Chapter 18

Nathan's words echoed in Elizabeth's mind, as her heart started beating faster and faster.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing... After almost two years of waiting, Nathan was finally revealing his feelings to her.

Although that thought excited Elizabeth, it also made her very nervous, at the same time. As much as she wanted to know what he was thinking, she wasn't sure if she was mentally prepared to hear where this conversation might be headed.

After remaining silent for a few seconds, Nathan continued.

"Elizabeth, I don't expect you to answer me right now, but I need you to hear me out... With everything that happened last week, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and I feel like it's only fair for me to share with you what I've been feeling. After the incident, I was in a dark place emotionally... At first, all I could think about was how much guilt I felt for not being able to prevent the incident from happening, but then everything changed. When you ran and embraced me, in the middle of the street, all of my thoughts shifted to you. Suddenly, the only thing that I could think about was the hurt that you must have experienced losing Jack, and what it might have meant for you if I had been the one who was shot. The thought of having to put you through that much pain, all over again, shook me to the core..."

Nathan's voice trailed off, for a moment, before continuing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I care about you more than you could ever know, and the last thing that I'd ever want to do is to hurt you, or make you feel like you have to do something that you're not ready to do... With that being said, however, I want you to know what my intentions are. Elizabeth, ever since I met you, I knew that there was something different about you. And the more that I got to know you, the more I began to have feelings for you. I never expected to feel this way, but I can't deny how I feel. You understand me in a way that no one ever has before, and you make me happier than I've been in a long time. The heart that you have, for your students, and the way that you selflessly care for others inspires me everyday to be a better man. You took Allie under your wing and loved on her, when you had no obligation to do so. That means more to me than you'll ever know. All that being said, I would love nothing more than to officially start courting you. I can see a future with you, 'Lizabeth, and I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to have you by my side. But as much as I'd like an answer right now, I want you to promise me that you'll think and pray about this before making a decision. The last thing I want is to rush you or make feel like you have to commit to something that you're not ready to do. We can take this as fast or as slow as you want. I just couldn't go any longer without telling you how I really feel."

With that comment, Elizabeth once again herself in Nathan's arms. Wrapping her arms around his middle, she let the tears fall from her face.

Nathan was unlike any man that she had ever met before. Not only was he the most patient man that she knew, but he was also the sweetest and most sincere person that she'd ever met. He understood how hard this whole situation was for her, and he was willing to give her the time and space to pray about it. That meant more to her than words could express.

Finally finding her voice, and pulling away from him, as she found her courage, Elizabeth spoke from her heart.

"Nathan, I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you say all of that. I feel the exact same way... I've been doing a lot of soul searching too, and I would like nothing more than to accept your offer. As hard as this whole situation has been for me, it's been even harder for me having to fight my own feelings for you."

Nathan looked at her, just then, with surprise and caution in his eyes.

"Elizabeth, are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes, I'm sure" Elizabeth responded, with newfound confidence.

"It's a risk," Nathan stated, seriously.

"I know..."

"You do realize don't you that I can't promise you a life that's free from the responsibilities and dangers of my job? As much as I'd like to promise you that my job won't interfere with us, I can't."

Elizabeth nodded her head, in reply.

"Yes, I understand that..."

"But, what about the conversation we just had about Jack?"

"What about it?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Elizabeth, it's not just you that I'm thinking about here... You also have little Jack to consider, as well. I don't think I could ever forgive myself, if my job got in the way of your's or Little Jack's safety and well-being. Please just promise me that you'll think and pray about this some more, before making any concrete decisions. As happy as it makes me to hear that you feel the same way, I can't, in a good conscience, allow you to accept my offer, without at least first weighing all of your options."

Elizabeth looked thoughtful, for a moment, as she pondered what Nathan was saying. As much as she wanted to deny it, she knew that he was right.

Although she had already been thinking and praying about this, she knew that it was best for all of them if she continued doing that a little while longer. The more she thought about it, the more her fears started kicking into gear again. Talking about her experiences, with Jack, had caused her to take a step back and reevaluate her situation. If Nathan hadn't just admitted his true feelings for her, just then, then she wouldn't have said anything. She had just been so excited to finally hear him express his feelings to her, that it had caused her to take her guard down and admit that she felt the same way.

Even though they both admitted to having feelings for each other, Elizabeth knew, deep down, that it wasn't the right time to accept his offer. Nathan was right... Just because he believed in putting family first, it didn't mean that his job would always come second. Elizabeth knew more than anyone that it wouldn't be possible, as a Mountie, for him to do that.

Nodding her head slowly, Elizabeth agreed.

"I know you're right..."

"Elizabeth, please know that there's nothing more that I want than for you and little Jack to be part of mine and Allie's life. You both matter so much to me, and I don't want to discourage you from accepting my offer. I just need you to think about this some more, before giving me your answer. While it's a risk that I'm willing to take for myself, I'm not so sure that I'm willing to let you take that risk for me. However, I care about you too much in order to make that decision for you. Only you can truly know what's in your heart, and I'm praying that the Lord will help you to make the best decision for you and your son."

Elizabeth looked up at him, with all the love and sincerity that she could bare.

"Thank you for saying that, Nathan! Really! I promise you that I will continue to think and pray about this some more..."

Smiling back at her, Nathan responded.

"That's all I needed to hear right now... Thank you!"

With that, they shifted their gazes back to the pond, as the sun reflected off of the water.

As hard as this afternoon had been on her emotions, Elizabeth's heart was full.

Nathan had feelings for her, and he wanted to court her.

That thought made her heart skip a beat, and it gave her a renewed sense of peace, which stayed with her for the remainder of the afternoon.


Later that evening, Elizabeth was writing in her journal, as she pondered the events of the day.

It surprised her how quickly everything could change, in only a few hours.

Although she still had a lot to pray about, regarding her relationship with Nathan, Elizabeth was content with the way that their conversation had gone.

After Nathan revealed his feelings to her, at the pond, he walked her home and politely excused himself, with the promise that he would see her when he dropped Allie off at school, in the morning.

As much as she had wanted him to stay, Elizabeth knew that it was right for him to leave, so that she could have some time to think.

The closeness that she had felt to Nathan, during their walk home, had made her feel fuzzy all over. Even though they weren't officially a couple, Elizabeth could feel that their relationship had shifted to something much stronger and deeper than a friendship. Nathan had offered her his heart, and she was well on her way to accepting it.

As excited as she felt, about the prospect of being with Nathan, she'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she sill had some reservations about it. Nathan admitted that it would be a risk for her to be with him, and she knew that that was one of the biggest reasons that it had taken her so long to figure out that she had real feelings for him.

Nathan wasn't holding anything back from her anymore, and she wanted to do the same with him.

The only question that remained, in her mind, was whether or not it was really worth the risk, knowing how it might impact her and little Jack's future. She wanted to ensure that her son would be well taken care of, loved, and provided for. Although Elizabeth had no doubts about Nathan's eligibility, in those areas, his occupation was still a concern that she would need to come to terms with. Nathan made it very clear that he had no control over what might happen on the job. While he would always try to his best to put family first, Elizabeth knew that there were bound to be situations, that would eventually come up, where he'd have no choice in the matter.

At that thought, Elizabeth put her pen down and sank back into her chair. She was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed and was finding it hard to express her thoughts, on paper.

Her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't focus.

Deciding to shift her thoughts to something else, Elizabeth recalled her conversation with Laura that afternoon.

Once she had arrived back home, from the walk, Elizabeth asked Laura about how her time with Allie had gone.

"It was very nice," Elizabeth remembered Laura saying. "I've never really spent that much time with Allie before, and it surprised me when she came to your door, but I was really glad that she stayed. We had a nice time talking and playing with little Jack."

It had made Elizabeth so happy to hear that the two girls had hit it off so well, and she made a mental note to invite Allie over more often, during the times that Laura was there, so that the two girls could form a better friendship. It also made her happy knowing that her son had friends to play with, even if they were two teenage girls. It melted her heart hearing how much fun Laura and Allie had playing with him, and she wanted to give her son more opportunities like that, in the future.

It always made Elizabeth sad thinking about little Jack growing up without any friends, who were his age to play with. Although there were a few people, in the area, who had toddlers, most of them lived far out of town, and Elizabeth didn't see them very often. The majority of the kids, in town, were either close to or already of school age. Elizabeth prayed that would change soon, as more couples were getting married and beginning their lives together.

All in God's due timing, Elizabeth thought to herself, as she closed her journal and got up from from her desk.

It had been a long day, and she was finally ready to rest.

Quickly tidying up her desk, Elizabeth put everything away, before heading upstairs to check on little Jack.

Once she got there, she was pleased find that her son was sleeping peacefully, in his crib, with not a care in the world.

Reaching her head down to meet his, Elizabeth planted a small kiss on her son's forehead.

"Goodnight, my sweet boy," Elizabeth whispered softly. "I love you!"


Nathan was sipping tea, on the couch, in his living room, when he heard Allie coming down the stairs.

It was late, and he was surprised to find that his niece was still awake.

"Allie, what are you still doing up? Do you know what time it is?"

Allie nodded and came over, to sit by him on the couch.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep. Besides, I heard you in the kitchen, and I wanted to make sure that everything was alright."

Nathan nodded, in understanding, as he realized how loud he must have been.

He realized that he hadn't been himself since he got back from his walk with Elizabeth, that afternoon. His thoughts were all over the place and he couldn't sleep.

"I'm sorry if I was too loud... I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's alright, Uncle Nathan. You seem to have a lot on your mind... Is everything alright? You've been pretty distant since you got back from your walk, with Mrs. Thornton, this afternoon."

Nathan raised his brow, at that comment. He should have known that she would push him for details sooner or later. When he had gotten back to the house, after their walk, Nathan had tried to remain calm.

When Allie asked him about the walk, he had simply told her that it was nice, before changing the subject and asking her about her time with Laura and little Jack.

"It was great," Nathan recalled her saying. "I only stayed for about a half an hour, like you told me, but I was able to play with little Jack and talk to Laura about some of our interests. I discovered that we both enjoy doing math, and she even likes to read the same books that I do. It was really nice! I'm glad that Mrs. Thornton invited me to spend some time with her."

Nathan had been pleased to hear that his niece was making more friends, and it made him even happier knowing that she enjoyed spending time with little Jack. He couldn't help but smile at the possibility of them all having a future together.

As soon as that thought entered his mind, however, Nathan had pushed it away. He knew that it was too soon for him to come to that conclusion. Although he had finally found the courage to confess his true feelings to Elizabeth, and she said that she felt the same way, he had still asked her pray about it, before giving him a response.

"Uncle Nathan," Allie said, shaking him back to reality.

"Sorry, Allie. Did you say something?" Nathan asked her.

He realized that had been missing a lot of things that she had been saying to him recently, and he felt bad for asking her to keep repeating herself.

"I just asked if you wanted to talk about it? I could tell that you were avoiding the question when you got back earlier, and I didn't want to bother you about it, but I can tell that something is weighting on your mind."

Nathan rubbed his head, before relying.

"Am I really that easy to read?"

Allie gave him a knowing expression.

"Uncle Nathan, you wear your heart on your sleeve. I can always tell when something's bothering you. Everyone can. Now, are you going to tell me what happened on your walk with Mrs. Thornton or not?"

Sighing, and taking in a breath of air, Nathan pondered his next words carefully.

"Everything is fine Allie! There's just some things that Mrs. Thornton and I needed to discuss... I don't what you to worry about anything. But, if you'd like to pray for Mrs. Thornton, I think that would be a good idea!"

As much as Nathan wanted to tell her about his conversation, with Elizabeth, he knew that it wasn't the right time. He didn't want to get Allie's hopes up if things didn't work out between the two of them.

Looking a little disappointed, at that response, Allie agreed.

"Ok, Uncle Nathan, if don't wait to tell me what's going on, then I guess I'll just have to wait... I hope it all turns out alright, and I will be sure to pray for Mrs. Thornton."

"Thank you for understanding, Allie! When the time is right, I promise you that I will explain everything... For now, you'll just have to take me at my word."

After that, he hugged Allie, before sending her back up to bed. It was way past her bedtime, and she had school in the morning.

Although he highly doubted that his overly curious niece would actually go to sleep right then, he wanted her to at least try.

Besides, he needed a break from her constant appraisal of his feelings and emotions. The girl could read him like a book.

If he was being totally honest with himself, it had been torture having to ask Elizabeth to wait and pray before responding to his offer. The moment that she had said that she felt the same way, there had been a fire that was lit inside of him, which he had fought to keep at bay. All he had wanted to do, in that moment, was to take her in arms, once again, and tell her how much he loved her. However, he knew that he couldn't do that. It wouldn't have been fair to either her or son.

Even though he was sure that she already knew of risks, he needed her to hear it directly from him. As much as he'd like to protect her, from her past experiences with Jack, he knew that it wouldn't be possible for him to do that completely. She needed to know that he wanted her to really consider those risks, before committing to any sort of relationship with him. He loved her too much, in order to push those risks aside, and pretend like they didn't matter, when they did. Elizabeth was still hurting, from the past, and he didn't want to risk her chance of having a more steady future.

At that thought, Nathan bowed his head and prayed.

Only God could provide the answers to the questions that were weighting heavily on his heart.


The next morning, Elizabeth was walking to the schoolhouse, when she ran into Clara.

"Good morning, Elizabeth!"

"Good morning, Clara," Elizabeth responded back, "How are you this morning?"

"I'm doing well, thanks! I was wondering if maybe you and little Jack would be free to come to our place for dinner tonight? I know it's last minuet, but Jesse and I would really love to have you. Besides, it would give us a chance to catch up, like we discussed at church the other day."

Elizabeth smiled at Clara's generosity.

"That would be lovely! Thank you, Clara!"

"It would be our pleasure! How does seven thirty sound? Or is that too late?"

"That sounds perfect, " Elizabeth answered. She knew that Clara was worried about the cafe still being opened, since her and Jesse lived in the room upstairs.

Clara's smile widened.

"Great! I'm really looking forward to catching up... it feels like it's been so long."

"It really has," Elizabeth agreed.

With that, they chatted a little longer, before saying their goodbyes. Clara was headed towards the dress shop, and Elizabeth needed to get to the school.

As hard as the day before had been on Elizabeth's emotions, she was looking forward to spending a relaxing evening with Clara and Jesse. She knew that it would be a much needed break for her, as she continued to think and pray about her answer to Nathan.

With all of the commotion from yesterday, Elizabeth realized that she hadn't had the chance to relax. It also occurred to her that she still needed to tell Rosemary about Nath's feelings for her. She knew that her friend was sure to have many opinions, and Elizabeth wasn't so sure that she was ready to hear them, just yet. She needed to take this time to process and pray about everything, before asking for outside advice. Only God could help her to make the best decision for her and her son.

Turning her attention back to her present surroundings, Elizabeth hurried towards the schoolhouse.

Once she got there, she went inside and checked the time. It surprised her how late it was. She hadn't realized how long it had taken her to get there this morning.

Although her first class wouldn't begin for another fifteen minuets, she realized that she must have read the time wrong, when she left home that morning. She hadn't got much sleep last night, and her mind had been all over the place, that it was hard to keep things straight.

Even though she still had enough time, before school would start, Elizabeth preferred to be there at least thrifty minuets before the bell. That way it would give her enough time to set up and prepare for the day's lessons. Her students usually started to arriving about ten minuets before the bell, which meant that she only had about five minuets to prepare this morning, without them being there.

The air was a bit chilly today, and she didn't want her students to have to wait for her outside.

With that thought in mind, Elizabeth went to work lighting a fire, in the stove, and writing her lesson plans on the chalkboard.

It was going to be a long school day, and she wanted to be prepared.