Remus Lupin was, quite frankly, asleep in the library, slumped back in his chair with a book laying open in front of him. It was in that position that his friends found him a few hours later, just before they were supposed to be in their dormitories. When they realized he hadn't come back yet, they'd gone looking. First the Room of Requirement, and then the prefects bathroom, and finally, the library.

"Mate," Sirius said, shaking Remus's arm slightly. "Mate, wake up. You gotta wake up. We gotta get back to the dormitory."

Remus groaned a bit. He didn't want to get up, he was comfortable, and he wasn't dreaming at all. He didn't like dreams. They left him unsettled, unable to focus on anything else for the rest of the day. Sleep without dreams was rare nowadays.

"Moony," James said, pulling out that odd, strict voice. "Moony, it's time to wake up, c'mon. Just for a bit and then we'll go back to the common room."

Remus finally opened his eyes. "Why?" he grumbled, already knowing the answer. "Fine. Fine."

"Let's go," Peter said. "I think I've got some butterbeer left from the last trip to Hogsmeade. Let's go drink some."

Remus held back a sigh and closed his book. "Yeah, alright. Sounds good, Pete, thanks."

They trudged back up to Gryffindor Tower, Remus dragging his feet the whole way. He just wanted to go back to sleep. Sleep had been so comfortable, soft and warm, and had he put the book back he'd been looking at? He couldn't remember.

They made it and Remus started for one of the couches by the fire, but the look on James' face stopped him. "Bed."

"Excuse me?" Remus replied.

"Bed. Now. You're exhausted. You need to rest."

"Prongs he's fine," Sirius replied. "Leave him be."

"He's falling apart." James hissed. "He needs rest."

"Prongs he's fine," Sirius replied. "Leave him be."

"He's falling apart." James hissed. "He needs rest."

Remus glared for a solid twenty seconds before trudging upstairs. He didn't need other people telling him what to do. James was a mother but he wasn't his mother. His mother was dead. And James couldn't replace her.

He threw on pajamas and climbed in bed, angry and resenting his friends and his circumstances and everything in the world.

Still, within five minutes, he was fast asleep.

A few days after the transformation, Remus was feeling better and his mood eased a bit. He'd get there again in a month, but it was alright. He'd done it time and time again. Still, being back to himself felt amazing, and left Remus in a good mood during his classes. Professor Slughorn led them through potions and he enjoyed the work in transfiguration. He'd always been a fan, if he was honest, because it was like art.

But more than transfiguration, he loved defense. Learning how to fight dark arts was essential, especially in this time. Remus planned on joining the fight against Voldemort and his so-called Death Eaters. He planned on doing it with the ministry or without them, because he wasn't convinced that the aurors would want a werewolf. Defense meant he could protect others from people like himself

So when they got to defense, which involved a lot of James and Sirius messing around and jostling each others' shoulders. Remus sat with Peter, the pair much quieter. They chatted about chess strategies until the professor walked in the room, grinning at all of them. "Good morning, class."

A few of the students chimed back, "Good morning, Professor Heeley."

The woman smiled at them. "Right. We're doing something special today. You're all seventh years, advanced, and I think you can handle it."

Remus perked up a bit. Advanced spells? He was more than ready for those. Perhaps there was something interesting, something he could use in his future. He was itching to get out and fight, to do something worthwhile with his miserable life. James and Sirius were going to do it too, and Peter would if he didn't have to look after his mother.

"Some of you might shake your heads at defensive spells, but I'll remind you that they're one of your best friends should you ever encounter something dark. Now we all remember our discussions on dementors and leithfolds at the beginning of the term, yes?" The class made a general sound of agreement. "Who can tell me the only known defensive spell to work against those creatures?"

The room stalled. Some charm, he knew, that they'd never heard of before. Or rather, James and Sirius had heard of it on occasion, it was something like pattern, pattern something or another.

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw a hand shoot up. He half expected it to be Lily, and was surprised when he heard, "Please, ma'am, it's the Patronus Charm.

"Very good, Miss Wallace," Professor Heeley replied, smiling as she walked through the blackboard and started walking them through wand movements in order to cast the charm. Remus was surprised. Wallace had never shown a strong interest in defense, and Remus had been surprised to see her in the class at the start of term. Yes, she was a Gryffindor, and most of the Gryffindors took the class, but not all of them.

Moreso, how did she remember the charm when he couldn't?

Remus didn't dwell on it. He watched Professor Heeley closely, trying to get a good grasp of the charm so he'd be able to produce it. The movement didn't look particularly difficult, and the words, a simple expecto patronum, felt simple as well. And then, of course, Heeley threw a wrench in the spell. It required happiness. What happiness did Remus have? Maybe something with his friends, but would it produce enough happiness to fuel a spell that was supposed to protect him?

Remus's face darkened and he looked down at his hastily scrawled notes. He looked at the ink, the way he'd underlined important words so he could practice the spell on his own. Now, it felt hopeless. Would he even be able to do it? Worse, was he about to be in a class full of people who could do it while he couldn't? Then they'd know. They'd think he was a freak. People had gotten used to the few scars on his face, they didn't seem phased by them anymore, but if he couldn't summon the happiness to make the spell?

"Alright, everyone up, let's get started." the professor said. It was a double period of defense before lunch. Remus felt his stomach give an unfortunate lurch, bile raising up his throat. He was going to puke. Everyone was going to see how awful he was, how miserable he was. What if Sirius, James, and Peter left him when they saw that?

"You coming Moony?" Peter asked as the rest of his friends walked over to the side of the room.

Remus looked up and tried to smile. "Yeah, I'm coming."

He followed Peter to the corner with the others, watching Sirius grin. "D'ya think it's gonna be corporeal or not?"

James rolled his eyes. "No one's gonna do that today, Padfoot."

"Corporeal?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Your patronus takes the shape of an animal. If it's good enough. If mine's not a dog, I quit."

They all laughed. Remus wondered what his would be, if he'd ever be able to cast one in the first place. He liked to imagine it was something majestic like a horse, a stallion, maybe even a lion for Gryffindor. With his luck, it would be some type of spider or other detested animal.

They worked in shifts, one of them trying the charm and the others cheering them on. To Remus's absolute relief, it didn't seem like anyone in the class was getting the charm. He relaxed a little, joking and messing around with his friends as they all worked to produce the charm.

And then he heard it. "Oh my!"

Professor Heeley's delight was palpable. The entire class turned to stare at the silver glow of a quickly disappearing animal. He couldn't quite make it out.

Remus heard squealing, saw some of the Gryffindor girls crowded together around a blushing...Wallace?

"It's not a big deal," the girl said. "Really. My dad taught it to me, I've just had years to practice, it's not-"

"Look at it!" Lily said as the creature melted away. "Charlotte it's amazing!"

She laughed a bit, shaking her head. "Well thanks."

"How the hell did she do that?" Sirius whispered, looking at James with wide eyes.

James shrugged. "Hell if I know. Since when is Wallace good at this stuff?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "So she's good at one spell. That's nothing."

"Back to work," Professor Heeley called, walking over to chat with Wallace about her sudden aptitude for anything.

Remus turned back to his friends, quiet. "Well now I feel like a bloody failure," James said. "If Wallace can do it, I should be able to."

They spent the rest of the class practicing. Every now and then they produced thin silver wisps, which Heeley walked around and congratulated enthusiastically. Eventually, class came to an end and Remus packed up his books, looking at the carefully underlined words and wondering if he'd ever get there.

The class streamed out, heading for the great hall. The Gryffindor girls crowded around Wallace, who was friends with all of them but not necessarily used to all of the attention.

And Sirius and James, brazen as usual, jogged to catch up with them. "Where'd you learn that, Wallace?" Sirius asked, looping an arm around her shoulders.

She looked up at him, surprised but with a smile on her face. "My dad's an auror," she replied. "He taught me the charm in fifth year."

"Two years ago?" James said, staying further away from her. In years past he would have been right there with Sirius, but this year he wasn't. "You telling me you've been able to do that for two years?"

"Of course not," Wallace replied. "Up until a few months ago it was just like a silver disk."

"That's impressive," Lily said. "Really, that you could even do that at fifteen? Wow."

Wallace laughed. "Thank you," she said, smiling brightly.

Remus looked at Peter, who was listening curiously. "Go catch up," he said softly. "I'm going to go switch out books."

"Okay," Peter said, smiling as he followed in James's footsteps and ran to catch up with the rest of their friends. Remus had been behind everyone, so he just turned and made his way back to his dormitory. He was embarrassed that he'd barely been able to produce a wisp. He was embarrassed that he'd essentially failed in a class he was supposed to excel in. Not only that, but someone who never showed great aptitude for it succeeded over him. Which he realized was petty, yes, but still.

Even though he wanted to, Remus didn't stay in his dormitory and mope through lunch. He switched out his books, as promised, and headed back down. He was relieved to see his friends sitting in their usual places, nowhere near the Gryffindor girls save Lily, who was chatting with Peter. He made his way over to them and laughed as Sirius waved enthusiastically for him to join the group. He got over as quickly as possible, sitting down and taking some chicken to eat for lunch. He quickly found that Lily and Peter were discussing quidditch results from some of their favorite teams, and Remus chimed in to mention that Peter's team, the Wimbourne Wasps, had actually won recently and were potentially on the way to do better than before. And thus, Remus was in a good mood and talking to his friends again and his day immediately improved.

The rest of the day, and that week, included lengthy discussions on quidditch as well as tough practice on what they were learning in their classes. Eventually everyone in defense produced semi-decent, if not decent incorporeal patronuses, including Remus. Their professor was overjoyed and told them all how proud she was, though Remus was still a little disappointed that he couldn't produce an animal like Wallace could.

Still, at least he could produce something. It was more than he'd expected, and it made him smile a bit. His mother was gone and he was a werewolf, and life sucked, but Remus was lucky enough to have some happiness left.