As per usual:
Alfendi is in bold.
Lucy is in italics.
"Merry Christmas, my dear."
"..."
"Baker, I know you're there."
"...You knew it was me?"
"I have a feeling that's not the question you'd like answered."
"Alright, alright, spill, Prof. What's with the brand new address?"
"Hm? Oh, you mean the affectionate phrase of my dear, yes?"
"Aye."
"It seems to be appropriate considering the shift within our relationship, despite the condition of not having the apt labels."
"Why do you have to make it sound so clinical? Blimey, Prof..."
"Perhaps. It's making you laugh, though, is it not? I hear your giggling...now you're rolling your eyes in exasperation."
"Don't tell me you escaped the center and are watching me on a tree with binoculars."
"Don't be absurd. It was a mere guess of human reaction. I can hear you shuffling to your window. You know I'm still here. "
"Mm, okay, either you're a very good hider or you're tellin' da truth. That was a bit creepy, Prof. Though you didn't answer my first question on 'ow ya knew it were me."
"Of course I knew, my dear. You were the one who specified the time and day. I merely made sure I was prompt at the phone. Really, Baker, must you be so simple?"
"Yes, but..."
"What?"
"You coulda said 'my dear' to anyone that called, you know. I coulda been late to the phone or summat like that! Imagine, hearing the great Alfendi Layton call someone his dear. Imagine the field day the Yard would 'ave, eh? Ooh, even your father—"
"Watch your mouth, Baker. Don't test my patience. I'll—"
"Har, har, you'll cut my tongue and all. You can't cut tongues on Christmas, Prof! That's not proper!"
"...A lot of killers would disagree with you. Crime tends to spike around this time of year."
"Only you would know that off the top of your head. How's Christmas at the center, Prof?"
"As abysmal as it gets. The sorry simpletons that are stuck here are depressed and have been doing a horrible job at keeping it to themselves. I do appreciate your gift though. Not a first edition, but nevertheless, still enjoyable against the faux displays of cheer."
"Aye, well, a thank you wouldn't go amiss!"
"I said I appreciated it. I merely expressed an opinion."
"Ee, sure. Besides, I could hardly have enough money on my salary to get a first edition. Plus, you can only really read the classic a buncha times before you get bored of it, right? Might as well start you up a little collection while you're there."
"Mm, yes well, you should be getting a gift of your own at the Yard. I requested for Sam to get it for me and Florence took it off his hands. Should be in the Mystery Room by the time you get back."
"...You got me a gift?"
"Do I have to repeat myself? You know how I despise repetition."
"Eh, of course not. Just surprised is all. You know you didn't 'ave to, you know."
"This holiday is all about gift giving due to societal norms. It's only fair to return the sentiment."
"Alright, alright. I won't even try to ask. Ta, Prof."
"Did you get anything of interest this year?"
"My mum bought me a new coat, my father got me a pocket notebook to write all my deductions and notes in. It's quite nice. Oh! We also had a really good feast. I brought some of the cupcakes I bought yesterday from Jenny-good grief, you shoulda seen how many people were in the cafe yesterday. She sold out of everything but had a box just for me prepared! Besides that, we got lotsa different foods, you woulda thought my mum was preparing for the storm even though it was only us three!"
"It must have been quite entertaining."
"Mm, aye. My folks always mean well when it comes to me. I'm their little sunshine, they used to say...oh! I talked about you too, you know. To them, I mean. Yesterday, though, when me mum asked me if I was seeing someone over dinner like she always does whenever she sees me."
"...And what did you tell her?"
"That I may or may not be interested in my rehab pen pal."
"You weren't afraid to talk about your dealings with a drug user in rehab? It's not the best conversation to have, is it not?"
"You make it sound like I'm your drug dealer!"
"If you deal in serotonin, then perhaps you could be considered one."
"Heh, I bet you tell that to all the girls you meet."
"As if I'd meet people that could stand me without professional pretenses. You didn't answer the question, Baker."
"Well, remember that friend I told ya about? Aye, well, she knows all too well the whole rehab schtick too because of him. She thinks it's amusing that I'm in kahoots with ya considering."
"Do I want to know why?"
"Well, that old friend was my first and only boyfriend in secondary school. We 'ad a bit of a mutual agreement that we weren't gonna last after secondary, so we split but stayed in touch as friends. He went down the destructive path, but I already told ya that he got clean."
"Ah..."
"Don't sound all down, Prof. He's just a friend now. He's moved on and so have I. Remember, I told ya that he has a wife and kids."
"So, you make it a habit of falling for broken people."
"Ee, Prof, neither of you are broken. Nowt like that. Just on tha wrong path—perfectly acceptable."
"Ever such the simplistic individual, Baker, I'm disappointed. Drawing on the positivity of the common folk when talking to a drug addict."
"Oi, I can hang up right now and say nothing else if you're not gonna be nice to me."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Mm..."
"Baker."
"Just because it's Christmas, I won't."
"..."
"Blimey, it's like you'd thought I were goin' to leave you. You can't get rid of me that easily."
"It wouldn't quite matter if you hung up or not. It wouldn't be different to when I was out of rehab."
"What do ya mean?"
"Do you honestly believe that I had company during these holidays with my personality?"
"I have a feelin' you're gonna tell me."
"The way I handled events such as Christmas and Boxing Day always consisted of nights of silence or sheer disappointment. They were increasingly irritating affairs with every year that passed. As a child, they were probability games in seeing if my father would come home that time or if another puzzle would take him away again. As an adult, they were sordid hours of parties that I had no desire in being a part of. Admittedly, I still went to every single one during my time at the Yard."
"On drugs?"
"Not at first, though when I did, it changed everything. It made it all so tolerable and I wouldn't have to go through the motions. Placid would indulge in the festivities, being amicable to whoever came his way."
"See, there's that name again. Placid. What's...er...he like?"
"Placid. Yes, it is his aptly put name. He is Placid when I am the complete opposite."
"You're placid now too though, Prof. Hardly volatile, yeah?"
"You spoke to him, by any capacity, through one of our letters. It shouldn't be hard to see as to why we are different, at least on some superfluous manner."
"Aye, I did, but I wanna hear what you think of 'im. And why do you talk as though he's someone else?"
"It became quite clear which one the Yard preferred. It was only a matter of time before it was the only state I ever wanted to be in...though, yes, I do talk to him as though he is a different person because he's not me. He walks in my shoes, talks in my voice, and wears my clothes whenever I shoot up. Once the high goes down, he retreats away and I'm in control again."
"Like takin' turns, innit?"
"Yes, that may be the best way to put it. If there is a day where you meet him again in letter form or otherwise, I will have failed you, my dear Baker."
"Don't say that, Prof. You wouldn't've failed me. You would be dealing with the ups and downs of addiction."
"Semantics. As a byproduct of dealing with, as you say, the 'ups and downs of addiction,' I would have failed you anyway."
"Then try to not get yourself in that situation, eh? We'll deal with it as we go along-agh!"
"What was that noise?"
"Oh, I wasn't lookin' and I 'it my hip on the drawer. Ah, it smarts. I don't understand why my mum thinks the hallway needs this drawer. I'm always bumpin' into it."
"Perhaps you shouldn't be walking around while speaking. Your clumsy nature will make it difficult to do two things at once."
"'ey, it's just a bump! It's not like I'm also carrying summat fragile. Heh, maybe if you kiss my hip, the pain will go away."
"..."
"Oi, did I break you?"
"I find that this conversation has taken a strange turn."
"Too forward?"
"Perhaps. Though, I will resign towards the fact that I started it with a personal address."
"Aye...oh! I'm being called by my mum. Probably expecting me to be down already. Do you mind if I end this call?"
"It isn't as though I have much of a choice if you have prior engagements."
"Of course you have a choice. I'd just stay up here a little longer, I"m sure she can wait on whatever it is. Probably help on the finishing touches of her homemade marmalade."
"No, it's fine. Do whatever useless traditions you have in place for today, as it does only come once a year."
"I'll write soon, Prof. Don't be so upset..."
"I'm not upset. Stop giggling."
"I thought you liked my giggling!"
"No, I don't."
"How about if I call again later? Would you be less upset?"
"...I would be amenable to it."
"Riiiight. Well, I'll call ya later, Prof."
"Indeed. Goodbye, Lucy."
"Goodbye. my dear Prof."
