The front of the hospital never looked as daunting as it did this morning. John opened the door for me but took my hand the moment we were inside. He led the way, and the nurses stared as we passed. My palms were sweating, my heart pounding as we stood outside my father's door. If John wasn't with me, I doubt I would've made it this far.
I could hardly breathe as I stood there ready to confront my father. John turned to look at me, meeting my eyes. I was nervous beyond words. He moved hair from my face and held my head in his hands, brushing his thumbs over my winter flushed cheeks. His gentle touch forced our eyes to meet, bringing me back to reality.
"It'll be alright," he whispered. "I'll be right by your side no matter what."
I nodded in his hands, holding on to his wrists before he kissed me. It was only for a moment before he opened the door for me once again.
"Go on, love," he said, and I did. He followed, closing the door behind him, and we both stood in the doorway.
Father's room was warm to keep his bones from trembling and well lit so he could read. Father was sitting at the small table having tea but smiled at the sight of me. It made it hard to fight back the tears and smile back.
"Anna," he said, attempting to stand, but I rushed to put my hand on his shoulders, stopping him.
He was using everything he had just to lift himself out of the chair. I hugged him where he sat and he rubbed my back as he laughed.
"It's good to see you, sweetheart," he said.
I let him go to look at his withering face. How could I not see it before? "It's good to see you too. How are you?"
"I'm alright, doing well," he said. His eyes then met John. "Good morning, lad."
"Morning old man," John said, taking off his cap and my father laughed again. It was good to see him in such high spirits, even if it wasn't real.
"What brings you two over so early this morning?"
"Well," John said, clearing his throat, taking a seat across from him. "I came to tell you, I've been seeing your daughter and I would like your blessings."
Father looked up at me then to John and laughed once again, his entire chest involved. "I had a feeling this would happen," he said, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms. "I can remember when you were younger you always used to follow behind my little Anna like a bloody tail terrorizing her. But I knew you loved her. Your eyes would nearly sparkle when you saw her first thing in the morning before school."
John looked down at his hands, trying not to smile. "You knew all along then?"
My father nodded. "You're bloody right I did, and I knew about the dollies as well you little bastard but I wasn't sure if she would be interested in you once she got back but I have to say I'm glad she is. I know you well John and I know your family. I know you'll take good care of my little girl."
"You know I'll do my best," John assured him.
"I don't doubt you will."
"That's not the only reason I came here to see you," I said, taking a seat beside John. I was nervous, my fingers trembling as I sat before him. "—Father, I want to ask you something and — I want you to be honest with me."
"What's going on, Anna? Is everything alright?"
"You tell me, I heard that you're dying.—Is that, is that true?"
"Who told you that?"
I couldn't believe it. "Does it even really matter? Is it true?"
He sighed, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling. "Yes, it's true," he whispered. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."
I shook my head, trying to fight back the tears. "Why couldn't you just tell me? I've been begging you for weeks to tell me what was happening. I'm all you have."
"I couldn't bear to see that look on your face. You already lost your mother, and I watched how it tore you apart. I couldn't watch you go through that again."
"How can you be so bloody selfish? You should've told me so I could treasure every waking moment I have left with you. I would fight to get you out of here so you could enjoy what you have left of your life. Do you think it would've been bloody fair for me to just wake up one morning and get a fucking phone call that my father is dead and have no idea he was dying all along? How do you think that would make me feel once I learned the truth?"
"Anna, you don't understand—"
"What is there to understand? I'm your only child!" I stood, taking my purse. I was at my wit's end. "I can't do this. I just can't—"
"Anna—"
I stormed out of the room, never stopping till John caught me by my wrist outside. He pulled me into him and the tears fell with a force. He held my head close, muffling my sobs against his chest. He kissed the top of my head as his fingers twined in my hair.
"It's alright, love. I got you."
I clutched his coat. "Why couldn't he just tell me?"
"He's only a man who loves his daughter too much to break her heart. Forgive him," John whispered.
The walk back to the shop was silent, but John held my hand the entire way, pushing them inside his coat pocket. He helped me out of my coat when we walked inside, and I couldn't help but smile at him. As heartbroken as I was, I couldn't deny the fact that I was happy to have him in my life and by my side. Just knowing he was there gave me all the courage I needed.
I stood in front of him, adjusting his tie, not meeting his eyes. My face still felt puffy and raw from all the crying. Christ knows how terrible I looked. "Thank you again for going with me. I really appreciate it. I don't think I could've done it without you."
"Anytime, love. When do you plan to go back?"
My heart raced. "I don't know, I feel like I need some time."
He sighed, stepping into me. With a gentle hand, he stroked the back of my head. "Don't take too long. You might not have much time left."
I bit my lip with a nod. As always, he was right.
"John—" Tommy called. "Family meeting in five."
He nodded. "Alright, Tommy."
He turned back to me, giving me one last pat on my head and a kiss to my forehead before going to his brother into the meeting room, and I sighed.
I made my way to the cage, placing my things on the table like I always did.
"Morning Anna," Polly said.
"Morning."
"I need you on payouts this morning for a while. Is that alright?"
"That's fine," I smiled.
"Alright, I'll be back," she said, heading towards the meeting as well.
I was thankful she was too busy to notice my mood this morning. Polly was too intuitive and could notice the most insignificant changes.
It was hard to work with this mix of feelings. I tried to hold it in my heart, and off my face. Working seemed to be the best distraction. It devastated me. I would soon lose my father, but pissed me off to no end that he felt the need to hide it from me. If I never got Tommy involved, would he ever have told me? At this point I didn't even know how to face him without breaking down, running away or yelling.
I spent most of the day going back and forth between doing payouts and sorting coins. The time seemed to move fast, no time for deep thoughts or crying, but when I felt vulnerable, I went to John for a little comfort.
I'd been sorting coins for a while, and my mind was wandering off. My heart would start to race and anxiety would fill me to the brim. I watched John go into the kitchen for another pail of beer for the workers and I followed behind him. He was rinsing the pail when I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his back.
He smiled as he looked back at me. It was rare for me to show him this type of affection when we were at work, but I couldn't help it.
"You alright love?"
I nodded against him, but I really wasn't. He dried his hands and turned to face me. He sighed as he pulled me into him, patting my hair.
The second time I found him as he was coming out of the bathroom and the next was when he came back inside after having a chat with another Blinder. I'm sure I was becoming a nuisance, but I couldn't help it.
"You've been awfully quiet today," Polly said, putting money in the safe.
I poured boiling water in a teacup as my heart pounded away with anxiety as my thoughts spiraled again. "I'm alright, just a little tired."
"Alright, well if you ever want to talk, I'm always here."
"Thanks, Polly," I smiled before leaving the cage.
Tommy peeked out from his office as I passed with the tray of tea. "Anna."
"Yes, Tommy?" I said over my shoulder as I stopped.
"Please remember the family occasion tomorrow. Make sure to wear something pretty."
"Yes, of course," I said with another forced smile.
I brought John the cup of tea that he didn't ask for and probably wouldn't drink as he sat in his office. He sat quietly reading the paper with a pencil behind his ear, his eyes glancing up at me as I stood before him.
"Thanks, love," he said, picking up the cup, taking a sip.
"So this Shelby family function that I've somehow been invited to, what exactly should I wear?"
He sighed, turning the page. "Ask Polly."
I frowned, crossing my arms, feeling my heart rate climbing. He couldn't be serious. "So you're not going to help me? I thought we could match."
"Love, you're free to wear anything you want, I'm sure you'll look nice in anything you pick."
"Alright, I'll just wear that blue dress I bought when I went shopping the other day with Polly," I said picking up the tray.
Mind you, the blue dress displayed my tits and thighs in ways you could never imagine. It was almost like wet silk. It clung to my curves, melted against my skin. It was gorgeous, not pretty. It was anything about appropriate in most settings. A type of dress that would make any man do what you asked, commit sin just to be the one to help you out of it.
Our eyes met as he emptied his hands. "Not that blue one."
"What's wrong with the bloody blue one? I can wear it with that fur coat you bought to match. It'll be pretty. He said to wear something pretty."
"It's a party dress, love. Something you wear to the tracks or around my bedroom."
"Well, that's the thing John, I don't know where we're going or for what, that's why I asked for your bloody help."
"I can't tell you where we're going," he sighed.
"Then pick my fucking dress, please."
He laughed. "Fine. After work, I'll come over and help you pick one."
"Thank you," I sighed, making my way around his desk.
He turned in his chair to face me and I placed a kiss on his lips as he rubbed the back of my thighs. "You alright?"
"Do you really need to ask? After the morning I've had, all I want is some comfort. I'm ready for the working day to end."
He filled his hands and gave my bottom a nice gentle squeeze as he pulled me closer, kissing my lower stomach, sending waves of butterflies through my entire body. It was a significant contrast from how I was feeling before.
"Comfort?"
I leaned forward, resting my hands on his shoulders. "Yes, comfort. You."
"Is that why you've visited me so much today?"
"Are you complaining?"
He smiled. "Not at all. I honestly wish you would stalk me through this place." I laughed, and he guided me into his lap. "Have you calmed down now?"
I pouted, playing with the buttons on his vest, wishing I could undo them, run my hands along his bare skin. "A bit."
"I know you're upset and confused, but imagine how he feels? You need to make sure your last moments with him are at peace. You don't want any regrets now that you know."
"I'll go back soon," I said, leaning into him, our lips brushing. "Come with me again?"
"Of course," he said.
I moved, kissing his neck as my thank you and his fingers reached into my hair, holding me close.
"Let's go home," I whispered against his skin.
I couldn't count how many dresses I tried on for him, but he sat on the bed patiently as I went through my entire wardrobe. It was easy to see there was much more on his mind than he was letting on. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions I didn't even realize it.
I put my hands on his shoulders, and he looked up at me. "What's wrong?"
"—Anna, love. How could one person have so many dresses and say they have nothing to bloody wear?"
I rolled my eyes. He was avoiding, but that was alright. I was down to just my black lace bra and underwear with a pout on my face as he pulled me into his lap, straddling his waist. Eventually, he would confide in me. There was no need to push. His thumbs brushed against the lace of my panties separating us, and he bit his lip.
"Just because I have a lot of clothes doesn't mean anything if you have nothing to fit the occasion."
He sighed, shaking his head.
"And that's why I asked for your help. Choosing a single dress was impossible. I know you can't tell me where we're going and honest, I don't care anymore. I just want to look appropriate beside you."
He looked up at me, tucking hair behind my ear. "I understand now, love. I think the dark green one will do."
"Emerald green it is then," I smiled, brushing my nose against his.
His hand rested on my cheek, traveling to my hair, his warm fingers against my roots. I took a deep breath, enjoying the sensation. It was my favorite by far. It always sent chills down my spine that made me crave him.
"You made an excellent choice. I love that dress," I said, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, closing the space between us. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was the one I intended to wear, anyway.
"You only love the dress?"
"I love you too. Very much as a matter of fact."
He chuckled under his breath. "Are we done?" He questioned, guiding me closer to his lips.
"Yes, unless you want to help me pick shoes as well," I whispered.
He smiled, our lips brushing. "You're on your own."
"That's alright," I giggled, kissing him.
The kiss was intense, his fingers gripping my roots and hip as it rolled in pure anticipation. He then pulled the ribbon to my bra, letting it fall to the ground. His hand traveled down my back and along my inner thigh to play with my clit, forcing a heavy moan from my lips.
He had no patience for my lace panties, popping them in his grip. I needed him so badly I didn't even care. He helped me on, sliding into my throbbing heat. A heavy breath left my lips and with a turn, I was on my back. He pinned my wrists above my head with one powerful grip and our eyes met.
He filled me to the core, and my back arched in pure bliss.
"John," I moaned as he pressed against the most sensitive spot in my entire body.
John kept me close as we walked up the hill to watch the wedding on the land of the Lee's. The sky was clear, but a gentle wind blew. He tossed his cigarette then pushed a hand in his pocket before taking mine, guiding me closer to his side.
"I can't believe he's about to marry him off to a black blood Gypsie, a fucking mushroom picker," John spat. He looked at me with this serious expression. Clearly, he wasn't a fan of this resolution to the Lee problem. "You stay close to me, you hear?"
I nodded, but I doubt there was anything to fear. It seems Tommy found a way to end the war with the Lee's but one of his brothers would have to pay for it. Even though the Shelby's were related to the Lee family on his mother's side, there was still a lot of bad blood between them. John said the last time they attacked they sent the whole fucking clan, cousins, nephews, and even their bastards, but it seems they also almost lost Finn that day as well. I couldn't imagine.
John left my side only for a moment to help convince his brother who was clearly unaware today was his wedding day. His eyes glanced at mine every few seconds, assuring I was within sight. Arthur was putting up one hell of a fight, and it wasn't without reason.
Tommy got a hold of his brother, pulling him off the road into the grass. "Listen, I have already betrothed you. So if you back out now there's going to be one fucking mighty war breaking out here that's going to make the Somme—It's going to make the Somme look like a fucking tea party," Tommy whispered to his brother.
"How could you fucking do this to me?" Arthur spat.
"I did it for our family. I did it because I love you," Tommy said. "Do this for the family. Do it because you need someone. You're the head of this family, it's time."
Arthur was tense, but he finally nodded in agreement, submission. "Alright, I'll do it for the family—"
"Anna?"
I turned towards the familiar voice and nearly jumped for joy at the sight of "Ada?"
It was good to see another familiar face, even if it was another Shelby. But what shocked me more was the size of her belly.
"My, my look at you," she teased with a bright smile. "You look beautiful."
"I could say the same to you. You look ready to give birth."
"I'm nearly there, I'm so excited, but what are you doing here?"
"It's a long story—"
How could I tell her I was fucking her brother?
John approached, placing a hand to my lower back, and Ada's smile widened in this crazy way I knew it would. When we were younger Ada would always try to push me and John together, but it would always backfire. I could never understand it at the time, but now it was clear.
"Dear God, you and John finally fucked and got it over with."
"Hello Ada," John said.
"Hi yourself," she said, then focused back on me. She hooked her arm with mine, stealing me from him. "You know, John's had the biggest crush on you for years."
"So I keep hearing," I said, looking back at him.
"I remember when we were younger he used to tie your hair ribbons to his kites," she laughed. "He'd murder anyone who'd try to touch them. It was the cutest thing."
I looked back at him again as he followed behind us, his hands in his coat pocket. "Is that what you did with them?"
John smiled. "They made them fly better."
"Bullshit," Ada teased. "Look at him, I'm sure he's like a bloody dog with a bone. Finally, with the love of his life."
"Alright Ada, alright. Enough already," John said.
She giggled, pulling me closer as we walked along. "Look at his face, he's flushing."
"Come now, it's starting," John said.
Luckily for Tommy, Arthur seemed to fall in love at first sight with his new bride. She was a gorgeous, slender woman with eyes of jade and hair of coal, Angie. We all hoped and prayed she would be a suitable match for him. Not only to solidify the union between the Shelby's and the Lee's but also to someone who could erase his Flanders blues. He needed someone who could calm his broken spirit. Arthur needed a wife more than anything, but it also opened up my eyes to what Tommy was capable of.
This was supposed to be John's wedding, not Arthur's.
I nudged John as they continued the ceremony. "Is he really going to be alright with this?"
"Eventually, hopefully eventually," John whispered, and I held onto his arm.
The reception was amazing, glittered with fireworks. The heat of the bonfire pressed against my skin, and John and I danced till he couldn't anymore. He spun me around, and we both laughed as people around us clapped and cheered on the newlywed couple. We were both drunk, but I felt as weightless as a feather. But I also felt safe as long as he was around. John was the type of man who would never let anything happen to me.
He kissed my forehead before leaving my side. He sat at a table with Tommy and Polly, drinking whiskey as he watched me go around the fire with the children.
"Looks like you're next in line for a wedding," Tommy smiled, taking a draw off his cigarette, pushing his lighter back into his pocket.
"She's a good girl. Try not to fuck it up," Polly said.
"Trust me, I'm trying. The kids adore her and she doesn't hate the fucking dogs."
"God bless her," Polly said, and all three chuckled. "How's she doing, anyway? She took the news about her father pretty hard the other night. I can't imagine she's handling it well."
John sighed. "She tries to hide it, but sometimes I catch her crying."
Tommy shook his head and Polly sighed as she leaned back in her chair.
"Fucking Benny, I tell you," John whispered, shaking his head.
"I heard you two went to see him today. I can't imagine how that went," Polly said.
John's jaw tightened. "Believe it or not, the old man was alright about the bit, me being with her n' all. He gave his blessings, but when she told him she knew he was dying, things got a little out of hand. She couldn't take it and ran out. I hate to see her cry like that," he said, taking a sip of his whiskey.
"He should've told her himself, or have the doctor do it at least," Tommy said.
"Well, what's done is done. It's clear we're going to be all she's got after he's gone," John said.
"That's a lot of responsibility, John, keeping a woman happy. I hope you're up for it," Polly said.
"I don't have a choice. I can't leave her alone. I just can't. Anyway," John said, clearing his throat. "Did you ever sort out the bit with the assets?"
"I signed everything over to Anna, but if she digs, she'll figure out what happened."
John sat up in his chair. "We can't be having that. It'd crush whatever good she saw in him—"
"John," I said, running to him. "John. Ada needs to slow down. She's too pregnant to be dancing like that."
He shook his head. "There's no talking to her," he simply replied, pulling me into his lap. "I've already tried, love. So have Pol and Arthur. She won't listen to any of us," he said, tucking hair behind my ear.
"She's been locked up in that bloody basement for too long Tommy, look at her. You need to talk to her," Polly said, and Tommy stood with a sigh, already feeling like the bad guy.
"You ready to go home?" John questioned, wrapping his arms around my waist.
I nodded. "Soon, the kids look like they're almost out of energy."
He chuckled. "Does that mean you're coming home with us tonight?"
"I might as well. I'm sure you could use the help with the kids."
"I'll need some help with something else as well—"
"Ada! Ada!" Arthur spat, trying to slow her down, but when Tommy joined, it turned into a war.
"Angie! Take a good look at the head of the fucking family. He decides everything for us, even his brother's wife!"
"Bloody hell," John sighed.
"That's enough, Ada," Polly said, but Ada grabbed her belly and bent in pain. "Holy shit, water," Polly spat.
"Jesus fucking Christ Ada! Perfect bloody timing as always," Arthur spat.
"Not now Arthur," Polly spat as she held onto her niece, keeping her from falling over.
It was a race to get Ada back to the house. All the women, including Angie, Arthur's new wife, lent a hand till the baby came into the world. Carl cried and not long after Freddie finally came through the door, but the happy family didn't last long as the police came for the father.
Watching them take Freddie was one of the most heartbreaking things I'd ever had to watch. He barely laid eyes on his son before they dragged him away. Polly stormed out of the room as it calmed.
"He promised a truce," Ada cried, and I brought her into my arms.
What a tragedy this Shelby family function had become.
I carried Katie in my arms and John carried Andrew and Laura as the older boy dragged along inside the house. We were all exhausted, and the rest was well welcomed. We wiped the children down and tucked them into bed, and in minutes they were fast asleep without a fight.
John sat on the side of the bed, undressing as I climbed in first. He pulled me into his arms as he laid beside me, my head resting on his chest and leg draped over one of his. He closed his eyes as I drew circles on his skin and he played with my hairline.
"Do you really think Tommy broke his word?"
He sighed. "I don't know what to think anymore. Everything he does is calculated and sometimes he does things that we all hate but are good for us in the end. There's no telling with him."
"You mean like Arthur marrying Angie?"
"Yes. I know it may not make sense right now, but it couldn't be helped."
Warm fingers woke me. John smiled down at me, his knuckles brushing against my cheek before he kissed me. The Shelby house was only peaceful early in the morning before the children got up. He pulled me in closer and I rested my head on his chest, still exhausted from the night before.
"Morning love."
"Morning," I whispered, resting my hand on his chest.
"—I have an idea, but I'm not sure if you'll like it," he said, rubbing my arm.
I couldn't imagine what was on his mind so early in the morning. "What kind of idea?"
"I think we should take the kids to go see your father today."
I sighed. At the moment, it was the last thing I wanted to think about. "John—"
"Let me explain. I'm sure he'll love to see them. He's used to seeing them at the shop and it'll lighten the mood so you two can talk properly."
"Do you really think that will work?"
He pulled me in closer. "I'm sure of it."
I sighed again, giving in. "Alright."
He kissed my forehead. "It'll work out, I promise."
I was the only nervous one standing in front of the hospital. The children were their natural selves despite knowing we were going to the hospital for a visit. We made our way up to his room and John opened the door. Needless to say, he was shocked to see us return so soon with a gang of children behind us.
The children ran into his arms and my father laughed as they chatted with him, catching him up on all the events he's missed. He seemed more vibrant now than in the past few times I came to see him. It was a pleasant change.
We sat at the table to talk while Katie sat in his lap coloring along with her siblings.
"Thank you for bringing the children. I can't tell you the last time I saw them. I missed them more than I thought."
"I thought you might," John said.
"You should bring them more often," he smiled.
I swallowed, meeting his eyes. "You could see them more if you came home. I'd like to have you back at the house as well."
He shook his head with a smile. "It's better if I stay here. They take wonderful care of me. I would only be a burden to you, sweetheart."
"Father—"
"Please, Anna."
I nodded, given in. It wasn't in me to start a scene in front of the children, and if that's what he truly wanted, I would not fight him.
"Alright," I sighed.
John rubbed my back, knowing how hard this whole thing was for me. Our eyes met, I was forever thankful for him.
"I'm just grateful that you came back to see me," Father said. "I'm sure I owe a lot of that to John. Thank you, lad."
"Don't mention it. She had every intention to come back," he assured him, but I wasn't so sure that was true. If it wasn't for John, I wouldn't be here right now.
We left after lunch with everything settled and peace between us. Taking the children to visit my father yielded better results than if it were just John and I. John was right to suggest bringing them to calm the mood between us.
I spent the rest of the day cleaning, wrapping my mind around the events and conversations of the day. In the end, I was happy that I went. John approached me from behind, wrapping his arms around my frame, resting his chin on my shoulder as I folded the clean blankets off the line.
"You alright, love? You've been silent since we came home."
"I'm fine. I'm just thinking, but thank you for taking me to see him."
He held me closer. "Don't mention it," he whispered against my neck. "I'm just glad things went well. I'm proud of you."
I nodded, and he broke the hold to help me fold. "I wish you knew how much I appreciate the things you do for me."
