Dear Lucy,
I can tell that my high mind isn't of the most par then if it's too obvious that I'm on cocaine through written text. I used to be able to make it seem like it was my normal personality without much effort. Even after only conversing roughly 10 letters between the two of us, you still managed to figure it out. I suppose my father's appearance made it easier to determine, but nevertheless. I'm impressed and surprised. Very surprised. I'm quite curious on how, if you don't mind regaling that to me.
I will tell you this now that I apologize that I used. Truly. I don't apologize often but...I feel remorse for putting you in that position.
It...it was offered by one of the individuals that are also here with me. I didn't immediately succumb to it, but after much thought, I believed that perhaps you may like my other side better than who I am now. It was easy to slip into the desire again, even though I know you are expectantly waiting for me. I wasn't necessarily tempted to do so or had any specific need.
My father seems to have neglected to tell you that I overdosed. Had the nurse not found me at that moment, I'm not sure what would have happened.
I don't mean to say that to startle you. I would much rather give you the facts than to prance around lying to you anymore. You seem distressed based on your words in the last letter-something I've never had the pleasure of having. Nobody has ever quite been so distressed to find out I've done drugs. Hilda and Justin, yes, but it was more to save themselves from my destruction rather than actual concern.
I will also admit that I'm surprised you stood up to my father like that. I'm even further surprised that my father even tried to accuse you for the reasons of my usage of cocaine. He doesn't quite know me well—not a surprise. Nevertheless, I suppose I must thank you for defending me in that manner.
You're quite perceptive to say that last accusation, though. More than I gave you credit for. Specifically, the part where you mention that it leaves little to the imagination to wonder how or why I even got into cocaine to alter my personality if this is how I am seen and treated. You are correct in that manner and I feel that you deserve some notion of truth from that alone. It's the best way I can offer a sense of apology besides saying that I'm remorseful for my actions.
I never quite clicked with my father, not like Luke, the man you saw with my father. Luke was always the star child in his eyes, even though neither of us are Layton's biological children. But I took the Layton name; Luke did not. But the way my father was around that boy? I almost felt like I was the one who hadn't taken the Layton name and Luke had. Where my father is a gentleman, I am an abrasive individual that holds no leash against how I speak, find murder fascinating...the list can go on. Luke was everything my father wanted-sweet, kind, gentlemanly, could make a good cuppa, and follows my father like some loyal puppy.
It didn't help that others around me didn't quite share the same kindness that you do when it comes to how I am wired. Cocaine, my choice drug, allowed me to switch to something I've aptly called Placid. Made me pliant, much more desirable to speak to than who I am now. From what I gathered, others around me liked my personality while I was on cocaine and their kindness was addicting, I will admit. I wanted to be in that state forever. Without the drug, my harsh rebuttals and judgements are on full display and cannot be stopped-which seems strange, considering that I should be more able in my actions without the cocaine.
I know what you are to write to me, that I don't need cocaine to be good, to be liked if I just learned how to be much more sociable and kind.
Well, Lucy, you haven't quite met me. Let alone have a single conversation with me on the phone. I am much more intolerable than you may believe based on our letters. I cannot say that I hold myself back, for I do still speak with the same snark that made my father believe we are so different. Writing to you allows me to think of my words rather than letting them out without thinking. That may be why you have this notion that I can be better.
I hope this clarifies any questions that I'm sure you have after meeting my father and saves us the post.
Alfendi Layton
P.S. Even in my drug addled state, I still would very much like to know the answers to the questions I asked you in the last letter. If you will allow me that luxury of getting to know you.
