20
Face Your Fears or They Will Destroy You
Chris gasped as he stared down at his uniform tunic and realized it was grey. He looked at his polished shoes, noticed the grade marks on his sleeves. This particular promotion would have reignited the spark within him, made him proud of himself. Instead, it created a kind of a dread, reminding him of what was to come; of how he was destined to fade away as nothing but a shell of his former self.
"In order to live you'll have to let him go," He'tef said seriously as he stepped up next to him.
He felt the Araxian's presence beside him as he glanced around the black walls of that dreadful corridor where he always met his future self in the vivid nightmares which had continued to plague him ever since he'd left Boreth.
Chris sighed but remained silent as he continued to walk.
"It is only by facing one's greatest fear-," the Araxian began.
"Why are you in my dream-," Pike began but suddenly trailed off and halted mid-step to turn and face his companion. "This is not my dream," he concluded suddenly. "I've relived this moment too many times already. I don't need for you to show it as well."
"Yes, you do," He'tef replied darkly. "You made a promise to the son of Chancellor L'Rell and Lieutenant Taylor not to speak of what you experienced in the monastery."
He nodded dejectedly.
"But those who knows you – who knows your heart – they know that, deep inside you, something is wrong," the alien reasoned kindly. "If you don't stop this, if you cannot heal your soul, then you have already begun the transformation toward the one man you don't want to become."
Chris sighed, glancing down at his feet.
"I am saying and have persistently tried to tell you that life is not predestined. Which is why – if you keep up with this – you will not live as long as you think," He'tef continued seriously.
"Don't you understand? This ship and this crew, they need their captain the way he was. They need ingenious, cunning, funny, calm and caring Christopher Pike. Starfleet needs Captain Pike; your friends need Chris. You can't just give up and give in – it's not like you."
"I haven't," Pike replied, raising his voice. "I'm working hard to make this first contact mission work out in our favor."
The Araxian nodded. "Yes, I can't deny that. But you'll need an ally in this matter as well," he finished enigmatically.
OOOOOO
It was late when Spock walked through the doors to sickbay. Doctor Boyce had left several hours ago and the nightshift was understaffed at the moment. He glanced around the semi-dark room to make sure he was the only visitor. The Vulcan wasn't really sure what had brought him there, he only knew that he felt strangely unsettled and had lost his ability to meditate at the moment. He was, like the rest of the crew, waiting for the captain to wake up.
The Vulcan noted that the young empath was sound asleep across the room as he stealthily walked up to the captain's bedside and sat down, his back ramrod straight, in the plastic chair.
Even in his sleep Christopher Pike seemed confused, perhaps a bit distressed, and Spock found that he was perplexed. Emotions lingered close to the calm surface and threatened to break free.
There was a reason as to why Vulcans didn't allow themselves to feel. Centuries ago, they had been a violent race, a race with primal instincts, killing thousands of their own population in blind rage.
Spock had tried so hard to fit in to the strict Vulcan society for all his life. He had ended up disappointing his human mother, trying to prove himself to his father and lost part of his humanity in the process. Deep down he was afraid to open up that channel of emotions, the one he had tried so hard to suppress, but he felt that he needed to. The choice had been made for him. With a wavering hand, he reached for Christopher Pike's face and spread his finger across it. The skin felt clammy to touch yet cold beneath his fingertips. Spock surmised all his strength as he closed his eyes and whispered; "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."
In hindsight he had been ill-prepared to face what was to come as he found himself standing on a cliff edge on Arax VI, overlooking the monument from a far distance. Pike appeared next to him, standing there in his blue and golden striped uniform once more. He looked peaceful as he turned to him with a cautious dimpled smile and a twinkle in his eyes.
Spock was perplexed, he didn't know what to make of this. Was it an illusion he had entered? Was it Pike's way of deflecting reality? Or had the Araxians once again tried to protect his friend from danger? Before he could ponder over it, he was brought to the monastery of the Klingon moon – Boreth. He did not know what had happened down there; all he had known was that his captain had been deeply troubled when he had gotten back.
The Vulcan frowned as he saw one of the monks plant a seed which immediately transformed into a large full-grown tree; it was not logical. He proceeded further into the monastery and into a chamber that housed hundreds of glimmering crystals, this time Christopher Pike was once again at his side. Then suddenly there was another voice, another person, in the room.
"It is for you alone," the monk said seriously. "A warning, captain. The present is a vail between anticipation and horror. Lift the vail and madness will follow."
Spock involuntarily shuddered. Madness was something he was very familiar with after Doctor Gabrielle Burnham had entangled him in many separate timelines to warn him of the future. He had only been able to see clearly again after being healed by the Talosians.
Spock could only watch as his captain knelt down next to the crystal and touched it. His human friend and mentor had always been curious and willing to learn, oblivious to danger. The human part of Spock screamed at him as a foreboding feeling settled deep into the pit of his stomach – it unnerved him. But he was nothing but a bystander in this play before him. He was thrown back and forth in time again. He watched with fascination and horror as an older version of Christopher Pike, now a Fleet captain, unselfishly saved the cadets around him and severely injured himself in the process. Then, before he could process what he had just seen, he saw the same man before him in a life-support wheelchair. Something deep inside Spock snapped and he did something he hadn't done in a very long time - he allowed himself to feel for his captain and friend - allowed himself to let emotions overtake him, engulf him in fierce anxiety and torment.
"You can choose to walk away from this future," the monk said seriously. "But if you take the crystal, your fate will be sealed – forever."
"No," Spock heard himself saying. Knowing his captain, his faith and moral, there wasn't a choice to make. Christopher would not save himself the pain, he would save the future. The Vulcan suddenly understood the reason for some of the recklessness behavior he had showed lately. It was no longer as illogical as he'd first thought it to be. The captain gambled with his life because he believed in what the monk at the monastery of Boreth had told him. To Pike it would not matter what he did, he would survive up until that point in his life when he submitted himself to his destiny.
The Vulcan gasped as he was disconnected from the mindmeld. He was shaking slightly, his face covered in perspiration and his eyes haunted as he stared at his mentor on the bed before him. He hastily got out of the chair and left the room.
Christopher Pike was furious as he turned to He'tef. "You have broken him," he said angrily.
"No," the Araxian replied evenly. "I have not. Spock is resilient and logical. He will be the one to bear the burden with you. He will not tell anyone of what he has witnessed here today – not even you. Unless you tell him that you know what he saw."
Pike still not looked convinced by the reassurance. "He does not need to know. He has just lost his sister. He needs my protection, not the other way around."
He'tef looked at him seriously. "Sometimes the strongest needs help as well, Christopher. Sometimes the needs of the many are outweighed by the needs of the few – the needs of the One. Never forget that," he reasoned kindly as he faded into the early morning light.
OOOOOO
Chris awoke slowly to the beat of a steady rhythmic beep next to him and the smell of antiseptics. He groaned inwardly as he realized he was back on his ship, flat on his back, in the realms of Doctor Boyce.
"We have got to stop meeting like this," The good doctor said as he glanced down at him from the rim of the data tablet in his hand. "I swear, you are responsible for every grey hair on my head, Chris."
A somewhat sly expression settled on the captain's face. "Your hair is white, Phil," he quipped.
"Now, that voice belongs to someone I know," Una mused as she stepped into the secluded area where he was currently residing.
"Hello, Number One," he greeted with a dimpled smile.
She draped her arms across her chest as she gave an amused smirk. "You are accident prone, sir."
Chris gave her an undignified look. "I wouldn't call it an accident," he protested lightly.
"Incident prone then?" she corrected.
"Now, you two are in the same boat when it comes to that point," Phil cautioned. "I quite like Spock's suggestion not to have you attend the same away missions."
"Hey," they chorused.
"It's good to have you back, captain," Una said fondly as she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"Thanks, Number One," he replied and then tensed as he remembered what had happened. "How's Ka'Teelar? Is she all right?"
"Una took a step back to clear the view across the room. "The other miracle patient is over there," she said. "Don't worry; she'll be all right."
He breathed a sigh of relief and momentarily closed his eyes.
"Ka'Teelar?" Phil asked curiously.
"I'll explain later," he replied.
"I removed the bullets and made sure she had everything she needed," Phil added and began to study his friend curiously. "Now, explain this to me," Phil began seriously. "You can't save people with a touch of your hand, so how on Earth-, "
"Thank you," Chris whispered sarcastically.
"That's not what I meant and you know it," Phil replied sternly. "Yet, to everyone who were there, it seemed like you just grabbed her hand and breathed life back into her. It is – for the lack of a better word – a miracle."
"No-," Pike whispered sadly, "- not a miracle but the lifeforce of Arax."
He looked up to see the confused faces of his friends and Doctor Ov'Da Bob Da and Doctor Tee'Pa Dus Do who'd gathered nearby. He shook his head in frustration. "Is Spock here?"
"Indeed, I am captain," the Vulcan said as he appeared in the doorway and made his way over. "When Captain Pike and I were temporary serving onboard another vessel called the USS Discovery, our mission took us to a place called Arax VI. There we encountered a race in stasis, a people who had hibernated for a time period of eight-thousand-years. They possessed mind-powers unlike everything we had ever encountered before. While on a previous mission with the Enterprise we got acquainted by mind-illusionists called the Talosians – their polite mind-altering of the captain's neural pathways allowed for the Araxians to make contact with him. While they were not overly cruel, they didn't hesitate to kill to save themselves. In their desire to learn about us they almost killed the captain."
Chris felt it was his time to speak. "I didn't know it then but in order to save me, repair me and undo their damages, Doctor He'to not only healed me but gave me a part of his lifeforce."
Una did a doubletake at him.
"When Ka'Teelar saved me, she said she felt like it was a calling that she couldn't explain. When she grasped my hand to heal me, she awakened the dormant lifeforce within me. It was the combined efforts of the force and Ka'Teelar that saved both of us," he explained.
"The resemblance between the species you call empaths or travelers and the Araxians are therefore understandable," Spock stated.
"Yes," Chris admitted with a sigh.
Una turned to Phil, remembering what he had said earlier; about it being a small world out there. "The travelers," she deduced. "They are the descendants of the Araxian people."
Chris nodded again. "Yes, they left Arax VI eight-thousand-years ago to avoid being killed in the planetary disaster."
"Where is this planet – Arax VI?" Ov'Da Bob Da asked curiously.
"At maximum warp cruising speed, I'd say you'd get there in two-hundred years or so," Pike replied.
"I don't understand," the Circusian said. "You said you'd been there?"
"The USS Discovery was an experimental vessel, doctor," Spock explained. "She was lost with all hands 456 days ago. We will never be able to retrace our steps. We have the coordinates but we can never return. Neither can Ka'Teelar."
OOOOOO
20/24
Note: Here is some Vulcan history in order to understand Spock's hesitancy to give in to emotions. In 2700 BC the Vulcans where a barbaric race, they were obsessed by homicidal thoughts and paranoia. Later on, a small group of Vulcans decided to master their feelings, school their thoughts and civilize themselves.
During the 4 th century Vulcan was on the verge of disaster with warrior clans detonating an atomic bomb near Mount Seleya. It is considered to be what the Vulcans call the 'Time of Awakening'. The great philosopher Surak emerged from this and said they had to stop this emotional irrational behavior and follow the path of logic to save themselves from extinction. Surak is considered to be the father of the modern Vulcan civilization.
