Serena patted down her wide brimmed hat and set off for a walk. It was a calm hour on the streets of Provence and as she strolled leisurely along, thought of how good it was to have a change of scenery. She'd not been on holiday for three years and desperately wanted some sun and solitude. Just her, her picnic and some peace and quiet. Her happy thoughts were disturbed by what sounded like an avalanche in the distance. She looked around. Nothing was dislodged. No pile of mountain was crashing onto the pretty picturesque buildings that lined the street. But as she turned, a whirlwind was coming towards her at a pace too fast to avoid. The blur collided into her and nearly knocked her over. As it was, she staggered back and nearly crashed into a table outside the nearest café.
'Guinevere! Guinevere! Come back!'
Excuse me? Serena thought, panting in anguish. A tall figure ran past in vain as the four-legged menace ran through one of the winding side streets.
'I'm so sorry! She's a bulldozer when it comes to particular plants. She'd run through a snowstorm to get to them.'
Serena looked at the irresponsible goat herder and scowled. Her jaunt was off to a terrible start.
'Well thank you for that fantastic interlude to my day' she said snappily, rearranging her dress.
The other woman looked contrite.
'I really am sorry.' She started.
'And did you call that mangy thing, Guinevere?'
A trotting of the hooves heralded the arrival of the most un-queenly like creature Serena had ever seen. Now currently…
'Oi!' Roared Serena.
The blasted goat was snuffling through her spilled picnic and before she could bat it off, had pulled out the bread and cheese and was devouring it like a devil. Serena approached it, ready to grab something back but the goat glared at her with its evil eyes and trotted menacingly towards her. Serena backed off. She was a city girl. She had no experience with farm animals.
'Best to leave her.'
'Thief.'
'She's a terrible thief' said the other woman ruefully. 'but she's a bloody good kicker so I'd watch out for her hind legs if I were you.'
Serena glared at her.
'Fat lot of good you've been.'
She only just realised that they were conversing in English, not French. The other woman had a London accent. Good. She could shout at her more expressively in English.
'Look, I really am sorry about this. Goats are particularly tricky to tame but this one is just diabolical. I hope you weren't hurt?' Enquired the woman with the messy hair anxiously.
'Hm. No' said Serena churlishly. As if sensing the grudge building up, the negligent goat herder offered up a half smile that made Serena think better of her. Only slightly. She was still miffed about the whole thing.
'Well, there goes my lunch' she said sniffily.
She was mollified at the promise of being provided with the contents of another picnic basket. The women introduced themselves.
'Just catch that thing first.'
Bernie (for that was her name), approached the chomping devil and ran her hands over her head, murmuring softly.
Occupied with the baguette, she allowed herself to be tethered to the nearest tree.
'She gets more stubborn when she's hungry' Bernie explained.
'Guinevere and I have something in common' retorted Serena.
'She's not that bad. Stroke her ears. She likes that' cajoled Bernie.
Serena huffed but did as she was asked, stretching out a finger and cautiously rubbing it over an ear. Now satisfied with food, the goat had settled. Bernie watched in amusement.
'That's enough. I won't engage with this creature any further. Now, I was promised a picnic replacement' said Serena.
'And you shall have it' said Bernie gallantly, leading her to a nearby café.
'This place is great. Just need to keep Guinevere in sight.'
'Why the hell did you name her Guinevere?'
'I didn't. My nephew did. Jason. He's staying with me for a few weeks and he's named all of the herd on the farm nearby. Trust him to give the one with the snottiest personality such a sweet name.'
She smiled that lazy half smile that made Serena suppose that the situation wasn't so bad. Bernie was footing the bill. Serena took out hand gel and offered some to her rescuer.
'Can we have wine?'
'I won't tell your mother if you won't' teased Bernie.
Serena's gaze sharpened and Bernie thought she'd overstepped the mark. But a few seconds later, she relaxed into a sparkling smile.
'We'll have the red' she said.
Behind half shutters, some of the residents observed and clucked with exasperation.
Stupid British tourists.
