Written for Febuwhum day 5 – "I can't lose you too."
The heart rate monitor next to the bed beeped in tune to her shallow breathing, rapid exhales against the inside of the oxygen mask. Gar held her hand in his own, hating how cold and pale her skin was. Her pained expression worsened the wrinkles around her eyes but even then he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful she was.
Pressing their joined hands against his forehead, Gar sighed.
Don't blame yourself. He could hear it clear as day, even within his mind it was spoken with her voice. She would scold him, tell him he was being stupid. That it could have happened to anyone.
But it didn't happen to anyone, it happened to Raven. While Gar was right there and unable to protect her.
Which was always how it happened
"Please don't leave me-" he murmured, suppressing a sob from breaking the words. "Please Rae, you're all I have left."
Gar knew she couldn't hear him, but maybe speaking the words would breathe life into them, somehow keep her by his side. He wouldn't be able to cope with losing her too.
Not after what happened to his parents, and what happened to the Doom Petrol. The more treacherous part of his mind was steering him towards all the people he hurt in his lifetime by his own inability to protect them. He couldn't bear the thought of Raven becoming yet another name on that list.
"I'll do anything." He pressed a kiss to each of her knuckles.
One of Raven's eyes cracked open, her brilliant purple irises glossed over with pain. Somehow, despite all that, she managed to force a small smile. "Anything?"
Gar startled, and the motion sent a stab of pain into his chest from a broken rib he had left unattended. It had all seemed inconsequential compared to what Raven was facing. Her eyes moved quickly from side to side, probably putting together what had happened and where she was.
He would have explained everything if he'd been able to speak over the sheer relief flooding his senses.
She reached for the oxygen mask, probably attempting to pull it off so he put his hand over her wrist gently, keeping her from doing so. "Don't move," he said.
Raven relented hesitantly. "The others?"
"They're all fine."
"And you?" Her hand dropped to the bed, but somehow Gar couldn't bring himself to let go of her wrist.
"I'm fine now too."
Not a complete lie, but his injuries were not his main concern. They barely ever were.
After getting reassurance that all their teammates were alive and well, Raven visibly relaxed. That was the kind of person she was – that was one of the many reasons Gar loved her. She was always looking out for others.
"Come here," she said, tone hushed and as he bent forward she painstakingly curled up her other arm without the IV and cradled her fingers through his hair. She pulled up just enough to kiss him. Short and chaste, nothing much, but everything Gar needed. "So what was that about you doing anything for me?"
Gar sat back, hid his face in his hands. He really should learn to keep his mouth shut sometimes. "You heard that, huh?"
Raven smiled. She looked tired and worn and with traces of pain carved into every feature, but alive and really to Gar it was the most wondrous sight in the world. "Oh, I heard all of it." Her face softened. "And I promise I'm not going anywhere."
He really wished he could believe her. "I know."
And when she put her hand on his again, he almost did.
Tumblr: sharada-n
