Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Rey came to some time later in medbay, unsure of how long she had been there. Rose Tico sat beside her and was pressing a damp cloth to her head. She smiled kindly and gestured for the doctor. Major Kalonia brought over her datapad and sat down in a seat beside them.
"Do you know where you are?" She asked.
"I'm in medbay," Rey responded.
"And can you tell me your name?" The doctor pressed.
She nodded. "Rey."
Kalonia jotted some notes. "Good. Rey, do you know what happened? Do you remember anything?"
She shook her head. "Not really, no. What's happened?"
"An acute anxiety attack, my dear. Not the end of the galaxy, but it can be scary nonetheless. How do you feel now?" She was shining a light in Rey's eye.
"Fine, I suppose. Why did it happen?" Rey asked.
"That's for you to find out, Rey," was the response. "My training is exclusively in dealing with physiology, but I'm sure we can find someone in our ranks with expertise in the human psyche to help you work it out."
Rey's face scrunched together. "Work what out?"
"Whatever feelings you have that did this to you, of course. Open up." Kalonia shined her light in Rey's mouth.
"You are in perfect health, otherwise. Drink plenty of water today and take this if it starts to happen again. Rose, will you stay with her for a bit while she gets back on her feet? I've still got patients with battle injuries, I'm afraid." Kalonia was a kind woman and must be stretched so thin in the wake of Exegol.
Rose nodded. "Of course, Major."
She took the bottle of tablets that the doctor had proffered her and tucked them into a pouch on her belt. Rey realized then that she had been sitting up straight, all of her muscles tense, while she was being examined and she suddenly felt a wave of pain crash into her.
"Easy does it, Jedi," Rose told her, guiding her back onto the bed. "Let's get you some water and then get you back to the Falcon. Chewie insists that you take the captain's quarters, by the way. No need to live like a stowaway on your own ship."
Rey shook her head softly. "It's not mine, it's Chewie's."
"That's not what the Wookie says, and in case you haven't noticed, no one is really going to argue with him. Besides, Poe already moved your stuff into the room while you were knocked out." Rose replied, a smile pulling at the edges of her mouth.
No, Rey thought, sitting bolt upright. "He didn't need to do that. He didn't move my clothes or anything, did he?"
"If you're worried about him touching your undergarments, I don't think you should be. I think he's got a thing for someone else." Rose teased.
"No, no, that's not it. Never mind. It's fine." Rey slumped back onto the cot. "Rose, will you walk me back there soon? I think I'm just... tired."
She nodded and moved a stand of hair out of Rey's face. "Yeah, I can do that. Anything for a Jedi, right?"
Rey smiled. "You can just call me your friend, you know."
Rose insisted that they stop for food on the walk back and Rey could not have been more grateful. They sat and ate. Rose regaled her with stories of Finn's bravery that she had not been present to witness and she listened intently as Rey told her about the stormtroopers and the girl that she had met on Tatooine.
"I miss Leia," Rose said suddenly. "I wish she could have been here for this part. Rebuilding is hard without someone who's done it all before. I'm sure we'll figure it out, though. Poe and Connix have been pouring over history books from the fall of the Empire and I think that that will help some. I could always use an extra set of hands in the maintenance bay if you need to do something to take your mind off of things, by the way."
"I would very much appreciate that. I'm not sure yet where I'll be most useful, and I need to feel like I'm doing something for our cause." Rey thought for a long moment and drank deeply from her canteen before asking, "Rose, I don't mean to pry, but have you ever had an anxiety attack?"
Her friend nodded. "Yeah. I had them whenever I was separated from my sister when we were kids. Once we realized it was what was causing it, we just stayed together as much as we could. The first few weeks after she died I thought my soul had been torn into two pieces. I felt like spacing myself, even though I knew it wouldn't do anyone any good. I just hurt a lot and didn't want to feel like it anymore."
Rey placed her hand over Rose's. "Thank you, Rose. I'm not glad that you've had them, as well, but I am glad to not feel so alone. I'm especially happy that you're still here."
"Me, too." she returned kindly. "Now, come on, let's get you back to bed. Doctor's orders, right?"
They entered the Falcon and Rey realized at once that Poe had, in fact, moved all of her personal belongings into the Captain's quarters. It did not feel right to claim it as her own, and then she mused about all of the people that could have a rightful stake in it. She had offered the ship back to Lando Calrissian, but he had declined. Han had won it from him fair and square, after all. Chewbacca was happy to stay onboard as first mate, but refused to take ownership of the vehicle. Anyone else who might have once called the ship home was gone.
Rey inspected the space and found that her clothes had all been hung neatly in the small wardrobe across from her bed. She found the black sweater hanging behind the new garments that she had bought on Tatooine and realized that the hole in the torso had been patched by an inexpert hand.
She slipped it off of the hanger and over her head, letting the thick fabric fall down over the camisole and leggings that she had been wearing. The hem fell to the middle of her thighs and the wide neck hung loosely around her shoulders and was determined to slide off of one side or the other. It was then that she marveled at just how much larger than her Ben had been.
When he appeared to her as Kylo Ren in the forest with flowing robes and his face obscured, she had thought that there could be nothing more fearsome in the galaxy than the creature that stalked her. Once she resisted his mind probe, however, she realized that he was probably the most broken adversary anyone had ever faced. His soul was splintering with each second that she was in his presence and they were both aware of it.
Rey was not usually fond of having that kind of effect on a man, but she was grateful that it gave her some insight into her foe. They had spent the last several years playing a high-stakes game of Lothcat and mouse droid across the galaxy and she never would have guessed that it would come to the end that it did. She was grateful for his sacrifice and for the piece of himself that he shared to save her, but her heart ached to be left in this world without him. She suddenly understood those stories of soul mates who died within moments of each other after decades together.
She sat on her bed and pulled her knees to her chest. She tried not to think about it, but couldn't help but wonder if Ben had ever slept there in that bed. Rey closed her eyes and smiled, wrapped in his sweater like a hug. Perhaps if she wore it to sleep she would dream of him that night. She was keenly aware that someone was lurking near the open door to her quarters, but she did not open her eyes and seeing that she was resting, her visitor left without disturbing her.
Poe was seated at the Dejarik table in the main hold of the Falcon when Rey emerged from her slumber hours later. She normally wasn't one to sleep that long, but she had felt drained in the wake of her attack. She gestured towards the patched hole in her sweater.
"Yeah, I thought you wouldn't want to keep a sweater around that looks like it had been run through with a lightsaber. Between you and Finn, I'm getting pretty good at patching up clothes. " Poe told her, drinking from a glass of what looked like whiskey.
"Thanks. I appreciate it. It's a bit big on me, but the hole made it nearly unwearable." Rey responded with a grin, taking a seat at the table with him.
"Should I ask who's shirt it is?" Poe teased.
She shook her head. "No, that's probably not the galaxy's best idea."
He nodded. "Okay, I won't ask. Is that what's got you all..."
Poe's sentence trailed off but Rey nodded nonetheless. "It is."
"I can't pretend that I understand all of it - any of it, really, but I'm here, okay?" He offered. "I'm here, Finn's here, and so is Rose."
Rey smiled. "I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I loved him."
Poe's face crinkled.
"Not Kylo Ren," she corrected quickly. "Just Ben. Without the influence of Palpatine and Snoke, he was very much his mother and father's son. I think you would have liked him had the circumstances been different. Now that he's gone I feel like something is missing. Like I've got this gaping wound."
Poe took Rey's hand over the table. "I won't pretend that I'm sorry Ren is gone, but I am sorry for the loss that you're feeling, Rey."
She nodded. "It was Leia's last stand to make sure that he came back to the light. She never gave up on him."
Poe drained his drink and the glass clinked back onto the table. "I'll never really understand this thing that you guys can do, but there's no denying that it's the most powerful thing in the galaxy. And I'm serious, you know. You can come knock on my door in the middle of the night sobbing about this and I'll answer, okay? It's the least I can do for you after you've done so much for the Resistance, for Leia. For me. Anyway, I'll see you around, Rey. Go rest. "
The corners of Rey's mouth twitched into a half-hearted smile as Poe took his leave. She felt like she should listen and continue to rest, but she'd already been asleep for so long in the last day. She decided instead on exploring areas of the Falcon that she'd not yet combed over in her time aboard the ship. She knew that Chewie's quarters were attached to her own, but she had never actually seen the Wookiee's room. Rey poked her head in and saw a small holoscan on the shelf next to other scans of Wookies - his family, presumably. The scan that caught her eye was of Chewbacca cuddling a small human boy with a shock of dark hair and the biggest grin. Ben.
Rey's eyes clenched tight agains the tears that were sure to come. She breathed and murmured under her breath "be with me," as she recalled Ben's final words to her, spoken not from his lips, but through the Force: "I'll always be with you."
She smiled and wiped back the lone tear that had escaped down her cheek and left the room behind. She may have been a scavenger, but snooping in a friend's room wasn't quite the same thing. Rey turned and examined a small stack of books that adorned a built-in shelf. Her Jedi texts were stacked neatly below the shelf, waiting to be added to the collection. She reached for a book with a brightly colored spine. It was an adventure and featured a brave boy with special abilities. Flipping it open she saw the scrawl of a child on the inside cover - From the Library of Ben Solo. Maybe he was with her after all. Rey took the book, flopped back onto her bed, and began to read.
A/N: So sorry it took so long to update! This crazy worldwide shut down has had me facing my own anxieties. I hope you're all well and now that I'm working from home, I really should try to write more, shouldn't I?
