Chapter 17

The school day passed by quickly, as Elizabeth anticipated her walk and talk, with Nathan.

Although she was still nervous about the possible topic of their conversation, she was excited to spend some more time with him.

The past few days had been a true blessing for her. Not only was she learning to let go of her fears, but her heart was finally starting to open up wider, with every minuet that she spent with Nathan.

It felt so good for Elizabeth to finally be able to think with her heart, instead of her head.

Now, if she could just find the strength to move past the hurt that she was still feeling, after her painful revelation yesterday, then she would be all set.

As soon as the school day ended, Elizabeth dismissed her students and straightened up her desk, before stepping outside to find Allie talking with her uncle, by the front steps.

Turning to face her, Nathan spoke first.

"I was just telling Allie about our plans to go for a walk, and we were wondering if maybe you'd like her stop by your place, on her way home, and let Laura know where you are?"

Looking at Nathan, with awe and appreciation in her eyes, before turning her attention to Allie, Elizabeth nodded.

"If you wouldn't mind, I would appreciate that very much. Thank you, Allie!"

"It's no trouble at all. Besides, it would be nice to see little Jack again."

Smiling at her, Elizabeth replied.

"I'm sure little Jack will be happy to see you again, too. And, if it's alright with your uncle," Elizabeth looked over at Nathan, "Maybe you can stay at my house and talk with Laura for a little bit. I'm sure she would appreciate your company."

"That sounds like fun, but I've never really talked with Laura before..." Allie admitted.

Nodding her head, in understanding, Elizabeth reassured the girl.

"I think the two of you would get along really well! I know Laura's older than you, but she's a really sweet girl, and she doesn't have a lot of time spend with her friends, so I'm sure she'd love to get to know you better."

"Alright, if you really think that we'd get along, then I'm willing to try. Is it alright if i stay there for bit, Uncle Nathan?"

Looking from Allie to Elizabeth, with an amused look on his face, Nathan gave his approval.

"Yes, as long as it's ok with Laura, I think that would be alright! Just don't stay there too long. You still have chores that you need to do, and then you should really get started on your homework," Nathan said, as he glanced over at Elizabeth, with a pleased expression on his face.

Elizabeth simply grinned back him.

With that, Allie agreed, and then said her goodbyes, before heading off towards the row houses.

As soon as Allie was out of earshot, Elizabeth turned to Nathan and playfully said, "I see what you did there... Trying to impress me with your parenting skills, by reminding Allie to do her homework. Very sneaky, Constable."

"Oh you liked that, huh?" Nathan responded back, with a playfulness that was equal to Elizabeth's. "That's a relief, because I didn't want Allie's favorite teacher thinking that I just let her do whatever she wants, while neglecting to do her homework. I've always told her that schoolwork comes first."

Elizabeth smiled, as she thought about the last time Nathan had referred to her as "Allie's favorite teacher."

"Is that so?" Elizabeth questioned, knowingly.

"Yes, that's so," Nathan responded back, with a smile on his face.

Elizabeth returned his smile.

"Well, you have nothing to worry about there... I'm very happy to report that Allie's teacher has been very pleased with her progress thus far."

"That's good! I'm very glad to hear it," Nathan said, as he stared into her eyes.

Elizabeth just stared back at him.

After they held each other's gaze for a few seconds, Nathan regained his thoughts and asked, "So, are you ready to go?"

Breaking their eye contact, Elizabeth said, "Yes, let me just grab my things, and then I'll be ready to go."

Once she grabbed her things and locked the schoolhouse doors, Elizabeth took Nathan's arm, which he offered to her, and they headed off towards the pond.


Nathan's mind was spinning, as he and Elizabeth made their way over to the pond, just outside of town.

He had been preparing himself for their conversion, all day, and he still was at a loss for how to approach the subject. Although he knew that it needed to be addressed, Nathan wasn't sure if was the right time to bring it up. He was experiencing so many confusing feelings, at that moment, and he was having a hard time sorting them out.

Just as his thoughts were threatening to overwhelm him, Elizabeth broke the silence.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Focusing his attention on her question, Nathan looked out at the scene before them.

"It really is! I'm glad that you suggested a walk, instead of staying inside. You were right about the weather being just right today. It's very refreshing."

Elizabeth simply nodded, in agreement.

As they got closer to the pond, Nathan's mind started spinning again, as he remembered the last time that they had been there together.

It was a few months back, when he found Elizabeth standing with little Jack, on the dock, as she watched him throw rocks into the pond. Nathan had been on his rounds, when he stopped to chat with them. That was the first time that he learned about Elizabeth being a writer. He had seen a book laying there and he picked it, only find to out that her name was written on the cover. That's when he remembered telling her that he didn't know that she was writer, and then she replied that she wasn't. After he argued that point, he recalled her saying that she was told that her writing should be deeper. When he asked what that meant, she said "Apparently the best writing comes straight from the heart." That's when he looked at her, straight in the eyes, and asked "So, what's in your heart?" Nathan still couldn't believe that he had found the courage to ask her that. He knew very well that his question held more depth to it, than what was simply on the surface. He had wanted to know if he was in her heart, in the same way that she was in his. He could tell that Elizabeth picked up on his double meaning, too. The way that she looked at him, after he asked that question, spoke volumes. Even though their gaze had been interrupted, by little Jack, Nathan knew that she got the message. Whether or not she recuperated the feelings though, Nathan wasn't sure. That's why he had responded and told her to let him know when she figured it out.

"Let me know when you figure it out," seemed to be the key statement that summed up their whole relationship. Elizabeth had been the first one to speak those words to him, just days before he spoke then back to her at the pond.

She had been walking past the jail, one morning, when he came out, and they started talking. Nathan recalled how tongue tied he had been, when she told him that she was happy that him and Allie had made Hope Valley their home. It had meant so much to him, to hear her say that, that he couldn't get the words out. It wasn't until she turned to leave, that he found the courage to call her back. That moment had always frustrated him. Although he called her back, he still hadn't found the courage to tell her how he really felt about her. He remembered her response of, "Cat got your tongue?" to which he replied, "Maybe... or my better judgment." That's when she offered the statement, "Well, let me know when you figure it out."

If Nathan was being totally honest with himself, the truth was that he hadn't needed to figure it out. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to her, in that moment, but his fears got the better of him. He could tell that Elizabeth was still keeping her heart close to her chest, and he didn't think that she was ready to hear what he had to say. If Nathan had shared his heart with her that day, then maybe they wouldn't be going on this walk right now.

The very purpose of their walk was for Nathan to tell Elizabeth how he really felt about her, without any reservation. However, he still wasn't completely convinced that she was ready to hear it. After everything that she shared with him, about Jack, Nathan still wasn't convinced that she was ready to fully open her heart up to him.

In fact, that was the very reason that he had waited so long to ask her to dinner. Not only had he been afraid of facing his own feelings for her, but he was also nervous of asking her to do something that she wasn't ready to do. That's why he had walked out after telling her that she mattered to him. He could tell that it was a lot for her to take in, and he didn't want to overwhelm her. In much the same way, that he hoped revealing his true feelings for her today, only a few days after their first date, wouldn't be too much too soon for her.

Just then, as if she had read his thoughts, Nathan heard Elizabeth ask him a question.

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

They had just arrived at the pond, and they walking towards the dock, where little Jack had thrown his rocks into the water that one day.

Taking in a deep breathe of air, and finding his courage, Nathan spoke.

"Well, there's a few things actually... but the first thing that I wanted to talk to you about is regarding the revelation you made yesterday. Now I know I said that you don't have to explain yourself to me, so forgive me if I'm overstepping, but I feel like there's more to the story... It seemed to me that you were just as surprised as I was about what you said, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to talk about it?"

Nathan watched, and waited, as Elizabeth pondered his question.

He couldn't quite make out her facial expression.

He knew that it was none of his business, but he prayed that he did the right thing, by asking her.


Elizabeth stood there, gazing out at the pond, as she thought about Nathan's question.

She knew that he was right.

It had surprised her when she made that revelation yesterday, and there was a deep, underlying reason why it had affected her so much.

Although she didn't want to admit it, Elizabeth knew that Nathan was right to ask her about it. The longer she kept her feelings inside, the harder it would be for her to let it go.

Taking in a long, deep breath of air, Elizabeth let the words flow from her mouth.

"Before Jack and I got engaged, Jack was given an assignment in the Northern territories. It was a very dangerous undertaking, and Jack knew the risks. He didn't have to go, but he decided to take the assignment anyway, even though we didn't really get the chance to fully discuss it. I didn't want him to go, but I understand why he needed to take the job, so I offered to go with him. Jack wouldn't even consider that, however. He told me that I needed to stay here to teach, and that he couldn't take me away from that, "not even for a second." I couldn't argue with that, so I asked him how long he'd be gone. That's when he told me that it was an indefinite posting..." Elizabeth's voice trailed off for moment, before finding the strength to continue.

"Jack proposed to me soon after that, which made his leaving a little bit easier, knowing that he would come back to me. However, he was gone for a whole year. Within that time, I only saw him once, for a few shorts days, when he came home for Christmas. Once he finally got home, from the assignment, we got married pretty quickly. I'm thankful that we did it that way, because little did we know that we wouldn't have much time left together after that..." Her voice trailed off again.

"Elizabeth, you don't have to explain if it's too painful for you," Nathan interjected, with a concerned look on his face.

"It's alright... I want you know what happened," Elizabeth responded back, before continuing.

"Nathan, I don't know if you know this, but Jack and I were only married for 4 short months... And within that time, I was only with him for about 5 weeks. Not even a week into our marriage, Jack got another assignment, and we left right after that. Although I got to go with him that time, it was only for two weeks. Since it was supposed to be a much safer and shorter assignment, Jack convinced to me to go back to Hope Valley and continue teaching. He didn't want our marriage to get in the way of our duties, so I listened to him. Nathan, I can't tell you how much I regret that decision now. If I would have just put my foot down and told him how much I had wanted to stay with him, then I wouldn't have lost out on so much time with him... And, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that."

At that comment, Nathan came closer to Elizabeth, placed his hand in her shoulder, and looked at her, with concern in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Elizabeth. I had no idea..."

Elizabeth nodded, as she fought back the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyelids.

"Thank you," was her only response.

Nathan just stood there, with his eyes fixed on her, as his hand remained on her shoulder.

After letting her process for a few minuets, Nathan broke the silence.

"You haven't forgiven Jack for leaving, have you?"

As soon as he asked that question, Elizabeth felt all of her emotions rise to the surface.

She was not expecting him to pick up on that. After trying to hide her true feelings for so long, she couldn't believe that Nathan could read through the lines so clearly. Not even Rosemary knew how much Jack's decision had affected her. In fact, Elizabeth didn't even know how deep her hurt was, until she heard herself speak the words, by accident, to Nathan.

Not being able to look or answer him, Elizabeth just looked down at the pond, as tears began to fall from her face.

Then suddenly, in one swift motion, Nathan was there enveloping her in his arms. He gently stroked her back, as she rested her head against his chest.

After staying in his arms for a few minuets, as the remainder of her tears fell, Elizabeth's mind finally came into focus, and she loosened her grip around Nathan's middle.

As Nathan slowly released her, from his embrace, Elizabeth found the words.

"How did you know?" She asked him, in almost a whisper.

Taking in a deep breath, Nathan looked at her, with compassion in his eyes.

"I could sense that something was going on when you kept trying to make excuses for the decisions that Jack made. It just seemed like you were trying to hide something... it was as if you were trying to convince yourself that his decisions didn't hurt you, when in reality they very much did. Elizabeth, I know you loved your husband very much, and I'm sure it feels wrong for you to have these feelings towards him, especially after what happened, but you can't keep making excuses for him. The truth is that his decisions hurt you deeply, and you have every right to have bitter feelings towards what happened. I certainly would, if I were in your situation. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you... And, I'm so sorry that you had to face all of that on your own."

Elizabeth took in a big gulp of air, as she pondered what Nathan was saying. He really did seem to understand her, in a way that no one else ever had. If it would have been anyone else that asked her that question, she was sure that she would have tried to deny it.

There was just something about Nathan that made her feel safe and secure. He had a way of making her put her guard down, whenever it mattered the most.

"Thank you for saying that, Nathan. As hard as it was for me to admit that, I'm really glad that you called me out on it. I've been suppressing my anger for so long, that it was beginning to burn a hole in my heart. I don't want to hold onto that bitterness any longer. I know Jack wasn't perfect, and that he tried to do what he thought was best, even though it ended up hurting me in the end."

Nathan nodded, in understanding.

"I know it can't be easy... And although I can't even pretend to understand what you've been through, I do understand how these situations go... From a man's perspective, who is also a Mountie, I don't believe that Jack ever intended to make you feel hurt or alone. If anything, I believe that he was trying to make things easier on you, by not uprooting you from your life here, in Hope Valley. In his own way, I believe that Jack was trying to protect you. The life of a Mountie can be very stressful and unpredictable, at times... Since Jack was on an assignment, in a new town, I don't think he wanted you to be alone, while he was off on his duties. It stands to reason that he would feel safer having you here, where you can be surrounded by a community of friends that love you. I know that I've experienced similar feelings with Allie, whenever I've been reassigned to a new place. That's one of the biggest reasons, among others things, that I didn't take that promotion last year. I couldn't bare to take Allie away from a place where she felt so secure and happy. She loves living in Hope Valley, and I can rest easily knowing that she's safe, whenever I'm out of town on an assignment. That being said, however, there are times when my efforts to protect her completely backfire. In those times, I end up shutting her out, by accident, simply because of the fact that I'm trying so hard to protect her from the stresses of my job."

Elizabeth looked thoughtful, for a moment, as she pondered what Nathan was saying.

She never thought about it in that way before, and she was thankful for Nathan's willingness to share that with her.

"Thank you for saying that, Nathan! I never thought about it in that way before... I guess I never saw it as Jack's way of trying to protect me. I think I just always assumed that duty was more important to him... but I think you're right about him trying to protect me. Thank you for opening my eyes to see something good about my husband, that I never really saw before. I feel more at peace now."

Nathan smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad to hear that!"

Elizabeth smiled back at him, before she remembered what Nathan said earlier.

"Nathan, before we started this conversation, didn't you say that there were a few things that you wanted to discuss with me?"

Nathan nodded.

"I did say that, didn't I?

"Yes, you did," Elizabeth answered back, as she waited for his explanation.

"Elizabeth, I..." Nathan began to say, before his voice trailed off.

"Nathan, what is it?" Elizabeth asked, hesitantly

She couldn't figure out why he had become so quiet, all of a sudden.

"It's nothing," Nathan responded back, "We can talk about it another time."

Shaking her head, Elizabeth persisted.

"It doesn't sound like nothing... Nathan, whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise I'll listen. I'm feeling better than I was, so please don't let our conversation stop you from sharing what's on your mind."

Nathan turned away from her, just then, and looked out at the water.

"I'm just not sure that this is the right time..." Nathan explained.

That response surprised Elizabeth.

"The right time for what?"

Nathan remained silent, for a few minuets, as Elizabeth waited patently for his reply.

Then, as if he couldn't hold it in any longer, Nathan proclaimed his true feelings.

"The right time for me tell you that I think it's time that I settle down."