As you may know if you have seen US news, Hurricane Laura hit Louisiana as a Category 4 this past week, tied for the worst storm to hit the state in history. My family and I are safe, as we were east of the worst of the hurricane, only receiving tropical storm level winds/rain and several tornado warnings with only one or two touching down. But Lake Charles and much of southwest LA is absolutely devastated; both the high winds and storm surge (which was thankfully less than expected) have destroyed these areas, and to make it worse, they are battling a chemical fire in Lake Charles as well. So many people no longer have homes to return to, and there will undoubtedly be increasing covid-19 outbreaks after this because of how many were forced to evacuate before the storm. If you can, please consider donating to hurricane relief efforts for LA and TX. This has been a very hard week, especially combined with having to start college on top of the covid-19 pandemic. I hope you all are well, and I apologize that this chapter is on the shorter side. Stay safe, and thank you for reading.
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"So."
"So."
"We… need to talk."
Callum nodded. "We do."
And then neither of them spoke. Because that would mean admitting things were bad, which was a reality difficult for both of them to face. At least, it seemed so to Callum.
Dear God, this was awkward. At least they'd acknowledged communication was needed to resolve their argument, but follow-up and a healthy discussion were generally required for communication to be considered effective and successful. Sitting in silence was a far cry from success.
"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," Rayla suddenly said, standing up from the table and starting to grab her booksack off the back of her chair. "I should just leave before -"
"No!" Callum exclaimed, practically bolting to his feet as he threw out a hand to stop her. "No," he repeated, trying to level his tone and sound less… er, panicked and desperate. "It's - It's really important that we talk about what happened. We can't go back. It's not… easy, obviously, to just - just fix it, but… we can do this." They had to fix things. He refused to let failure be an option.
Rayla still seemed hesitant, but she nodded, hanging her bag back over her chair before sitting.
Yet again, they ended up in a silent stalemate, staring awkwardly at nothing and everything while waiting for the other to speak.
Callum tried to organize his thoughts. He wanted to apologize for his overreaction when he found out she was still going to football practice despite her injury. He also wanted to explain that he'd just been worried about her and that he didn't want her to exacerbate the sprain, especially because she was preparing so intensely for the big game against Neolandia, which was why he'd been so insistent in the first place that she stop going to practice until she was healed. His reaction was rooted in concern. That didn't excuse his anger, of course, but at least it could explain it. He also needed to apologize for not respecting her decision - he didn't have to agree with her going to football practice, but nonetheless it was her choice, not his, and he should have accepted that instead of snapping at her.
Still, maybe the first thing he needed to apologize for was not showing her his piece for the fall art showcase. The piece he was actually yet to submit because he felt so guilty about having not shown it to her when he'd promised he would. The guilt was eating him alive.
It seemed like a million different possibilities of where to begin his apology were flying around his head, yet all were flying too quickly for him to jump up and grab one out of the air.
And then he didn't have to.
"Callum… I'm so sorry," Rayla said, her gaze dropping to the table between them. "I had no reason to get so angry with you when you told me that I shouldn't have been going to practice because of my sprain. It was inexcusable. I was being stubborn and a jerk and I should have listened to you from the very beginning because I know you were just worried about me overextending myself. And…" She exhaled slowly. "You were right."
Callum's eyes widened, all thoughts of how to best apologize flying out of his mind. "Oh my God, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Any anger or bitterness that could have possibly still been brewing inside him beneath the guilt dissipated, replaced immediately by frantic concern.
"It's nothing serious, I promise!" she hastily reassured him, causing Callum to breathe a sigh of relief. "I just strained it a little. I should still be fine within a week if I don't use my hand too much. But." She nodded. "Like I said. You were right. I was unnecessarily risking my health and my ability to play by going to practice while still injured. To make sure I'm ready for the big game next week, I won't be practicing or training at all until my hand is completely healed. Coach Zhou already signed off on my absence."
Callum was at a loss for words. How was he supposed to respond? Thank her for the apology? For her honesty? Try not to be utterly overwhelmed by his own anxiety? Well, the last one was at least a good starting point -
"Was that too much?" Rayla asked, her eyes nervously flicking over his face. "I - I might have practiced in front of the mirror to make sure I was able to communicate what I wanted to say, which actually ended up being really embarrassing when Claudia walked in on me, but -"
"You're fine," Callum interrupted, an odd sense of warmth flickering in his chest upon seeing that his girlfriend was as nervous as he was about the entire situation. "I appreciate your apology. And - And I wanted to say that I'm sorry, too." He fiddled with the ends of his scarf in an attempt to give his hands something to do while he spoke. He'd worn the scarf to create a sense of security in preparation for their… uh, meeting? No, that sounded revoltingly formal. "I did overreact when I found out you were still going to football practice. You are completely capable of making your own decisions and I had no reason to be so… offended, I guess, that you hadn't listened to me. You were not obligated to take my advice, so I shouldn't have acted like you were."
Rayla cracked a smile at his comment. "Is that because I'm a, quote, 'strong independent woman who doesn't need a man'?"
Callum chuckled. "Something like that." He stopped toying with the ends of his scarf, instead resting his hands on the table. "Still, I should have respected your choices. And not because you're a 'strong independent woman'. I mean, you are strong and independent, but" - he was floundering, time to get back on track - "but I should have respected you because you're an individual. Full stop. You know yourself. And you're right that you do know your own limits, way more than I ever could. I was worried about you, so I lashed out, but that doesn't excuse my… my attempt to control your choices and decisions." God, he hoped that made sense. It sounded so much better in his head.
Rayla's smile became softer. "Thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that." Then she laughed. "But I wouldn't go so far as to say you were trying to control me. I think you just let your worries get the best of you."
That was a relief. He'd known people in the past who'd told him about their experiences with controlling exes, and he did not want to be that kind of boyfriend. "Cool. Cool." Smooth, Callum, he internally berated himself. Very smooth. "I, uh, I also wanted to apologize for not showing you my piece for the fall art showcase, even though I promised that you'd be one of the first people who'd get to see it."
Rayla's face reddened. "Callum, you don't need to apologize for that," she started to protest. "You didn't owe me a 'first look' or anything. I was being childish -"
"Maybe I don't need to apologize, but it doesn't change the fact that I still feel bad for hurting your feelings," Callum insisted. "I should have been more considerate of what you wanted. And by not making the time to show you the finalized picture, I completely disregarded all of the support you gave me when I was working on the project. That was wrong of me."
"But I was the one who'd basically been trying to avoid you during that time because I didn't want you to know I was still going to football practice," Rayla countered. "So you have nothing to be sorry for on that account. I prevented you from showing your artwork to me, and I hold myself responsible for that."
"I - well, no, it's more like -"
"That said… I do have something to be sorry for here. About your piece for the showcase, I mean." Her face was dusted with an embarrassed blush, and she broke eye contact with him to stare down at her hands resting in her lap. "I shouldn't have dragged Sonya into our fight. It was rude and immature and unfair of me and - and probably a result of petty jealousy. In short, it was completely inexcusable for me to bring Sonya into our personal argument, and I'm sorry."
Callum blinked, taken aback by her admission. He'd never considered the possibility of Rayla getting jealous, especially of Sonya, out of all their friends. It was… weird. But he knew he was definitely in no place to judge. Not after the several weeks he'd spent stewing about Felix over nothing. "So basically," he finally said, "it sounds like we're both sorry about things we don't need to be sorry for?"
Rayla covered her mouth as a brief laugh escaped her lips. "You're so forgiving, aren't you?" She shook her head. "When you put it like that, you make our emotional openness here seem very circular."
Callum found himself laughing, too. "I'm just saying that I think we both might be holding a little more guilt to our chests than we really need to be."
"You don't need to hold any guilt. I was the one being stubborn and over-dramatic while also blatantly ignoring your good and perfectly logical advice."
"To be fair, I was also being stubborn by refusing to reach out and talk to you over the weekend while unfairly expecting you to listen to me about a subject I have minimal experience in." 'No experience' was probably more accurate. The closest Callum had ever come to spraining or even injuring his fingers at all was when he slept on his arm wrong and his hand had been stiff and cramped for a few hours during the following day. Which really wasn't close at all.
Rayla laughed again, giving him a relieved and amused smile. "Okay, we're not getting anywhere here." She placed her non-injured hand on top of his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you. For apologizing and for listening to me. And also for texting first, because I wouldn't have had the guts to do that. You're the bravest person I know."
Callum moved his hand to properly intertwine her fingers with his own. "Thank you for being the one to speak up first." He chuckled. "I would have spent another hour swimming" - drowning, more like - "in my thoughts before I'd mustered up the nerve to say anything."
Rayla gently tapped his nose with her other hand - using her pinky, not her injured finger. "I can't lie. That's kind of adorable."
Callum flushed. "Well, unlike you, I didn't think to practice in front of the mirror, but obviously I didn't want to get anything wrong when I was apologizing, so…" He wasn't sure where he was going with that. Then his eyes widened as he remembered something that he'd desperately wanted to apologize for and that he had practiced in his head, if not a mirror. "Rayla -" His grip on her hand tightened, though Rayla made no move to pull away, instead looking at him with concern.
"Is something wrong?"
"I'm sorry I said I didn't trust you!" Callum blurted out, hoping he didn't sound too much like a panicked five-year-old. "I was just angry when I found out you'd still been going to football practice and hadn't told me about it. I - I know I said that I felt like I couldn't trust you but - but I was really just upset because…" God, this was terrifying. "Because I was worried you didn't trust me." He took a sharp breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Expressing vulnerability like this was the hardest thing he'd ever done. And he was a physics major. "I do trust you. I swear. I trust you as much as Ezran and Claudia and Soren and my dad. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. My - My mouth just got ahead of my brain."
Wow. Saying the words - even though he was still riddled with tension about having to witness his girlfriend's reaction - made it feel like a ten ton weight had been lifted off his chest.
Rayla gently ran her thumb over his knuckles. "First, I want you to take some deep breaths," she gently instructed. "This is obviously important to you, and we should talk about it, but I don't want you to have a panic attack while we do, okay?"
Callum hesitated, then nodded, closing his eyes and silently running through the breathing exercises his mother had taught him. He could feel Rayla's gaze on him as he did so, which was… oddly calming. There couldn't have been a more supportive partner than her anywhere. Not even in the rest of the universe. "Okay," he finally said, opening his eyes and giving her a tentative smile. "Sorry for freaking out."
Rayla mock-glared at him. "Oh no," she chastised. "Don't you dare apologize for that, dummy. Save those apologies for later, when you come to my dorm and steal a bag of chips or something."
Callum laughed. He and Claudia were both guilty of snacking on Rayla's personal stash of junk food. "Got it."
"Anyways." She gave him a soft smile. "We both said things we didn't mean when we fought. And honestly, I can't blame you for feeling deceived, because let's be real - I had been super evasive and vague that week. So your doubt in me was understandable."
"Maybe, but -"
She silenced him with a look. He'd have to learn how to master that ability. It seemed useful. "But. I am glad to know that you trust me." She gave him a small, amused smile. "I'm sure it'll bring you great joy to hear that I trust you, too. More than anyone else I've met in Katolis. And I'm going to do my damn best to be completely honest with you about everything from now on, okay? Hold me to that."
Callum was indeed overjoyed to hear her words. And also relieved. Incredibly relieved. So much so, in fact, that he was pretty sure his body might start melting into his chair. "Me - Me too," he stammered, managing to give her a small, grateful smile. He didn't miss the relief that flickered in her eyes, as well, though she soon masked it with a calm, collected facade.
"Great." She chuckled, her shoulders relaxing. "You know, I would call this a pretty successful attempt at talking things out with one's partner. Maybe those relationship-advice articles aren't totally bogus after all."
Callum was inclined to agree. And he meant to say so aloud - really, he did. But those were not the words that left his mouth. "Can I kiss you?"
Rayla blinked, her face gradually turning a darker red by the second. "Can you - what?"
Dear God, Callum needed to work on waiting to speak until his brain had fully processed each and every word he intended to say. Maybe that would prevent him from making a fool of himself in front of people. Especially in front of his girlfriend. "I - sorry," he hastily said, his voice embarrassingly close to a squeak. "That was - that was weird of me, I shouldn't have asked so out of the blue -"
"You can," Rayla interrupted. "Kiss me, I mean."
"Ah…" He could feel blood rushing to the tips of his ears. "Really?"
She rolled her eyes, though the blush still painted on her own face ruined the typical intimidation that often came with the action. "Trust me, I wouldn't have said so if I didn't mean it."
Callum flushed. "Right, right." He hesitated, then stood up, moving around the table to cup his girlfriend's face in his hands before leaning down and pressing a tender kiss to her lips. He felt her hands move up to rest on his hips, and a little voice in the back of subconscious noted that for once he was taller than Rayla, though that information was rapidly filed away for another time as he got lost in the warmth of her lips on his. When he finally pulled away, the unabashed bliss in his girlfriend's eyes sent elation flooding through his chest, the feeling hitting him like a sledgehammer.
"What, are you just going to keep staring at me like some sap?" Rayla asked, a teasing lilt to her voice, "or are you going to get a move on and kiss me again?"
Callum was more than happy to oblige.
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