Chapter 17: Depression

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND we're back!

the penultimate chapter for the second arc is here!

And it's a biggy too!

sry for the 3-day delay...

Buuuut what can you do, i haz skewl and stuff to do. That, and also I'm in another timezone from everyone, so people might think that I'm taking too long and whatnot.

Atleast my stories will get better now with skewl around (due to the very comprehensive english lessons that we now undertake...in England...).

Also, I'm leaving a reference to one special follower, who will see the name of their specific character.

He'll know when he sees it.

Enough of my incoherent babbling, let's get on with the story!


"Uh...What am I going to help you with exactly?" I asked.

I stared at the strange cart.

It was painted with crimson, though flecks of it had started to chip away due to age. There was enough space on the worktable to fit the griller and a clear space to hand in the money and place the Dangos on once they were served.

An abnormally large, rectangular space filled the bottom cart, presumably to hold the ingredients and the gas tank, though putting those in the same place may seem a bit strange.

"You're going to grill the Dangos for us!" The old man replied.

"Why not use the griller?" I questioned.

"Ah, that baby has been at it for decades now. I think it's time for her to take a rest."

Something nagged at the back of my head when he said that.

I don't know why, but it just felt...strange.

"Grampa's griller always stayed at the same temperature! With you to heat it, we can adjust how much heat we need to cook them!" Kai butted in.

I'm surprised that this kid can even speak for that long.

I'm even more surprised that he even knew the word 'adjust', from the looks of it.

"That's right, Kai." The old man grinned.

"Hey, what's your name, old man?" I tilted my head, asking a forgotten question.

"The name's grandfather Sora to you..uh..Tracy?"

He squints his beady eyes on the ribbon that I wear.

"N-...Yeah...It's Tracy." I hissed out her name.

I despise hearing her name, but if it can fool them to thinking that it is my name...I might aswell.

"Alright, Tracy. It's roughly 5 in the evening, and our business picks up at 6, which is peak time here around Eterna city. Do you think you can handle preparing the Dangos until 6 when we start selling them?" Sora asked.

"Won't they be cold and stale the longer it stays uneaten?"

"Quite right, but with you here you can heat them up right as we serve it to them."

"Won't I be tired out if I keep doing this?"

Sora somehow magically pulls out 5 potions behind him, covered by a plastic bag with giant, bold magenta words saying 'Pharma-poke' on them.

"I came prepared with ethers just for the occasion."

"What about overdose?"

"You'll only be using most of your power for an hour, I doubt that you'll be chugging through them that fast."

I sighed mentally.

1 hour?

That's like...forever in my terms.


The hour passes by and I honestly feel a bit tired, though not as much as I'd expected.

I've only used about 1 or 2 ethers, and I don't really feel that woozy. Well, I guess that's my resistance acting up against it back then.

When Tracy was my trainer.

That bitch made me chug these like energy drinks. I suffered from symptoms due to overdose but fortunately I eventually developed a resistance to them.

Well, at least it was a good thing in the end, despite all the pain and vomit that I went through.

"Hey, Tracy!"

My train of thought ceases as the little kid calls me whilst I heat the last pieces of Dangos for the day.

"Hm?"

"Mind helping me attract the people?"

"Uhh..I'm not a 'people' person, per say." I stuttered

"It's ok! You can just hold out the Dangos!"

"Um..ok why not."

"Just don't eat them! I know it's tempting, but grampa Sora gets mad if we do!"

"Well, if YOU do. I don't really like sweet things anyway."

Sora bumps his head inside the cart, cursing inaudibly as he spoke.

"No eating the Dangos!" his voice muffled from the insides of the cart.

"Yeah, yeah." I replied.

Kai handed me two Dangos, one for each of my hands, or claws to be exact.

I smelled their scents.

As alluring as their smell was, it'd probably taste horribly bitter for me. Fire types don't really like these kind of things, well me in particular, really.

We usually prefer the spicy kind, and strangely, fire types also prefer spicy, aggressive pokemon too.

But my desire for male pokemon won't be present for a while, after my encounter with them.

And with that happening to me, I'm pretty certain that not even my season of heat will be able to persuade me, once it arrives of course.

"Sora's sweet Dangos! Get them here!"

Kai advertised his grand father's business as a massive wave of trainers and civilians passed by.

I tried my best to make a smile as people passed by, but it usually ends in some crooked smile or just one half of my mouth opening, as if I'm doing a terrible excuse of a smirk.

There's not much I can do at that point, really.

I can't even fake a smile.

I guess I'm just a cynical chicken when it comes to these things.

I used to smile. I truly did. Though it was for entertainment, so it was never a 'true' smile.

Months of disuse must have formed some kind of block to my brain when I try to smile now. I didn't even know if that was even possible.

Well, my fucked up brain works in mysterious ways I guess.

Minutes pass by and I just start looking around, searching for Rai on whilst I half-heartedly hold the sweets on my claws.

A certain pair arrive to see me.

"Hey, miss?"

I snap out of my searching, to find a trainer and his Lucario standing in front of me.

"May I have those Dangos for me and my pal?"

Nodding, I gave it to them, right before I heated it of course.

"Oh wowie! Shiloh, you didn't have to do this!" The elated Lucario grinned ecstatically as she hugged her brunette trainer.

I glare at the two sappy individuals.

"It's a reward for beating Gardenia! You really deserve it Mizu!" David smiled sheepishly as he took the Dangos from my claws.

I couldn't help but feel angry and jealous at the same time.

Angry that these two are so open with each other.

And jealous that, I too, want someone to be so affectionate with me.

It's been a while since I've ever hugged anyone.

2 days ago to be exact.

"Have..a nice day." I mumbled at the lovebirds before they parted from me.

...

Come on.

Don't bring me down like this.

It feels as though I get immediately depressed the moment I just see a happy couple.

I don't even know why.

Is it because I've never had that kind of affection before?

Well, I did have it once.

And it felt amazing.

Somehow, I'm getting withdrawal symptoms just from missing it.

...

Kai absent-mindedly places two more Dangos on my claws as I mull over, deep in thought.

"Great job Tracy!" I hear him.

Yeah.

Great job.


Hours pass by.

People arrive.

People who are happy.

People so alive.

Each sight tears me a little inside.

To see such happiness before my eyes.

I try my best to hide it,

And I successfully do.

But.. I need to feel...loved.

I need to hug, to touch...to meet Rai soon.

I'd do anything to make the pain go away.

Please..Rai...I can't stand another day...


"Nice work Tracy! You've been a great help to me!" Kai praises me.

"Yeah."

I really don't feel like talking right now.

"You deserve a Dango!"

"No thanks."

"Whaaa? You don't like Dangos? They're amazing!"

"I'd rather not taste them."

"Why not?"

"Too sweet for me."

Kai looks at me strangely as he sweeps the floor, which was riddled with sticks from the Dangos.

He seems to have noticed my slightly silent behaviour.

Actually, it was plain obvious, really.

I seemed more distant to the customers every time they approached me.

Well, every time a couple approached me.

I know he worries for me, he's a child. He's only doing this out of instinct. Any child would hate to see their friend so sad.

Or rather, slave.

He doesn't show it when his Sora is near, but the moment he turns his back on us or if he gets more ingredients, that's when I see Kai in a different light.

He's more...caring.

He seems so mature for his age, despite him being 5 or 6. I guess that him living with his grandfather has had some effect on him.

"Hey."

I snapped my head back at him as I place the last stray sticks into the bin.

I look back at Kai. It had been a few hours since we started selling Dango's, and it was now the evening.

I blandly stare at the small child in front of me. His face looks worried as he observed my state.

A frown comes to his mouth as he approaches me.

I guess that he's finally had enough of me skulking around ever since I joined him in his part of the job.

He gives me a strange face, one that I've never seen him show before.

Oh, he's getting serious, I guess.

"Are you sad that we didn't find your trainer?"

...

*sigh*

What's the use telling him?

He already knows that it was what I was thinking.

Kai waits for an answer, one that might never arrive in my current state.

I cast my shadow over him as the rising moon shines over my body.

I stare deep into his childish eyes, ones that had yet to grow.

A sense of anger and need pour out of my eyes.

Please. Don't put me back into that mood again.

I can't handle it anymore.

As if by instinct, my head nods solemnly at him.

"Kai! Take her back to our room when you two are done mumbling around!" The distant shout of Sora's voice fills the air briefly before the veil of silence fall over us again.

We stood there for a while.

Neither of us moved.

All we did was look at each other.

The occasional person passed by, but they payed no attention to us fortunately. The distant hum of liveliness in Eterna city filled our ears as we stood in silence.

"Maybe..."

Maybe what?

"Maybe your trainer left you to us."

...

"Maybe he thought that you needed someone else to take care of you."

He...he did.

"Tracy.." Kai placed his hands on my shoulders, which felt rather strange, what with me being taller than him.

"..Yeah?" I replied.

"Did your trainer leave you on purpose?"

As much as I hated to say it.

He did.

He did leave me on purpose.

I nodded, confirming his assumptions.

"I can only hope, that no matter whether Tracy or another trainer captures you...

"That they could give you the compassion...and care that I failed to give you."

Is this what you are speaking about Rai?

"Did he hate you?"

I shook my head, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise.

He didn't hate me. He couldn't.

Could he?

Oh Arceus, I need your guidance.

"Why did he leave you then?"

I shrug.

I don't know what to say, I'm just a chicken.

A chicken who is overly attached to her trainer.

A trainer...who might not even want her anymore.

"I don't hate you. You seem cool, you cook way faster than grampa's grill."

Flattery is meaningless beyond this point, kid.

Though, I appreciate your compliment nevertheless.

Kai's hands push my shoulders down softly, I silently obliged as he brought me to my knees.

Our eyes leveled with each other.

Then...

He did something that I would never expect could happen to me.

"Your trainer might hate you, but I'll be much better if you let me be yours."

He hugged me.

...

I could feel his soft face dive deep into my shoulders as his hands tenderly snaked themselves around my body.

My eyes widened at the sudden action, my mouth was agape with shock.

My fur froze as I tried to understand what just happened.

"You're a cool chicken, Tracy."

"I might not be old enough to be a trainer yet. But I promise to make you happy."

"It's nice to make a friend after all these years..."

I'm...his first friend?

Firstly he acts so childish, the next he has the traits of a trainer.

Is...is this him, Rai?

Is this the trainer that will take care of me?

Kai rubs my back as I slowly melted into his small embrace.

My eyes began to feel that all-too familiar feeling as the waterworks rise.

If there's any time to release all those pent-up feelings, it's best to do it now.

I slowly lose myself as I faltered in his soft grip.

"I'll never leave you Tracy."

I bawl out loud as he spoke those words, barely resisting myself as he holds me.

My mind is torn into two as I stained his shirt with my tears.

One half of me wishes to remain by Rai's side.

Yet the other wishes me to follow his words and finally settle down with Kai.

This is what he wanted for me, after all.

To have someone who can take after me.

Someone to replace that hole he and Tracy left in me.

I don't know what to think. My mind is wracked with thoughts...feelings...desires...

I want to stay with Kai, to be his pokemon. I want to start anew, to evolve by his side as he replaces the one I miss the most.

But, Rai was the one to open my eyes. The one to make me realise that I had been living the wrong life. I wanted to make it up to him, to fix the errors I made as we rebuilt our friendship.

However, his intentions to leave me still speak the truth. He abandoned me to give me a better life, to find that 'one' trainer once more.

If I ruin this, if I ruin my ties with Kai, I'll be missing a chance to have a new life. All because I wanted to meet Rai once more.

But what would happen after I finally rejoin with him? We can't forget the things we've done in the past. Is he even feeling the same way as me?

What if he hates me? what if he tells me off for going after him when I could have gone with Kai?

I'm doing all of this because he left me.

I craved his presence when I left him.

I became enraged with anger at the thought of anyone insulting him.

I even willingly accepted myself to be a cook slave to this child's grandfather, just so that I could have him help me in my quest.

And now I've turned myself into a wreck after all the happiness I see before me.

Kai may have stopped it for me, but...

It just doesn't feel the same.

My happiness seems to come from the need of being wanted once more.

But everytime Kai tries to comfort me...

I see Rai instead.

If I can't even stop him from invading my thoughts...

Then how will I stop it if I go with Kai?

I can't forget Rai completely.

Not after what we'd been through, even if it was just 2 days.

To me, it felt like a year.

And now here I am, crying over some child's shoulder as he comforts me.

Maybe...

Maybe, I should give this child a chance. See where it goes.

I can't abandon all options, especially this one.

To be honest, I don't even know what to think right now.

I'm standing at the crossroads of my destiny.

The direction I choose will change my life.

And...

Sadly,

I've chosen my decision.

Kai...


My sniffles stop to a close as I speak once more.

"Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go sleep. My eyes hurt." I weakly laughed.

"Sure, Tracy!"His voice immediately perked up at the sound of my condition getting better.

We part from our embrace, briefly smiling to each other.

His bright, starry eyes gazed at my old, blood-shot irises.

He held one of my claws as he led me to his home.

I trudged along, gazing at the twilight sky.

I feel happy.

Happy that I've made my decision.


Kai...I'm sorry.

My decision is to stay with Rai.

For I realise that...

I genuinely feel like...

like...

I love him.


And so, Bonnie has made her decision.

She could have left with the young child and his grandfather.

And live a new life that her previous trainer wanted her to have.

But after realising everything that has happened to her, all the things she's said to him, all the thoughts she had of him.

She finally finds out why she's gotten the will to travel this far.

On another note:

I'll be uploading madly at the weekend.

At best I'll upload a chapter for each story, and at worst I'll upload the finale of this arc.

And guess what?

The finale is coming soon,

Tomorrow.

Bai.