosity surfaced again. I just hoped he would settle for what I wanted to share.
I tried hard to focus on the food before me, that smelled delicious. But I felt his eyes burn on me.
'Please enjoy the food, miss Gray.' I looked up, meeting his eyes as he gestured at the food and placed some of the chicken on his plate. I nodded and took some bread and ham, seeing how he took a sip of his wine. I couldn't help but notice his eyes watched me the entire time. When I looked up, I would meet his eyes, but when I was looking away, I felt them burning down on me.
I took small bites and had to admit that the food was really delicious. I could hardly imagine there was a top chef on board, but I almost had to. I saw that the Captain himself was also eating. Except for the noises from the cutlery, it was quiet. It seemed like he was giving me time to eat before questioning me. In a strange way, that was also a bit of a comfort. I took another sip of wine and looked up. I saw that he had finished eating and was now looking at me with the glass of wine in his hand.
I felt the urge to thank him for the treatment so far. He had been kind, easy but firm. But I lacked for nothing.
'The food is delicious, thank you.' I spoke fast, not trusting my voice if I would take my time. Thanking him for the food was the easy option. It was all I dared for now. I had not looked him in the eye as I spoke, but I looked up as he remained silent. I saw his face was blank, not giving away the smallest thought that crossed his mind. But as my eyes found his, I saw the corners of his mouth turn up the slightest bit. To call it a smile would be too much, but it did make him seem moreā¦. Friendly?
'You are most welcome, miss Gray. I hope you are feeling better after eating, hmm?' I nodded in reply as he did the same.
'I can't help but wonder about your life in Port Royal. Will you enlighten me?' He had such a smooth way with words, and I could easily picture him in a room full of officers being the one everyone listened to, because of his tone, authority and charms. I realized that was a potentially dangerous detail about him. I took a sip of my wine, prolonging the moment before I would have to engage in this conversation.
'What is it you would like to know?' I surprised myself with those words. I saw he was a little surprised as well, but he recovered much quicker than I did.
'Your life story miss Gray. Tell me about the place you call home.' I was a little taken aback by how genuinely interested he seemed. That was something I had not expected. I sat up a little straighter, knowing I needed to be alert and smart about what I would tell him. I didn't want for him to use any of the information to harm or hurt me.
'I live in Port Royal. I have a room there. Above a small shop. The owner lets me live there in exchange for keeping the shop clean.' He finished his glass of wine and placed it on the table, he sat back a little and seemed to think over my words. I forced the urge to bite my lip, knowing by now the skin was so abused it would bleed easily. He licked his lips and placed his hands on the table. It was almost like he tried to seem less threatening and I wondered why he did it.
'The owner is a male, yes?' I swallowed and was confused about his question. Why was that even important? I shook my head.
'No, Madame Cherrie has been a widow for a few years now. She still keeps everything going on without her late husband.' I saw he grew alarmed by that information and I wondered why.
'What kind of store does this Madame Cherrie owns, exactly?' I saw his nostrils flare for a moment, his gaze darker than before and if he had been trying to look less threatening just before, that was completely overruled now. I felt my heart beat a little faster.
'A little bit of everything, I guess. She sells dresses, pastries and she has rooms for rent.' The Captain seemed to tense up himself now. I brought my hands on my lap, kneading the material of my dress to keep from running away. He took a moment before he spoke again. By the time he did, his eyes seemed a little less dark, but he still seemed completely dangerous.
'You live there, alone?' I glanced in his direction, noticing his accent had just turned that much thicker, before I stared at my hands again.
'I do.' I heard him clear his throat, almost forcing me to look up.
'You are so very young.' It was not even a question, but a statement he made. I just looked at him, not sure what he wanted me to tell now.
'Have you been married?' I was shocked by his question and huffed, why had he asked me that?
'No, never.' He nodded twice before he filled his glass again.
'Then why are you living alone I wonder, miss Gray?' It almost sounded as scolding. As if he was teaching me what was normal and allowed by civilization, like I was some schoolchild and he my teacher. I had a complete answer to that question. But it still hurt to speak about it. It hurt a lot. And I was not ready to reopen that wound, not without my safe room to hide in after. I had no idea when this interrogation would be over.
'I have my reasons.' It was the first time that I hadn't answered obediently, I realized. I may have even sounded a bit rebellious and sharp. I could tell from the look on his face that he noticed it too. I couldn't tell from his face whether he was angry, irritated or amused about it. Seeing him grin a little, I hoped he was more amused than irritated. I hated talking about this, it made me feel vulnerable and fragile. Even more so than I already felt being on his ship out on the sea.
'I would feel honored if you wished to share the details of your life circumstances with me, miss Gray.' I swallowed and balled my hands to fists with the material of my dress securely in them. I knew this was what he truly wanted to know. He was curious about me and my living conditions. Almost too curious if you asked me.
'Me and my family separated some time ago. I managed to arrange this agreement and I am content with it. There is not more to tell really.' He was not responding at all, instead his silence almost made me feel obliged to tell him more. But I would be carefully. I was nineteen. Old enough to be married, young enough that people wanted me to hide in institutions because there was no family to take care of me. I didn't want that, I could take care of myself just fine.
'Miss Gray?' His voice sounded so deep and my name so exotic from his lips. I was distracted for a moment. But I did not let myself get carried away for that long.
'Yes sir?' I saw his mouth twitch, he was on my little game. I saw the sparkle in his eye as amusement was suddenly written on his face. He took another sip of wine and then let the fluid move inside the glass, his eyes never apart from mine.
'Where is your family now then?' I bit the inside of my cheek and watched the Spaniard before me grin. He was completely amused by the turn our conversation had so unexpectedly taken. I was only a little irritated by that fact.
'Not in Port Royal.' He chuckled. I saw him take a sharp intake of air, before he spoke again.
'A less experienced officer would think you had something to hide, Miss Gray. Do you have something to hide? Something that would be a disaster if I, a complete stranger, a man of the law, found out?'
I raised my head slightly but kept looking at him. I felt that edge of tension that I was so afraid of. This man was too skilled in conversation and questioning, as I had feared. But I was determined not to let myself be cornered. He couldn't drop me off anywhere right now and I was willing to bet that he wouldn't throw me overboard. Would I take the chance and confide in someone?
'Where did the silent Mary got her name from?' I saw my change of subject came unexpected, and it gave me a little bit of amusement to see him think hard about questioning me further or answering me.
He was a real gentleman. An officer in the Navy. It was almost impossible for him not to answer my question. I smiled. It was that moment I saw a change in his expression. It grew different, gentler. He released his jaw from its firm closed form and for the first time, he adverted his eyes before I did. He watched his hands before he looked up again, his eyes easily locking on mine.
'That is quite a story on its own, miss Gray. Perhaps for another time, it is getting late and you must be tired. I'll escort you back to your cabin.' It was as if I had asked him a very, very personal question. As if it were a story that was close to his heart and he couldn't or wouldn't just talk about it. As if he had really been involved, as if it had hurt him. I was, of course, much more curious than before, and was almost looking forward to our dinner tomorrow in which I would ask him the same question if the occasion would permit.
