Master of My Sea


Hello everyone, I hope you are doing well and keeping safe. If you or someone you know has been affected by Covid, I hope you/they recover well and swiftly. The second wave of a pandemic is always the worst, but we as humans have gone through much worse with even less, and for a longer period of time.

In the mean time, I hope this chapter helps to distract you for the moments you're reading it :).

This chapter is another time jump and it speeds up to the next transition. This chapter and the next chapter are VERY important, so please dont read or skim through, as it finally reveals a massive part of Kara's story.


chapter eighteen:
THE RING OF FIRE


Kára's feet skidded across the wet and icy ground, nearly losing her footing and exposing her position. Hadn't there been a hand that grabbed her and pulled her behind a rock formation, she would have slipped and landed in open clearing. Esmé quickly clasped her hand over Kára's mouth to prevent her from yelping and giving their position. Kára's eyes went wide from surprise, then shifted to look at her friend raising her other finger to her lips to signal for her to be quiet. Slowly she let go of Kára, and then the two crouched behind the rocks, breathing hard but softly.

"They're behind the trees," Esmé spoke in a whisper, pointing forward to where Kára had originally been heading.

"Where's Svana and Gunnr? We cannot take them all alone," Kára asked, looking around her to make sure no one was around. It was the middle of winter, and the sun was setting earlier every day, bringing them closer to Yuletide.

"They're on the other side," Esmé snuck a look over the rock. Their people were scattered, but Gunnr and Svana were the shadow team, and managed to close in behind the enemy without them noticing. As long as their attention was on Kára and Esmé, Svana and Gunnr had the chance to wipe out those that remained. But if they just sat here, the enemy won't wait for them to show their position forever. Esmé looked back at her shield sister, "We have to distract them."

Kára shook her head, "Oh no, I just barely escaped an attack."

"If we distract them, their position will be exposed, and they won't see Gunnr and Svana coming for them," Esmé explained, and placed a firm hand on her shoulder. "We were trained for this, sister. We always knew that we'd make sacrifices."

Kára's jaw straightened as she considered her words. With a great sigh through her nose, she grabbed her shield sister's hand on her shoulder. "Victory or Valhalla."

Esmé smiled, "Victory or Valhalla."

The two of them took a deep breath as they picked themselves from the icy ground, holding their weapons in their fists and jumped over the rock formation. Their battle cry shook the silence of the forest, and their heels pounded the ground with violent vibrations. Snow crunched beneath their weight and flew around their stampede as they both charged the trees.

They were barely able to move their readied arms before they were immediately pelted in succession by the enemy with a force that knocked them both on their backs. The shrill screams of victory pierced the drums of the girls' ears, but that was short lived when a voice shouted over them.

"Oi, shitheads!"

Kára never thought she would say this, but the sound of Svana's voice filled her with relief. Though nothing was more satisfying than the screams of children being pummelled with icy snowballs by grown women. Kára braved an eye open, blinking away the icy cold snow sliding down her face, and immediately ran her hands through the surrounding ground, and gathered snow in her palms and quickly joined Svana and Gunnr in the assault.

The kids both laughed and screamed as they were reduced to a pile on the floor as the four adult women attacked them with snowballs. Once it slowed down, the oldest of the group of kids, Frodi, pulled his hands from his eyes and glared at the shieldmaidens, particularly at Kára.

"You tricked us!" The eleven year old shouted.

Kára stuck her tongue out the boy, "Take this as advice, little pup: always stay ahead of your enemy." She laughed at his eye roll and pout, but offered his hand for her to take. He, of course, ignored it, and pushed himself up. Frodi had become a surrogate brother ever since she had become his primary archery and hunting teacher two years ago. It was hard to ignore the changes he rapidly went through in such a short period of time, from his height, to his voice, and to his attitude. Especially the growth of that typical norseman ego and pride.

"Hali, you were supposed to keep watch of the others!" True to any man, Frodi directed the fault at someone else.

Esmé and Kára rolled their eyes collectively at this. Hali, Lagertha's grandson, gave the older boy a scowl that only a Lothbrok could make. The five year old wiped the melting snow from his face with his sleeve and stood up in a huff, "I was trying but your big ol' head was in the way!"

"Your head will be in the way of my fist-"

"Frodi," Kára pulled on the boy by the shoulder and spun him around, and looked down at him with the furrowed brow of a disapproving elder. "That is not how you talk to those younger than you. If you ever want to get your armband, then you must act like a man. Men do not threaten those that are weaker than them; cowards do. Are you a man or a coward?"

His lips pursed and he looked away from her face. She sharply told him to look at her, and he did so reluctantly. When he caught her eye, a guilty look took over his annoyed one.

In a pathetic voice, he replied, "I am a man."

"Then act like it," she gave him a flick on his forehead, and then tousled his hair.

"Are you all done here?" A voice called from a few yards away. Looking up, Kára could just make out Astrid by the dying light of the setting sun. "Lagertha wants everyone in the Hall. We've got a visitor."

Without room for questions, Astrid sauntered away from everyone. The four girls, and the children all looked at each other in confusion, all thinking the same question. Who was the visitor? As the youngins all sped out of the forest, ready to warm up around a hearth, the four girls trailed behind them.

"Who do you think it is?" Gunnr asked as she rubbed her mitten covered hands together.

"Another Jarl?" Esmé wondered out loud.

"If it was a Jarl, we would have known about it days ago," Svana said. "But it has to be someone of significance if Astrid was sent to collect us."

"Perhaps it's Thorvald," When Esmé mentioned the name, all three girls looked directly at Kára.

The last time they saw Thorvald was last summer, and Kára was painfully aware of how long he had been gone. While Lagertha was used to him being gone for many seasons, Kára was not too keen on people coming into her life just to leave. After they returned from the village two years ago, Kára and Thorvald had attempted at a secret courtship, but failed at hiding it, so the city was well aware of their status of lovers. But as a ranger, Thorvald would come in and out of Kára's life like seasons changing. Then, suddenly, he just didn't return, and the only thing that was left were the speculations, none of which were at all encouraging.

But, that was the life that he chose, and the life Kára knew her people lived. She didn't love him, at least not in the way that she loved Ivar, but Thorvald had become a trusted friend and ally, and she did miss him. However, she had to move on, like she always had to do with everyone that stepped out of her life.

Kára finally noticed the silence, and shifted her eyes around and noticed they were looking at her pensively. With a furrowed brow, she questioned, "What?"

"If it is Thorvald, would you do us a kindness, and wait until you two are alone before you pull off your dress?" Svana asked.

Kára sighed irritably, "For the last time, I did not see you in the hut."

When they made it to Lagertha's longhouse, the sound of jovial chatter could be heard from the outside. The sun had officially set on Hedeby, and the children had long ago beat the four shieldmaidens to the destination. The structure seemed swell with the amount of bodies that were collected inside, which indicated a celebration of some kind. When the four entered into the Hall, they immediately noticed unfamiliar faces amongst the karls of Hedeby.

Kára scanned the crowd in an attempt to spot the pale blonde head of Thorvald, but she found no one that even remotely matched her memory of him. However, she did spot someone else that made her world slow down. It was a face she didn't expect to see, and didn't think she would see, at least not for some more years.

"Bjorn?!"

Her voice barely carried through the chattering crowd, so Kára moved closer and called out louder a few more times. His head perked once the call of his name reached him, and the large man looked around and spotted the girl that was slowly approaching him. She said nothing, but knew as he gazed at her that he didn't recognize her, at least not immediately. When the hearthlight reflected against her red hair, which had darkened over the years, she could see the recognition dawn on him.

"Is that Kára Grœnnfótr I see?" Bjorn's smile broadened as he extended his arms out to wrap them around her once she reached him. She laughed at the old nickname and when he lifted her up with ease. Bjorn was just as big as she remembered, but somehow bigger. It may have been how much he matured over the years. No doubt arriving home after Paris had made him age fast, what with the news of Siggy's death and the disappearance of Ragnar.

It had hit Kára hard when she heard of Siggy's death when she got to Hedeby. She held regrets for leaving the toddler in the hands of an unstable queen. She knew it was an accident, but she still felt guilty for not taking the girl with her when she and her mother were casted out of Kattegat. Lagertha assured her Siggy was not her responsibility, nor was it Hulda's, being that Aslaug was given the task of looking after her. The Jarl had a look in her eyes when saying that, making Kára believe that Lagertha blamed her first grandchild's death on the Queen's negligence. Kára couldn't wholly believe that Aslaug would be that irresponsible, but the last time she saw her, she was erratic and unstable, so the possibility of negligence wasn't lost on the girl.

Bjorn, however, was a sight for sore eyes. He had a bit of everyone in his features, mainly his father around his eyes. She missed Ragnar, and seeing his eldest son brought those feelings back. It was enough for her to tear up, but after years of being shieldmaiden, she had learned to cage her emotions when appropriate. When Kára met Torvi, she was in awe of her, not just because she was a princess, but because she had made a name of herself when she returned from Paris along with everyone else. During the majority of Kára's stay in Hedeby, Torvi was back at Kattegat, and when she returned to Hedeby, she came with two sons, and a young daughter. Guthrum, the eldest, Hali, the second son, and Asa, the youngest daughter. Hali and Asa, Kára learned, were Bjorn's. It was quite daunting to learn this, given that the last time she saw Bjorn he was merely a father of one, and now he had two children both older and of the same age as Siggy was. Then there was Guthrum, who Kára had never formally met, but he was the same age, if not a season younger, as her and the other girls.

After the initial catch up, Bjorn had taken Kára aside to Lagertha's quarters, away from the chatter and music in the main hall. Both reclined in the chairs at the round wooden table, and once she saw Bjorn's features relax, Kára knew that the conversation would be veering into a more personal one.

"Lagertha told me Ragnar had been with you and your mother," he spoke, making a statement rather than a question. "I am afraid to ask what he was like during those years."

"He was not well in the beginning. My mother and I took care of him, until we purged his body of the poison from his body," Kára immediately answered. "He got better, if you were wondering. Enough to take care of himself, and then me."

"I cannot deny that gives me some peace of mind. I was worried that his mind had completely rotten, and there was nothing left of him but a shadow."

"I don't want to lie to you, Bjorn, even when he was at his full strength, there was something that haunted his mind that I was far too young to understand," Kára admitted, fiddling with her thumbs. "I still don't understand. I suspect that's one of the reasons why he left me to Lagertha."

Bjorn nodded somberly, "There are battles a man must fight alone. It is a pity that he had to turn his back on his people and on his family. I still do not respect that decision, Kára. He had responsibilities, and what I'm understanding is that he chose to ignore them even when he was on his feet."

"I understand, Bjorn," Kára gave a small smile. "I do not know where he is now, if you were wondering."

"Wherever he is, Kára, I do not think he will return," he reached towards the table and grabbed his ale, and took a sip.

With a tilt of her head, she asked, "Why do you think that?"

"Would you?"

She couldn't help herself, she gave a snort and leaned her head back against the chair. "I would not be able to if I wanted."

Kára suspected Bjorn knew what had happened just by the lack of reaction to her words. It was a relief, since she didn't want to retell the story of what happened. She was getting tired of telling it, almost as much as she was tired of remembering it. In fact, she had just managed to finally put it behind her and accept the fact that she may never return to Kattegat, nor see Ivar ever again. That was, until Bjorn spoke.

"There is nothing stopping you, Grœnnfótr."

"The ruling queen of Kattegat is stopping me, Ironside."

He waved his large hand and made a dismissive noise, "Do not worry about Aslaug. She has drowned herself in sweet wines for the last five winters. I doubt that she even remembers what you look like."

Kára stared at him for a beat as she let the mere idea of returning to Kattegat humour her heart. After that moment passed, she looked away and shook her head, "Ivar is probably resentful. I nearly killed him; I do not doubt he would want to return the favour."

An unsettling silence befell on the room. The muffled chatter and drum playing outside in the hall created a static noise to fill it, but the sudden look of pity that filled Bjorn's eyes was loud enough to drown it out of her ears.

"You didn't hear?"

A pit of worry settled into the center of her stomach as a flurry of dreadful scenarios rushed through her mind, down her throat and to her heart. The colour drained from her face as she swallowed, dreading the answer to her question.

"Hear what?"

"Ivar lost his memory. He does not remember anything past the beginning of that spring, before he met you."

Bjorn's voice was careful, but direct. His eyes searched the girl's face, trying to read her as if she were a child once more. And in that moment, it was like she was, at least in her eyes. Her body was stiff like steel, but her eyes flickered around to avoid Bjorn's, as if she were looking at her own thoughts scribed before her. Finally, her eyebrows furrowed, and her mouth opened just a fraction, desperate to respond to the news, but all she could muster was an nearly inaudible "What?"

"Sigurd told us that Ivar has no recollection of anything before the day he met you, or your mother, and that… he is not the same."

"Not the same?" Kára asked quietly with a tilt of her head. "What do you mean?"

"He has become stubborn, arrogant, and selfish."

"He was always stubborn, arrogant, and selfish."

Bjorn gave a snort, "It is worse, then."

Kára gave a sigh and shifted herself in the chair, shaking her head, mostly to herself. "I do not know what you want me to say. If Ivar does not even remember me, there is little for me to return to Kattegat to. I was not close to Ubbe, Sigurd, or Hvitserk, and you are here. So there is nothing in Kattegat that waits for me."

Bjorn gave her a tight lip smile before leaning against his knees, holding his mug in his laced fingers. "Kára, if you ask me, Ivar is different, because he does not remember you. You may not have known it, but you did a lot of good for him. And now… all that good is gone, and what is left is…" He sighed as he trailed off. "You do not need to go back if you truly do not want to, Kára. But, do not think there is nothing waiting for you in Kattegat. He just does not remember who he is waiting for."

X X X

Yuletide seemed to go by faster than Kára had realized. Ever since she had talked to Bjorn, she had been living primarily in her own thoughts. She lay awake in her bed, tossing and turning, her mind filled with overlapping voices of the past. The shrill yell of Aslaug had never died down in her memory. She remembered every word said to her, but the image seemed to grow more and more angry over the years. Hulda often said that when she grew up she would look back at her childhood as if she were looking at a fish in the ocean. Kára had no idea what she meant by that, but it was clear now. Things looked bigger under the surface of the water than they actually were. And even as she rationalized that it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would if she had returned, Kára still saw that fish as large as a shark.

She had flipped flopped her decision for weeks, and then months. Bjorn had stayed in Hedeby for the rest of the winter season, but he hadn't brought up the topic to her since that day. It wasn't until the snow began to melt, and the buds on the trees were starting to show that Bjorn brought it up, because that was when he was returning to Kattegat.

"We will be returning to Kattegat by sunrise," he told her at the foot of her house she had shared with Esmé. "You can accompany us. It would be safer than on your own."

After silent consideration to his words, she merely nodded at him, and said, "If you don't see me in the morning, you'll know my decision."

His response was a simple nod, and left her alone.

Kára leaned against the side of the small house, watching his tall frame walk away, and wondered if that was going to be the last time she was going to see Bjorn for some time. Her eyes moved over to the expanse of the city, over the faces that she had become familiar with over the last two years. Her eyes landed on Lagertha, who had been looking at her as well. It was a great distance, but they stared at each other until the older gave her a nod and turned away.

A silent blessing of whatever path Kára decided to take.

X X X

That night Kára fell into an uneasy sleep. There was still the remnant of a chill in the air that seeped into the crevices of the house and yet despite it Kára was in a sweat. Her furs were tangled between her legs as she twisted around in her cot, feeling her body ache in every position, but unable to open her eyes from the sleepless slumber.

Her mind was trapped in a humid fog in which she couldn't escape. The air around her felt moist and hot, so moist that her hair clung to her skin with a dampness that didn't come from her own sweat. Her feet stumbled forward in the fog, feeling the surface under her was was as if it had no mass to support her. Her ears were deaf to all sounds, except to her breathing and the foreboding rhythm of her heartbeat. This sound she had heard in her dreams before, but she only recognized it as the beat of a drum.

The farther she moved forward, the hotter the air seemed to get. Nothing changed, otherwise; the fog still blinded her, her heart still pounded in her head like a steady war drum. Before she felt herself grow hopeless, she could faintly see a glow of light in the fog. It was warm and yellow, reminding her of the sun. Like a moth, she followed it. Her legs felt they were chained to rocks; rocks that grew larger and heavier the closer she walked towards the warm glow. However, the sheer desperation to be freed from the greyness of the fog was enough for her to ignore the weight she dragged.

Her breathing became laboured, the drums louder in her head, and when she reached the source of the warm light, she fell to her knees. A ring of fire raged in front of her, and at its center floating as if underwater, was a valkyrie. Her red hair danced around her head like a curtain of silk. Her forehead adorned a crown of gold, and her body clad in a sheer fabric in the colours of pale white and dark blue. It billowed around her like the northern lights. And then Kára her wings, which were weighed down and trapped by chains that anchored her floating body.

Kára could not make out her face, as her hair obscured her view. The weight that seemed to pull her to the ground seemed to be heavier than ever before, and the longer Kára looked at the winged creature, she could feel a constricted feeling in her chest grow and her mind cloud in darkness. There was a strange mixture of foreignness and familiarity to these emotions, it was as if they were not hers, and yet were, at the same time.

Then when the valkyrie's hair floated from view, Kára at last got a glimpse at the pale features of her, she had immediately gotten her answer.

She gasped, but what she inhaled wasn't air. It was water. Kára suddenly couldn't breathe, and the drumming of her heart grew louder. Her hands reached up to claw her neck, and her limbs thrashed around as if she were under water. Then suddenly she heard the voice of the Seer in her head like the sharp ring of a bell.

"Water is your grave."

And all at once, the fog around her rapidly sunk below her, and the sight of the ring of fire and the valkyrie shrunk beneath her. Her body ascended until she was greeted with sharpness of cold air, in which she gasped greedily for. As she steadied her breathing, Kára looked around and found herself standing on a frozen lake, surrounded by a ring of fire. She slowly looked down to her feet, and saw right through the crystalline surface to the very bottom, where the valkyrie stared at her with sea-weed coloured eyes that resembled her own.

Her lips moved, and though Kára could not hear her, she made out the word, "Spjótkona."

X X X

Kára abruptly shot up from her cot hyperventilating uncontrollably. Her eyes were wide open, but it took her a moment to fully focus on the familiar surroundings. She felt the crisp air greet her damp skin, as if she had walked out from a sauna to the cold post winter air. She then was acutely aware of how tangled she was in her furs. It was still dark, but the moon barely made it through the cracks in the wood to offer some light. Esmé was still asleep, and completely undisturbed.

After getting control of her breathing, Kára gently reclined back in her cot, and rested her palm over her forehead. She was afraid of closing her eyes, so she stared at the ceiling, trying to ground herself to reality. Alas, the memory of the dream was fresh in her mind, and the ring of fire burned in her mind and left a mark. Or rather, opened an old wound.

"...Only you must decide who you want to be: defined by the past, or designed for the future..."

The Seer's words echoed in her mind a second time that night; words that she had reflected on for years since he first spoke to her. It wasn't until that moment until she truly understood the true meaning of it, and what she had to do. What she needed to do.

With silent movements, Kára changed into her travelling gear, and packed a bag of essentials. It took her less than an hour to get everything, and it was still dark. She looked over at the slumbering Esmé, and reached up to her chest and took off a pin from her cloak and rested on the table beside her shield sister's cot. With one last look around, she turned on her heel and quietly left the house.

After she packed some salted pork and hard bread, she made her way to the stables. The gentle glow of the horizon began to lighten the sky by the time she had saddled up her horse, Dynja. People would begin to rise to start their morning duties soon, and Kára had intended to leave before anyone saw her leave. With a swift pull, she swung herself into the saddle, and made a quick check to ensure all her things were securely strapped. With a click of her tongue, she nudged Dynja out of the stables.

"Kára?" A small voice spoke, causing her to whip her head around to the side of the stables. Frodi stood there, wiping his eyes with the butt of his palm, blinking into the darkness of the receding night. "Where are you going?"

She frowned as she looked at him, feeling the guilt creep up on her. It was the very reason why she didn't want to see anyone before she left. She was leaving everyone, like her mother did, and Ragnar after. Of all the people who she didn't want to see, it was Frodi, who immediately reminded her of herself. He was of similar age when her own life changed entirely.

"Frodi, I need to ask something of you," she spoke with her fingers tightening around the reigns and Dynja paced on his hooves impatiently. Frodi looked at her with knitted brows and a frown, but gave her a nod for her to continue. "Tell Bjorn that I made a decision. And tell Lagertha… Tell Lagertha that I have a sea to conquer."

Frodi looked positively confused, but he nodded. Kára smiled at him, "You're a good man, Frodi. Good men are hard to come by."

She nodded at him one last time, clicked her tongue, and spurred her horse away. Frodi could do nothing but watch the tail of her horse as she rode towards her last sunrise in Hedeby.


This is getting to a point in the story where I've been waiting to be revealed. For a while I've been picturing how these chapters will go for a while, and I hope I translated what's in my mind into words properly. Chapter nineteen will be the chapter that will conclude this era in Kara's life, and chapter twenty will finally be what everyone's waiting for.

Unfortunately, there are no images that go with this chapter, but there will be a few next chapter.

Happy Reading! xoxo

ps. If you have any idea of what's going on, please don't post in the reviews any spoilers, it ruins it for new comers. Thank you!