Naruto knew he wasn't that smart. His sister was smart. She knew so much, and she always knew what was going on. There are times when Naruto didn't know what was going on—like when he grinned at that old lady on the way to school, but she just looked really scared. Or like yesterday, when he found his sister crying and he didn't know why.

Naruto hated it when his sister cried. He knew she tried to hide it, but they didn't get willingly separated all that often, so when they did there was a big chance she was leaving to cry. It's one of the reasons why he hated letting her out of his sight. It's stupid, he knew it was stupid. But there were days when Min'ko's eyes grow hazy and her expression dull, and it felt like his sister will drift away the minute he turned his back. So he always tried to stick to her. Maybe she won't drift away when he's there. And sometimes, he could see that it helped.

That wasn't even counting the people who made his sister cry. Naruto knew Min'ko hated being away from him too, and Miyagawa-san also knew, which was why her favorite punishment was putting them in separate little closets. Min'ko hated the dark, and small spaces, and being alone, and putting all three together—

Naruto didn't want to hear her scream like that, like she did the first time, ever again. So getting their own place was the best.

Except he found her crying again, all alone, in the way he knew she would when she tried to hide things from him, and he knew it was because someone hurt her again.

His hands clenched into fists.

He could feel Min'ko glancing at him from the side, as they walked together to school. He didn't know what she saw in his face—but at least she didn't say anything about it, which was good because if she did they'd have a fight again and if they fought Naruto wouldn't be able to do what he was planning to do.

Which was find the person who made her cry and make them regret it.

In the orphanage, Naruto couldn't do anything about Miyagawa-san. He could only play pranks, make her angry, make the other children laugh to get their attention—but in the end, it was still the closet for them. And Min'ko hated the closet. But Min'ko also laughed at his pranks. So sometimes it was about deciding whether or not the prank would be worth it.

But it's different now. They're living by themselves! They're in the Ninja Academy! He's going to become a ninja, like the Yellow Flash and Hashirima Shenju and all the awesome ninja Minoru-san would talk about whenever he managed to sneak into story time! If Naruto couldn't stop someone from hurting his sister, what kind of ninja would he be?

He wanted to protect his sister. That's right, that's the word he's looking for. Protect.

Unknown to him, he nodded decisively, a fierce, determined look on his face. Min'ko gave him a concerned look again.

"Uhh… Naruto?" He blinked, yanked from his thoughts. He whipped around to face her, bouncing as he walked—a bundle of energy as always. Min'ko's lips stretched into a wry smile. "Should I be worried?"

"Ah!" Naruto yelped, flailing his hands in front of him. "Nope! Don't worry about it! I was just…" He searched for the right words to say. "I was just thinking, dattebayo!"

"And the world shakes with fear," his sister replied. Naruto could feel his lips forming into a pout. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he was sure it was something mean. The curl on Min'ko's lips was wider now, though, so he let it go.

"Damn straight!" he said, huffing out his chest. He wasn't sure what that meant either, but it sounded right.

Except it made Min'ko frown. Naruto began to sweat, backing away from her a bit. An old man behind him muttered something nasty as he dodged around the boy. Naruto didn't care. Min'ko was scary when she frowned. Her eyes would get really narrow, and the black stuff around would make them look even narrower, and he'd never tell her this but he saw one of the orphanage kids bring home an oni mask from a festival once and she looked scarier than that. "Who taught you that word?" she asked.

"N-nowhere!" Naruto spluttered. "I just, uh—" What word would Min'ko use again? "Overheard it, dattebayo!"

Actually, he heard Akagawa-san, their… their… apartment manager! say it while she was talking to a ninja friend. Naruto had been sneaking around the building, trying to find all the places he could hide a prank, and practicing being a ninja before going to the ninja academy. Min'ko had gone out for their weekly groceries, so she hadn't been around. Seeing a real live ninja had made him stop, though. And that's when he heard it. But the ninja friend had noticed him right after, so Naruto had to run back to their apartment.

"Don't say that word then," Min'ko said, bringing him back to the present. She took a deep breath, nostrils flaring, as she prepared for what could only be another lecture. "It's bad and—"

"AWRIGHT WE MADE IT!" Naruto whooped, cutting off his sister and dashing for the Academy gate. Relief trailed along behind him in a cloud of dust.

"Naruto, wait—!" he heard Min'ko yell. He was tempted to wait and walk inside together—she'd only get more suspicious now—but he really, really didn't want a lecture and he needed to find Sasuke.

Sasuke would help him find who made his sister cry. That's what friends did, right?

"I gotta go find Sasuke!" he yelled back. "See ya later!"

He almost crashed into a kid then, but all she did was yelp and dodge, so it was okay. The important thing was his sister didn't yell something after him, which meant she wasn't going to be angry and Naruto won't be getting a lecture later.

Sasuke wasn't waiting for him by the entrance. It almost made Naruto worry. Almost. He ended up finding him in their classroom, about ten minutes before the bell. "Sasuke!" Naruto hissed, bouncing up and down at the bottom of the classroom. Sasuke glared at him. Naruto didn't even flinch. With his friend's squishy cheeks and round eyes, his glares were nothing compared to Min'ko's. "C'mere!" Naruto waved him over. Hunts like these were supposed to be secrets, right? So he couldn't yell. He really wanted to though. Sasuke didn't show any sign of getting up from his seat.

"Sit down, idiot!" Sasuke said. He was speaking normally. What the hell? Naruto fumed. (He learned that one from the orphanage.) "It's almost time for class!"

And then he hit the part of the table beside him. Wait no, he was patting it. Hard. But that didn't matter. Naruto's eyes grew wide.

Did Sasuke… save him a seat?

By the way his scowl was growing darker and darker… yes.

Sasuke just.

Saved him a seat.

Naruto was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. He bounded up the stairs, two at a time, and plopped down happily in the seat beside Sasuke.

No one had ever saved him a seat before! Friends were great!

"You gotta help me, Sasuke," he said, the moment his butt touched the seat. "I'm going on a… on a…" What was the word again? "You know, the thing police do!"

"Police do a lot of things, idiot." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You gotta tell me more than that."

Naruto wasn't even bothered. He's had worse reactions. His good mood steamed right over Sasuke's eye roll. "You know, when something bad happened, you find clues, and hunt down the bad guys, dattebayo!"

"You mean an investigation?" Sasuke said the word slowly, but the fact that he knew the word at all was amazing enough. Naruto nodded, filled with pride. Sasuke was so smart. Just like Min'ko. That meant he was cool. Not as cool as Min'ko though.

No one was as cool as Min'ko.

"Yeah! We gotta find who made my sister cry yesterday!" he said, bouncing in his seat with excitement. His cheerful face shifted into something more determined.

Sasuke frowned too, remembering. "Why don't you just ask her?"

"She won't tell me!" Some of his distress leaked into Naruto's voice. He had to look down and grit his teeth, feeling the back of his eyes burn. Min'ko knew a lot of things… and there were a lot of things she kept from him too. He knew that. Naruto wasn't as smart as his sister. But he knew she hated it when adults glared at them or when kids were mean. He hated it too, but it always seemed to bother her more.

If only she would talk to him!

"Are you going to cry?" Sasuke asked, voice more tinged with curiosity than mockery.

"No way!" Naruto shot back.

"Shhhh!" Both of them turned towards the girl in the row below them. She glared, light blue eyes twitching with irritation. "Class is starting!"

They looked up. Sure enough, Mizuki-sensei had entered the room. A tired smile on his face, he seemed to be in the middle of greeting the class. Naruto—and, quickly following his lead, Sasuke—ducked his head and pretended to be busy with his things when Mizuki-sensei turned towards them. "Some of us seem to be having a better morning than others," he said, voice dry. Sasuke flushed, red as the tomatoes he loved so much.

Naruto just grinned, putting a hand behind his head. "Heh…"

The minute Mizuki-sensei turned away, Naruto ripped a page out of his notebook and started writing. So wil U help me or not? he scribbled, tongue sticking out. Finished, he shoved it in Sasuke's direction, then slumped on his desk and pretended to be listening to the teacher.

It took a while for Sasuke to reply. Naruto kept glancing at him, his knee bouncing with impatience. At least that kid with the dog was being noisy again today. That meant Mizuki-sensei was too busy scolding him to see what Naruto and Sasuke were up to.

You 're gonna get me in trouble. Also, your handwriting SUCKS.

Naruto looked at his own chicken scratch. He thought for a bit, then drew an angry face.

:P I thot the uchiha polees wer supposd to B gud guys

They are! Sasuke's pencil dug deep into the paper for this one.

Then U shuld help me!

I wanna be a ninja, not a police oficer!

Ninjas stil catch bad guys, rihte? It'l B like Naruto paused, deep in thought. like treyning!

This one took Sasuke longer than the others to pass back. Naruto glanced at Sasuke, then at Mizuki-sensei writing on the board, at Sasuke, the window, and Sasuke again. Sasuke was still glaring at the note like it had said something nasty. Impatient, Naruto snatched the paper from his seatmate, ignoring his muffled "hey!" and scribbled one last thing.

Or R U SCARED?

Naruto watched as Sasuke's eyes widened, then narrowed. Finally, the other boy shoved the paper back at Naruto, scowling. FINE. But just this ONCE.

Naruto beamed. He knew he'd come around.

"And what's got you so busy this early in the morning, Naruto-kun?" Mizuki-sensei asked from right beside him.

Naruto yelped. Sasuke also yelped, except Sasuke didn't crash into his seatmate because he jumped so high in shock. Sheer instinct made Naruto slam his hand over the wrinkled and stained sheet of paper between them before Mizuki-sensei could make heads or tails of the scribbles on it. Sasuke shoved Naruto back into his own seat so hard Naruto almost fell into the aisle.

Mizuki-sensei sighed. There's a disappointed look on his face that made Naruto squirm. He held out his hand for the paper. "Come on, hand it over."

Naruto's eyes darted between his sensei and his seatmate. Sasuke's face was blotched red with embarrassment and anger. Naruto looked back at Mizuki-sensei, whose frown was slowly growing darker. He glanced at the rest of the room, where all his classmates were watching for his next move.

He couldn't let them know! It was supposed to be a secret!

So he crumpled the piece of paper and shoved it in his mouth.

"GROSS!" Sasuke yelled in disgust, along with the girl seated in front of them and a lot of other kids too. The boy with the dog's yell stood out, mostly because he sounded the most delighted out of all of them.

Mizuki-sensei stared. Naruto stared. Mizuki-sensei only raised his eyebrows. So Naruto began to chew. The paper tasted a bit like bread, if bread was flat and dry and tasted like air. It quickly turned into mush. There were bits that tasted salty. Naruto figured that was the pencil. It wasn't that bad. He was sure Min'ko would scold him if she found out, though.

It was worth it. With every chew, Mizuki-sensei's face got more pinched and pinched.

Finally, Naruto swallowed. He blinked at Mizuki-sensei, then let his triumph loose with a cheeky grin.

With a sigh, Mizuki-sensei pointed a finger at him. "Don't pass notes in my class again," he said, then turned back towards the front of the classroom. "…n't believe… reduced to this…" Naruto didn't really get what he was saying, but he knew what adult grumbling sounded like. So he stuck his tongue out at Mizuki-sensei's back for good measure.

And almost ended up biting it off when Sasuke smacked him over the head for it.

"Oww!"

"Shhhh!"

They started the plan the next day.


Step one: Find the enemy.

"You can't have your goal as step one of a plan, idiot!"

"Fine, if you've got a better idea, you do it!"

Step one: Gather information.

"We have to find out what happened first, obviously. That's when we can make a list of suspects and then figure out who did it." Sasuke finished, chin jutting out.

"I already told you she won't tell me, -ttebayo!" Naruto crossed his arms and scowled. They were seated in a corner of the play area, the day after Mizuki-sensei had caught them passing notes in class. Honestly, Naruto had wanted to start yesterday, but Min'ko had gotten suspicious and hunted him down during lunch break. He and Sasuke had agreed to plan the next day instead.

"Then we gotta find someone who saw it," Sasuke replied. He squinted at their notepad, scribbling down find witnes with his pencil. "Do you know anyone in that class?"

"…Nope." Naruto blinked. "Do you?"

They stared at each other.

"How is this even gonna work? You don't even know anyone from her class!" Sasuke yelled, slamming down his notepad. The uchiwa-stamped cover fluttered with the little dust cloud that rose from the impact.

"I dunno! You're the one who's supposed to be helping me figure it out, dattebayo!" Naruto retorted.

"It's your sister's class!"

"How would I know? I always meet her at the gates!"

Step one: Find someone from that class

The next day, Sasuke tapped his notepad, filled with a new list. "If we don't know anyone from that class, we gotta find someone who does," he said, confident once again. Naruto peered at the notepad, his jaw dropping at the number of lines inside.

"Where'd you get all that?" he asked. Sasuke's chin tipped up.

"My cousin Sho's a policeman," he said smugly. "He's one of the youngest district heads in the force. He told me all about it."

Naruto wasn't sure what district head meant, but if Sasuke thought it was cool then it was. "Cool!" He bounced to his feet, grinning. "Awright, where do we start?"

"Hn." Sasuke grunted, crossing his arms and looking around. "We gotta find someone we know who knows a lot of people. Maybe they'll know someone from your sister's class."

Naruto followed his example. There were a bunch of kids in the middle of the play area, playing a game of ninja. Off to the side were two boys, a fat one looking sad and a thin one lying on the ground. Farther away was the hill covered in flowers. Only a few girls were there. He looked towards the place where the benches and tables were set up and paused.

He recognized that blonde hair.

"Hey," he said, tugging on Sasuke's sleeve. His friend turned to him, annoyed. Naruto pointed towards the group at the table, chatting over their empty bentos. "Why don't we ask her? She's in our class, right?"

Sasuke took one look at the group and blanched. "But… they're girls," he said, the same way Min'ko said the word "toad."

Naruto glanced at the group of girls. One was the blue-eyed girl that sat in front of them in class. There were about three others sitting with her, but Naruto couldn't recognize them from this far away. "So?" he asked, confused. His sister was a girl.

"You don't get it!" Sasuke was glaring so hard it's like he was trying to jutsu them with his eyes. "Girls are weird! They're always giggling, and clinging to you…"

A slow grin spread across Naruto's face. He didn't get it, but… "Don't tell me you're scared of a bunch of girls," he said gleefully.

Sasuke's glare turned on him. "Am not!"

Naruto snorted. "Suuuure you aren't." He paused, a thought flashing through his head. "Wait a minute." He pointed a finger at Sasuke's nose. "Min'ko's a girl! You talk to her just fine!"

"She's different!" Sasuke insisted. "She's not… giggly!"

Losing his patience, Naruto grabbed him by the arm and began to drag him toward the group. "It'll be fine, dattebayo!" He raised his voice over Sasuke's spluttering. "Just pretend you're talking to Min'ko!"

Sasuke's gaze danced between Naruto and the girls with something akin to panic. It was too late to run, though. The table caught sight of them, and burst into giggles and loud whispering. Sasuke grimaced, and yanked his arm out of Naruto's grip. "Fine! But you talk to them!"

Naruto scoffed. Okay, sure, the giggling was a little weird. Min'ko never sounded like that. But hey, Min'ko was only scary if he made her mad. And the girls didn't look mad, so Naruto was sure it'll be fine!

"Hey, hey!" he waved as he ran over to the table, Sasuke slinking along at his heels. "Hey, you're in our class, right?" He pointed at the blonde girl, just in case they didn't know who he was talking to. A lot of adults didn't notice Naruto until he yelled and bounced a lot and pointed at them.

The girl reacted like all the other adults. She wrinkled her nose at him, obviously remembering the paper scene the other day.

Oops?

"Yeah, and?"

"Do you know anyone in the other class?" Naruto asked, bouncing on his toes.

The girl's frown got even more wrinkled. "Which other class?"

"There are three other classes, idiot," Sasuke hissed. Naruto blinked at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the girl's face light up when she saw Sasuke.

"Oh, you're Uchiha Sasuke-kun, right?" Naruto's head whipped around so fast he almost got dizzy. Her voice sounded completely different from earlier! The girl leaned on the table, putting her chin in her hands. "I'm Yamanaka Ino. I sit in front of you in class." She batted her eyelashes.

Naruto stared. Sasuke grimaced at her, horror and disgust warring on his face. "I know," he said shortly.

"Oi!" Naruto darted in front of Sasuke, forcing Ino to look at him. Her smile dropped as fast as it had appeared. "I'm talking to you -ttebayo!"

"You don't even know what class you're talking about," she said, voice flat. Naruto scrunched up his face, trying to remember.

"I think it's class C." He crossed his arms and tilted his chin up, trying to look bigger. Sasuke seemed happy enough to pretend to not hide behind him.

Ino's frown faded. Something gleamed in her eyes. "So what if I do?" she replied.

"Then tell us!" Naruto stomped his foot. He rolled his eyes and added, "Duh."

"Ino-chan, that boy—" one of the girls whispered. Naruto twitched, his glance jumping to the long-haired girl. She squeaked, and ducked behind the girl next to her. Ino shushed her, her expression considering.

"And what do I get out of it, huh?" She crossed her legs, then crossed her arms, matching Naruto pose for imposing kiddie pose.

"Wha?"

"Nothing's free in this world," Ino said, her nose in the air. "Didn't your mom tell you that?"

"I don't have a mom," Naruto retorted. "Didn't your mom tell you that?"

Ino's jaw clamped shut. Some of the girls gasped. Sasuke choked on something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. Naruto beamed. Take that, weird girl!

"Doesn't matter," Ino said crossly. Her face was blotchy red, her glare dark, now that Naruto got one over her. "A favor for a favor. I'll tell you who I know in class C…" A sly look stole over her face. "…if you let me sit next to Sasuke-kun in class."

She batted her eyelashes again.

"No way!" Sasuke said immediately.

"Hey! I'm the one asking, dattebayo!" Naruto yelled, jumping up and down. Ino pouted.

"Oh yeah? Then what can you trade?" she asked, looking down on him. Naruto scowled, hiding the sudden doubt he felt.

What could he give? Not his lunch—Min'ko always worked hard on that. Besides, he'd get hungry. It's the same reason he couldn't give any of his notebooks or pencils. Min'ko explained their allowance to him already. He couldn't just hand over money to Ino.

What was something only he could do?

Ino sniffed, turning back to face her table. "Guess you're not getting the info after all-"

"Pranks!" Naruto lit up, grinning. "I can prank someone for you, -ttebayo!"

"Pranks?" Sasuke said, staring at Naruto.

Ino mirrored his disbelieving look. "What would I do with pranks?"

She didn't look away though. Naruto's grin widened. "It can be like a, a—" What word did Min'ko use? "A distraction! Or payback!"

Ino looked skeptical. "How do I know you're any good?" she said. "For all I know, you suck at it!"

"I do not!" Naruto bumped his fist against his chest, insulted. "I'm the best pranker there ever is, dattebayo! I'll prove it!"

And just like that, Ino's sly grin was back. Sasuke jabbed Naruto with his elbow. "Idiot," he hissed. "Now you just gave her a free prank."

Naruto reddened. "Shut up!" He shoved him back.

"Alright then," Ino said smugly, ignoring their little exchange. "If you can prank Mizuki-sensei, I'll tell you what you wanna know. And you'll still owe me a prank." She sniffed and brushed back her short hair in a way that made it bounce. "But if you get caught…" Her eyes gleamed. "I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke's eyes widened in horror.

"Deal," Naruto said quickly.

"Naruto!" his friend yelled.

Step one and a half: Prank Mizuki-sensei

"You can't prank a teacher!" Sasuke hissed, poking his head through the door.

"Watch me." Naruto stuck his tongue out between his teeth, sticking his little plastic bag under the teacher's table with care. He let go slowly, watching the package bloat downward under its own weight, hanging only by the teeny piece of sticky tape he'd used to put it there.

"He's a teacher," Sasuke continued. "And a chuunin. He'll know right away!"

"Nahh, he won't." Naruto waited a few more seconds. The bag didn't drop. "He'll have to look under the table first."

"How are we supposed to be catching bad guys if we're doing something bad?" Sasuke retorted.

"It's not bad!" Naruto said hurriedly. Sure that his bag wasn't going to fall early, he took soft, steady steps away from the teacher's table. "It's, uh, training! For Mizuki-sensei! To make sure he stays alert!" He glanced at Sasuke, who was giving him a disbelieving look. "What kind of lookout are you?" he said in dismay.

Sasuke flushed, and ducked back out. "No one goes to the classrooms during lunch, stupid," he grumbled.

"Exactly." Naruto poked his head out the door. Coast was clear, except for Sasuke's pouty face. "Now come on, before Min'ko starts wondering why we're taking so long."

"This better work. I am not sitting next to Yamanaka," Sasuke threatened.

"Yeah, yeah. Stop nagging." Naruto waved him off. Sasuke spluttered.

"I'm not nagging!"

"Yeah you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah you are dattebayo!"

The prank worked beautifully, of course. Mizuki-sensei liked rapping the table when he thought the class wasn't paying attention, or slamming his hands down for emphasis. After one particularly hard thud, there was a splat. Mizuki-sensei's face froze. Slowly, the scent wafted all the way to the back of the classroom.

Naruto had volunteered to bring out the trash last night. He knew Akagawa-san's cat liked to poop in the little yard behind their apartment. All he had done was scrape it into a plastic bag with some water and seal it up with some tape. At least the bag itself didn't smell. Min'ko had yelled at him for smelling like cat poop, even after he'd washed his hands twice.

Naruto covered his mouth as soon as the other kids in the room started whispering. The cries of disgust grew louder, mixing with some giggling. Even though he couldn't stop himself from sniggering a little, at least it didn't stand out. The boy with the dog was alternating between howling with laughter and choking on his own snot and tear-filled eyes. His dog had disappeared under his legs, whining. At Naruto's side was Sasuke, who looked like he didn't know what to do with his face—stare at Naruto, or look at Mizuki-sensei in disappointment?

"My nii-san would have never been caught by that," he whispered.

"Shhh!" Naruto mumbled behind his hands. Ino was smart enough not to turn around and give him away, at least.

"Alright," Mizuki-sensei said. The class immediately shut up. His voice was dark, heavy with something that sent shivers down Naruto's spine. "Who did this?"

No one answered. Sasuke's eyes had grown wide, his face even paler than usual. Naruto felt even worse; he couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He was frozen with terror in his own seat. Somewhere in the room, a boy whimpered. One of the girls began to cry.

"No one?" Mizuki-sensei continued, in that dark, deadly voice.

Naruto clenched his hands into fists. His stubby nails dug into his palms. Don't say anything don't say anything don't say anything— he chanted in his head. His lip began to wobble.

"Alright then." Mizuki-sensei's furious eyes burned into each of his students. "Three extra laps during training. For everyone."

No one spoke.

"Well?" he snapped. "Go!"

As one, the class scrambled for the door. His "I better see you all running when I get out!" followed them to the yard.

Finally, finally, Ino looked at Naruto. Her wide, blue eyes stood out on her still-pale face. He grinned at her, even though his heart was still hammering in his chest.

She frowned. But at least it wasn't the disgusted, wrinkled one she gave him yesterday.

Step two: Interrogate the witnesses

"This," Ino declared, sweeping her hands to the two boys beside her, "is Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji. They're the people I know in class C."

Naruto eyed the thin boy with the broomstick hair, slouched and grumpy. Beside him, his big friend munched on a bag of potato chips, offering him and Sasuke a shy smile. They were in the play area again, except this time Ino had cornered the boys right after they'd been kicked out of the game of ninja going on. They'd retreated to the side, ducking under the shade of one of the many trees bordering the Academy yard.

"They want to find out who made Uzumaki's sister cry a few days back," Ino finished, turning to her friends.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru whined, slumping further.

"Is your sister Uzumaki Minako-chan?" Chouji asked, in between potato chips. Naruto brightened.

"Yeah, yeah! You know her?"

Chouji's face scrunched up as he tried to remember. "She said something about being a clan orphan on the first day," he said slowly.

This made Sasuke look at Naruto in shock. "You guys have a clan?" He sounded irritated, maybe even hurt. Naruto winced. Oh man, he probably thought Naruto had lied to him.

He and Min'ko had made up their own clan a few times. Orphans liked wondering who their parents were, or daydreaming they had family somewhere. Min'ko liked spending time making pretend-stories about their parents. Naruto tended to think more about what their clan did. They knew a lot of super cool jutsu, of course! And they were the strongest clan ever! They were just busy fighting bad guys, so they had no idea Naruto and Min'ko were waiting at the orphanage.

Sibling loyalty made Naruto tilt his chin up and say, "Of course we do -ttebayo!" even when it made an angry flush rise up Sasuke's neck.

"Not anymore," Shikamaru grumbled. "Dad said almost all of them died back when he was a kid."

Naruto's head whipped around so fast he heard something pop. "Wait, you mean they're real?"

"You just said you had a clan!" Sasuke accused.

"So you were making it up all along!" Ino said at the same time. They shared a look: Sasuke's more horrified than Ino's elated expression.

"Of course we were!" Naruto zeroed in on her, confusion, excitement, and anger merging into a violent mix. "You wouldn't get it. You've got a family! You don't have to imagine what it's like to have one!"

For the second time in a week, Ino clamped her mouth shut, a sprinkle of pink blooming across her cheeks. Sasuke was still frowning, but seemed mollified too, considering he crossed his arms and didn't say anything. Shikamaru looked at Naruto for the first time since they were introduced, a considering light in his dark eyes.

"How'd you find out about it, Shikamaru?" Chouji asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"I've never heard of the Uzumaki clan until she mentioned them," his friend admitted grudgingly. "So I asked."

Ino's expression spelled doom for someone. Naruto wasn't sure who. It didn't seem to be him at least, so he edged away from her and focused on Shikamaru instead. "What were they like?" he asked, making sure to do that thing with his eyes that always got Min'ko to do what he wanted.

Now it was Shikamaru's turn to look alarmed. "Dad said their village got destroyed ages ago," he said, speaking fast. "He said it was because everyone was afraid of their sealing prowess. Now will you stop looking at me like that?"

"Pro… wess?" Naruto said, turning the word over in his tongue. He turned to Sasuke. Usually, the other boy would know what the word meant better than he did, but this time, Sasuke only shrugged.

"They were good at it." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"But what's sealing?" Naruto turned his pleading look on Shikamaru again. Shikamaru's face turned pinched, until he looked like he had eaten a bad egg.

Ino butted in, speaking up at last. "It's a ninja art. We'll learn about it in our fifth year." She raised her eyebrows, and placed her hands on her hips. "I thought you were gonna ask about your sister?"

Naruto hesitated. He really, really, really wanted to know about the Uzumaki clan. His sister would be really happy when she found out. He couldn't wait til classes ended, so he could tell her all about it. But he also really, really, really needed to know who made her cry, and even he could tell Ino's friends—or maybe just Shikamaru—only had so much patience.

Sasuke nudged him. "We can figure out the seals later," he said. "I know you use them in explosive tags and stuff…"

"Explosions?" Naruto's eyes grew even wider. Sasuke shoved him. He shook his head, trying to shake the image of explosions! from his brain. No, no, Sasuke's right! Focus! "Right, right! Someone made Min'ko cry. You guys know who?"

"It was lunch time last Tuesday," Sasuke clarified.

Shikamaru looked completely done with Naruto and Sasuke's squabbling. He looked towards Ino, the same way Naruto would look at Min'ko when he checked how far he could get away with something. He seemed to decide it wasn't worth it. Naruto would've too, with the look on Ino's face. Giving up, Shikamaru sighed and turned back to them. "I don't know who made her cry. But I saw her talking to a couple of civilian kids when I left the classroom. Try asking them."

Step two and a half: Interrogate more witnesses

Naruto twitched.

Why was it that every time he approached a group of girls, the first thing they would see was Sasuke?!

"I'm Nakamura Sachiko, and this is my friend, Suzuki Ran-chan." This girl at least, acted more normal than the others he'd met so far. She was beaming, bouncing on her toes with excitement. It made her short green hair flop every which way.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke muttered.

"Wow, an Uchiha?" said the girl with the brown pigtails Shikamaru had pointed them to. She kept twisting in place, looking up at Sasuke through her lashes. Her hands twisted at the hem of her shirt. "Dad says Uchiha are a super strong clan."

Sasuke looked torn between agreeing and getting away from the girls as fast as possible. Naruto elbowed him, scowling. "Yeah, yeah, Uchiha smoochie hah. Hey, you guys know Min'ko?"

"Hey!" Sasuke glared at him. Naruto stuck his tongue out.

"We're supposed to be asking about Min'ko, remember?"

"Do you mean… Uzumaki Minako-chan?" Sachiko's smile dropped. Naruto whirled on her, beaming.

"Yeah!" He raised his hand to his head. "This tall, pretty red hair, black stuff around her eyes?"

Ran scoffed, crossing her arms and tilting her nose up. "What do you want with a girl like her?" She glanced at Sasuke and melted right back into her weird, twisty attitude. "You're too good for a girl like her, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke slowly edged away.

"She's my sister," Naruto said. Ran's eyes widened.

"O-oh, Minako-chan! Of course we're friends with her!" She looped her arm around Sachiko's shoulders, laughing nervously. "Right, Sachiko-chan?"

"I… uhh…" Sachiko glanced between her friend and the boys. "Right," she said at last. Her face was paler than when Naruto and Sasuke had walked over.

"Do you know who made her cry last Tuesday?" Sasuke said, wanting everything over and done with.

"I—" Sachiko began.

"I do!" Ran butted in. She threw her friend a look over her shoulder before giving Sasuke and Naruto a painfully wide smile. "I saw it. She was talking to Hyuuga Hinata-chan." She pointed at the doors leading back to the classrooms, across from where they were standing. "They talked a bit, then Hinata-chan ran off. Uzu- Minako-chan stood there for a bit, then she went to the tree and started crying."

"FINALLY!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke looked just as relieved. They've been chasing this for days. Only Naruto's stubbornness kept them going. With a wide, foxy grin, he leaned towards Ran, whose expression shifted into something closer to alarmed. "Do you know where she sits?"

Her head bounced up and down in a panicked nod, eyes wide. "She sits in the back of the classroom, all the way in the corner by the wall," she said hurriedly.

"Thanks!" Naruto threw over his shoulder, already bolting for the Academy.

"Oi, idiot! Wait!" Sasuke cried.

"Ran-chan…" Sachiko shuffled closer to her friend, looking worried. Ran ignored her, throwing herself at Sasuke before he could run after Naruto.

"Wait! Uchiha-kun," she pleaded, looking up at him even as she clung to his arm. "D'you wanna come over to have tea sometime? My dad would love to hear I made a friend like you—"

Sasuke's face turned white so fast he looked ready to keel over. "No!" He yanked his arm free and ran off like ninken were after him.

Unfortunately, Naruto saw. He spent the next five minutes laughing his butt off, and refused to let Sasuke forget it for the rest of the week.

Step three: Pranking the culprit!

One weekend later, Naruto hatched his plan.


AN:

edited: 01/15/2020

Note that I haven't talked to an actual 6 year old in years so… I just did my best. I basically wrote them as little humans with personalities but still mostly operating on learned behavior/speech. AKA behavior they mimic from their adults (or sister) and friends they admire until someone tells them no, that's actually bad. So you've got Ino naturally scheming but spouting learned lines for her quid pro quo routine; Naruto naturally energetic but spouting learned sass, and Sasuke trying to be a good boy but failing in the face of Hurricane Naruto and his own competitive nature + temper. Yes, it's the reason they're so cringey. Cringey is just another word for socially clumsy, after all. And they're six. So they're still mostly figuring out social cues and subtlety.

Ino was planning doom for her doting father, Head of Intelligence, who had told her nothing about Uzumaki clans. Not like that's his fault, but then again… daddy's girl…

Also, imagine my surprise that Pigtail Girl actually exists! If you check the first episode of Naruto, she's right next to Ino and Sakura, yelling at Naruto to get away from dearest Sasuke-kun. Wild.