Author Notes - HAPPY HALLOWEEN! This chapter has actually been ready for a little while now, but I wanted to wait until this glorious day! Not only is it Halloween, but it's this game's one-year-anniversary. The best part was trying to time this so it actually came out on Halloween for the Americans who make up the vast majority of my readers.
No need for a B2 revisit because we've already done that! HOORAY!
By the way, SUB 3 HOURS LM3 RUN! Yes, I know I'm kinda showing off here, but I'm very happy and proud of myself. Feel free to check it out if you want. Only if you want, though; I don't wanna force people. Or do I? Nah.
Well, shiver me timbers! This here map be telling me that edd5689, yevg and Kingbot have dropped some favourites/follows! This also brings us past that big FIVE-OH!
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT - FISHOOK LINE AND SINKER
Soff T hated this prison, not just for the obvious reasons but because that landscape was gorgeous. He had no idea how a hotel floor could contain so much water, but he knew that beach in the distance would be perfect to golf on. Somehow, despite being frozen in time, he could still smell the salt spray in the air.
A translucent shadow loomed over his portrait. If he could, he would've shuddered. That ghost terrified him.
'I hate ta tell ya this, mate.' The ghost said. 'But if that green bloke and the sheila don't get here soon, I'll be forced to roast ya on the barbie.'
Soff only had one thought in his mind.
Luigi... get here quickly!
The 'Spectral Catch', floor twelve, was probably Polterkitty's favourite floor. All that water aside, it was full of her most favourite things - fish, fish, and more fish! Poor Chef Soulfflé; cooking both fine meals and seafood dishes must've been hard.
Daisy began to salivate the moment the doors opened. 'Mmm... anyone else smell seafood?'
Polterkitty purred at just the aroma alone. Polterpup gave her a look, mostly because she was drooling directly into his head but partially because he wasn't keen on seafood. Luigi found the smell to be alright; Mario was the seafood guy among them. The lobby looked like any old restaurant reception, but with a more nautical theme. The little fountain with a mini ship floating around a tiny island looked especially nice.
'This could be either really good,' Daisy said. 'Or really bad.'
'Arf arf woof.'
'Polterpup says his money's on the latter.'
A green carpet led to the right, past the empty reception desk. Next to that, underneath a couple of swinging fishing nets, was a door. Just one problem - said door was completely obscured by the bow of a full-sized wooden ship.
Upon seeing it, Daisy threw her arms up in exasperation. 'That's it. I give up. There's no point in questioning this crap anymore.'
Luigi peered through a hole in the hull, and saw the round double-doors on the other side. The steering wheel décor that surrounded it was pretty neat.
'Okay, so all we have to do is get through this hull.' He said. 'The real question is... how?'
'Hey Master!' Polterpup barked. 'Look at what I found!'
Luigi stepped away from the ship and saw Polterpup in the corner. The spectral hound, Polterkitty, and Daisy stood by a big socket that emitted a yellow light from its holes. Polterpup sniffed at the odd object, but the moment his nose touched it a electrifying shock circulated throughout his body.
'YIP!'
The plumber rushed over to him. 'Boy, are you okay?'
Polterpup shook his entire body like he had just gone for a swim. 'Yeah, yeah, it's all good. Just got shocked in more ways than one.'
Luigi peered at the oversized socket, making sure not to accidentally get zapped himself.
'Any clue what this thing is about?' Daisy asked, scratching her head.
'Not a clue.' Luigi said. 'Maybe it's a-'
The socket unleashed a strong burst of light directly into his eyes. He jumped back with a yelp and shielded his face from the flash. It left the Polterpets stunned like they had been hit by the Strobulb.
'OH GEEZ!' Daisy cried, covering her own eyes. 'Goodness, is that how the ghosts feel?'
The Poltergust rumbled and growled like a dog demanding a treat. A stream of electricity jumped from the socket and into the vacuum's engine, and the baby roared like a departing aeroplane. The nozzle doubled in size in Luigi's hands.
'OH BABY!' Daisy yelled, falling heavily into her Southern twang. 'Looks like we've got some Super Suck action goin' on here!'
Polterpup and Polterkitty, upon hearing that, high-tailed behind Luigi and away from the dangerous device.
'Look at that!' Daisy said. 'If we find one of these electrical sockets, we don't even have to bother with the Thunderhand!'
Luigi lifted up the nozzle - even without needing to sustain a ball of lightning, he struggled to hold it - and aimed it towards the ship's hull.
'What are the chances that I destroy the whole place?' He asked.
'Far too low!' Daisy responded.
The moment Luigi pressed the 'suck' button, the giant tornado of 'suckitude' returned. It seemed a lot louder in that crowed space compared to the great sandy hall, and a lot more destructive too. Everything in the path of the Super Suction disappeared into the Poltergust. Plank by plank the ship's hull got dismantled by the unforgiving vacuum. The nets hanging by the ceiling fell victim to it too. It only took a few seconds for the Poltergust to eliminate the boat completely.
'Alright, ya did Luigi!'
Just one problem - the Super Suction didn't want to stop. It just kept going.
'Uh, Sweetie, you can stop now.'
'IT DOESN'T WANT TO!'
It ripped the wallpaper off from the wooden planks they were stuck to, revealing a green pipe above the doorway. Then, it finally decided to stop. Well, after sucking up the doors themselves. Only then did it think it had enough. The electric stream ended, causing the Poltergust to return to normal. What remained behind the scattering dust was just the doorway, minus the steering décor and the doors themselves.
'Oops.' Luigi murmured.
Polterpup gave him a look. 'Having a little too much fun there?'
'I swear, it wasn't me! I let go of the button but it just kept going. I don't know-' He gasped. 'D-Do you think it was Gooigi? I mean, he lives in the Poltergust. Can he control it?'
Daisy chuckled. 'Even if you could control the Poltergust from inside it, which does sound plausible, Gooigi isn't sapient. Heck, I don't even think he's sentient.' She stared at the goo, and her smile faded. 'Then again, weirder stuff has happened on this trip...'
With the doors to the next room ripped clear off, the smell of the salt water wafted into the hall. It, like any scent of any water, made Polterkitty tremble. Behind those non-existent doors was quite the lovely sight. The inside of the restaurant itself had been done up to resemble a sea cave, with the paths and walls made entirely of uneven rock. The way the stone reflected the light made it obvious it was just plastic, but it still looked impressive.
Daisy's eyes sparkled. 'Oh, wow...' She said, stepping through the doorway. 'This is cool...'
A genuine waterfall poured out from a hole in the wall, filling the cavern with a light mist. It turned into a river that flowed goodness knows where, probably somewhere to magically begin the process anew.
Daisy inhaled the fresh scent of flowing water. 'This is what I mean when I say this place just needs some advertisements. The theming in this death trap is amazing!'
Luigi followed her into that gigantic room. He had to agree, it was probably the nicest place in the hotel by far.
'We'll help with this hotel's marketing after we banish King Boo and Hellen Gravely from it.' He said.
'Oh, absolutely. The poor workers deserve more credit.'
The other side of the cavern had what appeared to be a giant stone skull guarding the end of it. The quartet travelled across the plastic-rock path, marvelling at the gorgeous landscape. The tables consisted of barrels, along with little wooden stools that were used as chairs. As they passed by the waterfall, over a small but surprisingly stable rope bridge, Luigi stopped by it for just a moment. The natural white noise of the falling water relaxed his nerves. In a world of seemingly nothing but sensory overload, the nice sounds were even sweeter.
Through the eyes of the stone skull, a pirate ship in a vast ocean of all things could be seen. As our heroes approached it, they came across what appeared to be a round wooden bar in the middle of an open space. Another bar, this one rectangular and covered in fish that really needed to be refrigerated, stood by the wall. A Trapper stood in the middle of the ring-shaped bar, using one of her tongues to hold a glass and the other to wipe it clean with a cloth. Perhaps not the most hygienic way to wash dishes, but it beat straight up using her own spit, and it wasn't like ghosts cared so much about that anyway.
As the mortals and their pets walked past, she greeted them with a stereotypical pirate accent and a voice far deeper than usual for a female ghost. 'Where are ye landlubbers off tah?' She asked without even glancing at them.
Both Luigi and Daisy flinched from the unexpected greeting.
'Don't mind us.' Daisy said. 'We're just going to see... Captain Fishook, I think his name is? We won't bother you if you leave us be.'
'Right. Thar be a grand captain beyond me doors. I don't remember me mortal name anymore, but ye can just call me Barkeep. Fancy any drinks before ye mess wit' me captain? Lucky you, I ain't in the mood ta charge yer for it.'
Daisy walked up to the bar, and slammed her hand against the wooden surface. She delivered a mighty stink eye to Barkeep, whose apathetic expression did not change.
'Got any beer?' The princess requested, cocking an eyebrow. 'I've needed one for about the past three days.'
Barkeep shook her head. 'Got no beer left fer bilge rats like yeh. Me captain always drinks every last drop. Tis his favourite drink, ye see.'
Daisy groaned. 'Of course...'
Luigi puffed out his chest, and repeated her slamming-hand-on-table action. It hurt more than he was expecting, but he did a good job at hiding it. He imitated her demeanour, and spoke in his best 'tough-guy' voice.
'I'll take a milk.'
Daisy barely contained a laugh. Only by trying to act tough could he get any cuter.
'Thar milk be fifty years outta date.' Barkeep said. 'Are ye okay with that?'
He grimaced. 'No, not really...'
'Suit yerselves. I understand me drinks are either expired or out. Me boss hasn't let me buy any fresher drinks fer decades. The ghosts may be okay wit' it, but sometimes I just want me drinks ta be fresh.'
Daisy glanced at the stone skull. Its mouth opened, via the teeth moving independently to the rest of the face, revealing another set of double doors behind it.
'If ye care ta hear at all,' Barkeep said. 'Me captain is in possession of a portrait wit' a Toad in it.'
Luigi gasped. 'That must be Soff T.'
'I figured ye'd be excited ta hear that. I'll give ye a warnin' 'fore ye take him on. Me captain is always riled up, thanks ta me boss forcin' him ta run a seafood restaurant when he hates seafood. Yer'll find out why when ye see him.'
'That's not unnecessarily vague at all.' Daisy remarked. 'Thanks.'
Barkeep returned to her glass washing, muttering something about a lack of business. The rotting pineapple next to her blender probably had something to do with it.
'So why won't Polterkitty tell us anything about Fishook?' The princess asked.
'Apparently, Fishook wants people to be surprised when they meet him.'
'Eh, guess that's fair.'
How much of a surprise Fishook possibly could've been was yet to be seen, but he must've been a surprise if the beach wasn't.
Upon opening the doors hiding behind the skull, our heroes felt like they had been transferred directly to a night-time beach. Not only did this room put the grand sandy hall to shame with its size, but most of it was a mini ocean. Palm trees - real palm trees no less - decorated the bench alongside the dunes and barrel tables. A statue of a mermaid Goob waved to them from the waters.
'You know,' Daisy said. 'The gigantic ocean is fine. But how in the ever-loving lady Rosalina is it up so high?! I'm no architect, but I'm sure that breaks a few dozen rules.'
The walls and roof had been painted like a night sky, including a little crescent moon pinned on with a great big nail. A wooden dock extended from the beach, and had a bell at the end of it.
'Uh, it's okay for you to question that,' Luigi said. 'But I'm more worried about the ship.'
'About the- hang on, what?!'
The object of greatest interest was no doubt the grand pirate ship off in the distance, partially covered up by artificial fog.
Daisy sighed. 'Welp, if the rest of the floors are an indication, that ship is where we wanna be. Let's get this over with.'
The wooden boards of the dock creaked under their feet, doing little to reassure them that they wouldn't fall into their watery grave. Polterkitty watched as the rest of her team stepped onto the dock, her eyes dead set on the wavy water. She put her paw onto the planks, but the second it creaked under her weight she backed away.
'Hey Kitty!' Daisy called. 'You coming?'
The Panthergeist stared at the fake ocean with her eyes wide open. Her body was as stiff as a plank. When she finally moved again, she lay down and hid her face behind her massive paws.
'Too much water.' Luigi said. 'I haven't told you this yet, but... Polterkitty was drowned by her owners.'
'Her owners did what?! God, some people are just garbage. No wonder she's so scared of water. If she wants to sit this fight out, she can do that.'
The trio reached the end of the dock, and Daisy punched the bell that was just asking to be rang. The ringing of the metallic instrument echoed through the entire hall, and the ship in the distance began to move. It drifted away, into the fog, until it couldn't be seen any longer.
Daisy peered out and stared hard through the thick clouds. 'Can you see it, Sweetie? I got nothing.'
'No. But I can hear it. And it's getting closer!'
As if to prove him right, the ship emerged from the fog. It had gotten closer alright - the mighty vessel's hull almost scrapped against the dock as it came in to port. A wave caused by its sudden turn splashed onto the dock and just barely missed our heroes.
'Oh my gosh!' Daisy yelled, jumping away. 'Right. You weren't kidding.'
Once the ship was in position, the captain didn't even bother with an anchor. The wide plank extended out, covering the trio with its shadow.
'Back away!' Daisy cried, before she shoved Luigi back.
The plank slammed onto the pier, landing at Daisy's feet, right where Luigi was standing just a moment ago. The walkway settled into place, leading up to the deck of the ship.
'That's an invitation if I've ever seen one.' Daisy remarked. 'Shall we, first mate Luigi?'
'Uh, we shall, Cap'n Daisy.'
The crewmates, minus their aquaphobic panther, embarked onto the mighty vessel. If this ship was a fake, it wasn't clear. Honestly, it seemed like an actual old pirate ship, or at least a damn good recreation. The same barrels and stools from before decorated the deck.
Polterpup nudged Luigi's leg and whimpered.
'No, Polterpup!' Luigi yelled. 'You may not give it a reason to be called a poop deck!'
'Hey look! I can see Soff T.'
Daisy said that only partially to change the subject. She pointed up to the quarter deck, where the portrait of the final Toad rested by the mizzen mast, nailed to the wooden post. Luigi could've sworn he heard Soff calling for his help.
'So, how do we get up there?' Luigi asked, scratched the side of his head.
'Maybe there's a ladder up there or something.' Daisy said. 'I think Poltiepup should-'
'YIP YIP!'
Polterpup stood on the ship's port, looking over the edge while yipping like mad. Luigi and Daisy ran after him, and peered into the ocean. Only one thing lurked in that fake ocean, and it wasn't exactly good. It was a shark fin, pierced with a gold ring, approaching them. Luigi gulped and went pale. Daisy shuddered, remembering her near-death experience in the Boilerworks.
'Oh no... don't tell me.' She muttered.
'Daisy, are you thinking that shark might be-?'
'C-Captain Fishook?'
Before the shark could take a bite of the hull, it emerged from the ocean like a snapping crocodile out of a river. It unleashed a mighty roar as it threw its hook into the air. Wait, hook?!
Luigi and Daisy screamed and backed away, both falling over backwards in the process. This was no ordinary shark ghost, if there ever was one to begin with. His entire right fin was a giant hook, and he wore a patch over his left eye. Scars covered his body, and several of his teeth were golden.
'CAPTAIN FISHOOK IS A SHARK?!' They yelled at the same time.
Captain Fishook smirked, showing all of his razor-sharp teeth. 'That's right, mates. G'day ta you too.' He said in a thick Australian accent. 'Like the ship? She's a real beaut, ain't she?'
Luigi gulped. 'Y-Y-Yeah! She's gorgeous.'
The ghostly shark chuckled. 'What's a coupla sooks like you doing on me ship anyhow? It ain't good for a bloke like you ta be all the way out in me watery outback.'
Daisy stood up and dusted herself off. Well, Polterkitty had certainly followed up on that 'surprise' factor alright.
'Uh, Captain Fishook,' She said. 'We're just here to take that ugly painting off your, er, hands? Fins? Hook? Oh, and if you also have an elevator button we'll take one of those too.'
The old pirate snickered. 'Elevator button, huh? I reckon you're talking about this.'
He lifted up his eyepatch, revealing the thirteenth button lodged in his empty eye socket. The sight made Luigi cringe.
'A beaut, ain't it?' Fishook said. 'After all the troubles me hussy of a boss has given me, I appreciate the free glass eye. If you mates want it back, you gotta do it the hard way.'
'Which involves...?' Luigi asked.
Fishook grinned. 'Come on out, me mateys!'
Four more ghosts emerged from the deck cackling like witches. They swam through the air, looping and spinning about with surprising elegance. They were not any of the five types of ghosts our heroes had encountered up to that point; in fact, they weren't even human. All four were just like their boss - ghostly sea animals.
The bottlenose dolphin wore an eyepatch and suffered from many scars around her blowhole and mouth. The electric eel was missing half his teeth, and he had a big hole in his skull where a hook would go. The leopard seal wore a cloth over her head, which appeared to have been bashed in. The box jellyfish seemed a little dehydrated, and some of her stingers were made of wood. Unlike Fishook, these ghostly animals could only make regular old animal sounds. To Daisy it was a mess of clicks and barks, but Luigi heard every word they were spouting.
'Meet me mates!' Fishook said. 'Delfina the dolphin, Enguio the eel, Nagi the seal, and Awahia the jellyfish. These are mates I met while on me adventures in me watery outback, victims ta fishing. And they'll be helping me out. Isn't that right, mates!'
The crewmates cheered and howled for their leader. From thin air, it seemed, each pulled out a barrel and held onto it. The barrels had a fuse that was already going down.
'And as for me... well, you know what they say. A good captain always goes down with his ship!'
Twirling around in the air, he disappear into his ship's deck. Luigi and Daisy were not the most confident; if our heroes' experience with the last couple of portrait-guarding ghosts was anything to go by, they were in for some very bad times.
Watching all the way from the entrance, Polterkitty gulped. '(Oh I have a bad feeling about this!)'
The wooden planks began to twitch, as if slowly springing to life. A pair of boards turned dark, and crossed over to form an 'X' shape. Six more connected together to create a thin rectangle, and another still moved towards the side of the ship just slightly. When that plank moved, a glowing red eye appeared underneath it.
Delfina cackled. 'Oh yeah! Suck on that ya landlubbers!'
Enguio rolled his eyes. 'Real mature, Delly.'
The dolphin glared at him. 'I've eaten people for less than that!'
Awahia would've frowned if she had a face to do so. 'Do we have to fight among each other now? Our Cap'n needs us.'
Nagi sighed. 'What's the point? Delfina never listens anyway...'
Daisy inched towards the glowing eye, slowly and carefully. Experience told her that absolutely anything could happen.
'BE CAREFUL, SHEILA!'
Daisy jumped back with a scream. The wooden shark opened his 'mouth', revealing a set of big splinters for teeth and a bright red void for a throat. Fishook's voice came out of this nightmarish mouth.
'I forgot to tell you the conditions.' He said. 'If ya blokes lose, I get ta roast you on the barbie!'
'Yep, that sounds fair.' Daisy remarked, without a hint of sarcasm. 'I mean, if we lose we're probably gonna be dead anyway, so might as well put our bodies to good use.'
Luigi did not agree with her sentiment, if his pale face was anything to go by. Polterpup delivered a rant to the ghostly shark that shall not be repeated.
'POLTERPUP!' Luigi scolded.
'What did he say?' Daisy asked.
'You do not want to know.'
Fishook laughed. 'Sorry doggie, but where I come from that word's a term of endearment. I appreciate being called your mate. Shame it won't help you. MATEYS, ATTACK!'
Delfina snickered, and threw her barrel into the air. On its way down, she kicked it away with her tail. It headed straight for the mortals.
'Oh dear Grambi!' Daisy cried.
Polterpup jumped into the air, and delivered a headbutt into the explosive barrel. It bounced away from our heroes and landed somewhere else on the deck, where it promptly exploded. Somehow, the ship didn't get a single dent.
Delfina growled. 'Make like a corpse, and stand still!'
'Don't worry, me angry sheila.' Fishook said. 'I'll get 'er!'
Like the deck was nothing more than the surface of the water, the wooden shark began to move through the planks with his mouth wide open. You know the dread that one can feel when they're swimming in the ocean and worried that the moving shadow beneath them is a shark? Compared to the horror circulating through Luigi's blood, that was nothing.
'RUN!' Daisy yelled.
Luigi obeyed her order, and dashed away. Daisy ran off too, but in the opposite direction. You'd think that Fishook would need a moment to decide which one to go for, but he chose his victim without a second's waste.
'Daisy!'
The princess ran away from the possessing beast, sweating profusely. Death by shark may have been surprisingly high on her 'best ways to die' list - coolness factor and all - but not exactly like this.
'Sorry about this,' Awahia said, as if Daisy could understand her. 'But I gotta obey me Cap'n and all that!'
The box jellyfish opened up her stingers, and the barrel in her grip fell straight down. Daisy, purely acting on instinct, swung her fist upwards and punched it. She managed to send it flying all the way into the ocean, where it exploded into a glorious fountain.
Nagi whimpered. 'We're never gonna win this...'
Enguio groaned. 'With an attitude like that, I'm shocked you haven't taken over the world yet.'
Daisy picked up a stool lying knocked over on the floor, and tossed it into the beast's jaws. The seat fell into the red void, and Fishook chomped it to bits. Unsatisfied with this meal, he spat out the remains. Little was leftover aside from sawdust and shards. It only stopped Fishook for a moment, and only because he took the time to laugh at her. He charged right after her, and the only thing stopping him from devouring her was her own speed. Which, considering that she was a mortal with lungs, could only last so long.
'Oh yeah.' Enguio said. 'You've got a great chance of survival.'
The electric eel tossed his barrel her way, aiming it in such a way that it was guaranteed to hit with the path she was taking. She was too focused on escaping the jaws of death to notice. Luigi, unsure if it would actually help, aimed his Poltergust up and activated its suction as the barrel passed overhead. The gadget's force managed to disrupt the explosive device's path, where upon it drifted out of its trajectory and got stuck on the nozzle.
'Well, thanks for ruining my fun.' Enguio remarked.
The barrel began to flash red, and Luigi fired it in a random direction. It exploded just a couple seconds after in the air, scattering ash everywhere.
'Well, gotta give you credit for trying!' Awahia said.
The way that jellyfish spoke came across as more condescending than nice. The fact that she, along with her crewmates minus the seal, laughed at the screaming princess didn't help.
'I don't understand.' Luigi said. 'Why are they focusing so much on her?'
Polterpup frowned. 'I think it's pretty obvious. Boaty McBoatface here needs you alive. Your Sweetheart, though? Ms Gravely doesn't care about her. Boaty's quite smart, actually. By eliminating her, it makes getting you so much easier.'
'Oh gee.' Enguio muttered. 'How did you come to that conclusion?'
Luigi took the oddly calm - from his point-of-view - moment to think. A shark moving through his own ship, chomping away at all that came near him? What could he possibly do about that? The answer came to him when he saw the barrel in Nagi's hold. Daisy ran for the ramp that led to the deck, only for Delfina to swoop in right in front of her.
'I know you can't understand what I'm saying,' The dolphin said. 'But did you know that dolphins kill for fun? And did you know I'm Fishook's most feared mate for a reason?'
Though Daisy indeed couldn't understand Delfina's words, she certainly understood that 'take one step further and I will immolate you' look. She backed away from that bottlenosed ghost, unaware of the wooden shark drifting towards her with his mouth wide open.
'Why haven't ya thrown your barrel yet, Naggy?' Delfina asked the seal. 'Just do it already!'
Nagi looked to the floor. 'What's the use? If they managed to beat Amadeus and Serpci, they can certainly beat us.'
'Aw, no need for that attitude!' Awahia said. 'Even if we don't win, we can be happy that we gave it our all.'
Enguio rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, I'm sure that's how people who lost wars think.'
'Why do you have to be such a downer, Engy?'
Luigi watched that seal. She didn't have the enthusiasm to do anything with her weapon. In fact, she didn't even throw it. Her flippers drooped, and the barrel slid out of her grasp and onto the deck with no fanfare whatsoever. It didn't even hit the floor hard enough to actually explode.
'Nice one.' Enguio muttered.
'I don't see why we should bother.' Nagi said. 'Let's just surrender and get it over with.'
'HELL no!' Delfina cried.
It all only took about three seconds, but to Luigi it lasted hours. He ran over to that ticking barrel, got it into the Poltergust nozzle, spun around, and fired. Daisy turned around, and for a moment she saw the bottomless jaws awaiting her arrival.
'AHHHH!'
The barrel tumbled into Fishook's mouth before the shark could figure out what was going on. He stopped charging after the princess, and the plank above his 'eye' shifted to more reflect an 'ah, crap' expression.
'Ahhh... fair dinkum...' The captain muttered.
*KA-BOOM*
Ash erupted from the wooden mouth, soon followed by a ghostly shark flying out of his deck. His crewmates gasped.
'CAP'N!'
Fishook emerged from the explosion, coughing out several lungs worth of soot and muttering enough swears to put Ginny's sailor mouth to shame.
'I'll give you chooks credit,' Fishook said, stopping to cough some more. 'You've got some bloody impressive brains.'
Daisy smirked, having just barely recovered from her fiftieth near-death-experience. 'Well, I'm not so sure about me, but I know that Luigi's super clever!'
The titular plumber blushed. All of the crewmates yelled and screamed and shouted, so much so that their protests were barely comprehensible.
'Oi, leave our captain the hell alone!'
'Gee, you're just a bunch of nice guys, aren't ya?'
'Aw, I knew that would happen...'
'Hey, that's mean!'
Fishook waved his hook around in the air, quieting his seafood crew. Everyone went silent.
'Calm down, mates.' He said. 'I don't want ya getting hurt. I'll take on the sheila myself.'
Daisy gulped. 'Uh, mate, can we think about this first?'
'Seeing as my harlot of a boss won't close down this blasted restaurant until I deliver that green bloke to her, no.'
The crewmates cheered him on, flying out of the way of the oncoming battle, while Daisy got herself ready to dodge any sort of attack coming at her. Fishook gave her a toothy grin, and wound up his hook like it was a sword.
He swung it at Daisy like a sword too.
Daisy jumped back. The tip of the hook skimped right past her stomach - had she been an inch closer, it would've slashed straight through her skin, and she did not feel like accruing another laceration.
'You're a cracking little sheila, aren't ya?'
'Yeah, well, my athleticism's really all I got going for myself, so...'
Fishook chuckled. 'I think I like ya, even if you're more annoying than a mozzie. Shame I gotta obey me boss.'
He wound up his mighty hook once again, but this time brought it way higher. Above all else, Daisy knew she needed to run. And run she did. With a glint in his good eye, he waited just a second before swinging the hook down into the deck point first.
'DAISY!' Luigi yelled.
Daisy leapt out of the way of the shiny implement of death, striking the landing as if she were merely in a long jump tournament. She could've definitely gone without scraping her knees and sustaining at least five splinters though. Fishook's dreadful weapon missed, but that wasn't the worse of it. He managed to jam it right into the floorboards, not just leaving a big hole but also getting it stuck. And considering that it was attached to his 'arm', the result was him flailing his body around to try to get himself unstuck.
'Oh, blimey!' He murmured. 'That was a bloody terrible idea, now wasn't it?'
'I'll say!' Daisy yelled.
Luigi ran for the immobile shark, ready with his Strobulb, but Daisy had other ideas. She ran at Captain Fishook and bashed him square in the nose with enough might to make Little Mac envious.
'AH!' Fishook exclaimed. 'Crikey!'
The force was enough to dislodge his hook from the deck. Daisy gave him a cocky smirk as Luigi and Polterpup's jaws dropped. The crewmates gasped and jeered.
'D-Daisy?!' Luigi yelled with double the usual octaves.
Fishook rubbed his nose and grinned. 'Well, ain't you a li'l kicker? Ya know, if you join me mates and let me present that green bloke to me boss, I'll spare ya.'
Daisy scoffed. 'Over my dead body!' She quietly added, 'Hopefully not literally.'
The captain shrugged as much as a shark possibly could shrug. 'Oh well. It's been a while since I've had some good meat on the barbie anyway.'
His voice was overwhelmed by that of his crew. They ranted and raved at the mortals, with the kind of language that Luigi could not have even imagined. Even the pessimistic seal joined in on the heckling.
'Calm down, mates! Calm down! I know you wanna defend me, but I don't wanna put you in danger. What kind of captain would I be if I did that? No, you mates gotta stay outta this. I'll deal with the mortals meself. No more barrels! I've got a much better idea.'
Polterkitty stared at the ship, knowing exactly what was to follow. God, did she want to help, but with her magical pendant weighing her down she had no way of getting to Green Man without going over the... water. She felt so ashamed of herself. Green Man and Mean Lady could overcome their fears like nothing, and here she was afraid of something that couldn't even hurt her anymore.
Fishook smirked at our heroes, and flew into his ship's quarterdeck. All four crewmates laughed at the mortals, deriving great pleasure from their inevitable demise. As if him and Daisy couldn't feel anymore petrified for their lives, Luigi heard a voice. Whose voice? Whoever it was, it sounded like it came from his own body.
'Bad things. Not end well. Worried. Very worried for big bro.'
Luigi had no time to question what that ghostly voice was about when the tall wall in front of him suddenly sprouted a wooden eyepatch. The red glowing eye returned and, despite its lack of a pupil, stared right at Daisy. The wooden maw, all the way from the left to the right, opened up. Inside was the red abyss, plus three rows of sharp teeth resembling oversized splinters. Fishook roared like a lion, for no other reason than to unnerve our heroes.
'AAAAAAHHHHH!'
'WHAT IN THE HELL?!'
It worked.
Fishook cackled. His voice came out noticeably deeper and raspier from inside his wooden vessel. 'Lemme tell ya sooks something. I don't even care what happens ta ya! I just want to be as far away from this blasted restaurant. I'm tired of having to throw me watery-outback mates on the barbie, and getting rid of you is me ticket outta here!'
Delfina snickered. 'Oh baby! He's gonna go for the big one this time.'
Awahia cooed. 'Aw, this move is my favourite!'
Enguio grinned. 'Took ya long enough.'
Nagi smiled, but just for a moment. 'Eh. It might work...'
That's when Luigi and Daisy noticed something very off about the deck they stood on. It seemed a little less flat than it was before. In fact, it felt like it was progressively sloping down towards the gaping mouth.
Uh oh.
'Uh, Sweetie,' Daisy said like her life was on the line, with sweat trickling down her face. 'Is it just me, or is the deck beginning to tilt a little?'
Luigi unleashed a squeak. 'Fishook is tilting the entire ship!'
'Oh sh- AH!'
Fishook opened his wooden jaws into a grin, fully intent on having more humans for dinner. One of the regular barrels used as a table fell onto its side, and rolled into the mouth. It disappeared into the red abyss without a trace.
'Okay, Luigi!' Daisy yelled. 'Any ideas? At all? Anything! Diving into the ocean. Abandoning Soff T. I'll take putting on an impromptu song-and-dance sequence!'
Luigi looked around, for any possible solution. Most of the stools and barrels had already tumbled into Fishook's mouth, and the rest were soon to follow.
'You forget one thing, Boaty McBoatface!' Polterpup declared. 'They've got a ghost on their side!'
The spectral hound rushed to save his master and friend, only to be stopped almost immediately when Delfina grabbed him by his collar.
'Hey! Let go of me, ya porpoise!'
'Hey bud.' Delfina said. 'Dolphins and porpoises are different things, ya specist.'
'Good to know. Let go of me, ya dolphin!'
'Nah, I don't think I will. Oh Awa!'
The jellyfish responded to her nickname, and wrapped her still-organic stingers around the puppy. The moment her tentacles made contact with his ethereal skin, Polterpup suffered the most unbearable pain he had ever felt. To outsiders, he was just yelping, but to Luigi and the other animals, he was screaming. Delfina, not wanting to get stung herself, let go of Polterpup and let her mate take care of him.
Awahia giggled. 'You like fun facts? Here's a really fun one! The toxin of a box jellyfish is so potent and excruciatingly painful, that many victims die before even reaching the shore!'
Polterpup couldn't even respond to her. See, the only plus side of getting stung by a box jellyfish is that one's suffering will not last long. For a ghost, who couldn't escape the pain through the sweet release of death, that one upside no longer mattered.
Luigi was very good at angles inschool, and he estimated the ship had tilted to at least forty degrees. Fishook seemed to be taking his time on purpose, just to taunt them. The plumber continued to look around for anything that could help. His eyes fell upon the ship's bow. The wall seemed nice and flat, good enough for a suction shot.
'Wait, I've got something!' He yelled.
He fired a plunger at the wall, and his heart rate relaxed just a bit when it remained stuck to the wall. Keeping his shaky grip on the Poltergust, he ran over to the rope and got it into the nozzle.
'Luigi, what are we-?'
'GRAB ON AND DON'T LET GO!'
Daisy had further questions, but seeing as her feet were beginning to slip she rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his body. The mortals could feel their feet leaving the deck, but the plunger kept them firm in place. Soon, the floor disappeared out from under them completely. The Poltergust kept a fine grip on the rope.
'Daisy,' Luigi said, holding onto the Poltergust even though it had straps. 'Can you look down for me?'
'Uh, sure, if you w- HOLY CRAP!'
Daisy looked straight down, and bore witness to the jaws waiting for prey right underneath her. She gripped onto Luigi tighter. Thank Grambi the Phantasma-Gloves overcame her sweaty palms.
'I'm sure you already know this,' She said. 'But don't let go!'
'I, uh, really wasn't thinking of doing otherwise.'
Fishook laughed, keeping his mouth wide open. The rest of the crew laughed along with him, though they could barely be heard over Polterpup's cries of pain.
'That may be a bonzer plan, mates.' The captain said, his voice echoing in the massive room. 'But you underestimate me patience. Even if ya plan on staying there forever, you're gonna get thirsty eventually. And when you bite the dust, I'll still be here.'
Luigi scowled. 'I'm-a willing to stay here for as long as it takes. I'll save my brother or die trying, but I'm not giving up!'
It just got the rest of the crew to snicker. In some role reversal, Daisy did not agree with his heroic sentiment. Her eyes were glued to the jaws of death below, and her skin was soaked with sweat.
'L-Luigi,' She managed to gasp out. 'I don't think we can stay here forever. This plunger's gonna give out sooner or later.'
'I know, but...' He sighed. 'If there's a chance, no matter how tiny, of us saving our friends, I have to take it. And I refuse to give up. If I'm gonna die, I'll die fighting. For my bro.'
Daisy whimpered. She looked around the room - at the maws of doom, at the laughing crew, at the suffering puppy, at the terrified panther in the distance... and back at the jaws. Her grip on Luigi weakened slightly, but not by accident. She thought hard - very hard - about this decision. Unfortunately, she could see no other option.
'Luigi,' She said. 'Before I commit to this, I need to talk to you.'
'... ... ... What are you planning?'
Daisy sighed. 'I'm going to let go.'
'WHAT?!'
The mocking laughter of the crewmates only got louder with each passing second, but Luigi didn't notice it anymore.
'Why do you want to do that?!'
'Listen. Fishook has made it clear he just wants to kill me. He needs you alive. But we cannot survive this together.'
'B-But... there's a chance! Daisy, please, I can't do this without you.'
'Okay, so answer me this. It's either me, or Mario. Who would you rather save?'
Luigi shuddered. It wasn't the question, nor even the supposed 'difficulty', that made him feel ill. Nothing of the sort. It was that he knew the answer immediately.
'Tell me, Luigi. Who would you-?'
'Mario.' He stated. 'Big bro, above anyone else.'
Daisy huffed, not surprised at all. 'Exactly. I'm nothing compared to Mario, and I'm okay with that. I'm just your girlfriend. Mario is your brother. With me gone, you have a chance to rescue him. As is, we're both dead.'
Luigi squeezed his eyes shut, failing to hold the tears back. 'I can't let you do that.'
'Why not? A sweet man like you is gonna find another girlfriend.'
'Because I don't care that you're my girlfriend! I love you for you, Daisy!'
Daisy began to cry too. For a moment, she held onto him tighter. Truthfully, she did not want to leave him. Ever. But, looking down into the abyss, she saw no other options.
'I love you, Luigi.' She said. 'And that is why I have to do this.'
Taking one last look into his crying eyes, she let go.
'DAISY!'
Her fall came to an abrupt start before it could begin. Luigi kept his grip tight on her wrist, using his other hand to make sure the Poltergust did not release.
Daisy felt her blood boiling. 'Grrr... Luigi! Why did you do that?!'
'Because I've already lost Mario, and I'm not ready to lose you too!'
She groaned. 'I don't wanna do it either, but it's the only way you and Polterpup can save Mario and free the hotel workers!'
Luigi did not respond. He just stared into space, as if putting all of his concentration power on something.
'Just let me go!' Daisy cried.
'Daisy, do you hear a voice?'
'Uh... no?'
'It kinda sounds like... Gooigi.'
Of course Daisy couldn't hear it. The voice seemingly came from directly inside Luigi's mind, like someone was using telepathy to talk to him.
'Worried for big bro. Not want princess hurt. Not want big bro hurt. Want to help big bro. Must help big bro.'
That was the same voice from before, and now Luigi was certain it was Gooigi.
'Must help big bro. Must help big bro. Will help big bro!'
Luigi suddenly felt himself getting a little lighter. The green goop inside the Poltergust plopped out and didn't even gain its proper shape before it plummeted into the jaws below.
'You... you deployed Gooigi?!' Daisy yelled.
'I-I didn't! He... he must've deployed himself somehow.'
Fishook slammed his jaws as the goo fell into his mouth, and he chewed it up. Well, he tried to. The first couple of chews did a good job of spreading the goop until it covered most of his teeth. Very soon, his jaws slammed shut. The crewmates gasped.
'Cap'n!' Awahia cried. 'Are you okay?'
'What the hell did that goo do to you?!' Delfina yelled.
'Well, that went well.' Enguio muttered.
'Oh, I knew this would happen...' Nagi whined.
Fishook tried to cry for help, but he simply couldn't. The only sound he made were muffled grunts and whimpers.
Luigi smiled. 'Gooigi did it!'
He could feel his grip on Daisy's arm weakening. Even if there was no gaping mouth left, he didn't want her to fall so far.
'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!' Delfina demanded.
'Poor Cap'n.' Nagi said.
Luigi, too, felt bad for the ghostly shark. Holding onto Daisy's wrist tight enough to cut off circulation to her hand, he found a way to solve this his own way.
'Uh, Cap'n Fishook?' He said. 'If you level the ship, we'll help you out.'
Fishook, past the wooden frame, put on a pathetic 'you mean it?' face.
'I mean it. All you gotta do is level your ship and I'll-'
Fishook complied to his request immediately, and lowered the bow of his ship quickly enough to give Luigi and Daisy bad cases of vertigo as their knees slammed into the deck.
'Oh god!' Daisy yelled, before she seethed through her teeth. 'Couldn't of done that any slower, huh?'
The captain left his ship and returned to his relatively normal form, except he still had the goop jamming up his jaws. He looked like a poor little puppy dog with peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth, and he made the appropriate whimpers. Luigi hooked up the nozzle to the Poltergust, and approached the poor shark.
'OI!' Delfina yelled. 'Get away from our Cap'n!'
'Guys, I'm just trying to-'
'Yeah, cos you're very trustworthy around ghosts.' Enguio said. 'Listen, we got a deal for you.'
Luigi gulped. 'Alright?'
Delfina pointed to Awahia, who still had Polterpup in her tentacles. 'Leave our Cap'n alone, or we'll keep your mutt!'
Any outsider looking in would not have understood what Polterpup was going through. He lay limp and relaxed in Awahia's clutches, even through the horrible pain. After all this time, the agony was the norm.
'Let him go right now!' Daisy yelled. 'Or I'll have to resort to violence!'
'You know who you're talking too?' Delfina asked. 'I could bite you in half if I wanted to!'
'I didn't understand any of that, but I think I can confidently say that I punched your Cap'n in the face.'
Luigi continued to approach the captain, focusing on him and not his pet, as hard as it was. If he could just talk to Fishook...
'Don't even bother with her, Delly.' Enguio said. 'A mortal like her would never reach us anyway.'
'And besides,' Awahia said. 'What if that green landlubber really does want to help our Cap'n out?'
'We can't take any chances!' Delfina yelled. 'You've seen what this man does to ghosts. We can't let him hurt our Cap'n! Keep the dog tangled up until the green man complies.'
The fur on Polterkitty's back stood up. Her strong feelings went unexplained, but she felt them nonetheless. To think that the suffering dog was the same one she completely ignored back when they first met. Master said dogs were dirty. Dogs were mean. Dogs were scary.
Polterkitty no longer believed it.
'ROOWWRRR!'
She charged across the dock, paying no attention to the water beneath her. That jellyfish lay in her sights. She unleashed one more yell before she pounced.
'Polterkitty?!'
'G-Gattina!'
The Panthergeist pushed Polterpup out of the way, freeing him from the grip and agony.
'MROOOOOW!'
Except now, Polterkitty was the one trapped in the stinging tentacles. She took the pain no better. The other crewmates did not laugh though. Oh no. They looked horrified. Even with the faceless Awahia, one could notice her tentacles fanning out ever so slightly.
'Awa!' Delfina demanded. 'Let go of her at once!'
'Aw...' Nagi murmured. 'Poor kitty...'
Awahia released her immediately and the poor Panthergeist fell to the deck, too exhausted to even land on her feet. Polterpup floated down to her in a hurry.
'Kitty? You... you did that for me?'
Polterkitty managed to smile. 'T-That's what friends are for... r-right?'
'Yeah, that's right!'
All four crewmates ignored the mortals and focused only on the ghostly panther.
'Waitaminute. Waitaminute! Wait. A. Minute.' Delfina said. 'You telling up that little Barbie is on their side?!'
'Wow... I-I...' Enguio failed to put his words together. 'Um, alright. All sarcasm aside, I am genuinely surprised.'
'Oh no.' Nagi muttered. 'They must be working for Ms Gravely.'
'Ms Gravely?!' Awahia cried. 'Nagi, claiming such a thing is borderline slander! Let Barbie tell you what's going on.'
Polterkitty staggered to her feet, and explained everything to the other ghostly critters. Well, everything aside from 'I might double-cross him later'. They all gasped.
'Do you finally get it?!' Daisy yelled. 'We're not here to hurt anyone. When my Luigi says he just wants to help, he means it. So how about you put everything aside and let him help your captain!'
The crewmates all looked to each other, before they turned back to Luigi and nodded in agreement.
'Please,' Awahia pleaded. 'Help our Cap'n. We'll give you anything.'
'You don't need to give me anything for helping your friend.' Luigi said. 'All I want is our Toad friend, and the elevator button.'
Delfina groaned, but still floated over to the Toad portrait. She proceeded to rip it clean off the mast, which damaged the frame but fortunately not the painting itself.
'Okay, I got the painting.' She said, glaring at him. 'Now help our Cap'n already!'
'Gee, yelling at him's a good way to convince him.' Enguio remarked.
'Whatever you're saying, shut up!' Daisy yelled. 'Just let Luigi do his thing and we can all be friends, okay?'
Luigi got far closer than he'd ever expect himself to be to a shark's mouth, but felt a surprising lack of fear. He knelt down in front of Fishook's massive jaws, and gave him a soft pat on the nose.
'Just stay calm, Captain Fishook.' Luigi said. 'I'll get that icky goop out of your teeth.'
Up this close, Fishook looked more than a sad puppy dog than a menacing pirate shark, and Luigi found it quite cute. As he leaned forward, he could hear Gooigi talking to him.
'Did good? Saved big bro? Helped big bro's princess?'
What a moment it was. Luigi felt like he was hearing his own child's first words. When speaking on his own, Gooigi's voice sounded more innocent and sweet.
'Wait, is Gooigi talking?!' Daisy asked. 'H-How? He isn't sentient! ... Is he?'
Luigi gave his gooey counterpart a smile. 'You did very well, Gooigi. Fishook isn't happy, which is unfortunate, but you saved our lives.'
'Big bro... proud?'
The plumber felt his heart stop. He finally knew what it was like to be Mario, and he loved it.
'I'm very proud of you, Gooigi. But Fishook is cool now. It's time to return home. Can you do that for me?'
'Return home! Make big bro proud!'
Like he promised, Gooigi returned to his container on the back of the Poltergust. With him back at home, Fishook's jaws were free. His frown turned to a toothy grin, and he launched himself forward.
'LUIGI, LOOK OUT!'
The ghostly shark rubbed his nose against Luigi's chest like an affectionate little cat. Turns out, he was perhaps more animalistic than he let on.
'G'don ya, mate!' He said, almost knocking Luigi over. 'I didn't think a bloke like you would be so kind!'
'Hehe... it's, uh, kind of a specialty of mine.'
'I can't just hand you over to me boss after that! I'll give you exactly what a mate like you needs.'
He reached his good fin behind his eyepatch, and yanked out the button from his eye socket. With much hesitance, Luigi held out his open hand and let Fishook drop the button into it.
'Delly!' The captain ordered. 'Bring that pictured fungus over here!'
Delfina obeyed her captain's orders without a question and handed Daisy the portrait. One quick use of the Dark-Light later, Soff T fell from the tapestry and onto the deck. He took one look at the pirate shark, and...
'AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!'
... ran for his life to the exit door.
'Um, should we go after him?' Luigi asked.
'Nah.' Daisy said. 'You know that ol' softie. He ain't going far without us.'
Fishook looked up to the ceiling, appearing not happy nor sad but instead... fearful. He gulped just thinking about his boss.
'Listen mate,' He said. 'I love me watery outback, but... I fear what that hussy will do to me and me mates. If she finds out that I willing let ya go...'
Daisy smirked. 'I think we've got a good solution to your problem.'
'Really? Fair dinkum?'
The princess stared at him for a bit, unable to understand his foreign speak.
'What language was that?' She asked.
Fishook gave her a look. 'English. I'm askin' if you're telling the truth.'
'Oh. R-Right. Heck yeah!'
'Oh, crikey! I'll take whatever you're planning.'
CAPTAIN FISHOOK, THE PILLAGING SHARK
AGE - ?
GENDER - Male(?)* (See footnote)
CAUSE OF DEATH - Eaten by a shark/Harpooned
Captain Bruce Fishook used to be a human pirate, until he was swallowed whole by a shark. His soul bonded to that of the fish, so when he was harpooned he returned as a ghostly shark. Luckily for him, he thinks being a shark is freaking awesome.
*While his mind is male, thus making that his gender, his biological sex is technically female due to his feminine shark body. Debates have risen over whether or not his gender should be listed as male or female. Since the term used here is 'gender', we have listed it as 'male'. Do not start arguments about this.
Author Notes - Captain Fishook is Australian because I am rather patriotic for an Aussie. Also because I thought it be funny to make my readers expect a 'AVAST, YE LANDLUBBERS!' and instead they get a 'G'day mate'.
OH YEAH, and Gooigi can talk and sorta act on his own accord now, albeit on very basic levels. Expect to hear him talking a bit throughout the rest of the story. Why? Cos I thought it would be neat to have him become more sentient near the end.
The 'have a milk' joke is based on a very similar joke from the Super Mario Brothers Super Show, by the way.
If there is one lesson you take away from Captain Fishook, it's this: never stab a shark in the eye with your hook. Why else do you think he wears an eyepatch, even as a shark? There's also a good chance he would've returned as a human had he not done that, but he loves being a beast of the sea.
As awesome as being a shark was, Fishook didn't feel like himself anymore. His pirate brain felt weird in the shark body. So, he tore off his own fin and replaced it with a giant hook, even though it was painful as hell. Such an act could be seen as risky and horrible, but many other people who are uncomfortable in their own bodies look up to him. In fact, his own yearning to feel comfortable has encouraged many to do the same.
