I don't know why I still showed up to our spot. It seemed as if he and his brothers had disappeared from the boardwalk. There were no whoops of feral joy. No Dwayne with his quiet book recommendations. No Marko with his Cheshire grin. No David with his icy, silent protection.
No Paul with his gorgeous smile and stupid, corny jokes.
The only reason I knew they were still alive was that their motorcycles were parked in their old spot every night. The spot is empty when I go into work and when I get out their bikes are there, even though I can never catch the smooth rumbles as they pull in. And every night they sit there, like a memory haunting me in my waking moments.
I took a deep toke on the last of my cigarette, narrowed eyes scanning the crowd. Things were picking up again so everyone and their brother was out and enjoying the summer night. Seeing all of the smiling people milling about caused my heart to drop as the latest wave of abandonment gently rolled over me. I swallowed dryly a couple of times and took several deep breaths until I felt it recede to a manageable level.
"Hey." My roommate, Erica, sidled up next to me, grabbing a cigarette out of her back pocket and lighting it. "Find any sign of them?"
"Nope," I replied bitterly, dropping my finished cigarette to the ground and grinding it with my toes. "It's like they aren't even here."
"Salem, babe, I think it's time to let this go and go home."
"But-"
"No. You've been doing this for like two weeks! If he wanted you to find him, you would have found him by now." She flicked off the burning embers of her cigarette until it was extinguished and then tucked it back into the pocket of her black jeans. "Come on, we'll get some ice cream on the way home and watch some classic monster movies. I heard that The Wolfman is playing tonight."
I glanced back at the crowds as I debated it. As much as I wanted to stay all night and at least see a glimpse of him I knew that Erica was right. If he wanted me to find him, I would have by now. Gritting my teeth as the thorns of anxiety dug into me, I nodded and pushed off from the railing, "You're right. Let's go." We turned to leave but froze.
David was in the front, forbidding in his black trench coat as he scanned the people swarming the boardwalk. Dwayne and Marko were right behind him, having a quiet discussion. My guess would be that they were trying to figure out what patches to put on Marko's jacket next. Swaggering behind Dwayne and Marko was Paul. With a gorgeous brunette on his arm.
She coyly smiled up at him and he leant down to whisper in her ear. Going by the blush blooming on her face, it was probably something witty and charming. She was wearing a long, beaded, flowing Bohemian skirt with a white tank top. Her hair fell down in a stunning mixture of riotous curls and beach-y waves that fell just below her shoulders. Her wrist was decorated with layered bracelets and bangles that sang when they knocked against each other after each step.
Paul said something else to her that had all of them snickering as the girl openly laughed.
Even though I could see it with my own two eyes, I didn't even want to acknowledge what was going on here. There was a roaring sound in my ears as my blood pressure skyrocketed. I felt the earth sway under my feet as the sense of rejection and abandonment came back and suffocated me. When my knees went to buckle I turned and braced myself on the railing next to me, fighting the anxiety and misery that threatened to consume me. With each step they got closer to us I felt one more crack appear on my heart.
"That son of a bitch," Erica hissed, gripping my arm tightly. "Come on, Salem. Let's get out of here."
I nodded weakly, letting Erica pull me away. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the boys turn to head to our side of the boardwalk as we started to walk away. They paused as they laid eyes on me and I watched as various degrees of shock and guilt painted their faces. Paul's was probably the worst, his jolly smile had transformed into a stricken expression and it looked like he was about to call out to me as he dropped his arm from around the girl swiftly.
Fury exploded from the center of my chest and I could feel my hands start to shake. I didn't want to hear his fake apology. I had been played, and now I was the one standing here looking like an idiot. He could take his apology and shove it up his ass, as far as I was concerned. I took a second to pause and stare all of the boys down, basking in the fact that they look pained and ashamed. Good, they should feel bad, the assholes. Paul may have been cheating, but they knew and didn't tell me, which-as far as I was concerned-made them just as guilty as him.
Each boy quickly dropped my gaze except for David. He and I maintained eye contact for another minute or so, his true feelings shrouded behind his frozen composure. Eventually I let my gaze drift back to Paul, who had started walking over to where we were standing.
I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. He hesitated and I pressed my lips together until they were a thin, bloodless line on my face as I shook my head again. He opened his mouth but I twisted away from him, shooting him and his brothers the bird over my shoulder.
Erica, who had also stopped and had been watching our exchange with a brooding scowl, shouted "Hope you two are happy!" over her shoulder before wrapping her arm around my waist and following me out into the parking lot silently.
We made it all of the way to her car in silence. I crawled inside hastily as I felt my resolve crumble in the darkness of the parking lot. As we drove home, I sat in the passenger seat and sobbed.
