There's only one certainty to a paranormal detective: expect the unexpected. Noah knew it well. His years as part of the Abnormal Activities Handlers Unit brought him face to face with all kinds of monsters, supernatural phenomenon, and straight up weird. Whenever he began to believe he'd seen it all, something different would fall on his desk.
Like being attacked by a mummy. Or, more specifically, being choked by a mummy. It had him pinned against the wall. Its boney fingers smelled of centuries. Desperate, he called out to his partner. "Owen! Help me!"
Owen was preoccupied looking over the antiquities on the shelf. "Give me a second little buddy. I have to check for booby traps first. These kinds of tombs always have booby traps."
"Booby traps? We're not in a pyramid Owen. We're in the Egyptian exhibit at the museum!"
…
This all began earlier at the precinct when the work day was about to end. Noah sat at his desk in the Abnormal Activities Handlers Unit, or the A.A.H. Unit, located in the basement of the building. The windowless department was damp with unfinished ceilings. They were an underfunded and underappreciated part of the police, whose existence everyone preferred to forget about. Noah wore a wrinkled white dress shirt and a skinny black tie.
Noah spoke with Emma, the local prosecutor assigned to the files coming out of the A.A.H. Unit.
"I'm not really sure what to do," she said. "There's no legal precedent for a toaster growing legs and running away. Since it's still property, I guess we could charge it with theft, but can you charge a toaster for stealing itself?"
"I think it's long overdue we recognize the rights of toasters," Noah quibbed.
"That's a dangerous road to go down. Next we'll be recognizing the rights of bread and we'll have massacres every breakfast."
Noah liked Emma. She was capable and sharp witted. Most people assigned to the A.A.H. Unit were strange characters. Just like the cases it investigated, the Unit seemed to attractive weirdness. Emma had a straight head on her shoulders. Which could be a problem for Noah, he only knew how to act around weirdness.
"Hey, uh, would you maybe want to grab dinner later?" Noah asked awkwardly.
Emma paused and gave him a brief look over. "No luck. Jacques brought in a bunch of gremlins this morning. If you think toasters are complicated, those guys are a different level. But maybe we could-"
"Noah!" They were interrupted. Josee stormed over to his desk.
"What is it Sergeant?" Noah asked. Josee was recently promoted. She and Jacques used to be the other detective team in the A.A.H. division. Then the old Sergeant lost his mind. He moved into the forest to become an ascetic and dedicate his life to drinking vodka. Which was too bad, because he allowed Noah to handle his investigations as he sought fit. Josee actually cared. Or, to be more specific, Josee cared about not looking like a bunch of fools to the regular police Sergeant MacArthur. It was no easy task.
"I've got a case for you." Josee tossed a folder onto Noah's desk. He opened it to a number of photos depicting the Egyptian exhibit at the museum. "There was a theft last night. A Ruby of Osiris was taken from the sarcophagus." One of the pictures showed a promotional picture for the display. The ruby was the size of a fist embedded in the head of the sarcophagus.
"That's not good," Noah said. "Osiris is the god of the dead. There's usually some seriously bad juju mixed with this kind of stuff. Curses and such."
Josee nodded. "My thoughts exactly. I want you and your partner to look into this. I already promised the mayor no more locust swarms this year."
Noah checked his watch. "Couldn't you assign this to Jacques and the new girl? My shift's almost done."
"Hey!" Jacques called out from his desk across the room. "Can't you see I am very busy!"
"What are you working on? The case of the invisible man and evidence?" Noah said.
"Yes actually. You have no idea how hard it is to dust an invisible typewriter for invisible finger prints."
"Regardless," Josee said, "Jacques has completed three cases this week, you have completed none." She made no pretense of her favoritism.
"It would be easier for me if you didn't give him the better cases and leave me with the shit ones." Noah said.
"Come on Noah. This is A.A.H. They're all shit cases." Josee returned to her office. The conversation was over.
"Looks like we're both lucky today," Emma said sarcastically. "Try not to get cursed."
Noah grabbed his brown trench coat and headed out of the office. He found his partner Owen eating donuts in the rec-room. "Come on buddy, we've got to take a field trip to the museum."
"Alright!" Owen stuffed as many donuts as he could fit into his mouth.
They rode down to the museum together in their police car, an unmarked Dodge Aspen older than either of them.
When they arrived, the scene was already cordoned off with police tape. The exhibit had fake sandstone walls painted with hieroglyphics to give the impression of being in an Egyptian tomb. There were clay pots and statues on shelves, but the focus of the exhibit was on a sarcophagus leaning upright. Two regular cops Sanders and Ryan stood in the middle of the display comparing notes. Noah hated when they had to interact with the rest of the force. Members of the A.A.H. Unit were not well respected.
"Hey guys!" Owen greeted loudly.
"Oh great," Ryan said. "It's the make-believe police. Any fairies running amok? Black cats need chasing?" He and Sanders shared a laugh between each other.
"Firstly, it's not in your best interest to underestimate fairies. Secondly, we're also on this case," Noah said.
"Why are you on the case? It's just theft. A ruby was stolen. Nothing magical about it," Sanders said.
"You ever watch anything on ancient Egypt? Bad things happen when stuff is disturbed," Noah said.
"This isn't a movie," Ryan replied.
Noah nodded. "Yeah. Way worse things happen in reality. You'll want us on the case when you're pissing your pants over an army of possessed bats."
"Come on guys. Can't we just get along?" Owen asked. He never liked when things got tense. He always tried to calm everyone down. Noah appreciated that part of him. Noah was no good at defusing situations. "What do you guys have?"
Sanders flipped through the pages of her notebook. "Simple robbery. Ruby was not noticed to be missing until about noon. No alarms tripped. There was no camera directly on the sarcophagus and there was nothing suspicious on the rest of the security footage. No fingerprints either."
"Could have been a ghost," Owen suggested.
"Do ghosts regularly steal priceless artifacts for profit?" Ryan asked.
"Not regularly," Owen admitted. "But you can't rule it out."
"I think it's more likely we're dealing with professionals here than ghosts. I think the real cops can handle this. Why don't you guys return to checking out haunted houses?" Ryan suggested.
"Thanks," Noah said. This was normal. The regular cops never liked to believe in supernatural causes, even when faced with it. Noah motioned Owen over to the side. They stood by the line of police tape. "I think we should check out some of the hotspots. Whoever stole the ruby may have tried to sell it or purchase extra supernatural tools."
"Hey. Doesn't that girl look familiar?" Owen pointed out a woman in her early twenties standing just beyond the police tape. She was taking photos with a large camera. Noah had to agree, there was a definite familiarity to her. She looked uncannily similar to Emma, except a few years younger.
"Yeah, she looks just like Emma." Noah said.
"Do you think she's Emma's sister?" Owen asked.
"Could be." Noah said.
"Let's find out," Owen said. Noah was about to suggest against it, but Owen had already approached her. "Hey. Are you Emma's sister?"
"Yep," the girl said. "My name's Kitty." She gave the two one quick look over. "You must be the A.A.H. detectives. Owen?" Owen nodded. "and... Noah?" She guessed. Noah shrugged. "It's so cool to meet you."
"Likewise," Owen said. "What are you doing here?"
"Project for college. I'm a journalism major. I'm looking into the weird phenomenon around town. I thought theft of an Egyptian artifact would fall into that. Must have been a good choice if you're here."
"Yeah. Things might get weird," Owen said.
"Do you think I could maybe tag along with you guys? I'm sure I'd learn a lot and it would be super-duper helpful for my project."
"No way," Noah said.
"Please?" Kitty begged.
"I think it would be fun," Owen said. "Plus," he moved in closely to Noah, "maybe she can tell you all about Emma."
Noah continued to shake his head. "We're cops. It's no place for a kid."
"I'm not a kid," Kitty countered. "I'm an adult. I can take responsibility for my actions. And I promise not to put myself into any dangerous situations."
"Fine," Noah agreed reluctantly.
The three of them piled into the police car.
"Where are we going?" Kitty asked.
"Mr. Wang's Shop of Mysterious Oddities. Everything weird in this town passes through Wang's store at some point. If someone used a supernatural tool to break into the museum, they likely bought it from there," Noah explained.
Kitty nodded from the back seat. She wrote quickly on her notepad. "So how do you like working for the A.A.H. Unit? Emma says it can be kind of complicated."
Owen turned back to look at her in his seat. "Oh, it is so cool. We've had all kinds of things happen to us. Once, we got to bust a leprechaun smuggling ring. We thought they were importing gold. It just turned out to be knockoff shoes. And another time Noah got possessed by a ghost and we had to do an exorcism."
"That sounds exciting!" Kitty said.
"Not if you projectile vomited for two days straight," Noah said grimly. "The only thing worse than getting possessed is needing to do paper work about it afterwards."
Noah parked the car right in front of Mr. Wang's. It was a rundown store with a flickering neon sign and metal bars over the windows. Inside, the tight space was filled from ceiling to floor with all kinds of weird knick-knacks. There were monkey paws, pickled eyes, bottles of holy water, shrunken heads, Ouija boards, among other things.
"This place is cool," Kitty said, examining the shelves.
Noah walked right up to the counter. "Wang?" He called out.
A man Noah did not recognize walked out from behind the counter. He was middle-aged, white, with a receding hair line. "Sorry kiddo," he said. "It's just me."
"Who are you? Where's Wang?"
"The name's Dwayne. Mr. Wang retired. He said something about escaping the coming end. Anyways, he was nice enough to sell me his store. I view it as my retirement plan. This is a really up and coming neighborhood, you know? Really popular with the kids."
Noah couldn't believe it. "So, you're also a mystic?"
"Well, I am a mister," Dwayne joked. He paused to allow Noah to laugh, but Noah did not respond. "What can I do for you? Everything you see is for sale." He changed his tone to a whisper: "I have to be honest, most of the doo-dads in here give me the creeps, I would be happy to let them go."
"Do you even understand what you're selling?" Noah asked.
"Nope," Dwayne replied matter-of-fact.
Noah did not like this. Not only was it going to make his job more difficult, it was also dangerous. Mr. Wang sold powerful supernatural artifacts. Without the proper knowledge, the wrong sort of thing could fall into the wrong sort of hands. But, there wasn't much Noah could do about it. There was no law about being an idiot.
"I'm a cop," Noah showed Dwayne his badge. "I work with the Abnormal Activities Handlers Unit. Mr. Wang used to support us in our investigations. It was not uncommon for one of our suspects to pass through this store. Would you mind answering a couple of questions?"
"Oh no," Dwayne said. "I didn't realize this was such a hotbed." He lowered his voice again. "Do you want me to watch out for the hood-type characters?"
Noah tried to ignore the obvious racial implications of the question. "I don't need you to watch out for anyone in particular. Trust me, it's often those who you wouldn't suspect who are the subject of our work. All I need to know is whether someone came in here today trying to sell a ruby or maybe in the past day or so looking for Egyptian tools."
"Egyptian tools? Why would they look for that here?"
"You have a shelf of them," Noah pointed out a row of ankhs, sphinxes, scarabs, and rolls of papyrus.
"Oh. That's what that stuff is," Dwayne said. He made a quick note on a piece of paper next to the cash.
"So nothing then?"
"Well, I did buy a ruby today." Dwayne pulled out a ruby the size of a fist from behind his counter. "I paid ten dollars for it."
Noah looked the ruby closely. It was definitely the ruby of Osiris from the museum. "You only paid ten dollars for this?"
"Yep," Dwayne said. "I'm still new to all this creepy stuff, but it seemed like something that would fit into the store."
"We're going to need to confiscate this. It was stolen from the museum earlier today. Do you remember who sold it?"
"Now, hold on, that's mine. I paid for it."
"This is evidence in a criminal investigation. You don't get to hold onto it."
"I think I should," Dwayne insisted.
"How about I give you twenty?"
"Deal," Dwayne said.
Noah turned to his partner. "Hey Owen, could you lend me twenty?" Owen was distracted looking into a crystal ball with Kitty. "And don't stare too long into one of those. They wreck your eyesight and can steal your soul."
Owen and Kitty backed up quickly. Owen walked up to support his partner. "You said twenty?" He said, handing over the bill to Noah. "Is that the ruby!" He announced, noticing it on the counter.
Noah handed Dwayne the money. "Yep. And it's ours now. Hold onto it." Noah grabbed the ruby and tossed it at Owen, who struggled to catch it.
"So, who sold it?"
"To be honest, I wasn't really looking at him," Dwayne said. "There was a praying statue in the back, which I was not going to turn my back on. I only spoke to him out of the corner of my eye."
"Any security footage?"
"Nope," Dwayne pointed at the corner of the room. There were black boxes with red lights on the front of them. "At first I thought those were cameras. But, they're not. I'm not sure what they are. I don't really want to know."
"Cool," Kitty said. She took a photo of it with her camera. Noah almost imagined that the box hissed at the camera's flash.
"We got the ruby Noah. Case closed, right? We just have to bring it back to the museum," Owen said.
"The case is not closed. We still don't know who stole it. But we should bring it back to the museum. If there is any curse, it doesn't seem to have been activated yet. Maybe if we put it back in time, then there won't be anything weird about this case."
"Aw," Kitty said.
The three headed back to the museum in the police car. Kitty sat in the back seat examining the ruby in her hands. "It seems kind of bizarre someone sold this for only ten bucks."
"Bizarre is a bit of an understatement." Noah said.
"This has got to be worth a lot, right?" Kitty said. "How much do you think it is worth?"
"An ancient Egyptian ruby the size of a fist?" Noah paused for a second. "I'm going to make a rough estimate and guess it's worth at least 100 million dollars."
Kitty's eyes widened. "You know what, here." She reached over and handed the ruby to Owen. "I don't feel comfortable holding it anymore. You can have it from this point forward."
"I'm guessing professional thieves are out of the question at this point then, right?" Owen said.
"I would say so." Noah said.
"Unless they planned to steal the ruby back from Dwayne? Or frame him with it somehow? Pink Panther style. Or maybe Dwayne was involved somehow?" Owen wondered aloud.
"Wouldn't make sense for Dwayne to be involved. If he was trying to cover his tracks, the whole ten dollars thing is so outrageous it has to be the truth. Plus, why would he have just handed it over then? No, I think his story check outs, as ridiculous as that may seem." Noah said.
"Um, guys?" Kitty said from the back. "I don't want to interrupt, but is it just me or is the moon green?"
Noah immediately pulled over the car. They all got out of the car and looked up. The moon was a bright green color.
"Aw, Cool!" Owen commented.
"That's... that's bad, right?" Kitty asked.
"I'm going to say yes." Noah said. He looked over at Owen. "Isn't Osiris also associated with the Moon as well as Death?"
"You're asking that as if I would know." Owen said. His face lit up with green light. "Wow!" Owen lifted up the ruby, which was no longer red but glowing the same green color as the moon. "This is weird. Think it's connected?"
"Yes."
"Any idea what it means?"
"It can only mean one thing," Noah said. "Any chance of us getting back to the museum before the curse starting has completely gone. Get in." All of them rushed back into the car. Noah hit the gas and they rushed down the street towards the museum.
They arrived at the museum to see its windows flashing green. A misty haze climbed out its front door. Noah drove the car onto the curb. "That does not look good."
"Boy, I hope it isn't locusts again," Owen said.
"What do we do now?" Kitty asked.
Noah turned to Kitty. "You're doing nothing. You promised not to put yourself into a dangerous situation. It is now dangerous."
"But the exciting stuff's finally happening," Kitty said.
Owen joined with Noah. "You can get some sick photos of the glowing lights from here."
"You're both party poopers," Kitty said crossing her arms. She leaned back on the cop car. "Fine. I'll stay with the car. Just know that this is seriously lame."
"I can live with that," Noah said. He motioned Owen to follow him towards the door. The misty haze was heavy and purple slipping through the cracks. Owen brought his shirt up to his mouth and tried to open the door. It was locked.
"Now what?" Owen asked.
"Hopefully they don't mind us breaking down the door," Noah said.
Owen nodded. He stepped back a few feet. He shifted his balance, prepping to storm the door. Only, before he had to, the lock turned and the door began to open. Noah pulled out his gun.
"Dude! Chill!" A man called out. He wore a brown uniform and a bandana tied around his head. A second, round man followed behind the first. "We're just the janitors bro."
Noah lowered his gun. "It's fine. We're the police. What's your name?"
"I'm Rock. This is Spud," he said, pointing to his companion. "It's good you're here, shit got real weird in there." He looked down at the haze bellowing out of the building. "This was like totally not us either."
"Yeah," Spud said. "Our joints don't give off like, half this amount of smoke."
"Shut up Spud!" Rock said loudly.
"What happened?" Owen asked.
"We don't know. We were just chilling in a supply closet. Before we knew it, we heard what sounded like a crack of lightning, followed by the green lights and purple haze. My first thought after we left the closet was there was a rave going on."
"Which would have been totally rad. But, also a bummer that nobody told us about it." Spud said.
"But then there was nobody around. We couldn't find anyone. Then we heard this wickedly loud groan and decided to get the hell out of there." Rock said.
Noah looked at his partner. "We should go in before the curse gets worse."
Owen sighed. "This can't be good for our lungs." He turned to Rock and Spud. "Why don't you two wait by our car? Our friend Kitty could use some company."
As Noah and Owen moved through the museum halls, the haze thickened. A groan, just as Rock described, rumbled loudly. "I hope that isn't what I think it is," Noah said. He holstered his gun. It was going to be no help. When they neared the Egyptian exhibit, there was a foul stench in the air.
"That's not me Noah." Owen said, referring to the smell.
"I know."
They reached the entrance to the exhibit. It was a large open doorway with plaster replicas of Egyptian statues on either side. They both stopped at either side. Noah tried to peer in but the haze was too thick to get a good look. "Do you see anything?"
"Nope." Owen said.
"I'm open for suggestions." Noah said.
"We could run in blindly."
"That sounds like a terrible idea." Noah said. "But I don't think we have much of a choice. On the count of three. One. Two. Three!"
They ran into the exhibit through the purple haze until they could see the sarcophagus where the ruby belonged. "There!" Owen called out. Then they both stopped dead in their tracks. Standing right in front of the sarcophagus was a large Mummy all wrapped in white cloth. Slowly the Mummy crept towards them.
"Shit." Noah said. "This is bad." Owen reached for his holster, pulled out his pistol and aimed it at the Mummy. "Owen, don't bother it isn't going to be any help."
"Have you ever faced a Mummy before?" Owen asked.
"No."
Owen fired his gun striking the Mummy in the shoulder, but it did not seem to affect the Mummy at all.
"What did I just say?"
"What? If you've never faced one how could you be sure? I'm not going to be the supernatural detective who got thwarted only to realize I could have just shot it."
"That is." Noah paused to think about it. "A really good point. But now we know for sure it does nothing and is coming right towards us albeit slowly. We need a plan to get around it."
"I've got an idea." Owen said. "Back from my time playing college football."
"I already hate this idea."
"I'll run to the Mummy with the Ruby till I get its attention. You'll run behind me. When it's focused on me, I'll pass the ruby back to you and block him as you circle around and go straight for the sarcophagus." Owen said. "It's a Mummy right, it should work as long as neither of us trip."
"Whatever. Let's do it." Noah said, still not liking the plan.
Owen crouched down and cradled the Ruby against his chest as if setting up on an offensive line. "Ready, Set, Go!" Owen ran towards the Mummy. Noah hurried behind him. Owen got a few feet in front of it and the second the Mummy's outstretched arms turned in his direction called out, "Now," He lifted the Ruby behind his back and Noah snatched it. Noah dashed around the Mummy with a clear sight of the sarcophagus, surprised Owen's plan worked. Then the Mummy grabbed him from behind and pushed him against a wall. The Mummy grabbed Noah's throat, choking him. "Didn't work!"
Owen charged the Mummy, but the Mummy swatted Owen away sending him to the ground. "Ow! I thought Mummies weren't supposed to be this quick or strong. King Tut here sure packs a punch!"
"Actually," Noah said as his throat was being squeezed. "This is King Khufu."
"Not helping Noah."
"You're right."
Noah should have expected the plan would not work.
There's only one certainty to a paranormal detective: expect the unexpected. Noah knew it well.
And so here he was, being choked by a mummy.
It had him pinned against the wall. Its boney fingers smelled of centuries. Desperate, he called out to his partner. "Owen! Help me!"
Owen was preoccupied looking over the antiquities on the shelf. "Give me a second little buddy. I have to check for booby traps first. These kinds of tombs always have booby traps."
"Booby traps? We're not in a pyramid Owen. We're in the Egyptian exhibit at the museum!"
"You never know!" Owen said. He then reached over and tugged on a vase. There was a loud bang, followed by what sounded like gears beginning to move. All of a sudden, the sarcophagus swung open. "See?"
"That's great and all, but how are we going to deal with him?" Noah asked grabbing at the Mummy's hands which were still wrapped about his neck.
"That's easy!" A voice called out. Noah and Owen turned to see Kitty standing near the entrance. She lifted up her camera. "Say Cheese!" She took a picture with a bright flash.
The flash dazed the Mummy momentarily, dropping Noah. "Now Owen!" Noah yelled. Owen charged at the Mummy and tackled him into the open sarcophagus. Both Noah and Owen used all their strength to close it. Once it was closed, Noah reached over and placed the Ruby where it belonged on the sarcophagus.
There was a loud crackling sound like thunder. The green lights faded and the purple haze began to dissipate. Noah and Owen paused to catch their breath.
"That was metal," Rock said. He and Spud stood behind Kitty.
"I thought we said to stay in the car," Noah said, still wheezing.
"No thank you?" Kitty asked.
Owen walked up to her and brought her into a hug, lifting her off the ground. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he said repeatedly.
"Can't breathe!" Kitty could barely speak in Owen's tight grip.
Owen let her fall to the ground. "Oh. Sorry."
"Well, we've stopped the curse," Noah commented. "We still don't know who took the ruby."
"Oh! That's where the red thing was from. I knew I picked it up somewhere," Spud said. Everyone turned to look at him.
"What do you mean?"
"When I, like, woke up this morning, I found that ruby in my pants. I totally forget where it came from, so I decided to pawn it at some creepy place for beer money," Spud explained. "Now I remember that I picked it up on the floor here last night while I was cleaning."
"Spud!" Rock said annoyed. "Why didn't you put it back?"
"I was about to, but then we went to go chill in the supply closet and I totally forgot," Spud said. "Totally my bad dudes."
…
"So, what happened to them?" Emma asked. She stood in the doorway before her house. After things were finished at the museum, Noah and Owen drove Kitty home. Noah had just finished filling in Emma about how his night went after he left the department.
Noah shrugged. "Not sure. I doubt the museum will press charges. I bet they'll try to bury the whole thing. It looks bad when one of their exhibits comes to life and attacks people. Not good for business."
"Well, I guess it's one less thing for us to worry about."
"Yeah," Noah agreed. "How did the rest of your night go? Gremlins, right?"
"Same old. Nothing's every easy with those things."
"I can imagine," Noah looked back to the police car. Owen was eating a donut in the passenger's seat. Noah had no idea where the donut came from. He learned it was better not to pry. "So, uh, have a good night."
Emma reached forward and touched Noah's arm. "Thanks for looking out for Kitty. I'm sure she would have gotten involved anyway she could."
"No problem," Noah said.
"That said, I'd appreciate it if you didn't take her on any more patrols."
"Will do."
"What are you going to do now?" Emma asked.
"Same thing every paranormal detective does after solving a case: fill out a mountain of paper work," Noah said. He felt his neck. "Also, I'm going to shower for a long time. Mummy fingers cannot be good on the skin."
"Well, try not to get cursed," Emma said jokingly.
Noah stepped towards the police car. "With this job? I already am."
...
Afterword:
Thank you for checking out this story. It's one we wrote a few years ago, but never got around to posting. It harkens back to a previous story we wrote called Paranormal Detectives, which if you enjoyed this one, I encourage you to check out. This story was also influenced by the adventure game The Darkside Detective.
Please leave a review.
Till Next Time –Nyhlus and BJ.
