Bringing the 90s back in the timeless zone!

"Daniel, dinner is ready." My mom shakes me to be awake. I hand wave her that I'm coming. Getting the hint, she leaves me be. Alone at last.

"I feel like I just had an adventure of a lifetime. Or is it deathtime?" I don't know why I'm even questioning it, when I can't even remember what it was. I get up to grab my clothes and go to the kitchen.

"I made your favorite~!" She places the plate down. "Arroz con habichuelas y pollo asao."

"Thanks mom! It has been forever since I ate this!" I start to dig in.

"What are you talking about? You had this a few days ago." I did? Must've forgot. "By the way, there's a special guest here to see you!" My dad walks in.

"The hell are you doing here!?" I shout at him. He pulls out a slip of paper and passes it to me.

"I'm here to give you an amazing gift for being such a great son and for being my realization for salvation." I read the paper which lists all the crimes he has committed. Cheating on his wife, trying to hook up with minors, leaving someone to be sodomized in the middle of a lake, etc. I look at him and angel wings appear from his back. "I hope we can meet again. I love you, son. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou." He keeps repeating those words as he ascends. I try reaching out to him, but something is holding my feet. Looking down, there's a giant fiery chasm with many hands dragging me down!

"Wait! Don't leave me again! Dad, you son of a bitch!" The hands envelop my body, sinking me further. "Mom! Help me!"

"If only you stayed faithful to God, you would've still been saved. I'm a failure as a mother and a christian." She starts crying. Her whimper echoes the room. My vision is being consumed by darkness.

Back to the hellish stage

*Red* I wake up covered in sweat. Great, another nightmare. Can I not have a wholesome dream anymore? Must be the subtle punishment Hell likes to torture souls with. No point in wondering. I'm already awake and hungry. Quickly get dressed and make my way to the ingesting of supplements meant to energize us. Another weird thing is to be hungry and thirsty when we're dead but I guess that's also another punishment that no one will ever be satisfied with. Ain't no rest for the wicked.

"My curse is also not having any sexual relief too." Seriously, these hands! They're too scaly for my sensitive peen! It would be easier to accept Angel's offer, but I know myself. If it's too good, I'll want more. Plus, I doubt Al would even let that happen, since it would "taint" my soul and my blood would lose its "value". Whatever that means. I guess that's my life right now. While I'm not one to follow rules from assholes, it's better to not get on his bad side. Though, being on the good side ain't particularly nice either. Have to find ways to relieve myself.

"Ya really going to keep being on a leash for someone's entertainment?" I don't even look up to know who it is. Shirley has been haunting since the strip incident. I know it's not really her but my brain has to materialize something to constantly bother me in my downtime. It's in her demon form too. Which is funny cause I actually like that form better. I'm sorry real Shirls. I have some serious issues.

*Blue* "I'm just biding my time. There's no need to do anything rash yet." She towers over me.

"Is that an admission of defeat? What happened to that development back at Valentino's strip joint? Was that all an act?"

"Well I am a thespian, after all." She pokes my chest.

"Do not take this situation lightly. You will never attain true freedom if you let someone else dictate your life."

"That's why I ain't doing anything reckless. I'm not dealing with just any demons. These are Overlords we're talking about. I'm not exactly the most OP motherfucker like Al. One wrong and it could be my last. So take a chill pill, brain."

"Then ya better hope you don't become accustomed with the collar around your neck. It doesn't suit your style."

"You don't gotta tell me twice." Technically we're a slave to our desires down here. I just hope this place can provide the help souls need to ascend. Then maybe there can be a way to get out of this mess.

"Why not just lose your virginity? That way you wouldn't have to worry about anybody going after you. You'll just be like everyone else and be fully free from his grasps." Tempting. Really tempting. I would have to deal with whatever punishment Al has in store for me, but I can get over it and I'll be fully free to focus on helping with the redemption of everyone!

*Yellow* "That's genius! I'll take that risk and have this whole debacle over with." Now I know what must be done. Changing course to Angel's room, I knock at his door. It's still pretty early, so he should be in there. Steps can be heard from the other side and he opens the door. He clearly just woke up as the fluff is unkempt and he's very tired.

"The fuck you want?" He says before letting out a yawn. I force myself into his room.

"Hey Angel, I need you to take my virginity." There's a moment of silence.

"Why?"

"Why!? I haven't jacked off since I got here and I can't take this shit anymore!" I grab and shake him. "Please help me! Pleeeeeeease!"

"All right all right! Get off of me!" He pushes me away. "Let me get myself ready and we can get down to business." He goes to the bathroom, while I wait on the edge of his bed.

This is finally happening. I'm actually going to have sex! Though having it be Angel wasn't at the top of my list, I know he would immediately want to do it. He sure is taking his sweet time in the bathroom. That's when he finally comes out full drag looking like a woman!

"Holy shit!" I know he can be feminine, but if I didn't know any better, I would've thought him to be a woman with that blonde hair and white dress.

"Sorry for the wait, sugar~. I wanted to make this moment special." He walks towards me. The smell of perfume hits my nostrils. He gets down. "Just for you, it'll be for free. Next time, I expect some money for my services." Don't care. I just need some relief. He starts unbuttoning my pants, then I notice tentacles materialize behind him!

"Look out!" I scream but the tentacles wrap around him and start thrashing around the room. They stop and disappear from the floor. I check up on him. The wig fell off during the struggle. "Are you okay?"

"Ow! What the fuck was that!?" He grunts as he gets up sluggishly.

"I have no clue. They just appeared out of nowhere."

"Those things reminded me of when Alastor summoned them to destroy an airship." Alastor? Of course! This has to be connected to him somehow!

I get out of the room and sprint to his study. I slam open the door to see him standing looking over the window.

"You know, it's rude to barge yourself into someone's room without permission." He says turning to face me with that shit eating grin of his.

*Red* "Don't give me that bullshit, you Jambalaya loving motherfucker! What the fuck did you to me!?"

"Whatever could you mean?"

"I tried to have sex with Angel and your hentai tentacles show up to stop it!" He hums to himself.

"Of course! I don't want your blood to be tainted by anyone who tries to copulate with you."

"But why!? Getting a blowjob doesn't take away my virginity!" He steps closer to me.

"Yes. That may be true, but that's how it all starts. Someone gives you a helping hand and it may relieve you. But then the hand might not be enough and you want more. The mouth will be included and as time goes on it evolves to more degenerate actions. Which could ultimately lead to penetration. I will not allow such things to happen to my guest star, so I used my shadow magic to prevent such acts." He looks down on me menacingly.

"You just want to see me suffer, don't you?"

"Hahaha! That's an added bonus! Now then, how about we go downstairs for some delicious breakfast? I am absolutely famished!" He passes by me.

"Hope you choke on a dick." I mumble to myself.

Lounging at the Lobby

After breakfast, I decide to inform Qwais, Lily and Bob about my unfortunate curse I have to deal with.

"And that's why the Anti-Shipping Tentacles of Lewdness prevents me from fucking." I finish explaining. They stare blankly at me and then start laughing.

"Good one." Qwais "lightly" pats my back.

"You guys think I'm joking?"

"No. It's just extremely funny, is all." I swear to god Bob, I will ravage you one day!

"What a shame. That means you won't know the taste of sex anymore." Lilian shakes her head. "You'll be Alastor's bitch forever."

*Blue* "That's what I fear the most." It seems no matter what I do, there's always someone tugging me along for their entertainment. Qwais places his hand on my shoulder.

"You'll get through it somehow." He comforts me.

"You shouldn't look at this as a bad thing. To have an Overlord by your side is one of the most useful partners anyone can have in Hell." Bob adds.

"And do you know how many girls would die to be in your position? To have Alastor mark them to be only his, is everyone's wet dream! I'm a little jealous myself, to be honest." Lily says as she fidgets excitedly. While the only person actually comforting me is Qwais, hearing everyone's thoughts actually makes me feel better. Oh my god! There's a bang on the door. Charlie runs towards it to answer.

"Welcome to the Happy Hotel!" She does her usual enthusiastic greeting. She walks along with some strange two headed canine.

"Wowzers! It's much bigger in here than from outside!" The right head happily exclaims. They're wearing a loose blue flannel jacket with a black shirt underneath that's neatly tucked under their well fit Levi's jean. They're not wearing shoes due to their dog feet incapable of such a feat. I feel that. They have golden fur, which makes them look like a Golden Retriever. The right one has a spiker hairstyle, while the left let's his blonde hair loose that goes down to his shoulder. They both have black chokers.

"It has to be in order to house everyone wanting the ascension they deserve!" There goes Charles again with the twirling. "You will have a fun time with us, while you eventually redeem yourself to Heaven! These souls are here for the same reason." She points at us.

"Don't include me with this bunch." I shoulder Bob on the stomach to behave himself.

"Qwais!? Look Kain! It's Qwais!" He runs up to him with his tail wagging happily.

"Long time no see, Abe." He smiles, but it quickly disappears when he looks at the gloomy one. "Kain."

"Qwais." He says bitterly as they glare at each other. Huh, I guess Q had a life before I came into the picture. Wait, of course he did. I don't have to be there every moment of his life to fill up the Wiki page.

"Oh my god! You're Lilian Wickerman, the owner of the Feline Fever! I've only caught glimpses from far away and through the television, but to see you this close to admire your beauty, is truly a dream come true!"

"Oh my~! You're making me blush. It's always a pleasure to meet someone who has good tastes in women." She giggles.

"Thank you for your compliment. GAAAASP! Bob Nickleson! The serial rapist who would fuck any woman in his way! You even managed to get your hands on a couple of Overlords, before Lucifer himself sent you to the Second Circle!"

*Violet* "Hold up! What the fuck!?" I turn to face Bob.

"Yep. Would've gotten away with it too, if my dick didn't stick on the bed."

"Your dick got stuck? You know what, I rather not know." I don't want my mind to conjure up a hyper realistic image of his peen. *Orange* "It's nice to meet you. My name is Daniel." I extend my hand for a handshake. His upbeat demeanor changes to a serious one.

"Are you the man who sabotaged the 666 news and assaulted Katie Killjoy?" He says with a menacing tone.

"...Yea?"

"How dare you lay your hand on the queen of the news!?" He shouts at me.

"Woah! First off, she was the one being a cunt to me when I was tr-" He tries to punch me, but Qwais grabs his arm.

"Do not bad mouth her, you wannabe actor! Your performance has made a mockery to the art of news and your lack of fashion sense is an insult to our eyes!"

*Red* "Wannabe actor!? Listen here, you furfag! I can let the fashion insult slide since I do not have any sense of clothing, but you will NEVER insult my skill as an actor!" I'm about to fuck this guy up!

"I-I see you are both getting acquainted with each other already." Charlie nervously laughs. "Come, let's get you registered." She grabs his arm and pulls him away.

"The hell is their problem?" I say frustratingly.

"Don't worry about it too much. He's just a little mad you fought his idol on live television." Qwais stoically responds.

"That's all? I was merely acting out of self-defense." They all give me the "Really, nigga?" look. "Okay! Her comments got to me, aight? Hard not to hook that bitch's face." I cross my arms. Can't believe someone actually admires her.

In front of Hell's finest.

I decide to breath in that polluted air as I contribute it with my smokes. Need that nicotine to relieve from the frustrations. The stroll around the front yard is peaceful, if you ignore the constant chaos of the city.

"It's never quiet around here. Reminds me of home." Last time I left Puerto Rico, there were constant parties, gunshots and the lullabies of the Coqui to keep me asleep. I miss it. Then again, I missed my life. How did I die again? That murder is getting muddled up everytime I recall it. Gunshot, La Macarena, Quinceanera, and doing the biggest dab as I fall to the ground. Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. Hm? I was lost in my thoughts, that it became quiet. Too quiet. I try to approach the front gate, but I hit an invisible wall! "The fuck?" I knock and sure enough, there seems to be something invisible blocking my path.

"Daniel Gomez." I turn behind to see Abe and Kaina a couple meters from me. Abe is doing the talking. "AKA The Neon Blooded Thespian: Quemaleon." He paces around me like a shark circling around its prey. "You've only recently arrived in Hell and you have caught the eyes of our Overlord. I don't see what all the hype is about. You look like any other demon thinking their hot shit, when they're nothing but a worthless sinner." I don't like where this is going.

"Language, Abe." Kain says to him.

"I'm sorry. But everytime I look at this dude's face, I can't help it." He snarls, letting me have a good look at his sharp teeth. "And don't bother screaming for help. Kain's ability creates a tubular soundproof barrier, trapping our targets as we beat the ever loving behind of them." He cracks his knuckles and pulls out a knife.

Roundabout-Yes

The strums of a guitar can be heard somewhere in the background. Is this seriously happening? To think Al's warning would actually come true. All because of his fanaticism?

*Blue* "I suggest you stop what you're doing. Charlie and Alastor are literally next door and they will know what's up, then will probably beat the shit. Well, maybe not Charles, but definitely Alastor." I highly doubt that, but hopefully my threat will make him scared to do anything.

"Hahaha! OMG! Did you really think I would be afraid of that empty threat? You really are a bogus actor!" Oh no he fucking didn't!

"I am NOT a bogus actor!"

←To be continued

Lights out

A spotlight shines on Daniel and Abe.

Daniel: *Red* Fuck that! *Stomps the "To be continued" and Jojo poses* We're ending this right here, right now!

Jojo DiU-Sudden Battle

Daniel pulls out his knife and they both get into their battle stance. Daniel makes the first move to sprint towards him and slash downward. Abe dodges it and stabs him on his shoulder. Dan quickly gathers the blood to then spray it on Abe's clothing. The lights are killed, leaving only darkness.

Abe: So your blood does glow in the dark. I've seen video footage of your battles and I'm impressed by your guerrilla tactics. However…

He strikes from behind. A spotlight shines on them, revealing a shirtless Daniel having then his gut knife.

Daniel: *Pink* H-How?

Abe: Unlike the rat you fought, I can actually distinguish the difference between smells of anything. You purposely left your shirt in front of me to try and misguide me to attack from behind. You fail to think that you have a stronger scent than a piece of fabric could ever contain. I also know your blood can change anyone's emotions. *Takes the knife from him and puts it on his belt*

He twists the knife, making Dan cough blood. Then Abe repeatedly punches him on the face, finishing off with an uppercut that sends Dan flying across the air and lands next to his shirt.

Abe: Is this truly all you've got? I can't believe you're the same person who sabotaged Valentino's place. I don't know what she sees in you, but that's not my business.

The lights go out again.

Abe: *Sigh* Don't make this any harder than it needs to be.

He hears someone running towards him.

Abe: I can smell two strong scents in front of me. He must've coated his shirt with more blood. I'm going to predict that he's misdirecting me to choose which one to strike. Too bad for him, I can stab one and punch the other!...! Wait, why is there a third scent? This third one is slightly further apart from the right. Shit! He's practically at my face! It's now or nothing!

He stabs to his left, hitting right on the target. A spotlight shines with a naked Dan stabbed once more.

Abe: I guessed you were holding out your shirt to try and distract me, but to also take off your pants too? *Looks at the pants* You were holding out your pants with your tail? That explains the dist-AAAAH!

Daniel stabs him with the knife he took away from him.

Daniel: *Green* That's exactly why I held my pants to your right. Because of Kain's position, you have a huge blindspot to your left. I was waiting for you to get distracted by them so I could reach my knife and stab you.

Abe pushes him off to gain some distance.

Daniel: It's too late for that. My blood is already coursing through your veins! I coated it with my blood, before you took it away. Can you guess what color it was?

Abe looks at the knife and notices pink mixed with his own blood. His body trembles as he tries hard to overcome the effects.

Daniel: *Violet* Don't resist the temptation. It's only natural to want to fuck The Neon Blooded Thespian: Quemaleon himself! *Dazzle Texts* As much as I like to stroke my ego, I need help to stroke my jewels. Would you kindly lend me your hand?

Abe nods involuntarily and walks towards him. He hasn't fully controlled his mind, but the body is now a slave to Daniel.

Abe: D-Damn it! I've already lost control of my body and now I'm about to lose my mind! The more I look at him, the more I wa-No, need him!

He starts running at him. Not missing a beat, the tentacles form out of Daniel's shadow. They completely wrap Abe.

Josuke's Theme

Daniel: *Orange* Oooooh! Forgot to mention that little detail. As much as I really want Abiel to be a possible ship, my dear Overlord "blessed" me with the ASTL that only activates when someone wants to have sex with me. *Black and Menacing Texts* It's time for the dramatic climax.

ASTL slams Abe on the barrier for a few seconds. They hang him upside down as blood drips to the floor. Daniel walks up to him. Abe and Kain cough uncontrollably.

Daniel: *Blue* Quit being so dramatic. They didn't bang you that bad. Now, who is this woman that sent you to get me?

He spits Daniel's face.

Abe: Fuck you.

Dan calmly wipes the blood off.

Daniel: *Black* If you are going to be this way, then send her this message for me.

He motions his hand down, making ASTL to crush their heads against the floor. This goes on for a good minute.

Daniel: Say, can you copy what I do?

One of the little tentacles nods.

Daniel: All right! Watch closely.

He does the tossing motion and they copy by sending them up in the air. Then he punches rapidly and they mimic by striking the poor dogs against the barrier.

Daniel: UTEUTEUTEUTEUTEUTEUTEUTE!

Each blow feels like getting hit by a sniper rifle at point blank. The barrier cracks behind him.

Daniel: UTE!

With one more powerful strike, the barrier gets broken and they are sent flying across the yard, getting slammed against the front gate. It shatters completely and they're back to their own reality. Dan and ASTL fistbump for a job well done.

Show's over!

*Gray* Huh. I guess ASTL ain't that bad. It disappears in my shadow.

"D-D-Damn you." Abe curses under his breath as he struggles to get up.

"Abe. Let's stop this." Kain says weakly.

"We can't. If we go back with our tail between our legs, Vel will do far worse than what this bastard did to us." Vel? That must be the demon they're working for.

"If you're worried about that, why not stay here? I'm sure Charlie will keep you guys safe from this Vel person." I suggest to them. They look at me with surprise.

"You give us mercy, even after we tried to kidnap you?" Kain says.

"Don't listen to his lies! He's just trying t-!" Their arm grabs Abe's head. "What are you doing!?" They pull hard and separate each other. Now they both have their own bodies. Abe is more banged up than Kain, meaning he was the main host.

"I'm tired of constantly being at the mercy of Velvet. We dealt with it cause there was no better option, but we can be free." Kain gets up and walks towards me.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Abe punches the floor. He glares at me. "You may have deceived Kain with your false promises, but I'll be back!" He jumps over the gate and runs down the path.

"I'm sorry about all this. He can be very stubborn, but he means well. For me at least." Kain assures me. Oh yeah, that makes me feel so much better. Sarcasm included.

"It's all good." I say to him.

"About your clothes." He points at my bloody and tear clothes on the floor.

*Pink* "Don't worry about it. I'll just get a fresh set inside." I coil my tail around my waist. While I don't mind being naked, I know they will not stop making fun of me like last time. We both head inside and get him registered to become the new guest at the Hazbi-Happy Hotel. I should seriously let Charles know about the damn sign.