word count: 513


Drinking is easy. At least when he drinks, Lee doesn't have to think about the fact that Fred is gone. He doesn't have to remember the look of one of his best friend's faces as he lay in a coffin. He can almost forget that the world has gone to shit, and everything is rotten and miserable even though they tell him there's hope.

Lee doesn't feel particularly hopeful right now. Maybe one day. Maybe if he learns to heal. It doesn't seem like that's going to happen any time soon, so he signals for Aberforth to bring him another drink.

"Drinking yourself to death won't bring him back."

Lee looks up, blinking rapidly because his vision is blurred, but maybe he can focus if he tries hard enough. It takes several moments to make out Alicia's face. "It'll get me to him sooner," he says, his words slurring.

"You aren't the only one hurting."

"Then drink with me."

"Talk to me."

Lee smirks. "Only after a drink."

She stays with him. Lee doesn't ask her to, and tries to convince himself that he doesn't want her to, but that isn't true. Really, he likes having her around. She is good and kind, and whenever he wakes up screaming, unable to shake whatever nightmare has left him terrified and trembling, she is there to whisper to him and promise everything will be okay.

Maybe he's starting to believe it. Hope is such a beautiful word, and he likes the way it tastes on his tongue.

Half a year after the battle, he's been sober for four months. It isn't always easy. Sometimes Lee wants to drink away his demons because it's the easy way to keep them quiet.

But then Alicia is there, and she holds his hand, and he remembers what it means to be brave. Fred wouldn't have wanted him to drown in his misery. He would have told Lee to smile, to dream, to believe that there's something good in the world.

As he watches Alicia fix her hair before work, he finds himself smiling. There is definitely something good, something so beautiful that even the darkest thoughts can not sour it.

"I love you," he says as they walk through the park, the cold December wind whipping through their hair.

He's known it for so long, maybe since before that day she found him at the Hog's Head and saved his life. Maybe he's always loved her in his own way, but those feelings have grown, and he cannot keep them inside anymore.

"You don't have to say it back," he assures her. "I don't… Please don't feel pressured. If I didn't say it, I was starting to think I might lose my mind."

She takes his hand and pulls him close, grinning. "I love you too," she says, and she kisses him hard.

The world is still healing, and he is still trying to figure things out for himself. But Alicia is there, and suddenly the world doesn't look like such a dark, scary place.