Chapter 19
It was a little after seven by the time that Elizabeth and little Jack arrived at the Flynn's for dinner.
Although Elizabeth had tried her best to get there on time, Jack wouldn't hear of it. He had been fussy all day, since she got home from school, and it was hard for her to get anything accomplished.
By the time that she finally got him settled and ready to go, it was already half past six.
Mounting the steps to the side door of the cafe, where Clara and Jessie lived, Elizabeth knocked lightly with her hand.
Just then, the door swung open and Elizabeth was greeted by Jessie.
"Hi Elizabeth! Hi Jack! Please come in," Jessie offered, as he stepped aside to allow her and her son to enter.
"Hi Jessie! I'm sorry we're late... Jack's been fussy today, so it took us a longer than usual to get out the door."
Jessie nodded, and gave her an understanding smile.
"No worries! It's been a busy day around here as well, so that's totally understandable."
"Thanks," Elizabeth said, as she shifted little Jack to her other hip, and looked around the room.
"Clara is upstairs freshening up, if that's what you were wondering, but she should be down shortly. Would you like me to take your coats for you?" Jessie offered.
"Yes, thank you," Elizabeth answered, as she put little Jack down, took her coat off, and handed it over to Jessie.
Then focusing her attention back on her son, Elizabeth went to work unbuttoning his coat. As soon as she got it off, Clara came down the stairs and greeted them, with a warm smile.
"Elizabeth, hello! I'm so glad that you and little Jack could come over tonight. I'm sorry that I wasn't here to greet you when you came in... I was just finishing some things upstairs."
"That's alright, Clara! Jack's had a bit of a rough day today, so we were late getting here anyways."
"Aww, did you have a hard day today, little man?" Clara asked him, as she looked down at little Jack.
As soon as Clara said that, Jack burrowed his face in Elizabeth's skirt.
"Yeah, he's been a little fussy today. We almost didn't even make it out of the door... but he finally settled down on the way here, so I'm thankful for that."
Clara nodded, in understanding, before she looking up at Jessie.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that Jack had a hard day, but we're glad that you both could come."
"Me too," Elizabeth said, as she smiled at the newlyweds.
Clara was standing right next to Jessie, with her hand resting on his forearm, as they looked loving at each other. Elizabeth couldn't help but think about how perfect they were for each other. She was so happy for them.
"Should we sit down?" Jessie asked, as he motioned over to the kitchen table.
"Yes, I think that would be a good idea," Clara agreed. "The food is almost ready to eat... I just need to heat up a few things before we get started. It shouldn't take too long, but we can start on the salad, while we're waiting."
"That sounds good," Elizabeth said, as she lifted little Jack up onto the chair and sat down next to him, at the table.
"Elizabeth, I hope you don't mind leftovers. We had plenty of food left from the cafe today... It wasn't very busy, so Bill decided to close early."
"I don't mind at all! I just feel bad that I didn't bring anything... I was going to bake something for dessert, but then Jack was having a hard day, so I didn't get around to it."
"Don't be! We have plenty of leftovers to go around. Besides, having you and little Jack over for dinner is the only the treat we need," Clara reassured her.
"Absolutely," Jessie added, in agreement.
"Thank you," Elizabeth said, as she smiled at both of them.
She was grateful to have such sweet and understanding friends.
They were just finishing up dinner, when Elizabeth asked Clara and Jessie about the cafe.
"I've noticed that Bill's been closing the cafe rather early recently... Is everything alright?"
Clara looked at Jessie, before responding.
"We're not supposed to say anything, until he makes the final decision, but Bill has been considering the possibility of closing the cafe during dinner hours. He'd still serve dinner on the weekends, but I think he's been a bit overwhelmed having to cook dinner on the weekdays. Since we don't have anyone to cover the dinner shift, Bill has been having to do it all by himself, on top of fulfill all of his judge duties. I try to help out when I can, but I've been keeping so busy at the dress shop, which doesn't give me much time to help him out."
"Oh wow, I had no idea," Elizabeth said, in surprise. She didn't realize how much cooking Bill had been having to do on his own.
"Yeah, it's been a hard decision for him to make, but there have been less and less families coming in for dinner recently. Most people prefer to either eat at home or at the saloon. The only time we really get families coming in for dinner is on the weekends. Most of the cafe's revenue, during the week, comes from the breakfast and lunch orders."
"I see..." Elizabeth said.
Clara nodded her head.
"Please don't share this with anyone... Bill still hasn't made a decision yet. He's been closing a little earlier the past few days, in order to test it out. So far, it's helped to knock down some of the work load for him. We'll see how it goes, though."
"I won't," Elizabeth agreed. Now she understood why the cafe had been so scarce with customers the last few days.
Just then, Jessie stood up, from the table, and asked if he could take their plates. They had all just finished eating, and Elizabeth was stuffed.
"Yes, thank you Jessie," Elizabeth said, before standing up to help little Jack off of his chair. Her son's mood had been much calmer during dinner, and she was thankful for that.
"No problem," Jessie responded back, as he went to put the dishes in the sink.
Once Elizabeth helped little Jack to his feet, she asked Clara "Is there anything I can help you guys with? I'd be happy to wash the dishes or help put stuff away."
Before Clara could respond, however, Jessie cut in.
"I got it! Thank you for offering though," then turning to Clara he said, "Why don't you take Elizabeth and little Jack with you upstairs? I'm sure you two have things to talk about."
"Are you sure?" Clara asked her husband, with a look of appreciation and surprise in her eyes.
"Yes, I'm sure! You two go ahead... I got this!"
"You're the best," Clara said, before giving Jessie a kiss on the cheek, and then motioning for Elizabeth to follow her upstairs.
After that, Elizabeth picked up little Jack and followed Clara to their bedroom upstairs.
Once they were there, Clara shut the door behind them and motioned for her to sit down on the bed.
"You've done a beautiful job with this room, Clara," Elizabeth said, as she admired the room, from her place on the bed.
It had been a long time since Elizabeth had been up there, and it surprised her how much it had changed.
Clara looked around the room, before sending her a smile.
"Thank you! Jessie and I just finished painting it last weekend. It took us a while to find a color that we liked, but finally we settled on the pale green."
"I love it! And, it looks especially beautiful with this comforter. Is it new?" Elizabeth asked, looking down and admiring the detail on it.
The comforter, on their bed, was made up of cream-colored squares, with flowers on each of them.
"Doesn't it? Molly, Florence, and some of the other ladies, in the sewing circle, surprised us with it after our wedding. It was such a beautiful gift, and we instantly knew that we wanted to paint our room in a color that would highlight it."
"That's so sweet of them! The details of the flowers are beautiful, and the wall color really makes them stand out. Great job!"
"Thank you," Clara said, as she smiled and looked down at little Jack, who was falling asleep in Elizabeth's lap.
"Somebody looks tired..." Clara noted.
"I know... I'm so thankful he's finally settling down. I think he just needed to get out of the house," Elizabeth said, as she gently stroked her son's head.
Then, shifting her gaze from her sleeping son to the dresser, next to the bed, Elizabeth noticed a photo album laying on top of it.
"Is that your wedding album?" Elizabeth asked, hoping that she might get to see their wedding pictures.
Shirting her gaze to where Elizabeth was looking, Clara smiled, nodded, and then asked, "Yes, would you like to see it?"
"Very much so," Elizabeth answered, as she picked up a sleeping Jack, kissed him on the forehead, and placed him carefully on the bed next to her.
Elizabeth had been secretly hoping that she might get to see their wedding photos, and she was grateful that her friend was willing to share them with her.
"Carson did a wonderful job on these photos," Elizabeth said, as she looked through Clara and Jessie's wedding album.
Elizabeth had loved being a part of their special day, and it made her happy being able to relive all of the sweet moments, from that day, all over again through the photographs.
"I know! I'm so thankful that Carson was willing to take so many pictures for us... They turned out better than I could have ever imaged, and he even took the time to make the album for us," Clara added, with a contented smile on her face.
"That was really sweet of him," Elizabeth replied, as she continued flipping through the pages, while scanning the photographs.
It wasn't until she got to the end of the book, however, that Elizabeth felt her heart start beating faster and faster. There before her eyes, in the midst of the other wedding guest photos, was an image of her and Nathan standing side by side, at the wedding reception, while smiling at the camera.
The shock and immense emotions of seeing that photo for the first time caused Elizabeth to momentarily lose all of her focus. Forgetting to breathe for a moment, Elizabeth just stared at the photo, as she recalled the moment that it was taken.
She had just went up to thank Nathan for his help with Robert, when Carson found them and asked to take a picture of them. Although Elizabeth had felt a little awkward about it, at the time, considering the fact that she had never had her photo taken with a man, other than Jack, she was grateful that Carson had taken a photo of them together. It made her smile remembering how Carson had called it a "keeper" photo, and she had been hoping that she might get to see it some day. However, it had never even occurred to her that Carson might include it in Clara and Jessie's wedding album. After all, her and Nathan had never even gone on a date, at that point, and it surprised her that Carson would give the Flynn's a photo of them together.
"Elizabeth? Are you alright?" Clara asked her, with a concerned looked on her face.
Feeling a little embarrassed, as she felt her cheeks turning red, Elizabeth cleared her throat and said, "I'm alright," as she fought to regain her composure.
Not being convinced, Clara moved closer to her, on the bed, and put her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.
"Elizabeth, I know better than that..." Then motioning towards the photo Clara asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
As much as Elizabeth wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong, she knew that she couldn't hide from it anymore. If anyone understood the pain of what she was going through, it was Clara.
Taking in deep breath, and asking the Lord for strength, Elizabeth unburdened her heart to Clara.
As Clara listened to Elizabeth relaying the events of her growing feelings and fears towards Nathan, Clara felt her heart sink.
She knew all too well what it felt like to be in that position. Learning to open her heart up to love again, after losing her first husband, was one of the hardest things that Clara had ever had to do. Her heart ached for Elizabeth, and she prayed that she might be able to say the right thing to help her.
"I just don't know if it's worth the risk," Elizabeth admitted, after she told Clara about her conversation with Nathan the day before. "Just when I thought that all my fears were starting to go away, Nathan tells me all of those things, and then he asks me to really think about the risks. It's one thing for me to be aware of those risks, but it's a completely different thing for Nathan to actually speak them aloud to me..."
Clara looked at her sympathetically. "I can't imagine what that must have been like for you... Having to face what might of happened to Nathan, regarding the incident, but still choosing to go out with him, despite your fears. That took a lot of courage, Elizabeth! I don't think I could have done that so soon after it happened... but I also think that that proves just how much Nathan means to you. You were willing to risk your heart, by accepting his invitation, knowing very well what it might mean if you did. All of this time, you've been afraid to face the truth of what's in your heart. Nathan has always been there for you, and you've been waiting so long for him to be a part of your life. You finally went on a date with him, and you had a wonderful time, which helped to solidify your feelings towards him even more. But now that you're faced with this decision of whether or not to make it official, all of the risks are becoming more real. Suddenly, it's not just about what makes you happy today, but it's about the future and figuring out what's best for you and your son. That's a lot to process, in only a few short days..." Clara's voice trailed off just then, as she thought about her own experiences.
"Elizabeth, I keep thinking back to the time before Jessie and I first started courting, and how terrified I was to let another man into my heart. At that point, in my life, I couldn't even handle the thought of allowing myself to have feelings for another man. It just didn't seem right! After I lost Peter, I felt like a huge part of my heart had died and I didn't think that I would ever get it back. Once Jessie started showing interest in me, I tried everything that I could to keep him at arms length. I didn't want to risk hurting my heart all over again, so instead I pushed him away. That went on for a long time, even after we finally started courting. Although my heart had healed enough to let him in, my fears still got the better of me. Our courtship wasn't easy... and that was mostly due to my own fears and insecurities, that were left over from my experiences with Peter. If it weren't for the wonderful love and support of friends, like you, then I don't think that I would have ever found the courage commit my heart fully to Jessie. I'm forever grateful to you for that we conversion had before Jessie and I got married... Hearing about your experience with Jack and how you'd be willing do it all over again, even knowing how it ended, really helped me to face my fears and open my heart up again. And, now that I'm on the other side of that experience, I want you to know that it is absolutely worth it! All of the fears that I had were for a higher purpose, and I wouldn't change a single thing."
"Thank you, Clara! I really needed to hear that," Elizabeth said, as she wiped the tears from her face.
"I love you, Elizabeth! I know this is a really scary time for you, and I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what you decide. Only you can determine what's best for you and your son, and I have no doubts that you'll make the right choice when the time is right. Nathan is a wonderful man, and I know that he'll respect whatever decision you make."
Two days passed since Elizabeth's dinner with Clara and Jessie.
Although it turned out to be an emotional evening for her, Elizabeth was thankful for her friend's support. As happy as it had made her to find that photo of her and Nathan, it had brought up a lot of unexpected emotions and feelings for her. The last thing that she had expected was to pour her heart out to Clara, but she was very thankful that she had.
Clara knew exactly what she was feeling. After all, she had also lost her husband, Peter, soon after they had gotten married, and Clara had just recently found the courage to open her heart to love again. It had certainly helped Elizabeth hearing how Clara's fears had caused her to doubt opening her heart again and also hearing how she had eventually got to the spot where she could overcame her fears.
It was Elizabeth's prayer that she might also eventually get to the spot where she'd be able to do the same. She knew that she had deep feelings for Nathan. There was no denying that, but she still wasn't sure if it was the right decision for her to take the risk, simply because she had feelings for him. She wanted to make the decision based on what was best for her son, and not just what was best for her.
Just as Elizabeth was pondering that thought, there was a knock at her door.
"Who could that be?" Elizabeth asked herself, as she looked at the time. It was eight o'clock on Thursday night, and she wasn't expecting any visitors.
Getting up from her desk, Elizabeth went to the door and opened it.
Once it was opened, she was greeted by Rosemary.
"Elizabeth, hi! I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time... Can I come in?" Rosemary asked, as she stepped through the door, without waiting for a response.
It surprised Elizabeth that Rosemary would stop by tonight. After their talk yesterday, she would have thought that her best friend would give her a little space to think.
Shifting her thoughts back to yesterday, Elizabeth recalled their conversation.
It hadn't taken long for her to open up about her and Nathan's talk to Rosemary. After she told Clara about it, Elizabeth didn't feel right about keeping it from Rosemary, so she stopped by the Coulter's house, after dinner, last night, in order to tell her friend what had happened.
As soon as she told Rosemary about the evolution of their conversation and how Nathan had asked her to think about it, Rosemary wasted no time in sharing her opinion. She even scolded Elizabeth for not telling her about it sooner.
"Elizabeth, this is wonderful news! But, why on earth didn't you tell me about this sooner? That was two whole days ago, and not once did you even hint at it. I know we've both been busy the past few days, but you could have stopped by. If you had, I would have told you right away that you need to stop running from your fears and be honest with yourself. Before Nathan asked you to think about it, you were ready to say "yes" right then and there. That alone should be enough to tell you what's really in your heart. While I do understand that it's important for you to weight all of the risks for little Jack's sake, I also think that you've already been doing that for the past two years. Those risks are the very reasons that it took you so long to admit your feelings for him, in the first place. And now that you have, it's time for you to put those fears aside for good and embrace the future with Nathan. While I do respect him for being transparent with you about those risks, and asking you to think about it, I also think that you've already been doing that for two whole years. You don't need to think about it anymore. I feel like the longer you think about those risks, the easier it'll be for you talk yourself out of accepting his invitation of courtship. Elizabeth, it's time... You need to follow your heart!"
Just then, Elizabeth's thoughts were interrupted, as she heard Rosemary ask her a question.
"I'm sorry... what did you just say?"
"Honestly, Elizabeth, you were a million miles away. Did you not just hear anything that I said?"
Shaking her head, apologetically, Elizabeth said "I'm sorry, Rosemary! Can please repeat that?"
"I was just explaining to you how I've been thinking about you ever since our talk last night, and how I know that I promised to give you some space to think things through, on your own... but I just couldn't do that, without at least first coming over to here to apologize for how pushy I was being. Elizabeth, I know this has been a really hard time for you, and that I didn't make it any easier on you, with my comments last night, so I'm really sorry about that. I do respect that you need this time to figure things out on your own, without any outside noise, but I just pray that when that time comes for you to decide that you'll follow your heart instead of your fears. You deserve nothing but the best, and I truly believe that you've found that in Nathan."
With that comment, Elizabeth walked over to Rosemary and engulfed her in a hug.
"Thank you for saying that, Rosemary! Although I do admit that you were a little pushy with your comments last night, I do know that your heart was in the right place! And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I think I needed to hear it. As scary as it all seems, you were right when you said that the longer I think about the risks the easier it'll be for me to back away. When Nathan first told me about his desire to enter a courtship with me, I was ready to say "yes", but then he went on to tell me about the risks. While it's one thing for me to be aware of those risks, it's a totally different thing for him, as the Mountie, to admit those risks to me. It felt as if they truly became a reality when he told me that. Suddenly they weren't just fears, that I had in my head anymore, they became very real possibilities, and that's what scares me."
"I know," Rosemary said, sympathetically, as she placed her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "But you also can't live your life running from the things that scare you... I mean look at what happened to Lee. He has one of the safest job's in town, working in an office, and he still almost died. That could happen to anyone of us at any given time, no matter where we are or what profession we have. The only thing that we can be absolutely sure of is that we have God's protection to keep us safe. Nothing can happen to us, without Him allowing it to happen first, so if something does happen then we have to faith that He allowed it for a higher purpose."
As Elizabeth thought about what Rosemary was saying, she began to see the importance and truth of her best friend's words. She had been thinking about the situation in all of the wrong ways. Instead of focusing on God's hand in the matter, she had been thinking about all of the possible bad things that could happen if she "yes". Not once had it occurred to her, since her talk with Nathan, that maybe she needed to let go of control and trust that the Lord could overrule anything negative thing that might potentially happen, in the future.
"You're right, Rosemary! You're absolutely right... I've been going about this in all of the wrong ways. Instead of having faith, I've been allowing my fears of what might potentially happen control the situation. When all along, I should have been trusting that God will overrule whatever happens for good. Thank you for pointing that out to me... I really needed to hear that!"
"I'm glad it was helpful," Rosemary said, before looking at the time. "Dear me, look at the time! I should let you go, but I just wanted to come over here to tell you that and let you know how sorry I am for being so pushy. I promise you that I'm going to work on it... Although I can't promise that I'll get better over night, I'll try my best to do better from now on. You're my dearest friend, Elizabeth, and I want nothing but the best for you and little Jack."
"Thank you, Rosemary," Elizabeth smiled at her friend, sincerely. "I really appreciate you coming over here to tell me that, and the feelings are definitely mutual!"
"Good," Rosemary said enthusiastically, as she turned to leave. "Oh and before I forget, there was another reason that I came over here."
Turning back around to face Elizabeth, Rosemary put her hand in her coat pocket and pulled out an envelope.
"This is for you! It's from Clara. She gave it to me today and asked if I could give it you. She said it's important, and that she wanted me to be the one to deliver it to you, at a time when you might need it the most. While I'm not sure what she meant by that, or what's in the envelope, she told me that you'd know what to do once you opened it. Although I'm not sure if I was supposed to give it to you this soon, I feel like now is the right time, so here you go."
After Rosemary handed her the envelop, she quickly excused herself and left Elizabeth alone with her thoughts.
"I wonder what's in the envelope?" Elizabeth asked herself, as she prepared for bed.
As much as she had wanted to open it after Rosemary left, Elizabeth forced herself to wait until after she was done getting ready for bed. She needed to check on little Jack, who was asleep in his crib upstairs, before finishing up her lessons for school the next morning.
Once she had done all of that and was sitting comfortably in her bed, Elizabeth grabbed the envelop, from its place on her nightstand, and carefully turned it over, as she prepared to open it.
Taking in a deep breath of air, Elizabeth prepared herself for whatever was inside. If Clara wanted Rosemary to wait for the right time to give it to her, then she knew that whatever was inside must be important.
Opening it very gently with her hand, Elizabeth reached inside and pulled out a single photograph.
As soon as she saw it, her heart skipped a beat. There in her hand was the picture that Carson had took of her and Nathan, at the wedding.
After spending the last two days trying to engrain every detail of that picture in her mind, Elizabeth could finally look at it and admire it with her eyes.
It wasn't until she turned the picture over, however, and read the inscription written on it, that tears began to fall from her face
There, written on the back of the photo, in Clara's handwriting, was a portion of scripture from 1 John 4:18 which read, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear..."
Once Elizabeth read that, all of her fears and anxieties about Nathan, over the last two years, came to a halt, as peace filled her heart with clarity. God had moving been in their relationship all along, and she knew that she was finally ready to accept it.
Holding the photo in her hand, as tears fell from her face, Elizabeth bowed her head and poured her heart out to God.
She loved Nathan. She had always loved Nathan. And she was finally going to do something about it.
Elizabeth was done hiding from her fears. Love was worth the risk, and she was finally willing to accept that.
