The morning early light strained through cream curtains, casting over us. His nose buried in my hair, and a thick powerful arm wrapped around my bare waist like a lock. This addicting warmth pressed against my bare back. Butterflies danced around my stomach when he kissed my bare shoulder.

I turned to face him, letting my hand slide against his side to his back. He pulled me even closer, a heavy kiss to my forehead as he did. His fingers then twined in my hair and my eyes closed, enjoying the sensation. A light smile conquering my lips. I don't think I've ever been so at peace in my entire life.

With the very tips of my fingers, I rubbed along his back and even put a leg over his waist. I didn't want to get up, not even for a second. I wanted to stay like this forever. I didn't want this moment to end with the rising of the sun and the start of a new business day.

"Morning," he whispered against my forehead.

"Morning," I replied, trying to keep quiet but, "— It's so different waking up here. In the country when you wake up early like this, all you hear are the little birds singing their songs. Not the hums of a bloody factory," I whispered.

A soft chuckle left his lips, a smile growing against my forehead. "You get used to it I guess but one day I want to live out there."

"Where? Out in the country?"

He nodded, rubbing his hand up and down my back, following the curve down to my ass. "Build a nice house with a big backyard for the kids and the dogs. Maybe even keep some chickens."

"Chickens?" I laughed.

"Yah, fucking chickens," he replied and we both laughed.

His eyes finally opened and met mine as I looked up at him. My smile widened a bit before I looked down to his chest where I started drawing little circles. It made me happy that he saw more for his life than being a Blinder. John was a smart and capable man.

The clock tower then chimed and we both sighed as it finished. Time was already passing as we laid there wrapped in each other. He got up first with a heavy sigh and I watched him get dressed as I bit my lip. Even his bare ass was sexy, strutting across my room, collecting his things as he got dressed. Our eyes met in the long mirror and he looked back at me.

"See something you like?" He questioned.

"Maybe," I smiled, getting out of bed.

I caught a glance of myself in the long mirror and approached it. I couldn't help running my fingers over the different sets of teeth marks and hickeys. There was a mark on top of my breast, another on my collarbone, on the inside of my thigh and along my neck. My hips even had impressive marks that resembled his finger tips. I almost didn't want to look at my back. John had me completely covered in love marks but considering how good it was, I shouldn't be too surprised or upset.

He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck. "I'm sorry love. I got a little carried away last night. I just couldn't hold back," he whispered, kissing my shoulder, on top of a hickey. "I hope I didn't hurt you."

Our eyes met again in the mirror and I smiled. "It's alright, they don't hurt," I said and I could feel a smile form against my neck as he pulled me closer and we both swayed. "At least I can cover them up. I'm going to see my father this morning. I'm hoping he can come home soon."

John looked to the floor, his smile fading with a nod. "I'll walk you this morning then."

"It's alright, I can manage alone. I don't want you to miss seeing the children off," I said.

"Please Anna, I want to walk with you," he said.

"If you're sure, then I guess it's alright," I said.

"I'm sure," he whispered against my skin, then placed a kiss to the side of my head. "Go on get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs."

"Alright," I said and his arms released me, heading towards the door.

I watched him go and crossed my arms. Something was off with him but I wasn't sure exactly what.

When I came down the stairs dressed, John was waiting for me at the bottom with his cap on and his hands in his coat pockets. He smiled at me as I stood in front of him. His fingers brushed my cheek and pinched my chin.

"Why are you so bloody pretty?" He questioned.

I bit my lip as I smiled. "Come on, we don't have all day," I said. Sweet words from him would only lead to one thing.

He helped me into my coat and opened the front door, letting me out first. It was different leaving the house together. For a moment I almost felt like a married couple heading to work together. The neighbors still watched but when John put his arm over my shoulders it didn't matter anymore. It was like all the whispers and staring eyes faded into the background.

He was quiet most of the way but it was always good to have company. John walked me to the front of the hospital, pulling me into a heavy kiss, and opened the door for me. I couldn't help but notice this sad look in his eyes like he had this morning.

"Is everything alright?" I questioned, holding onto his coat and he nodded down at me.

"Do you want me to wait?" He questioned.

I shook my head. "No you go on, I'll see you later," I smiled and he nodded.

"Tell the old man I said 'Hello'," he said.

"I will," I smiled. "Now go on. I'll see you soon."

"Alright love," he said.


For once I didn't stay long. Father was still sleeping when I walked into his room. It was good he was sleeping better. I smiled down at him, covering him with the blanket, bringing it up to his shoulders and placed a kiss on his forehead. I wish he knew how much I missed him.

Before I left, I placed a letter on his table and pulled the door shut behind me. I would have to come back another time to visit.

When I made it to the shop, everything was the usual. Everyone was running around busy like bees each with their own tasks. John met me at the door handing me the day's paper.

"How's the old man?" John questioned.

"I didn't get to ask. He was sleeping when I got there," I said, looking at the line up for the days races.

"Oh alright," he said with a swallow. "You ready then?"

I nodded. "Where do you want me?"

John's lips curled into a smile before he wet his bottom lip and I knew too well I made a mistake. He stepped closer, right into my personal space. He then pushing his hands into his pockets to curb his temptations. His lips came close to my ear and my heart picked up.

"I'll take you anywhere you're willing, love," he whispered, lust heavy in his voice.

The heat picked up, my body feeling hell hot in the Birmingham winter. I looked around, making sure no one heard us.

"John we're at work," I whispered nervously but his smile only widened as he stepped impossibly closer.

"Is that supposed to stop us?" He questioned and I bit my lip. What could I even say to him?

"Anna," Polly called and I could breath when I looked at her. Little did she know she saved me.

"Yes, Polly?" I choked out.

"Come now, the day's about to start. I need you in the cage for now," she said, her eyes fixed on a smiling John.

"Yes, Polly," I said, quickly following behind her.

I looked back at John who was still standing there with his hands in his pockets smiling at me. His eyes filled with so much lust it was best I stayed away from him for now.

It was another busy betting day and I spent most of it doing payouts in the cage while John manned the floor. Even now and then our eyes would meet and we'd smile at each other. I didn't know what this all meant but I had to admit, I like how it felt.

In the middle of the day, Polly asked me to refill the beers. I was in the kitchen rinsing out the pails when John came in, closing the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck.

"You smell good," he groaned.

"John," I giggled. "Stop what if someone sees?"

"Who cares? You ashamed of me, innet?"

"No, how could I," I said, shaking my head. "If they catch us they'll just never stop talking about it, you know how Arthur is."

I could feel a smile widen against my skin. "Don't worry about them, I'll handle it," he said and I didn't doubt him. God knows he would.

I smiled to myself. "Are you coming over tonight?"

"I plan to," he said. "Why, do you need more wood?"

"No. I was just wondering," I smiled, filling the pail with water. How could I tell him I missed him already.

"I was thinking, maybe next week we can go to the races," he said as we swayed.

"The races? I'd need a new dress for that," I said, dumping out the water filled pail.

He sighed. "For what? You look beautiful in anything you wear."

I smiled. "Maybe to you."

"It's that all that matters?" He said, squeezing me tighter, burying his face deeper in my neck and I melted.

I turned around to face him. "Who said you don't know how to say sweet things?"

He smiled. "I only say the true, love."

"I'm sure," I said, placing a hand behind his neck, pulling him into a heavy kiss and he backed be into the counter.


Later in the day, Tommy called a meeting between the men in his office. It only lasted a few minutes before they all came out, going their separate ways.

I was in the back with the children helping with homework when John came in. He already had on his coat and cap, meaning he was about to head out with his brothers again. But it looked like all the Blinder men planned to go with them this time, leaving only enough to protect the shop.

I leaned back in my chair. "Heading out Mr. Shelby?"

John crossed his arms as he leaned on the door frame. "Since when are you so bloody formal?" He questioned and the kids giggled.

I smiled. "What do you want John?"

"I just need to borrow you for a moment before I go. Can you meet me in my office? I have a few questions about an entry in the ledger," he said.

I looked to Polly who simply nodded with this knowing smile.

"Sure," I said, standing to my feet, following him.

He held his office door open for me, closing it behind us. He caught me by my waist, pulling me into him before I could get too far. He wrapped his arms around me, my back pressed against his firm chest, his face burying in my neck.

"Why do you always smell so good?" He questioned. "Every time you pass me, it drives me crazy."

"I thought you needed me for business not pleasure," I said, as he kissed my skin. The sensation radiated through my entire body and I bit my lip.

"Really? You should've known better by now. I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye before I left," he said, against my neck.

"You planning to be gone all day?"

He sighed, bringing me closer. "It looks like it could be a high probability. We're heading out to the Cheltenham races to stop the Lee's and return Billy Kimber's stolen money."

"How noble of you. That doesn't sound dangerous at all," I said, sarcastically.

He chuckled against my ear. "You worried about me, innet?"

"Of course I am. Just promise me you'll come back in one bloody piece for Christ sake. My nursing skills have limits," I said and he laughed.

"I'll try to keep that in mind. I wouldn't want to ruin our date tomorrow," he said.

I frowned, turning to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "What date?"

He smiled backing up to his desk. "You don't remember? I still owe you one from the other day. We could try to see another film," he said, moving a stray hair from my face and I couldn't help but smile up at him.

"That sounds good," I smiled.

He tapped the tip of my nose. "Hopefully, we can finish the bloody film this time and go back to your place for a few drinks."

"That's it?"

He smiled, brushing his nose against mine. "We both know that's far from it," he whispered, placing a light kiss to my lips.

"John, let's go," Tommy called and John sighed.

"Looks like I have to go," he said, placing a longer kiss to my lips. "Stay out of trouble."

"I could say the same to you," I smiled.

"That might not be possible," he teased and I shook my head.


The rest of the day seemed to slowly pass by but the shop was always fun when the Shelby kids were around. They rushed into the shop like a noisy storm. They came right to the cage and swarmed me. I couldn't help but smile, crouching down, hugging them back.

"You lot ready to eat?" Polly questioned from behind and the noise only got louder as they followed behind her. I smiled following them. "Come now, go wash your hands."

We sat at the table for a while as the kids talked about their day and ate their food. Polly and I drank tea as we listened to their little stories.

"Miss Anna, do you think my daddy is handsome?" Laura asked and I nearly choked on my tea.

"What?" I questioned as Polly handed me a napkin, trying her best not to laugh.

All eyes were on me, including Polly's. "Do you think my daddy is handsome?"

"Did your father tell you to ask her that?" Polly questioned and Laura shook her head, innocence in her eyes.

"Well I— then why do you ask?" I questioned.

"I heard daddy telling one of his friends that you were really pretty," she said but I doubt that's the phrase he used.

Polly's eyes met mine, sure she was thinking the same thing.

"Really?" I questioned and she nodded her head.

"I heard it too," Katie confirmed.

"Well, if your father thinks I'm pretty, it's only right for me to think he's handsome," I said, patting Laura's hair.

She smiled up at me pleased but it made me wonder what else he's been telling his friends.


After cleaning up the shop, I said my goodbyes to Polly and the children. I made my way down the block, heading home but unlike most nights, I took my time. The moon hid behind the dark clouds filled with snow and the wind was still. As dark as it was, it was pretty to me.

I made it about half a block before I was pulled into a dark alley and soft, warm lips met my neck. I struggled to catch my breath. If it wasn't for that familiar smell of his cologne he would've been dead.

My grip was tight on my knife, the tip pressed against his side. John chuckled against my ear as he held me from behind.

"What's that love, a knife?" He questioned.

He grabbing a handful of my left tit as his arm wrapped around my waist. He then press his hard front against me.

"Christ John, you fucking scared me," I whispered still trying to catch my breath. Waiting for my heart to stop pounding against my chest.

"Sorry love. I didn't mean to scare you. Now be a good girl and drop it," he encouraged seductively against my ear, followed by a heavy kiss. "I'm only here to give you pleasure. I promise," he whispered, placing another heavy kiss against my neck.

Already I was falling under his spell, dropping the blade to our feet as I bit down on my lip in anticipation.

"Good girl," he cooed against my ear.

The hand around my waist moved down my skirt, finding his fingers deep in my knickers as he squeezed my tit. He played with the most sensitive part of me, rolling it between his fingers and I bit my lip. My head tilted back onto his shoulder in bliss, a soft moan escaping my lips as my eyes closed.

"I missed you," he whispered, bringing me closer.

"I missed you too but we're in an alley for Christ sake," I whispered, not too eager for him to stop.

"You're safe love, I promise," he whispered. His fingers dove deeper and I couldn't help but moan his name. "No one can see us."

My legs felt like jelly and breaths became heavy but he had me in those strong arms supporting me. His fingers dove a little deeper in my knickers and I bit my lip harder, trying to keep quiet.

"Wet already Anna?" He chuckled against my ear. "You missed me that much, eh?"

"Shut up John," I panted and he chuckled again. He knew too well what he did to me. I could feel his accomplished, smug smile against my ear.

"You love this don't you," he smiled, moving my knickers to the side.

"I shouldn't. It makes me feel like a whore. You make me feel like a whore," I corrected.

"You're far from a whore Anna, but good girls deserve a little fun too, eh," he whispered.

He turned me around, pressing my back against the brick wall. With little effort he picked me up and my legs wrapped his waist and my arms, his neck. With one thrust he gave me every inch. I bit my lip sure I'd draw blood. I buried my face in his neck as I held on.


John walked me home but for once he couldn't stay. I looked back at him as he stood outside my door, he tossed his cigarette then pushed his hands in his coat pockets.

"Not coming in?" I questioned.

"I have to meet my brothers down at the Garrison," he sighed. "I just wanted to make sure you made it home safe. It's dark tonight."

I smiled, approaching him, holding onto his coat. "You sure that's all you wanted?"

He looked down at me with this smirk. "At first yes, but I couldn't help myself to a little more."

He lifted my chin, placing a kiss to my lips. "Get some sleep," he said, bringing me into his arms. I couldn't help hugging him back as I nodded my head as he patted my hair. He always had a way of making me feel loved.

"Make sure you get home safe," I said, not wanting to let him go.

"I will," he said, now rubbing my back. "Now go on."

"Alright then, night," I said, looking up at him and a kiss met my lips before he released me.

"Night, love," he said.

He smiled at me as I closed the door. I hurried upstairs to watch him head back down the block and couldn't help but smile. This bastard named John really knew how to worm his way into my heart.


The one night John didn't spend the night, I found him standing outside the shop with another woman. I'll admit she was pretty, with her short blonde hair that framed her slim face and pretty blue eyes like his. She laughed as he spoke to her, even threw her head back as she did. She bit her lip as she looked him over. It was like a painful stab in my chest.

I decided it was best not to be seen, so I made my way through the back door and headed for the cage with Polly. I dropped my things on the table and stripped out of my coat. Fuck the Shelby men and their good looks.

"Why the long face so early in the morning?" Polly questioned, closing the safe.

I shook my head. "Nothing, just tired that's all," I said, pulling my scarf from my neck, adding it to my pile.

"Well you better find some energy, the days just started," Polly said and I nodded.

"Do you think I can stay in the cage with you today?" I questioned.

She looked at me surprised, knowing I liked to move about the shop, trying different things. Helping anywhere and any way I could. "Is everything alright?"

I nodded. "Like I said, just a bit tired. I didn't sleep too well last night. Maybe staying in one place might be for the best."

She came around the table touching my forehead. "You sure you're feeling alright? You don't feel sick?"

I laughed, holding her wrist. How could I tell her it was a man who made me feel like this? "No Polly. I'm not sick. I swear it."

"Well if that's what you want, I won't fight you," she said.

"Thank you," I smiled.

Needless to say, I was in a fucking mood all day after that but I kept it to myself. Doing my best not to cross paths with John as I spent the day internally fighting with myself. Because who was I to get upset? John and I weren't in a relationship. Meaning he was free to talk, flirt and fuck any woman he bloody well pleased. We were nothing more than old friends exploring old feelings. It was my fault for letting the bastard in my bed to start. I should've known he'd steal my heart and chuck it in the cut like my sodding dollies.

It was boring staying inside the cage but it was for the best. We didn't cross paths the entire day but that didn't mean our eyes didn't meet every now and then. He would smile at me but I couldn't say it was easy for me to smile back. A part of me wishes I would've told Polly I was sick and went home. I needed space, time. I sighed.

It was hard not to realize that I was too involved after seeing him with that woman today. I didn't want to admit it bothered me but it did. It hurt me in a way I've never felt before. It was a feeling I wasn't willing to get used to.

In the afternoon he left with his brothers after the children came back from school and I felt relief. It was much easier to smile and be myself in front of the children even though every one of them looked like him.

"Are you alright Miss Anna," Katie questioned.

I smiled down at her, patting her head. "Yes love, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Now go wash your hands, Aunt Polly's almost done making lunch."

She smiled up at me and nodded before running off. I sighed. It was pathetic that even the children could see I was fucking heart broken.


By the end of the day John and his brother's returned. John leaned against the cage door, watching me do the first count. I did my best to ignore him but a man like John doesn't just disappear because you don't acknowledge him.

"You almost done?" John questioned.

"I'm waiting for Polly to do the final count," I said, fixing my eyes on the money as I tried to keep count.

"What about our date?"

"Maybe another day," I said with a sigh.

He pushed his hands in his slack pockets. "You sure love?"

I nodded. "I'm sure, work first."

"Alright then," he sighed, leaving without argument.

Polly watched John leave as she entered the cage.

"Anna, you should ask John for a ride home," she said but I shook my head.

"That's alright, let's finish this," I said.

After the count, Lovelock was kind enough to give me a ride home. I usually didn't mind walking but I really wasn't in the mood tonight. All I wanted to do way lay down in my bed and forget the day. Forget the past few days really. Maybe when father is released from the hospital, I'll stop working at the shop and get another job.

"Thanks for the ride," I said as he pulled up in front of my house.

"No problem. Have a good night Miss Anna," he said and I nodded.

"Same to you," I said, closing the car door.

Lovelock didn't pull off until I closed the front door, making sure I made it inside safe. I hung up my coat and bag before making my way up the stairs with a heavy sigh. I can't remember the last time I felt this depressed and over a man at that. And to make shit worse I had to work again tomorrow.

With another sigh I started stripping until a heavy knock came to the front door. I looked through my window, down to the side walk where John stood. I shook my head. I was more than tempted to ignore him but I doubt that would turn out well.

So I made my way downstairs and opened the door. Another night and John was at my door but for once, I wasn't as happy as I usually was to see him. I thought canceling our date would be enough to stop him from coming over tonight. Clearly he was more dense than I thought.

"Come in," I said and of course he smiled, taking off his cap, hanging it up. Maybe it was best we had a talk and end things where they are.

"I got you something," he said, handing me a black box.

I frowned and he laughed as he hung up his coat and jacket. I headed towards the living room, putting distance between us.

"Open it," he said, following me.

I sat on the couch near the fireplace and he soon joined me. He had this adorable smile across his face but I tried to focus on the box. I couldn't let that face sway me.

"It's just a little gift," he finally said as I opened it. A simple gold bracelet with a small heart charm dangling at the end with a diamond in the center was inside. "I was going to give it to you on our date tonight," he said.

It was the nicest thing anyone had ever gotten me but I gave it back to him, then headed for the kitchen. It wasn't something I could accept right now.

"What, you don't like it?" He questioned, following, clearly confused. "The clerk promised me you would."

"No, it's absolutely beautiful," I assured him, pouring water into the kettle. "The clerk has great taste but I'm not a whore John. I don't want you giving me things because we fuck. Trust me, I get just as much out of it as you do."

"Christ Anna, that's not why I bloody bought it," he spat with a heavy set frown.

"Then why else? What have I done to deserve it? Tell me. A far as I know I'm already in your family's debt as it is," I spat.

"I was hoping you'd say yes to being my girl," he said, taking a step closer and my simple heart picked up again. He couldn't be serious. "So your debt will be my debt if one day you agree to be my wife."

I frowned. "Wait what?"

"You heard me," he said, snaking his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. I placed my hand on his chest, keeping distance between us.

"John, I don't think that's a good idea," I said, my eyes fixed to the ground. "This morning, I saw you flirting with that blonde haired woman. And I realize that, that's something that would never change with you but it's also something I can't ignore."

"Anna—"

"You're a jealous man John and I'm a jealous woman. It wont work," I said with a heavy sigh. "That pain you feel when another man touches me is the same when I see you with another woman. I don't want to feel like this."

"I'm sorry Anna. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said, pressing his forehead against mine.

I sighed. "I know you didn't but I don't think you've thought this through enough—"

"But I have," he said, cutting me off, pulling me closer, my breasts pressing up against his chest. "I told you already, I want you for myself. I need someone. The kids need someone, a good someone. Someone I can make a few more with. I know you want that and I can protect and provide for you." His hand rested on the side of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.

"But do you actually want me or will anyone be enough?" I questioned and it broke my heart to say it.

I've heard the rumors of how he flirts and messes around but it was hard to see it first hand. The last thing I wanted was my heart broken.

His jaw tightened. "No, I want you Anna. I swear it," he assured me. "I like how you make me feel. No one else makes me this happy."

"I just don't want to be thrown away when you're bored of me. I don't want my heart broken," I said.

"I could never get bored of you, love," he whispered. "I bullied you for three solid years. Surely I'd bully you for the rest of your life if you never left," he said and I laughed, letting the tears run down my cheeks. "So what do you say? Give me a chance?" He questioned, brushing his nose against mine.

I swallowed and nodded. "Alright, John," I whispered and the grip around me tightened. "Just know, if you hurt me, I won't stick around."

"I know better than to test you," he said and I pray he did. "I just want to make you happy for the rest of your life if you'll let me."

"Let's see how we do then," I said and with a smile he smashed his lips against mine.

With a swift motion, a quick lift. John lifted me off my feet, sitting me on the table. He stood between my legs and tilted my chin to meet his eyes.

"I missed you today," he whispered.

"What do you mean? I saw you all day?"

"You think I couldn't bloody tell you were avoiding me?" He questioned.

I laughed. "I didn't think you noticed."

"Of course I bloody noticed. I don't think you smiled once the whole day, only when you saw the kids and let's not forget you canceled our date. All that happiness I love was just gone," he said.

"I was too busy sorting out my feelings," I said, and he sighed.

"Christ, women and their sodding feelings," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"You're one to bloody talk," I laughed.

He shook his head, "whatever you say love."

"So who is she?"

He sighed, burning his face in my neck. "You don't have to worry. I haven't slept with her since you came back," he admitted, placing a kiss to my skin. "She came by the shop to ask me what I've been doing."

I shook my head. "It didn't seem that way to me. She seemed to be bloody enjoying herself in your presence. I saw how you eyed her as well."

"Christ, Anna," he laughed, placing another kiss to my neck. "Even when you're jealous you're fucking adorable."

"Don't try to change the bloody subject," I said.

"I'm not. She just doesn't mean anything to me, she's not worth talking about," he said.

I sighed, knowing it was the best answer I was going to get without starting a fight. "Alright John," I said.

"Anna, love you have nothing to worry about," he said, meeting my eyes.

"I hope not," I said, looking to the floor.

He smiled, brushing his nose against mine. "Christ you're cute," he said before he kissed me with so much passion I forgot everything else. I didn't mind the taste of whiskey on his tongue as it tangled with mine. I was warming up in my knickers as I gripped his vest pulling him closer. His fingers in my hair found their way into my hair, touching my scalp, clutching my roots.

Was I a fool for giving him a chance or would this man prove me wrong?