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Sometimes Sirius thinks he might lose the last few scraps of his sanity. The meetings are too few, and he feels like he spends far too much time alone, yearning for connection and companionship again. Of course, he knows why Dumbledore wants him here like this. He'd have to be an idiot not to understand. That doesn't make it make it any easier, though. More than anything, he misses the days when things were still normal and he wasn't a wanted man.
This loneliness feels so heavy, and he doesn't know what to do anymore. The fact that he's trapped in his childhood home with all its hellish memories only makes matters worse. That isolation sinks down into his bones, freezing the marrow within as each day seems to bring a fresh wave of trauma, a reminder of agony he dealt with in his youth.
He longs for escape, for freedom, but he knows it will never be his. Not until things settle. Not until his innocence can be proven.
His mother's portrait begins to shriek her abuse, drawing him out of his thoughts. Sirius frowns. Of course whoever is here would have business here. People can't just waltz into the place all willy-nilly. Still, it's surprising because he isn't expecting any company.
"Yes, yes. I hear you," comes Kingsley's deep, reassuring voice, and Sirius feels his insides flutter. "Lovely to see you too, Mrs. Black."
A moment later, Kingsley has found him, and he's all smiles. That's Sirius' favorite thing about Kingsley: no matter how dark things get, there's always something beautiful and hopeful about him, like maybe the world will be okay simply because Kingsley exists.
Sirius feels that aching in his chest, the yearning for touch and closeness and affection.
"I brought soup," Kingsley says, lifting a silver pot with a grin. "It's Auntie Siti's recipe, but I probably didn't do it any justice."
"I thought you were going to be busy with work this week," Sirius says softly.
Kingsley just smiles that smile, and all of Sirius' worries seem to melt away. "I'll never be too busy for you."
…
The soup is delicious, like nothing Sirius has never tasted before. It is rich and spicy, and it makes him feel so full and happy, and all he can do is smile when he sips up the last few drops. "That was amazing," he says, letting his spoon clatter against the bowl.
Kingsley laughs. "You'll have to actually try her cooking if you liked mine so much." He shrugs. "I just dabble with food. Auntie Siti is a goddess."
Sirius nods, but he isn't really sure what to say. Now that the last of the meal is gone, he feels a heaviness setting in. This is how the night will end. Kingsley has a very important job, and it's getting late. He'll be gone, and Sirius will be alone once again.
"Something bothering you?" Kingsley asks.
Sirius wants to deny it. He opens his mouth, fully prepared to assure Kingsley that everything's fine, and there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Instead, the words fall from his lips without a second thought. "Stay with me," he says. "Please… I just… I don't know how much longer I can live like this."
It's pathetic, and a shameful heat floods his face. Kingsley must think he's pitiful.
But then Kinglsey is by his side, and his hand is on Sirius' shoulder. "Is that what you want?" he asks, and his voice is barely above a whisper.
Sirius nods. "More than anything."
With a smile, Kingsley helps Sirius to his feet. For several moments, there is only silence between them. Then Kingsley's lips are on his, and everything feels okay. The pain of isolation is gone, and all that matters is that Kingsley is there and Sirius will find a way to be okay. "I'm not going anywhere," Kingsley tells him.
And that's all Sirius needs. In that moment, this house doesn't feel like a suffocating prison. It no longer feels like he's simply traded Azkaban for a bigger cell. Instead, he smiles because maybe, just maybe, things will be okay. As long as Kingsley exists, he thinks there's really a chance.
