John knew he was staring, but he couldn't stop himself. Jack and Sam were expecting a little girl. Sam was pregnant, correction, she was very pregnant.
He and Sammi had been shocked when the duo showed up for a "family dinner." Given what had happened thirty years ago, John was surprised Jack was even willing to set foot inside the house. Katherine had insisted on weekly family dinner as the only condition for opening her house to John and Sammi, so Jack had agreed. . The joke was in him, though; Katherine would have taken them in even if Jack had refused her request.
A sharp kick to his shin under the table made John yelp and brought him out of his thoughts.
"Are you alright, John?" Katherine asked him, concern furrowing her brow.
"He's fine," Jack replied, causing John's eyes to snap to his.
"I'm fine," John grumbled, as he narrowed his eyes at Jack. He was trying hard to ignore the inner demons. He finally accepted that Jack hadn't abandoned him, but the pain of the last two years wasn't going to simply disappear overnight.
"I know this must have been a shock for you," Sam smiled hesitantly at John and rubbed circles over her belly, unwilling to let one of the elephants in the room control the situation any longer.
John stared at her mutely. He'd expected to feel something more towards Sam, perhaps longing or jealously, but he was truly happy for them. He realized the reason for that was sitting next to him. His issue was how to explain it in a way that didn't make everyone even more uncomfortable. John still loved Sam, but it was different than before.
"I'm sorry I didn't warn you," Sammi brushed his hand under the table, apologizing for the fourth time.
"It's okay," John squeezed her hand, "I get it. Is there ever a good way for the clone of the woman knocked up to tell the clone of the man who knocked her up that there's a quasi-genetically connected baby on the way?"
Katherine sputtered as water spurted from her lips at John's words. "Well," she dabbed her face with a napkin, "you certainly do possess Jack's bluntness."
Sam started laughing, followed by Katherine. Jack huffed a chuckle, shaking his head.
"I was never quite that blunt," Jack defended himself.
"Oh I remember a fifteen-year-old boy who literally told our father where to shove it," Katherine told them, causing everyone's laughter to end abruptly.
Sam cast Jack a worried frown, her arm moving subtly beneath the table. John could tell she had taken a hold of his hand, the look of his face strained, then smoothed into a mask of indifference.
"I wish I had your courage back then," Katherine told him, pushing forward.
"Water under the bridge," Jack finally told her solemnly.
"No it's not," Katherine shook her head and held his gaze. "But when you're ready to talk, I'll be here."
After what felt like an eternity, Jack inclined his head, drawing a small smile from everyone at the table.
Later that evening, John sat in his bedroom, as ghosts of the past flittered through his mind. Without constantly being on the move, he was finally processing the events of last several days. Add that to old wounds being torn open, and he was an emotional wreck. Sammi had sensed the turbulence in him, but he'd simply begged off, pushing her away so he could deal with his demons alone.
"Hey kid," Jack knocked on his door.
"I'm fine, Jack," John's voice was surly.
"Uh-huh," Jack opened the door. "This is me you're talking to. I know better."
John's sigh actually ruffled the curtains before he turned to face him. "Just because my birth certificate lists you as my father doesn't mean you get to play dad," he lashed out before he could stop himself.
"You can cut the punk attitude," Jack ordered, unwilling to let John sink further into himself. "I get it, you're angry and hurt."
"No I don't think you do," John growled, the emotions he'd been trying to bury began to boil over. "You've never been abandoned and left to rot."
"Yeah right," Jack scoffed, "remember who you're talking to, kid. Search those memories of ours and you'll remember a time when I was literally left to rot."
"Dammit!" John yelled at the ceiling, as the pain he'd been holding in all these years broke free. His vision blurred as unshed tears filled his eyes. He didn't want to be alone anymore. "I'd convinced myself you wanted me erased; that you regretted having Thor save my life," John choked out.
Jack watched him, understanding the depth of his pain. "I only wanted to give you time to adjust, to carve out a life of your own without having me always in the background," he sighed heavily. "I realize now that wasn't the right choice, but I swear to you, I did not abandon you. As soon as I realized you'd disappeared, I—"
"I know—" John choked back a sob. "Sammi told me. I should have known you would never do that. Me of all people! I let—" he felt the first tear slide down his cheek.
"You let your inner demons convince you that you weren't worth it," Jack placed a hand on his shoulder. "I've been there and not even that long ago."
"How'd you fight them back?" John asked, referring to the ever present demons as he wiped his face with the backs of his hands.
"Not how but Who," Jack smiled sadly, "I almost lost her." Jack's tone was dark at first, "but thankfully Sam's a lot smarter than me and wouldn't let me be a self-sacrificing idiot."
"I was so lost," John admitted, his voice a mere whisper. "I didn't even know which way was up. Then Sammi knocked on my door and the world started to make sense again."
Jack understood. "You know she's her own person; not a mini-Sam. Just like you're not a mini-me. You both have to find your own paths."
"Is that your way of telling me I better not take her for granted?" John said, feeling himself regaining some control.
"It's my way of saying you both need to let go of the past," Jack squeezed his shoulder in a show of support.
"We've actually already had that talk," John admitted. "We agreed to move forward without any preconceived expectations."
"That's good," Jack agreed, then looked at John with a lop-sided grin. "I assume that means you're already head-over-heels in love with her?"
"Naturally," John admitted as they shared a self-depreciating chuckle. "But I want Sammi to fall in love with me, not the idea of what we were," John added, seriously.
"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Jack winked at him, then serious once again, "and you know I'm always here if you need to talk."
John nodded once. "Now that all of that emotional crap is out of the way, why don't you tell me what you need us to do."
All that's left is the epilogue...
