He didn't deserve to be there.
The thought had been on his mind since his dad brought up the subject- albeit tentatively, uncertain to whether he was going to up and disappear again-eyes burning into Percy's, somehow conveying in his mind that his dad knew , he knew he didn't deserve to be there, to celebrate with everyone after what he did.
No one was going to want him there, to spoil the holiday with his ghastly presence. His mum's idea, most likely, with the unwavering hope that now the war was over they would all come together again, spend Christmas like they used to-or better; they were so close now, nearly all of them. Family had always been a center core for the Weasleys, now it was, impossibly, closer . After coming so near to losing Fred, where they packed themselves in his tiny hospital room, with the walls a faint white, the corridor's bustling as the healers tended to the injured and the only noise being his brother's labored breathing-his mum all but demanded that Sunday dinners were going to be a regular occasion and it was vital that they attend.
They don't understand. I can't-I can't just go back. Not after what I've done.
He couldn't do it; not go through an evening of forced pleasantries that were done merely out of politeness, smiles that would drop as soon as he turned his back and whispers that he wasn't supposed to hear but were clearly at his expense. But he knew it was his own fault, his own foolishness he'd been too blinded at the time to see for what it really was.
He'd been a coward then, ashamed by his atrocious behavior once he learned the truth, but had dug himself in too deep for him to simply climb out and go back. The excuses piled up; he didn't think they would accept him, now wasn't the time, it was too dangerous. He'd wanted to justify it, provide some evidence in how he hadn't been a complete tosser like they believed him to be. But what logical person ran out on their family over a job, for a boss that he had only become acquainted with in a short time?
And now, oh, he didn't think he could bear it. To hear the condescending tone as they pointed out how right they'd been, if they bothered to acknowledge him at all. His mum could only do so much and even she, with all her mighty effort, couldn't coerce his siblings into freely conversing with him if they were dead set against it.
He should have brought it up, use it as a feeble reason why he shouldn't go and stay within the confinement of his own flat's walls, a soft tune coming from the radio, surrounded by a cold cup of tea that he'd been prone to leaving it to sit after pouring.
He'd been a coward then and he was a coward now.
However, approximately two days before Christmas Eve, something tugged at his heart and before he knew it, the day had arrived and he was standing mere feet away from the front door. The doorknob was the same; it seemed a miniscule thing to focus on, but it grabbed his attention, bringing back a memory of when he'd been far younger, shrieking happily and rushing to get inside as Charlie chased after him, holding onto a slimy worm he'd planned on shoving down Percy's shirt.
A sharp gust of wind brought him back to the present and he shivered involuntarily. The Burrow looked so quint from the outside, picturesque in how the snow thickly coated the roof, bouncing off the twinkling muggle lights his dad and, perhaps, one or more of his brothers had helped set up. It was still falling steadily, some of the flakes settling into his hair.
The air nipped at his face. His cheeks were growing numb, his lips chapped. He should go inside, step into the warmth but he couldn't bring himself to look away from the breathtaking scenery. Had it always been that way or was it only now that he was able to properly appreciate it?
A window on the end, peeking into a part of the house, from his spot he couldn't see except for a couple faint shadows moving around so wildly it was if they were dancing. Percy idly wondered if they saw him, if that was why the house was so abnormally quiet or if it was all in his head.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have listened.
His feet were itching to run, the adrenaline building up until it fizzled away when he did nothing but stay rooted in the spot. He should leave, so they could have a nice holiday without him mucking it up-it was the least he could do for them. But his mum's face came to mind, heartbroken that he abandoned them yet again. It was enough to keep him there, from doing the cowardly thing and running off.
The gifts he'd picked out were safely tucked away in his front left pocket, shrunken by a charm and placed in a bright red bag that was supposed to represent the cheeriness he didn't feel. Everything was carefully thought out, purchased with the intent of appealing to each one's personality. He was apprehensive, if he was honest. Christmases of the past prove reason for it; he hadn't been particularly good at buying anything they'd want. The grimace from his siblings was permanently engraved in his mind, he was sure his parents tossed his gift to the side once he was out of sight, never to be used, despite how they'd proclaimed how much they loved it.
His hand hovered just above the doorknob, bile sliding its way up his throat. His stomach was in knots, sweat accumulating on his palms and suddenly, the air wasn't so chilly anymore. He could go in, it was still his house, too. But it felt wrong and the harsh reminder of when he'd tried to forget he was ever a Weasley was enough to have him knocking.
Thudding. From boots, he recognized the sound. It went on for a moment and then the door opened. His mum, wearing her Weasley sweater, hair pulled up out of her face that was flushed-from the excitement or cooking, he thought-but brightened up tremendously at the sight of him.
"Percy," her voice was overwhelmed with happiness, eyes shining with tears as she reached out to pull him into a fierce hug he couldn't resist. She kept a solid grip on him, Percy's head dropping to her shoulder where it laid, his hands gripping her sweater, swallowing back the lump that came out of nowhere. "Oh, my baby. You came."
Shame filled him once again. She sounded relieved, obviously anticipating on him not showing up like he'd been thinking about doing. He would have disappointed her again. When they broke apart, him standing back up to his full height, he nearly didn't trust himself to speak. "Hi, Mum," his smile was weak, as was he. Quickly, in what he hoped was a discreet manner, perhaps could be brushed off as exhaustion or getting the imaginary snow off his face, he rubbed at his eyes so the tears that brimmed weren't visible. "Merry Christmas."
His mum made no move to hide that she was crying. "Merry Christmas, Percy," she sniffled. "You know you could have used the floo, or just come in. You didn't have to knock."
He did . The words were on the tip of his tongue; he wanted to point out how that was only for family and he wasn't worthy to be apart of the family. But it was Christmas. He didn't want to ruin things already, so, instead, he simply said, "Oh."
Something he couldn't decipher flashed through her eyes. It was gone as quickly as it happened. She gestured for him to come in and he did, relishing in the warmness that he felt. "I'll take your cloak," she was being very host-like, draping it over her arm, her finger pointing toward the living room. "Go sit down, just be mindful. The twins have been plotting again, those two." Her voice was tinged with both exasperation and fondness.
He half-nodded, his feet moving but his mind and body not really registering where they were going. He wanted to stay there, it was safe, secluded. Nonetheless, he wandered out to where he'd been instructed to go.
The twins were there, sitting on the couch with Harry in the middle. His brothers wore identical smirks while Harry was looking noticeably wary-for good reason, honestly. There was a neatly wrapped present in his lap he was clearly avoiding opening, merely staring down at it as if he expected it to jump out at him with deadly claws that was going to rip out his face.
None of them noticed Percy, too engrossed in their own little world.
"Go on, Harry," Fred nudged said boy with his elbow, grinning. "Open it."
"Yeah," George chimed in. "We paid good money for that, you know."
"Well, you didn't have to," Harry frowned, his tongue poking at his cheek. "How do I know you haven't done anything to do it?"
The twins gasped, holding a hand to their chests. "Harry," Fred said, disapprovingly, shaking his head in dismay as if the question greatly offended him, "what makes you think we'd do that? That isn't very nice, is it, George?"
"Not at all," George confirmed. "You're hurting our feelings, now."
Harry snorted. "Right." With a roll of his eyes, he began to unwrap it, crushing the paper in his hand before he sat it down at his feet, a stark contrast to the way his siblings would rip it open and the paper would go flying everywhere. "Oh," the boy said in surprise, lifting up a piece resembling a beaded bracelet. "Jewelry?" It came off as a question.
"Oh, Harry," George sighed.
"So blind."
"You can defeat a dark lord but you can't even tell what our gift is."
" Which we spent a lot of time making."
"Well, what is it?" Harry interrupted their exaggerated pouting. "Looks like a bracelet, to me."
The twins exchanged eye rolls. "A bracelet, he says," Fred sighed this time, as if Harry had misunderstood that, yes, one plus one did equal two. "Honestly."
George spoke up, before Harry could open his mouth again. "That is no bracelet, HarryKins. That is our latest invention, isn't it, Fred?"
"Right you are, George. Those little beads aren't just fancy stone. Remember the Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder we gave you? We've tweaked it a bit and now you can get like this."
"Just throw one of those little beads and it works like the original," George added. "Throws off your opponent and it looks stylish. How's that?"
Impressive. Brilliant. Percy couldn't help but feel admiration, a sense of proudness at their accomplishment. Distantly, memories floated back to him, memories where he'd scoffed arrogantly at the idea of them owning their own shop for jokes of all things. He'd been mildly worried how their dream was going to affect him , if the Ministry was going to punish him for associating with that sort of thing.
How had he not known how innovative they were?
"It's brilliant," Harry complimented, vocalizing what Percy was thinking. "How'd you come up with this?"
"Well, we figured the original could use some tweaking."
"Make it less suspicious, you know."
"And we thought jewelry was easy enough to conceal it. Now you can carry it around without anyone knowing."
"We're thinking of coming out with a watch for any blokes that'd rather it."
"That's amazing," Harry told them, examining it closer. "So you said you just throw it and it works like before, hmm?"
"Right," Fred nodded. "We'd try it out, but we don't fancy getting on Mum's bad side today."
George sighed dramatically, leaning in to stage whisper in Harry's ear, "She's been a bit frazzled, if you can't tell. Wants this Christmas to be perfect for some reason."
"Even worse now that Charlie, Bill and Fleur aren't coming."
"Oh?" Harry frowned, placing the pseudo-jewelry back into the box it came from. "Why not?"
Percy wondered that, too, as well if they were going to take notice of him. He probably should have made some noise, step out further, because right now he was huddled back, off to the side.
Pathetic. I can't even face my own brothers.
"Bill was called back to Egypt for something."
"Didn't really hear."
"And Charlie had to tend to some dragon that was injured. Apparently, it caught its own foot on fire and now they've got to fix it."
"Ouch," Harry said.
"Looks like it'll just be the eight of us," Fred said and Percy thought he meant to include Hermione in that and not him because why would he? They'd barely spoken a handful of words to each other after the war ended, with Percy staying back where they didn't see him, not feeling that it was right for him to be with everyone else, as if the events that occurred over the past couple years were nothing notable.
"Yeah, reckon Percy's not coming," George said, briskly.
Percy's chest constricted at the tone, stomach clenching.
Say something. Say it now!
"Actually...actually, I'm here," he strode out, feeling his face redden when the three boys' attention fell onto him. A mixture of surprise and something else. "Er, Merry Christmas, Fred, George, Harry."
Fred stood up first, so abruptly that Percy almost took a step back instinctively. His face was screwed up strangely, exhaling slowly, then lunging at Percy and wrapping his arms around him, face pressed against his shoulder.
Percy was taken aback by the welcoming gesture, though, nonetheless, he reciprocated the action after a few seconds had passed. His head dropped down onto Fred's face and the two brothers gripped each other as if the other was a much needed lifeline.
Harry and George were startled by it, too. They observed the two: tentatively-in George's case-, awkwardly-in Harry's.
"You came," Fred's voice was muffled by the fabric of Percy's cloak and shirt. "Mum and Dad weren't sure if you were coming. None of us were."
Percy didn't have the heart to reveal the truth, that he hadn't wanted to come, that he didn't expect any of this and that right now, his mind was running rampant with confusion. Instead, he said, "Of course, I was."
George jumped to his feet, slamming into them with such force they were lucky they didn't tumble down. Percy let out a small "Oof", placing one of his arms around George's body. Percy couldn't remember the last time they'd embraced like this, it'd been years, that was for sure.
Harry watched them from the couch, still sitting, looking as though he felt he were intruding on the moment. He politely looked away, pretending to admire some of the decorations that were scattered around the room, sparing a glance at the stairs, perhaps in hope that Ron or Ginny would come down.
"Can't believe you came," George mumbled and his incredulity sent a wave of guilt through Percy for causing it. He retracted from the hug, being the one that was a smidgen less affectionate than Fred, fixing Percy with a genuine smile. "Glad you did. Wouldn't have been the same you know."
The words were said bashfully with a half shrug of his shoulder. The tension was slowly leaving Percy, replaced by a warmth that wasn't just from escaping the cold.
"Thank you," Percy breathed as Fred let go of him. "Both of you. Thank you."
"You've nothing to thank us for," Fred shrugged. "We haven't done anything."
"You have," Percy needed to insist. "You've done plenty."
"Like what?" George's eyebrows furrowed.
"Forgiven me," Percy said, lowly, the insecurities resurfacing. "I didn't deserve it, I know that. But you did it anyway."
"You really are a knobhead, aren't you?" Fred criticized, but it was without malice. It might even be able to have been said that he sounded like their mum-fondly exasperated. "Course we forgave you. You're our brother."
"Yeah?" Percy said, because anything else wouldn't roll off his flimsy tongue.
"Yeah," the twins chorused, simultaneously giving him a playful punch to the shoulder and a ruffle to his hair, making the curls go wild and in disarray. For once, he didn't mind, merely let out a relieved laugh.
It felt good to laugh, to share a moment with his brothers when that sort of thing hadn't happened since they were fairly young, before they found their niche in joking and pranking. The memories of his ire toward them seemed to be distant, going farther and farther away until it he could barely see it.
Harry chose that time to speak up. "Err, Percy,' he said, causing the three red-head's to look his way. "I want you to know that I've forgiven you, too. For everything, including the letter."
He'd forgotten about that; the letter in which he'd started out to congratulate Ron on becoming a Prefect, only to primly inform him that he should stray away from Harry so he wouldn't be corrupted. He didn't want to imagine how that had affected Harry, how he must have felt to know what Percy had really thought of him.
Just as he opened his mouth to vigorously apologize, Harry must have sensed what he was going to, he waved a hand as a dismissal. "Don't worry about it, Percy. It was years ago."
It's not as long as you think.
What were they doing? Why were they and his parents doing this to him? He shouldn't have been allowed on the property, let alone inside the house. He couldn't understand it, why his parents hadn't banished him from ever returning. Why weren't they furious with him? Rightfully, they should have been. Filled with resentment over his behavior, over how he'd so easily distanced himself from their lives.
They should have disregarded him like he had them.
But they hadn't.
They hadn't done that at all.
"Uh, oh," George shook his head.
"We know that face," Fred said.
"What face?" Harry didn't catch on.
"Percy's thinking again," Fred whispered, like the mere idea was entirely frightening. He nudged his brother with his elbow. "Come off it, what's going on in that big head of yours?"
"You look constipated," George was shoving his face far too close to Percy's, breaking that line of personal space. "Is that it? We've got a product for that, too, you know. Course, its never been tested on people."
"I'm fine," Percy refrained from laughing. It felt so good. He wanted to do it more often. With them. Like this. "Really. Everything's great."
The three boys glance at him doubtfully.
"You sure, Perce?" Fred asked, using that nickname he'd once despised. Now it was rather endearing. "Look, I know we're not all that close like we should be, but you can talk to us. We'll listen. Promise."
"Right," George chimed in. Once again, Harry leaned back into the couch, not going to say anything when he didn't think it was his place to do so. Percy, wistfully, thought that he should have taken the time to get to know the boy better. He'd proven to be so much than the Boy-Who-Lived .
"Where's everyone else?" Percy decidedly changed the subject to a more safer topic, his hands going downward into his pockets, attempting to act casual when on the inside, the anxiety had returned. He'd momentarily forgotten about Ron and Ginny, dreading to think of how they were going to react to seeing him.
Pathetic. Scared of your own siblings, aren't you?
His brothers shared a look. Faces showing identical concern, an unnerving expression for them. They knew, didn't they? That he was acting pathetic? Of course, they did. They were smart. It wasn't hard to tell.
"Ginny's upstairs, think she's writing a letter," Fred said. "Ron's out in the shed with dad, I think."
"Thought he went to Diagon Alley?" George said to his twin. "Mum needed more flour."
"He already went."
"Oh," Percy murmured.
They lapsed into silence. Percy's ineptness for social situations was showing through; it was easer to hide behind a book or allow someone else to do the talking than to talk when many people thought of him as pretentious and pompous.
He was many things, but deaf wasn't one of them.
"I'll, erm, go see what Mum's doing in the kitchen," Percy excused himself, turning on his heel but his forearm was grabbed, keeping him back.
"Now, now. Hang on a moment, won't you? We've to finish the tree before Mum goes off on us again. Perce, you can help. You were good at that, getting it all neat and stuff," Fred said.
"Finish the tree?" Percy just realized that the tree in the corner of the room was mostly bare-actually, it was completely bare. There were no lights or ornaments or any of that rather annoying tinsel that their mum kept around. "Why wasn't it finished before now?"
"Mum left us to do it," Fred indicated to him and George. "Might've slipped out minds."
"I can see that," instead of being thoroughly maddened, Percy allowed a bit of a smile to come on his face. "I take it Mum wasn't happy?"
"What, you didn't hear her yelling from your flat?" Fred said, dryly.
"Would've thought we'd ruined the holiday," George snickered. "Bit ticked, she was."
"I'm surprised she didn't yell at you before now," Percy remarked, then cringed at his word choice. He didn't intend on starting any worthless arguments.
"So are we," the twins chorused and he internally relaxed.
"But," Fred grinned mischievously. "We might have charmed the tree so it looked like it was decorated when Mum and Dad looked at it."
"What?" a faint hint of amusement came onto Percy.
"I was confused," Harry admitted with a slight laugh. Percy had almost forgotten he was there. "Mrs. Weasley kept saying Fred and George did so well but there was nothing there."
"I see," Percy said, slowly. "Why did you do all that if we just charm the tree to be decorated anyway?"
The twins shrugged.
Percy had to chuckle. "I imagine Mum wasn't pleased, obviously. How did she find out, anyway?"
Fred and George shared a look that was both frustration and despair. " Ron ."
"Bugger can't keep his mouth shut."
" 'What's up with the tree?' "
"Honestly, Harry, don't know how you put up with him."
"S'not easy," Harry chuckled.
"So," George began dramatically, "now Mum's furious with us and said we're to decorate the tree by hand. Which is where you come in, Perce. You can help us."
"Alright," he agreed. "What are we putting on first?" He knew what needed to go on. He just didn't want to seem like he was trying to take control; he'd let them take charge and let him help as needed.
Harry spoke up. "The lights usually."
Fred pulled out lights from a box that had been underneath a table. They were all tied up and it was difficult to see where it started and ended. He and George yanked at it, trying to pull an end out, but it only made the knots tighter. Percy itched to intervene, especially at how they were going to prolong the chore if they kept it up.
"May I?" he said.
They sighed.
"Be our guest," Fred snorted as he passed it over. Percy brandished his wand, murmuring a charm and soon it became untangled, falling to the ground with one end in his hand and the other in George's. "How did we not know about this?" Fred said to his twin. "Incredible."
George feighed a sniffle. "It's almost like magic."
Fred and Harry laughed.
Percy looked critically at the tree, then back at the lights in his hands. He took his end and began to wrap it around the branches, starting at the bottom, slowly working his way up, weaving it through with ease. Harry helped him when it got caught around the end of a branch, gently pulling it loose. Eventually, they reached the top and he took his wand out to finish the job.
"What Mum doesn't know won't hurt her," he said.
Next came the ornaments. It was tedious work, putting the hooks on each one and onto the tree. Not only that, but George repeatedly stabbed himself in the thumb with the sharp edges of the hooks, cursing under his breath while Fred sniggered at his expense. However, Percy stopped them mid-way, suggesting that they form some sort of an assembly to keep it officiant: Fred and Harry would place the hooks on and George and Percy would put them on the tree, making sure to distribute them evenly.
That seemed to work. It got them going and soon enough, within ten minutes, it was complete. They'd stayed mostly quiet while they finished. Percy supposed words needn't be exchanged. The soft tune of a Christmas melody came from the radio, floating through the air, creating a lovely atmosphere, one that you couldn't help but feel relaxed in.
He hummed along, body swaying slightly as he held one of the last ornaments in his hand, gazing at the tree critically, trying to figure out where he should hang it. He settled on a spot that was just above his head, smiling in satisfaction at the finished product.
"It looks quite good, if I do say so myself," he said to them.
"We've forgotten something!" George piped up.
Percy frowned. "What's that?"
"The star!"
"Or we could use the gnome again?" Fred's eyes sparkled at the idea.
"Err, is that a good idea?" Harry said, doubtfully. "It wasn't very happy when we took it down."
"Oh, yeah," George seemed to remember. "Bit feisty. Bloody thing tried to rip my finger off."
"What on Merlin's green earth are you all talking about?" Percy was lost within the conversion.
"Oh, we put a gnome at the top of the tree instead of the star," Fred said, matter-of-factly.
"After it bit Fred," George added, he shook his head mournfully. "Some of our best work. Dress, wings and everything."
"Although, he could have at least smiled. He kept glaring at us," Fred complained.
Somehow, that didn't surprise him. Many things stopped being so shocking when it came to Fred and George. "Perhaps that's a good reason to use the actual star, this year."
"If we must," Fred summoned it, flying straight into his hand. He glanced at Percy, holding it out to him. "Want to put it on?"
"Oh, I couldn't."
"Why not?"
Because I don't deserve to. Because that's for family to do and I'm not really apart of the family, because if I was, I wouldn't have abandoned you all
"No reason," he shrugged, attempting to be casual. "I just...I figured one of you would like to do it."
"Well, we don't," Fred shoved it to him. "So, go on, Weatherby."
The nickname was accompanied with a teasing grin. Percy didn't take any offense to it, nor did he feel any embarrassment anymore. He'd long gotten over it and had to admit it was a bit funny.
"Alright, alright," Percy didn't have to reach too far. He was mindful not to pull too much, so as the tree itself didn't come crashing down-that would have been a disaster.
"Out of the way, now," Fred came beside him, brandishing his wand. "Time to light this bugger up."
"Be careful," Percy advised, warily. It wasn't that he was completely distrusting of his brothers, but the twins...they had a track record when it came to explosions, one of them being during Christmas time when they'd all been young; the roof had a giant hole and the ham their mum had prepared turned into a living breathing pig that squealed and ran around the Burrow until their dad managed to stun it.
"Aren't I always?" Fred beamed.
With a swift flick, the lights shined brightly, illuminating the living room, colorful shadows bouncing off their faces and reflecting off of Harry and Percy's glasses. It was truly a wondrous sight; memories of Christmases from the past came back to Percy. Days where things were simpler, where he'd been close to his family, looking forward to the holidays like any other child.
"Brilliant," Harry said in approval.
"Erg, my thumb still hurts."
"Well, you know the spell mum uses, you ninny," Fred shook his head. Then, he said to Percy, nudging him, "See? Didn't burn down the house, after all. Oi, Ginny! Come take a look at this, won't you?"
"What?" Came Ginny's shout from the stairs. Percy's palms became a tiny bit sweatier, which was entirely ridiculous because this was his baby sister-
"Get your bum down here to admire our hard work, Ginnikins!" George hollered. Their mum did not appreciate the noise; she came into the room, scolding him whilst holding onto a spoon that had been dipped into some sort of batter.
" George Fabian Weasley! You needn't yell, none of us are hard of hearing! I know you know what an indoor voice is and I expect you to use it!"
"Sorry, Mum," George said, cheerfully. Quite the opposite of how he was supposed to feel. "Speaking of- Mum , what do you think, hmm? And don't worry, we used the actual star this time."
At the mention of actual star , their mum let out what was a mixture between a scoff and breathy laugh. Although, after that, she looked calculatingly at the tree, almost as if she was trying to decide if she liked it or not. "This better not be another charm of yours, George. You can see it too, can't you, Dear?" she addressed Percy.
He couldn't begin to describe the feeling that sprouted up at being referred to as dear . For so long, it'd been a source of embarrassment because he'd been older, preparing for a long term job within the Ministry and he hadn't wanted to be weighed down by a juvenile nickname. Now, he would have done anything to take those words back, to just shake himself for acting like a git.
"Yeah," he said after he had regained the ability to speak. Their mum was relieved. The twins feigned offence that she would even dare to ask. "Yes, Mum, it's there. Harry and I helped."
"And we wanted Ginny Dearest to see it," George chimed in.
"Well, you don't have to be so loud about it," their mum wagged the spoon at him. He held up his hands in surrender. "Ginny," she called. "Come downstairs, the boys want to show you the tree." She went back into the kitchen, promising that dinner was going to be ready soon, so they shouldn't go far.
"Coming, Mum!" Her voice rang down.
Percy felt like he had to do something, anything with his hands. They felt strange, as they were not attached to his body. He eventually settled for shoving them into his pockets, looking, he felt like, those oddly dressed muggles he'd seen at King's Cross Station with their rather sour expressions, being guided by their parents when they looked like that was the last thing they wanted.
Ginny's footsteps thudded until she was at the end of the staircase. His heart thumped. His brothers-two of them, anyway-had been astonishingly happy to see him. They'd hoped he would show up, even though they had thought he wouldn't. Could the same be said for his sister? She was a bit hot tempered and could easily hold a grudge if she chose to.
She'd hugged him when he'd gotten to Hogwarts and apologized to everyone. So, that meant something, didn't it ? She brushed his estrangement right off, staying in his arms for the longest time.
It was at that moment he'd looked at his sister, really looked at her. He was gone when she'd blossomed into a young woman. When he left, she was just a little girl-the same child who would toddle around the Burrow in search of someone to read her Babbity Rabbity and Her Cackling Stump. Now, she was older. She'd fought in a war and won . She held a more mature air to her and it sent an ache to Percy's heart at how much he'd missed-time he would never get back.
"Percy!" Ginny's face broke out into a wide grin.
"He came," Fred informed her, before she could make the unneeded observation, slapping Percy on the shoulder.
Percy wore a guarded expression, attempting to appear friendly, inviting. "Hello Ginny," he said, quietly.
"Does Dad know you're here?" Ginny said. "He'll be happy. He was hoping you'd come, you know. He and Mum weren't sure if you were."
Another reminder of how he'd hurt them. The smile he'd plastered on felt tighter, bordering on painful. "Well, here I am," he said with awkwardness that he would have liked not to have been as evident as he was sure it was.
Ginny's attention turned to the tree, the reason why she'd come down. She looked at it with pursed lips. "It is decorated this time, isn't it? Or is this another charm by Fred and George?"
The twins protested at this supposed injustice.
"One time," Fred said, mournfully. "One time and they keep bringing it up."
Ginny snorted.
Their mum poked her head in. "Kids, food's ready! Oh, can one of you go fetch your father and Ron from the shed?"
"Sure, Mum," Ginny maneuvered around them, heading out the front door.
When he got there, Percy gave the table a once over; a beautiful bouquet of flowers sat in the middle, placed an equally attractive vase-red, for the occasion. The plates were set and so were the dishes, kept hot with a Warming Charm.
"This looks great, Mum," Fred complimented. "I'm starved."
Their mum preened at the praise. "Oh, thank you, Dear. I changed up the menu a bit this time, tried to incorporate a few muggle dishes at your father's request."
"Ahh, and everything looks splendid, does it not?" Their dad said as he came through. Ron was with him and threw Percy a surprised look as he sat down. They were all doing that, apparently. "Molly, Darling, Ginny's just told me the most interesting thing. Is it true, Darling, that Percy's here?" Percy wasn't sure if his dad hadn't seen him yet or was waiting for Percy to reveal himself on his own.
Percy nearly forgot how to breathe. He hadn't been looking forward to seeing his dad - they had only spoken a few times since the war ended, with a fair share of awkwardness that ended the conversation as quickly as it started. Percy didn't think he could face his dad.
Coward! You're a bloody coward!
He decided to act.
"Yes, Dad," Percy's eyes diverted when his dad met them. "I'm here."
His dad should have said nothing to him, not acknowledged him and went on to eat dinner. He should have made Percy feel what he had put them through. It was the right thing to do. Not for the lower half of his face to wobble, as if holding back a cry, approaching Percy and hugging him.
Percy choked up. It was wrong, all of this. Why had they been so happy to see him? No, no, no .
But it felt so good. His dad's hand was on his head and the other on his back. He used to feel safe being huddled in his dad's strong arms, going to him for refuge after experiencing a nightmare. His dad used to let him sit on his lap, gripping a fistful of his shirt. He would sit there a while until he was alright again and his dad never made a fuss if it took a few hours for that to happen, disrupting his sleep.
Perhaps that was what was going on now; Percy had woken up from the nightmare he'd been living, craving the comfort his dad used to give so freely.
"It's good to see you," his dad whispered. "I'm glad you came-we're all glad."
"Me too," Percy breathed.
His dad squeezed him. Percy could have never left if that was an option. When he did pull away, his eyes were moistened, but this time he didn't hastily wipe them away. Everyone else already down except for them, he didn't so much as move an inch, but then his dad placed a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Percy," he said, softly.
He did, he sat in the same spot he'd always sat in. It was at the end of the table, beside the twins. His legs were crossed at the ankles, body cramped because he was trying not to let any part of him touch anything-or anyone. He knew he was being foolish; this was his family, for Merlin's sake! They were no strangers. Albeit, by all means, he did feel like a stranger. Unintentionally, or perhaps intentionally, alienated.
His mum made the remark that she was so glad to have most of her children home. She'd meant no harm by it, merely trying to convey how happy she was.
So, why did it make him feel so bad?
His family and Harry chatted pleasently amongst themselves. Harry and Ron were going to Auror training which they found to be more difficult than fighting You-Know-Who himself. The twins' joke shop was flourishing, especially with the brand new You-Know-Who themed products. Ginny had returned home from Hogwarts to celebrate the holidays, adding that the newly remodeled castle looked great and that they even hired a competent Defense professor.
All the while that the conversation was flowing, Percy felt like there was some sort of invisible barrier that was somehow muffling things, making them sound like they were a great distance away. He didn't even realize that his mum had been asking him a question until Fred's elbow hit his side. His head snapped up, he'd been gazing aimlessly at his plate, to see his mum's smile faltering.
"Yes?" his voice went up in pitch a smidgen. "Err, sorry. Got lost in my thoughts."
"That's quite alright," his mum said, warmly. "I was wondering how work was going? I know you're fixing things with Kingsley, great man, he is."
Percy nodded.
"Are you getting enough sleep, Dear? You're looking worn."
"I'm fine," he said, automatically. "You don't have to worry, Mum. I'm fine. Work's fine. Everything's fine."
"Percy," his dad started, hesitantly. His parents exchanged a look, filling his stomach with uneasiness. "I-Kingsley asked me if everything was right alright with you."
Alarm bells went off in Percy's head. "Did he?" he said, weakly.
"He said you've been a bit...anxious the past few days. He wondered if everything was okay and if you needed some time off," his dad said, carefully like he was walking on eggshells around a wild animal that could go ballistic at any given moment.
That was how they saw him: a wild animal.
Good going! Now you're boss is concerned. You're going to get fired now. And you'll have no place to live and it'll be all your fault because you're bloody pathetic
"Oh," Percy's voice was barely above a whisper, somehow managing to keep the tremor out.
"Percy, if there's anything going on, you know you can tell us," his dad was trying to be reassuring. He tried, he tried , but Percy couldn't decipher if it was because he genuinely wanted to or if it was just an obligation as a father.
"Nothing is wrong," he put on his best smile, hoping it would be convincing enough. "Everything's fine."
"That's bollocks," Ginny muttered from her spot, crossing her arms.
" Ginevra! "
'Well, it is!" Ginny said, defensively. "Look at him, Mum," she pointed to Percy. "He looks exhausted and has hardly said a word to us! He looks like a scared rabbit, sitting there like that. How can you just believe that he's alright?"
His sister's raised voice sent a silence that loomed over them. His parents guiltily shared another look, as did Fred and George. As for Percy, it took all that he had not to leap up and make a run for it. Now they were aware of his incompetence. Now they knew that he'd been struggling at the one place he wasn't ever supposed to struggle at. Now they could see him for what he was.
A failure.
A traitor who was getting what he really deserved.
"I should go," he stood to his feet clumsily, pushing his chair in a little too hard, the glasses clinking, nearly falling over. "I should go. Here, I'll give you all your gifts now. Merry Christmas." He threw the bag he'd shrunken onto the table and turned around, eyes closing at the protests of his family met his ears.
"Oh, Percy, don't go!"
"Now, son, let's not be too hasty..."
"Come on, Perce, it's okay."
"Oh, Percy," his mum had gotten up, quickly grabbing onto his arm before he could dart out the door and apparate away. He paused, stiffending up at her touch. "Please stay, Dear. It wouldn't feel right to celebrate without you. We would all miss you"
She was pleading, her voice sounding as though she was on the verge of weeping.
That's nice, upsetting your Mum like that . Some son you are
"Please consider it," she said as a last minute attempt.
I should go
They don't want me here
I'm only going to ruin everything
It's true, you ruin everything you touch
Percy turned back around to face her with tears glistening in his eyes. "Oh, Percy," his mum said, softly and wasted no time in embracing him. He bent down slightly, dropping his head onto her shoulder, gripping her like he had as a child.
"Mum," he choked up, the emotions that he'd been keeping bottled up finally overflowing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm ruining everything."
His mum squeezed him, rocking him a bit like she used to do him and his siblings when they were little. "Oh, hush now," she scolded, but it was hardly with the usual amount of vigor. "You are doing no such thing."
Then why do I feel like it?
His dad spoke up. Unbeknownst to Percy, he looked troubled by his son's words. "Why do you think you're ruining the holiday, Percy?"
Ginny was going to say something, but a shake of the head from both Fred and George kept her from doing so.
Percy mumbled unintelligibly into his mum's shoulder. She rubbed what she could of his back. "You'll have to speak up, Dear. Didn't quite catch that."
He extracted himself from her, now able to see the concern on her face and the uncertainty from everyone else. His face flamed as embarrassment flooded through him at having that miniature breakdown in front of them. Godric, they must have thought he belonged in St. Mungos.
"I don't deserve to be here," he mumbled.
"What? What did you-"
" I don't deserve to be here! "
He didn't even realize that he was trembling, or that his mum's hand had flown to her mouth, or that his dad bowed head his, or that his siblings looked almost emotionless. Percy crumbled to the floor, his face buried in his palms and his knees pulled up to his chest. He let out a cry, feeling so bloody pathetic for allowing them to see him like that.
Once she recovered from her shock, his mum knelt down beside him; she held him in her arms and kissed the top of his head like she used to do when he was a child. She murmured soothing things, or, things that had been soothing at one time. Percy openly sobbed as she threaded her fingers through his curls.
"There, there," it was obvious she didn't know where to begin, what the correct thing was to say-if there was a correct way, that is. "It's alright. Let it out, there you go."
His dad got out of his chair, coming down on his knees to be beside them as well. He placed a hand on Percy's back, perhaps for stability, perhaps as a comforting gesture. Percy had to close his eyes, not man enough to face him like that again.
"What did that mean, Percy, that you don't deserve to be here? What's all that about?"
"You know you're always welcome here," His mum added.
Am I? You may say that, but that doesn't mean it's true
He shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no," he was repeating that chant like a toddler, like a child that was being defiant. He was being defiant, wasn't he? "No, no, no ."
"Son, you're not making much sense."
"I don't feel like I am," he finally choked out.
Because it doesn't matter how much they say they forgive you or everything is alright now. You're still a traitor. You still walked out on them over a bloody job
"What?" his mum sounded crushed. Distressed. Stricken by how honest he was; they'd wanted that, for him to be honest, to bridge the gap between them and fix the severed ties. How much honesty did they want, though? "Why not?"
For the second time, Percy removed himself from her arms, his eyes bright red, teary and puffy. "I'm a traitor. It doesn't matter that I've already aplogized, because it doesn't feel like it's enough! I don't understand why you've wanted me to come. I don't deserve to be here, not after I've treated you all. I can't figure out why you've been so nice to me when you shouldn't have ever wanted me back in the first place!"
He exhaled shakily. It felt good to get that off his chest, however it wasn't in the circumstances in which he would have liked it to happen. Oh, he couldn't even look at either of them. His gaze stayed on the floor, just imagining what they must have been thinking.
They know you're right, that's what. They know they're doing you a favor by allowing you here but they didn't want to say it because they were being polite. You don't deserve that either.
Nobody was saying anything. Did they pity him? Was poor percy echoing in their minds because they didn't know if they could properly speak? He wished that they'd just scream at him, turn their backs on him. Something. Anything but the silence or pity.
"Percy," his dad whispered.
Here it was, the confrontation.
"Look at us."
He didn't want to. Every fiber of his being was urging- screaming -for him not to listen. But their voices, so comforting and warm, made him obey.
He met their eyes, full of sincerity and perhaps a touch of regret. His mum cupped one of his cheeks, reaching over to kiss his forehead. "Oh, Love," she sighed. "We're so sorry that you feel that way. We thought...we thought you knew how much we wanted you here. It wouldn't be Christmas without you."
"Your mother's right," his dad agreed. "We invited you because you're family." Percy opened his mouth but never got the chance to say anything. "And that's a fact . It doesn't matter what you've done or what you've said. You came back in the end and that's all that matters."
His mum continued, a bit fiercely. "And I don't want to hear anymore of this traitor nonsense, do you hear me, young man? You are not a traitor and I will not allow you to refer to yourself as such!"
"But I am," he instantly argued, tiredly. He wanted to sleep. "I left you all. All over some bloody job."
His mum didn't even correct his language. "You came back," she repeated what his dad said, sniffling. "That's all that matters."
"You don't understand ," Percy felt desperate. "I left my own family . Why don't you hate me? You should. I don't deserve your forgiveness."
There wa some shuffling and Fred came into view, having gotten out of his seat. "Oh, for the love of Merlin," he sighed. "Perce, you can't be so hard on yourself." Percy furrowed his eyebrows, not comprehending. "For a smart bloke, you're so dumb," he mumbled and a chorus of Fred rang out. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Look, Perce, it's not all your fault. We weren't completely innocent in this."
"Freddie's right," George came to stand next to his twin. "None of us would ever admit it, but after you came back we just sorta realized it."
"We could've been nicer," Fred admitted. "Don't think we've treated you decently since we were kids, and even then..."
"Yeah," Ginny said, with the guilt reflecting on her face. "We did tease you quite a bit. Surprised you didn't blow up at us earlier. I would've, if it was me."
"That...that doesn't matter," Percy disagreed, proving that it was going to be extraordinary difficult to get through to him. "No matter what, I shouldn't have left."
" No ," Fred agreed. "But we weren't particularly warm and welcoming to you, either."
No, you weren't
"I think ," his dad said, with sadness in his eyes, "we all could have treated you better."
It's fine had leapt to the tip of his tongue and that that was what he was going to say when Ginny cut him off, hotly. "Don't you even dare say it's fine!"
"How did you-?"
"You're a wee bit predictable," George said with a smile. Then, he sombered. "We really are sorry, Perce. Guess we didn't know how hurtful we were being."
Fred bowed his head. "All those times we made fun of you, we were only joking around. George and I, we never understood why you hated it so much."
"If we knew..."
"Would you really have stopped?" Percy said, bluntly, looking as dignified as one could with a tearstained face. "Would you? Or would you have thought I was being dramatic?"
Their faces told him everything.
Ginny punched Fred's shoulder, looking angry. He didn't complain or tell her off for it.
"It's okay," he said, quietly. "I'm not mad at either of you anymore."
"But you were," Ginny stated.
"...I was."
"Well, we can't blame you. Ron was, too," George shrugged.
"I'm not mad at Percy," Ron-who hadn't said a single word during that whole exchange-said, quickly. "I'm not," he faced Percy and stressed it. " I'm not , really. I...Look, I didn't think you'd come, alright? Didn't think you'd be comfortable 'round us yet."
You aren't
"You were mad," Fred reminded him. "When Mum told us that she was inviting Percy over. You said he didn't deserve to because he was-oi!"
George nudged him. Fred's head snapped over in Percy's direction, looking a bit guilty.
That didn't surprise Percy in the least. He'd lived in the Burrow long enough to understood one thing: while they most certainly loved deeply, they also felt other emotions just as passionately. It wouldn't have been shocking-or undeserving-if pictures of him had been burned to ashes in the midst of their ire when he'd initially left.
He'd done that, after that terrible row. In fact, it was the picture from when they'd gone and visited Bill in Egypt. He'd sent an explosive spell to it, watching as it disintegrated right in front of his eyes. Had they done the same thing? Had they done it then repaired it before he was to arrive, assuming he would be none the wiser?
He couldn't blame them.
Their parents looked at Ron in surprise. "You were mad?" Their dad said, as if that hadn't been what he expected to hear.
"Well, yeah," Ron's face reddened now that all the attention as on him. "I dunno.. I just...I was still upset over how you treated Harry."
"Ron, Percy's already apologized for that," Harry, who had been relatively silent, too, spoke up. "It's okay. Least we can all do is forget about it."
"Harry's right," Their dad said, firmly. "We can all start anew."
"Yeah," Ron muttered. "Look, Hermione talked some sense into me, okay?"
"Could've done a bit more," Ginny grumbled.
"I'm sorry, Percy," Ron looked mightily embarrassed.
"We all are," their mum said and everyone nodded. "And we intend to work on all of our behavior," she sent his siblings a pointed, motherly glare to emphasize. "Isn't that right?"
"Right," they agreed.
"We hope you can forgive us, Perce," Fred looked genuinely hopeful. Genuinely regretful.
"Not that we deserve it," George added.
"Fact, you probably owe us a few hexes," Ron said, wryly.
"But we hope you will anyway," Ginny smiled. " Without the hexes."
Percy let out a tearful laugh, staggering to his feet. His parents watched him cautiously. "Come here," he told his siblings. Fred and George lunged him and just like earlier, Percy almost fell backwards, but instead of reprimanding them for it, he was laughing. Ginny wedged in between them, trying to shove one of them away so she wouldn't get squished. And as for Ron, he stepped forward, his arms opened awkwardly as if he were going to hug Percy, but seemed confused on how to do so. Percy didn't say anything nor did he move; Ron eventually wrapped his arms around him after some internal deliberation. George rolled his eyes, menuvering to let his younger brother have some more room, muttering about something that Percy didn't catch.
Percy looked over at the boy that had been sitting in his seat the entire time, apparently feeling a bit awkward to intrude on their family moment again. "You, too, Harry," he called with an actual smile. Harry wasn't as awkward as Ron was, but he also wasn't overly affectionate either. He complied, though.
"Thank you," Percy whispered to them all, giving them a gentle squeeze.
"Didn't we tell you not to say that?" Fred scolded, wagging a finger at him as they let go.
"Sorry," Percy said, wearing a half smile.
Percy's heart had never been fuller. Their parents watched on, admiring the scene in front of them. Thrilled that things were starting to become different. It would take a while; Percy knew it wouldn't happen right away, that they'd all have their moments of regression. But they'd said their peace.
They spent the rest of the meal eating happily after it was heated up again, laughing. Percy glanced around the room contentedly as Ginny was telling everyone a rather amusing story about the new Defense professor, when he'd accidentally let some frogs loose, while using them as a demonstration.
For the first time in a long time, he had a good feeling about this; about his family.
