Chapter 4

Elizabeth had just put Little Jack down for a nap, when there was a knock at her door.

"Who could that be?" Elizabeth wondered to herself, although she had a sinking feeling that it was Rosemary.

It had surprised her that Rosemary hadn't come by to see her yet. She was sure that Rosemary would have heard everything that had happened by now, and would want to know all of the gritty details. Although Elizabeth had confirmed her feelings to herself, this afternoon, she wasn't sure that she was ready to share them with anyone yet, not even her best friend.

As Elizabeth opened the door, she was greeted by a very worried Rosemary. Without any warning, her friend engulfed her in a hug.

"Elizabeth, I heard about what happened. I am so sorry! I wanted to come sooner, but the day just got away from me, and Lee convinced me that I should wait. How are you doing?" Rosemary asked, as she pulled away to look Elizabeth in the eyes.

"It's quite alright, Rosemary. Thank you! Honestly, I'm not sure that I have much to offer you right now. It's been a long day, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything."

Rosemary gave her a knowing look, that was filled with both sympathy and curiosity.

"Elizabeth, I'm your best friend. You're going to have to do better than that if you really expect me to believe that you don't have anything to say."

Elizabeth should have known that her response wouldn't satisfy Rosemary. Her friend knew her far too well. Shutting the door and motioning towards the couch, the two friends went to sit down.

"I don't really know where to begin," Elizabeth admitted honestly.

"Take your time," Rosemary assured her.

After sitting there for about a minute, with no words between them, Elizabeth started growing more and more nervous by the second. She was sitting in an almost hunched over position, with her hands clenched together and her mouth twitching.

Placing her right hand gently on top of Elizabeth's hands, Rosemary gently encouraged her.

"Elizabeth, what is it?"

At that question, Elizabeth suddenly looked up, with tears forming in her eyes.

"I never expected to feel this way again..."

Rosemary tilted her head in understanding and smiled sympathetically, "You care for Nathan don't you?"

Elizabeth released a long breath of air and nodded a reply" I never expected too, but I do. I care for him so much, Rosemary. It... it scares me"

"Well I can certainly understand why that would scare you, but this is a good thing, Elizabeth. A great thing, in fact! I'm so happy that you finally admitted it to yourself."

"But at what cost? Rosemary, he almost died today. When I thought that he..." Elizabeth's voice trailed off. "I just don't know if I can go through that again."


As Rosemary pondered what Elizabeth must have been going through, she began to understand on a whole new level. "It brought back memories of Jack, didn't it?"

"Well, I'd be lying if I said that he didn't cross my mind after it happened... but that's not what I'm referring too."

"What is it then?" Rosemary encouraged.

Elizabeth wiped the tears from her face and gathered her thoughts together, before responding.

"When I thought that it might be Nathan, who was lying there in that wagon, my thoughts were only of him and how devastated it would make me feel if he was gone. I didn't even think of Jack, until I realized how similar their situations could have been. After sorting through all of my feelings, from this morning, all I've been able to think about now is how much I care about Nathan and how scary it all is. It's not my past with Jack that's the problem. It's not even necessarily the job, although it does concern me they're both mounties. It's more the reality of the fact that if I lost one love, then what's to say that I won't lose another one? I already lost Jack. I don't think I could bare it if I lost Nathan too. It's way easier to just suppress my feelings and pretend like they're not even there."

"Oh Elizabeth, I can't imagine what that must have been like for you, this morning. I'm sure it felt like one of the scariest moments of your life. I completely understand why it might make you feel even more worried about opening your heart up to love again, but the truth is that you've already done that. You took a big step forward today, when you ran to embrace Nathan. Although I wasn't there to see it, from what you just told me and everything else that I've heard about it today, your heart is already wide open. It's time to embrace what you're feeling, no pun intended, and let Nathan in. You've been running from this far too long. I know it's scary, but that doesn't mean that it won't be worth the risk. Love is always worth the risk!"

"But," Elizabeth interjected.

"No buts," Rosemary answered matter-of-factly. "I just remembered something that Clara shared with me, after she got back from her honeymoon. We were talking about all of the events that had lead up to her to big day, and then she admitted to me that she had many fears before marrying Jessie, because of her experience with Peter. That's when she told me about how much you helped her to overcome those fears. She said that you told her that she can't live her life on "what if's". She also said that you told her that loving Jack was one of the greatest things that you had ever done and that you wouldn't change a thing, even after knowing what you do now. Those were some really powerful statements that you shared with her, and I think it's time that you start listening to your own advice."

Elizabeth's tears had finally started to subside, as she sat up straighter.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Rosemary. I had forgotten about that conversation that I had with Clara, and it does bring me some comfort to remember that I'm not the only one who has one struggled with this. However, it still doesn't make it any easier. I know I should try to follow my own advice, but the truth is that I just don't think that I have the strength to do anything about it, at least not right now. But I promise to think and pray about it. It's just all so overwhelming. I don't think I've completely processed everything yet."

"I understand that. Just know that I only want the very best for you, and I can see that Nathan makes your heart happy. It's been two years... Don't make your heart wait any longer than it already has. You deserve to love and be loved. Don't ever let your fears tell you otherwise."


Elizabeth laid in bed later that night, pondering all that her and Rosemary had talked about. Although she hadn't expected to tell Rosemary everything, she was grateful that she had someone to share her burdens with. God was certainly watching over her, that evening, when He sent Rosemary to her door. It had been a very long and emotionally exhausting day, but Rosemary's companionship had given her the much needed support and perspective that she needed to set her mind at ease.

With that thought in mind, it then occurred to her that, with all the talk about her feelings and emotions, she had completely forgotten to mention Nathan's dinner invitation to Rosemary. How could she have forgot that important detail? After all, it had been all that she could think about all morning, before the awful turn of events in the afternoon.

Elizabeth still couldn't believe that Nathan had finally asked her out. They had been interrupted so many times, in the past, that she was afraid that he might never work up the courage to ask her.

That's when she realized, however, that she never gave him a response. She understood now that the reason for her hesitation was due to the fact that if she had said "yes", then it would have been very real for her. There would be no "none dates" with Nathan. If would be all in or nothing with him.

It was with that sudden realization, that Elizabeth finally knew what she needed do. As scary as it may sound, she knew that she needed to accept Nathan's dinner invitation. He told her a few days ago that she mattered to him. And, now that she knew that he mattered to her too, she needed to let him know that. But, when and how she would go about doing that was another question entirely.

Elizabeth still had so much processing and accepting that she needed to do. She also realized that she would need to talk to Lucas, before saying anything to Nathan. In the meantime, though, she would pray about it and ask the Lord for guidance, regarding the matters of her heart.