Jane Rizzoli: A Case Study
Part Five: Experiment Two
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Maura's not a guesser. So, when she comes up with a theory as to her best friend's recent change in behavior, she sets out to test her hypothesis the only way she knows how: careful observation and experimentation. Slow burn, fluff, eventual smut, some angst.
Warnings: The following fic is rated M (NC-17) for language and sexual situations. Readers be warned.
A/N: This chapter contains a bit of angst. I want to reassure you that this story is endgame Rizzles. It's just going to take us a bit longer to get there.
Maura convinced Jane to go to a sit-down restaurant after promising that she would pick up the check. Jane would have been perfectly content buying fast food from one of the vendors in the crowded food court; Maura, on the other hand, preferred tables that weren't sticky and food that wasn't covered in grease. Thus, she guided Jane into a more upscale Italian restaurant near the east entrance to the mall. The place was crowded, but the lighting was more subdued, and it didn't have the distracting echo of the open design in the food court.
"I'm starving," Jane complained as they waited for their server to return to take their order.
The honey blond touched her hand briefly, reassuringly, "She'll be back soon. It's busy. It is a Saturday after all."
Jane didn't seem to notice Maura's gesture, which was both reassuring and disappointing. The brunette was either becoming accustomed to Maura's gestures because she dismissed them as normal, or because she was becoming comfortable with the idea. The problem was Maura had no idea how to determine which one it was.
"I'm sorry I held us up this morning," Jane apologized. "I should have had breakfast at my place before I came over."
"It's okay," Maura winked, "I know you prefer my cooking anyway."
Jane bit her lip subtly, briefly. Maura thought she blushed too, but the lighting made it impossible to be sure. Jane's gaze moved to her menu even though Jane had claimed to already know what she wanted. Maura continued to add to her mental notes as Jane fidgeted with the peeling plastic on the corner of the menu.
"So …" Jane tried. She seemed anxious to fill the silence with conversation, but Maura could not determine why. They often sat in comfortable silence together. Perhaps Jane had something on her mind.
"Yes?" she encouraged, watching Jane expectantly. She tried to lock eyes with the brunette, but she seemed to be searching the room for some topic of conversation.
"I, uh…" Jane struggled. "I just wanted to thank you—for helping me with shopping." Jane finished with what might have been an attempt at a smile, but to Maura it seemed like a deflated whimper. The honey blond dismissed it as anything but unreadable.
After they had ordered, Maura excused herself to go to the restroom. Had they had company at their table, Jane might have accompanied her unconsciously, following the strange ritual for women to flock to the restroom together. Seeing as they were alone and someone had to stay with the shopping bags, Jane simply smiled at her awkwardly as she stood up. Maura watched Jane out of the corner of her eye as she made her way to the other side of the restaurant. Jane was definitely watching her leave.
In the restroom, Maura prepared herself for the next phase of her experiment. On top of working on her mental fortitude, she purposefully altered her appearance. She fluffed her hair, which would later require tucking behind her ear. She partially unbuttoned her blouse, showing off just a bit of the freckles on her chest. She touched up her mascara, calling attention to her eyes. Finally, she added a slightly brighter shade of red lipstick to her lips, hoping to catch Jane's eyes glancing there.
Maura looked at herself in the mirror. She knew she looked gorgeous, but she wondered if Jane would notice. If Maura were trying to catch the attention of a male date, she knew what signs to look for. Jane, on the other hand, was completely different—and seemingly inconsistent. Would she make a comment? Would she notice at all?
The honey blond had her answer the moment she walked up to the table. As soon as Jane saw her, her mouth dropped open just a tad. Her eyes went immediately to Maura's chest. Maura had to hide her smirk when Jane's eyes snapped up to her face—the brunette blushing slightly with embarrassment.
As Maura sat down, she tucked her hair behind her ear. She could feel Jane's eyes on her, but she looked around the restaurant instead. She bit her lip in an effort not to look at Jane prematurely. Unfortunately, she was not as subtle as before.
"You okay?" Jane said, putting a hand on her arm.
Instantly, Maura placed her hand on Jane's, smiling brightly, "Yes, I'm just hungry."
Jane's hand lingered on Maura's arm as she frowned. The brunette studied her carefully, curiously. Maura made sure Jane's eyes were on hers when she looked briefly down at her lips. Jane swallowed and pulled her hand away.
"Me too." She responded, looking away.
The rest of the meal was quiet. The two each focused on their food. As they did, Maura started to question her methods again. Had she made Jane uncomfortable? Was Maura stirring up more trouble than either of them could handle?
She missed the cheery, joking Jane. She missed the banter. The silence was awkward, almost painful. Maura started to think the whole thing had been a mistake. If only she could take it all back. The honey blond doubted herself like this for quite some time as they continued shopping. Her heart panged as Jane seemed to distance herself from her. Jane only made casual conversation; she stood further away; she barely made eye contact.
But, gradually, Jane gravitated towards her again. While she still seemed to struggle with conversation, she drifted close to her. She smiled at Maura and started to tease again. She made a game of figuring out what Maura had bought her for Christmas. Maura's heart lightened as Jane's playfulness returned. Of course, Jane would never win her game as long as Maura managed to hide the minor detail that she hadn't found it yet.
By the time they left the mall, Maura had all but abandoned her experiment. While Jane's gaze was an addicting thrill, Maura longed for the familiarity of Jane's laughter. Jane's warm smile and bright eyes were as good as, if not better than, her hungry gaze and blushing cheeks. Maura determined that she would put her experiment on hold, if not forget about it altogether.
That was, until Jane was saying her goodnights after dinner. It was late in the afternoon and the two of them were standing near the doorway. Maura had ordered carryout after returning from shopping and the two of them had spent almost three hours talking and laughing over Thai food. Maura had put on a documentary that Jane had complained about until the two of them got lost in conversation. Now, Jane was reluctantly making her excuses to leave.
"I have to walk Jo." Jane said softly, leaning against the door, her hand near the door handle. "She's been locked up all day. I'll be lucky if she hasn't peed all over my apartment by now."
Maura chuckled, nodding in agreement. She wondered why she had followed Jane to the door, all she knew was that she didn't want her to leave. She didn't want the evening to end. She found she longed for Jane's nearness now more than ever.
There was a long silence as neither of them moved. Jane looked at her hand on the doorknob and then back at Maura. She shifted her weight from one hip to the other. She clenched her jaw indecisively. Maura smiled at her, sighing softly.
"Anyway…" Jane said at last, pulling the door open. "I should get going."
"Okay …" Maura said breathlessly, almost like a whisper.
Jane went to leave. Just as Maura was reaching for the door to close it behind her, Jane turned around.
"Maura?" Jane said breathlessly, her eyes darting to Maura's lips. They were mere inches apart. Maura could feel her breath on her face. Either the cold or Jane's proximity made her shiver. Probably both. She didn't dare move.
"Yes?" Maura said, barely able to breathe.
Maura's heart stopped when Jane shifted just a centimeter closer, her hand going to her ear. She tucked the hair behind Maura's ear as she locked eyes with her. Jane looked as if she was about to break. Maura was certain she was going to kiss her, but, quite suddenly, Jane stepped back.
The brunette smiled dishearteningly, clenching her hands before putting them in her coat pockets. She backed away from Maura. "Goodnight—Maura," she said, her voice cracking.
"Goodnight Jane." Maura barely managed to whisper.
She shakily closed the door behind her as she stepped back into the house. The breath Maura had been holding finally escaped her lips as she put her back to the door. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks, but she made no sound but for her uneven breathing. Her heart panged in her chest and she slid down to the floor.
So close, she thought, burying her face in her hands. She was going to kiss me, I know it.
But the truth was she didn't know it. Not for sure. And the uncertainty was eating at her.
Maybe she couldn't do it. She must have wanted to. Right?
Questions like these bombarded Maura's brain as she sat brokenhearted at the door. She didn't move for a long time. She fought away tears. Finally, exhaustion was started to overtake her, so she took a deep breath and stood up. Slowly, she made it up to her room and crawled into bed.
Sunday was more than unpleasant for Maura. She woke late, and, not having the energy for yoga, her whole routine was thrown off. She eventually made her way down to the kitchen, but she only stared at its contents without moving. Nothing seemed appealing. In fact, she started to feel sick to her stomach.
After a long time, she simply pulled out some strawberries for Bass and closed the fridge. The tortoise slowly made his way to his plate as Maura looked down at him woefully.
"How could I have been so foolish?" Maura said, sighing as she sat on the barstool at the kitchen island. She looked around her home. Memories with Jane hovered in every inch of it.
Am I really willing to risk everything? Maura thought to herself. Risk Jane? Our friendship?
"If she were ever going to make her move," Maura muttered to Bass, "it would have been last night."
So, Maura decided to give up on her experiment. The cost of loosing Jane was just too great. Instead, she focused on getting through the day. Normally, Angela would be over early in the afternoon to prepare for Sunday dinner. This weekend, however, Angela was visiting her aunt—or was it her sister? Maura couldn't remember. The oldest Rizzoli had only mentioned it in passing on Friday.
Since Frankie had to work, and Tommy was out of town, Sunday dinner seemed to be canceled. She didn't know if Jane planned on coming over, but she couldn't manage even a text conversation. Instead, Maura focused on completing chores around the house. She was able to distract herself for nearly three hours before a text alert sounded from her phone.
I'm going to miss having dinner with you today. Ma's making me go shopping with her and Aunt Joyce.
Jane followed up her message with a puking emoji that made Maura chuckle, if only for a moment. The honey blond stared at her phone for a moment, wondering what Jane meant by "miss." Was she informing her that she wouldn't be there? Or that she would miss her?
"I can't keep doing this to myself." Maura sighed, putting down her phone.
She decided not to respond to the message. Figuring out what to say in response was just too disheartening. Rather than worry about Jane, she spent the rest of the day on her computer, working on paperwork. She rarely worked from home, but she needed something to focus on.
By the time Monday rolled around, Maura had made up her mind. She was going to quit the experiments and focus on boxing up her heart again. Nothing was worth loosing Jane. Not even her heart.
And it was with this mentality that Maura arrived at work and got started right away. With no new bodies to examine, she spent most of the first hour at her desk. Just as she was starting to find comfort in her work routine, in walked Jane.
"Hey," Jane said, her voice impossibly soft.
Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had tried to ready herself for this moment, but she didn't have the mental fortitude to look Jane in the eyes. At any moment, she might start crying.
"Jane…" Maura tried, standing but avoiding her eyes.
"What's wrong?" Jane whispered.
Maura shook her head, barely able to hold back tears. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not," Jane said, trying to catch Maura's eyes. Jane's hand went to Maura's arm, pulling her closer. "Since when could you lie?"
Maura glanced into her eyes. Since I started lying to myself, she thought, but she didn't speak. She gave Jane a weak smile but only shook her head.
"I wish you'd talk to me." Jane said sadly. She pulled Maura into a tight hug. It took Maura everything she had not to collapse into that embrace. Jane, stepped back, looking into Maura's eyes, "You know you can tell me anything, right? Anything."
"Jane … I…" she struggled, the words sticking in her throat. Eventually, Maura choked out, "I can't."
To be continued
