First and foremost this is the original story before I started to rewrite it... and got stuck in the writing of the rewrite. If you are following the rewrite you will notice quite glaring differences between this and the one you have already started following. I do not intend on giving up with the rewritten version, however I think you guys waiting for me to get over my blank slate of a muse isn't going to happen any times soon. So I am re-posting the original. This was my first completed story and it is very different to how my last stories flow.

Secondly, this is not beta'ed. NOT AT ALL. There will be mistakes in spelling (I'm Australian and some words we spell differently). The layout will honestly have you wondering what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't; well that's not true. What I was thinking was that I knew what I was doing and screw anyone else... yes I was a conceited little shit even at the age of 31.

Thirdly, there is 68 chapters to this story, including the epilogue and two out takes. All of which have been uploaded to my profile so I should be able to update daily. Please understand that I have a busy life in the real world. This includes two children, one grown and the other with disabilities. So while I should be able to update wherever I am, if something happens please understand that I will miss updating.

Last but not lease. I am not SM. Not even close. I do not own the franchise, work in any capacity with the publishing houses or studios. I merely escaped from reality to play with some characters that I fell in love with while reading four books in the matter of days.

The past may never be kept there; it may come back to you in the sweetest of ways. I had learned to accept that sometimes fate can have a twisted sense of humor. After that memorable night with Jasper I returned home to the waiting arms of my father, and the hesitation from a man that I knew loved me but deserved so much better. I wanted to run screaming back to Texas, where my college room-mate had offered me a place to stay. But I couldn't; Edward deserved to know that there was no future between us, and he deserved to be told in person. I was no coward, I was free spirited, but never a coward.

When I was able to spend some time alone with Edward, I knew and I think he did too, that it was the end of our relationship. But from that relationship grew a strong friendship that would never be broken. He left only days later to return back to Texas, to start on his next step to the future he wanted and craved. Med school was his passion, and it was there he would find himself with the woman of his dreams. Alice was everything to him, she was able to complete him in a way that I never would have been able to.

I had sent out letters of interest to both major and minor newspapers looking for a columnist with a duel major of Psychology and journalism. I know crazy right. Yet none of those feelers brought any interest in my home state of Washington and so with the encouragement of my father and friends I spread my wings further and went towards Texas and Phoenix hoping that there would be somewhere that I could find a new home for my writing. Day after day I became depressed, not only had I lost my heart to a beautiful man that I would never see again, but my future no longer looked as bright on this side of graduation.

My depressed state even began to play on my physical well-being, and a few weeks home I began to feel ill. Eventually I would have to see a doctor, but I was scared, the only doctor I would ever see was Dr. Carlisle Cullen; Edward's father. While Edward took the end of our relationship gracefully, I know it was a hard blow to his parents. To watch their son go through heart break is something no parent needed to see, whether they knew it or not.

I had heard from most of the papers I had shown interest in, all coming back replying the same thing, I needed experience in the real world. I was still waiting for a reply or two but I was no longer holding much faith in these replies to be any different to those I had already received. I had finally made the appointment to see the doctor, after Edward intervened; promising that his father would not hold it against me that I broke his heart. I was grateful that he was so willing to help me after everything we had been through, and thought that my life was going to take a turn for the better. My nerves were wrecked, with stress of not finding a home for my work, unable to keep food down for extended periods of time, and the pain in my heart caused by no-one but myself I needed something to brighten my days. My father believed it was from the change in conditions and climate, believing like every father would that it could be something that they have no control over and hoping that it would go away in time.

Slowly I made the drive to the hospital as it was just getting too much. I sat in the waiting rooms where pregnant women were cooing to their ever growing bellies, and comparing pregnant stories of morning sickness, how they told their significant others of their new arrivals. Mothers with little children with runny noses complaining how the child would rather use the back of their hand rather than waste the 2 seconds it would take to use a tissue to wipe their noses; men cringing in the corners trying to hide from notice; hoping that they would be in and out in record time. Teen's scanning the waiting area in fear of being caught at the hospital, not wanting to face the undeniable questions that may pop up as a result. I began to grow uncomfortable with my surroundings, wishing that I could speed up the process that I knew would take forever.

In an attempt to relieve the boredom I began to count the bricks on the wall opposite me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… 28, 29, 30, 31… 56, 57, 58…81, 82, 83, 84… "Isabella, would you follow me please." The voice of the receptionist that I had gone to school with broke through my concentration. Jessica Stanley was once considered a great friend to everyone, now she is nothing but the town gossip with her place in the society of this small town cemented in history.

Walking back to the surgery room and shown to a seat by the window, she smiled and left. I knew it would be only matter of days for whatever was causing me to be ill to become town news. It never did take long for my life to become worthy of attention. It comes with the territory of having parents like mine, the strict and proper police chief for a father; and the artsy and fickle woman that I call my mother. Both loved with everything I have and both completely opposite of one another that it's amazing that they ever became a couple. I guess you could say they were the older version of what Edward and I were.

"Ah yes Bella. What can I do for you this fine day?" Dr. Cullen's bedside manners were always perfect.

Many girls I knew growing up used to fake some sickness just to see this man. Myself, I saw him as the perfect father figure, one that would always cause jealousy for children when comparing him to their own fathers. I guess I was a lucky one as he took me in as one of his own before Edward and I ever became something. It was partly this fear of losing that bond that had me running to Edward for help.

Explaining that I was constantly sick, had trouble sleeping, restless and explosive emotional outbursts at random times, and the stress of not knowing where my future lie; he sat there watching my every growing hysteria come to the front.

"The illness could be caused through many different things, but to be sure I'll run some tests to make sure you are okay." Again I felt the pull of his fatherly nature that was always there for me.

When he left the room to get everything he would need to take the blood I sat there staring out the window, watching the tress sway in the breeze. It reminded me of that night with Jasper, as his hair fell around his face. Just thinking of that night brought the tell tail signs of my blush creeping to my face. I was so lost in the memory of that night that I didn't hear Dr. Cullen enter the room nor did I notice that I had began to cry. Mistaking my tears for my lost cowboy, Dr. Cullen comforted me and assured me that we would know what was wrong, and that soon I would find my way in the world.

I cringed when the needle was placed in the crook of my arm, never one for blood or pain I turned away from the site of the simple procedure. The little prick when the sharp needle entered my skin caused a yelp of surprise and pain to escape my mouth.

"Deep breaths Bella." Carlisle cooed as he continued to remove the blood from my vein.

He removed the strap that had brought said vein to rise as he finished and slowly removed the needle. Relief and giddiness, two emotions that should never go together in books seemed to poke their heads up at this time. Usually this would mean that Bella would be soon kissing the floor. Not a good sign. In an attempt to put off said date with floor I lowered my head between my knees and took a few calming and ever deep breaths. Soon after my temperature, blood pressure, and a few other necessities were recorded; and a follow up appointment made for a few days' time, I was shown to the exit.

"Bella, it may not have worked out between you and my son, but remember you were our daughter before anything happened, and you will always be our daughter now." Carlisle whispered in my ear, bringing tears to fight for release. Their freedom sitting on the edge of a knife.

Tearing myself away from his embrace I made my way to my monster and drove home. There sitting on the floor was the mail, and with it the two replies I was waiting for from the Texas newspapers. Here in those two envelopes lay my fate. I had made a deal with myself, if I received a rejection notice from both papers I would offer my services to the local high schools. Journalism was always an area that was requested from the students, but with no teacher qualified to undertake the position it was never offered. Bracing myself for the enviable opened the first envelope.

Dear Miss Swan.

Thank you for your interest in our paper. Unfortunately at this time…

I knew the story, ever present in my life at this moment, rejection and disappointment. I dropped the letter onto the kitchen table and headed for the freezer to find my comfort. Chocolate ice-cream with peppermint swirls. It was and is heaven in a tub. Once more I braced myself for the second envelope and began to open it.

Dear Miss Swan.

We are delighted that you have shown interest in our paper. Recently we have an opening for an advice columnist and are hoping you would be willing to accept the position. With your qualifications in both areas of expertise I am sure you would fit in well with our staff…

No rejection, but acceptance; and more so, a column that would be mine. Yes it was an advice column and would mean my relocating to Texas, but I am sure that my friends and family would be happy for me. I was s elated that I had I hadn't heard the door open or seen my father standing at the door watching my happy dance. It wasn't until I turned and found him quietly laughing and videoing my little performance.

"To prove that you do still have that little spark somewhere inside of you." Was all he was offering as his excuse, his mustache twitching as he tried to hide his laughter. I knew better, it was for future bribery. Something he had learned from me.

"Yeah; sure. Do you want the good news or not?" I shot him; knowing he would.

"I got a job, back in Texas. You're not mad are you?" I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

He had been there while I was slowly losing my 'spark' as he called it. Countless times in the past few weeks he had brought me out of my depression with tale of what had been going on while I was at school.

"You're happy, I'm happy. What more could a father ask for? Now tell me about it." And I did, my elation rubbing off on him to such a degree that we went out to celebrate. That night I began to pack my room into boxes, wondering if Char would be able to find me a small apartment.

Those next few days were a blur of boxes and packing. A few visits from school friends that I hadn't seen since graduation. Many only now hearing of the split of Edward and I, hunting for information before Jessica had it all. I found myself once more sitting in the waiting room in the hospital waiting to be called, biting at my non existing nails. Having already sent my boxes to Charlotte's apartment which she so kindly offered under threat of kicking my butt if I didn't accept I was waiting on the results of the blood tests a few days previously.

"Isabella, follow me please." It was unusual for any doctor to come out and call any particular patient; only when the news was less than positive. It was why Jessica had a job to begin with…

I stood and followed as he asked, gaining a few quirky looks from others in the waiting room and Jessica's very surprised gaze. Once again we were in the same room with the window I got lost in my memories. Sitting on the same seat facing a man with a slight smile on his striking features I came to realize that not all was right in this room.

"Bella, I need to ask something of you. It's quite personal but it may bring happiness to a lot of people." He started, waiting for my reply. Stumped as to what would bring so any people happiness about my personal life I silently nodded my head.

"When you and Edward broke up, did you have and physical contact with one another? Were you together sexually?" the gleam in his eye should have told me that something rested on this answer, but I was lost in my embarrassment to realize that there was something behind this line of questioning.

When I shook my head no, his smile and gleam left his face. I never felt like I had disappointed him until this moment. Not when I was with Edward and we informed him and his wife that we had separated, not when I came to him when I had passed out on an alcoholic bender at my sweet 16th birthday party. But now, now I felt as if I had crushed his dreams of a future that he was building. I was at a loss at his heart break. It had been quite a while since I had been with anyone other than that night with Jasper.

"Bella, did you hear me?" I heard coming from the good doctor.

"Bella, you're pregnant. By the looks of it your 6 weeks along." He repeated, while I froze.

Inside me was growing a person, a person who will need me, depend on me for its every need. Unconsciously my hands floated down to my stomach. I guess my wish came true; I got to keep a little piece of Jasper with me forever. That thought brought a smile to my face. Yes I know it sounds crazy and many people would have been mortified if they found themselves in my position. But I, I was content. No I was far beyond content; I was happy. After explaining that indeed Edward was not the father of the fetus growing inside of me, and that no, I did not in fact cheat on his son Carlisle was happy to see me accepting my situation. Escorting me to the door and wrapping his arms around me embracing me as I hoped my father would when I tell him the news.

Calling Char once I stepped in the door, I gave her the news. Already knowing the whole story of Jasper, but only knowing him as My Cowboy, she was both happy and sad for my; happy that I was happy, but sad that I was not able to give this news to my cowboy. Agreeing that I should move here sooner than we had planned and leaving her the job of getting me an earlier flight and having my monster of a truck transported to her home town I hung up to get everything ready to tell my father. This would include informing him to the true reason for my depression, the heartache I have been going through for the past few weeks, unbeknownst to him or my mother.

The joy of my discovery and heartache was short lived, father did not agree to having an unwed pregnant daughter living under his roof, and effectively asked me to make arrangements to be gone within the week. Not only breaking my heart once more, but my dear mother's too. She was overjoyed hearing that she was to become a grandmother but being a dutiful wife she had no choice but to side with my father. That spark he had been so happy to see once more gone, and the cold and painful removal of my heart from my chest began.