First and foremost this is the original story before I started to rewrite it... and got stuck in the writing of the rewrite. If you are following the rewrite you will notice quite glaring differences between this and the one you have already started following. I do not intend on giving up with the rewritten version, however, I think you guys waiting for me to get over my blank slate of a muse isn't going to happen any time soon. So I am re-posting the original. This was my first completed story and it is very different from how my last stories flow.
Secondly, this is not beta'ed. NOT AT ALL. There will be mistakes in spelling (I'm Australian and some words we spell differently). The layout will honestly have you wondering what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't; well that's not true. What I was thinking was that I knew what I was doing and screw anyone else... yes I was a conceited little shit even at the age of 31.
Thirdly, there are 68 chapters to this story, including the epilogue and two outtakes. All of which have been uploaded to my profile so I should be able to update daily. Please understand that I have a busy life in the real world. This includes two children, one grown and the other with disabilities. So while I should be able to update wherever I am, if something happens please understand that I will miss updating.
Last but not lease. I am not SM. Not even close. I do not own the franchise, work in any capacity with the publishing houses or studios. I merely escaped from reality to play with some characters that I fell in love with while reading four books in a matter of days.
B POV
As I ran into the office after watching him drive away, I couldn't help but smile; and it seemed like peanut was in agreement with me.
"I think I love him too" I whispered to my little bundle of arms and legs as the elevator rose towards the 15th floor.
I must have seemed crazy to the poor security guard on the surveillance camera watching this. But I really didn't care. The cowboy was full of surprises, not only did surprise me with breakfast this morning, but he was able to sit there while I tried my best to make him blush. Even willing to go into specific details about exactly what had happened in that dream I didn't care that we were in a public dinner if anything that spurred me on.
"Isabella Marie, you are one very sly woman you know that. How the hell did you get past everyone last night when you got home? Not only were the parents awake when Emmett and I left but you apparently were home for over an hour and didn't even tell anyone?" the smile on Rose's face did not match her little rant, it was like watching a babysitter going off at her favorite child.
No matter what she was saying I was already forgiven. I know I have someone very little right now to thank for that right now. If peanut wasn't sitting comfortably on my bladder using it as a pillow I know I'd be in major trouble. I couldn't help but smile.
"How is it you didn't give me a heads up that Cowboy was coming over to take me to breakfast?" I shot back, sidestepping her question. Rose hated being caught out with little details like this; usually, it was because it meant she would have to wait for details instead of having them thrown at her.
"I didn't tell you because he was so happy I didn't want to spoil it for him. Now back to my question how did you get past us without anyone finding out?" damn, she was almost as bad as Char when she was looking for information.
We headed for my office where I knew I had a lot of work to do before I could think about anything else.
"I'll tell you at lunch, but I'm not giving you any details because Char would kill me once peanut was born," I told her looking at the pile of work that I had sitting on my desk.
I groaned as I realized that I wasn't going to be having a lunch break, it would have to be in office today.
"Maybe not; I think you might have to wait until tonight. You guys still coming to the cookout tonight?" she nodded her head, and left me to my work after seeing exactly how much I had sitting there.
I guess this is what happens when you put your life on hold while the family is around. I knew I had to choose at least 5 letters to look at, and I also knew that I had about 15 different responses that I needed to shift through to make sure that I was happy with my work and that the ones I thought were most important were the ones published.
Each of the letters had already been looked at through the eyes of a psychologist, but I still needed to make them personal it wouldn't be right to just give them the basic information and let them work out their problems themselves. Hell, that's why they wrote to me. Opening up the laptop that I carried with to work I opened the necessary files and started to examine them one by one. It took me less than an hour before I had chosen my 5 letters. Each one could be examined from all different angles. It was part of the reason why I picked them.
Bella,
It's been nearly a year since I broke off my engagement but I'm still feeling guilty. I had caught him with another woman and while we tried to work past it nothing helped. Once we finally realized that it wasn't going to work we separated on fairly good terms; agree that even though it didn't work out between us that we would stay friends.
Since then I have become involved with one of the most beautiful and thoughtful men I've ever known, his friends have taken me in with open arms but I still haven't told him everything that had happened in the past. Now that he has moved on as well I feel guilty that I haven't as yet told my new partner everything. Is it too late for me to tell him how bad I've been hurt, and why I'm afraid to advance this relationship?
Lost and confused.
This poor girl's story seemed so painful. How could some man bring that much pain to a woman and not have an effect on her future? I couldn't help but think that this might have been what Edward may have felt when he heard of Jasper's involvement in my final choice. I knew that Alice would tell him but still, I know that he should hear it from me; including the part about how happy I am that he is with Alice now.
Lost and confused.
Heartache is a very painful and powerful emotion. I know from personal experience that nothing can make it go away unless you are ready for that next stage in your life. But I believe that you should tell this new man in your life everything that has happened with your ex, not forgetting the reason why you split in the first place. Guilt is a byproduct of heartache, especially what you have described in your letter. It is normal for the guilt to become stronger as you get closer to your new love interest, but remember you did nothing wrong, and you did try your best to move forward.
It's never too late to be truthful, even if it is with your lover, no matter what. Relationships grow only when all parties are equally involved and responsible for their actions. I can only tell you to follow your heart, I know it sounds cheesy but it's true. If you feel strongly for him then tell him, it will help you on so many levels. You will not only feel better for telling him about why you are reluctant to further your relationship but it will help you gain the strength for your heart to heal. Never forget that no matter what you feel it is you that feels it no one else. And in the words of a very wise woman I met the other day. Honey, you deserve love no matter how it comes to you or for how long a time it lasts.
I couldn't help the smile that came across my face when I added that last little sentence. That woman in the bistro had opened my eyes far more than anyone I had ever known. I just hoped that her advice to me would help this poor girl through her heartache.
"Bella are you ready for that meeting with the board?" my assistant called over the intercom.
I hadn't even remembered that I was having a meeting with them. Lately well more specifically this week I've been surprised that I've gotten dressed correctly, let alone keep up with everything that was coming up with work. I couldn't even remember why the meeting was about.
"What time is the meeting sweetie, I've got heaps of work to do, and I've only just put the Bella touch on the first of my letters," I called back.
It wasn't the best time for me to get stressed, and if this was a bad thing I wasn't sure how everyone would take it. I could hear the giggle from the outside of my office. Who knew what was going on out there?
"Miss Bella could you come out here for a second?" strange, she knew that I was busy but still she was calling out for me to see what's going on. Now, normally she just took care of everything for me so you can imagine why my interest was piqued.
"Wow." What could I say?
What was standing in front of me right at that moment was something that I had never even heard of in my life. Even cheesy romance movies never had this type of thing happen.
"Rose, you have to see this" I called through the office. I wasn't going anywhere right now.
"Bella, this better be important, we have..." she cut herself off when she looked at what was staring us down.
10 dozen roses in different colors; each with a different baby article wrapped around the box. Dummies, nappy pins, little packets of baby powder. It was different but very sweet.
"Holy Shit Bella, what have you done to him?" Rose's knack to get to the point, forgetting to use her verbal filter as usual shone through her shock. I had no idea what happened to him, let alone what it all meant.
"Miss Swan?" The voice of one of the men holding the flower boxes.
All three of us walked forwards to help the men with their flower boxes, while the room filled with the rest of the office workers.
"Yes, I'm Miss Swan," I answered the young guy standing in front of the others.
"Miss Swan. The sender of these flowers is one strange man; each bunch has a numbered card. He asked us to tell you that they need to be opened in order. Oh, and the final box needs to be kept in the fridge as those ones are edible." I just stood there with my mouth wide open, I'm sure that I looked like one of those clowns you throw balls into at the county fairs.
"I'll give him one thing; he's got originality going for him." Rose brought me out of my daze. Originality is definitely one word for it.
"Shit we're gonna be late, you have to deal with all this later. Right now we need to get up to the top floor." Rose pulled me along behind her as we headed towards the elevator.
"Can you put those editable ones in the fridge for me please?" I called out to my assistant.
She nodded as the door closed while I turned around to come face to face with a very unusual Rose.
"Rose what's wrong? This doesn't have anything to do with what you said last night does it?" her words still sat in my head. I was going to have a few words with that husband of hers tonight. She smiled down at me, with a slightly apologetic face.
"Sorry Bella, but I miss those days when you are first starting out in a relationship. The flowers and the dates. All of it; I'm sort of jealous of you at the moment. Don't worry though, it only lasts for a few minutes and then I feel like shit because I know how happy you both are." She softly spoke; it damned near broke my heart.
Yep, that hubby of hers was gonna get a dose of a pregnant hormonal woman tonight.
"Don't worry I still love you. You know we could always go out on a date. You know how they have bro-manse, why not have a sis-manse?" I asked, knowing that I'd get her to laugh, and smile.
We walked into the office where the owners of the paper resided; it was quite a predicament when you faced Carmon and Eleazar. Those two can make you shake in your boots. I'd only ever met them once before and while it was a good thing; it still made me apprehensive towards the two of them.
"Come in, Come in. Take a seat. It will only take a few seconds and then we'll let you get back to work." Eleazar called us into the office, not bothering to wait for the receptionist to introduce us.
"Okay, we know this is a publish day so we'll get straight to the point. Bella, we want to take you further. Not only do we want to keep you on the paper but we were thinking that maybe you would do well on the radio as well. The local station is more than willing to take you onboard, but it would mean that you'd have extra work. It would only be one day a week." Carmon started.
Everyone who has ever met these two knows that there is no point in interrupting them until they had said their piece because usually, it went faster than if you kept cutting in. As she continued to ramble I was stuck on the idea of going further with the whole advice thing. I'd only been doing this job for 5 months, and right now it would be hard to take anything further on without possibly harming peanut, let alone the fact that I'd get chewed out by nearly everyone. My little fainting spell the other day still has everyone on edge.
"Bella, what do you say? You interested." Eleazar called once more being pulled out of my little trance. I've been doing that a lot lately. Should talk to Tanya about that next visit or corner Alice tonight at the cookout.
"Um, I know it's a big thing to be taking the next step in this, but I don't think it would be a good idea. I'm 5 months pregnant, and I've only been doing this for a little while. Maybe if we could think about it in a year so we know exactly how far this is going to go. I've got to think about more than just my career now; I've got another little life to think about. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but radio right now isn't something that would be good. I'll do more than once a week column if need be, but I can't do radio." I knew that this would be a big thing to knock back but really what would you do in my situation. I'm not career-driven, I like to help others more than I like to think of myself.
Rose had sat herself down beside me and taken hold of my hand while I spoke, I knew she would understand but I also knew that she would be worried if I did any more columns during the week. She didn't want to place any more stress on me for now. A few more words were spoken about what would happen if I took the radio, saying it would be good for business, that it would bring my work to the front of everything; but honestly, I knew my priorities were in the right place and I wasn't going to change them to further my career and regret it in the future.
We headed down back to our floor and continued with our work. I hadn't forgotten about the flowers, not that I would have been able to, considering they were lining my office. I had gone through answering the next three letters to be published, each one facing pain in some form, lost parents, fear of rejection, and fear of putting themselves out there to be hurt once more. But the final one also broke my heart just as much as the first on.
Bella.
I'm a 17-year-old girl with some serious problems. After being with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years we decided to take our relationship further than it had been. While I was happy that it was my first time and as far as I knew it was his too. What I didn't know was that I wasn't his only girl, and half the school knew it. So when I found this out I was devastated.
We split and my parents moved me from Florida to here in Texas. I love my family and while it hurt to be so humiliated the way I was. But now I have some serious issues. I found out that I'm 2 and a half months pregnant, and I haven't told anyone. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I've seen how you have helped others and the replies you get showing that you know what you're doing. Please help me.
Baby mother.
As I had finished re-reading the clinical aspect that I wanted to face, I realized that it would help her. She needed to have this taken more than just a one-off answer in the paper. But at the same time, I wouldn't know where to start. It was a policy that no return address was to be given a place on the envelope for safety reasons. It was nearly 3 in the afternoon and I knew that I had to get this right. More than one life was going to change and she was asking me to help her get through this.
"Bella, have you had lunch yet? Honey are you okay?" I hadn't even noticed that I had been crying until Rose came over and wiped away my tears that had been falling down my face.
"I guess it's just that this one has gotten to me. It's heartbreaking. I want to find this girl and help her through this. Oh and no, I haven't had lunch as yet." I replied, my voice croaked with emotion. I gave Rose the letter and she read it and understood straight away why it had affected me so badly.
"Honey if you want we can only post a little of this information and you can ask her to write back with some of the details that we left out. This way you will be able to help her and not cop so many fake replies. I know why this one got to you and I know your heart is in the right place. But please be careful once you personally get involved with this it's gonna be hard for you to pull back and step away. I don't want to see you get hurt." She spoke into my hair as she consoled me.
I smiled, I knew that she would support me, but also fear that I'd get too far into this. I was new at all this and I knew that I'd easily get too involved if someone wasn't there to help me keep a safe distance while I did my best.
"You know you still have to look at those cards. I'm curious about what he has put in them." Rose was good at distracting me, but at this time I really needed to get this letter addressed before I let myself go further into the mystery of Jasper's flowers. I smiled and hugged her as best as I could, I know I'm not that big but still, peanut has issues with being cuddled or being involved with cuddles.
Baby Mother.
I don't know where to start, except that you really need to tell your parents about being pregnant. I can only imagine how hurt you must feel, the betrayal that you went through is something that no man woman or child should feel. I know it will shock and possibly disappoint your parents about how you fell pregnant, but trust me you need to tell them. That little person growing inside of you is not a result of the betrayal you have felt, but rather the result of the love you had for another. As painful as it is you need to be strong for yourself and your unborn child, and your parents will be there for you once they are over the shock
I also think you should tell him that he is going to be a father, if not him at least his parents. This child needs to come into a world where he or she will know that no matter what its family will be there. There are a lot of avenues that you need to address and look into, so I am offering you my personal help with this. I have purposely left some information from your letter. If you could please write back to me I would love to help you out with any emotional and psychological help you may need.
Bella.
I had written 10 different responses to this one letter, but after all, was said and done I was ready. It was ready. I sent the finished file to Rose knowing that she would look proof it straight away. Now all I had left to do was wait until she came and found me.
It was less than 15 minutes before I heard her knocking at my door, I had given up waiting for her to come in, so I had started to remove the cards that came with the flowers.
"Bella, it's perfect. How is it that you have only been doing this for 5 months and be so in tune with every response that you have given? Now change the subject, a pregnant hormonal woman is not wanted right now. Let's get to the bottom of these flowers." She smiled at me when she noticed that I had already started to remove the messages.
"Rose can you go and get the last flowers from the fridge. It's the only one I haven't removed. And I swear to god if anyone has touched it I'm gonna go hormonal on them." I winked letting her know it was all in fun and that I was more a threat to anyone else in the office.
I hated having my personal life on parade in the work environment. She was back before I could count to 10. Gotta love a mystery, and women's natural need to know what's going on. We placed each card on the desk and just stared at them. I knew that Rose was waiting for me to open the first one and that she wouldn't open any of them.
"Move it, woman, it's 4:30 already. We need to leave soon if we're getting to this cookout tonight." She was right of course. I grabbed the first card.
For all the pain you went through, I'll make it disappear.
I showed Rose and while she smiled she grabbed the second one and handed it to me.
For each time I wasn't there to hold your hand.
I just looked at the card until it disappeared and another was placed in its place.
For every night you cried yourself to sleep.
How did he know that? I don't think anyone knew about that.
For every time you were in my thoughts.
By now I had stopped wondering where he was going with all this. I picked up the next card after handing this one to Rose. She was placing them into a little envelope she had pulled out of my draw.
For showing me your heart and soul.
For letting me into your heart so willingly and never letting go.
For showing me that true love really does exist.
For allowing me to be there for you now and in the future.
For every step along the way, with you and peanut I'll happily follow blindfolded. As long as you will allow me to be there.
It was the final card and I was already in tears, and I can honestly say that it wasn't from the pregnancy, but from each and every card. I wasn't sure if I should show the last one to Rose, I knew she was missing out on the romance, and being the type of woman that loved the romance and being swooped off her feet. I felt like I was rubbing it in her face.
"Come on, I want to know where this is leading to. And get that out of your head. I will see that last card so don't even try to hide it." Her resolve was stronger than mine. Carefully I opened the last card,
Bella.
I know each card is corny, but each one is true. If I could wipe away all the pain you have been through these last few months before I found you I would. For each time I wasn't able to be there holding your hand, for each time you cried yourself to sleep (Blame that sister in law of mine for that) if I could take it all away I would. But while I can't take away that pain and heartache, I can promise you that I will be here beside you for the rest of my life. You once told me that I had your heart please believe me when I say that you have my everything.
Never let me go I'll be lost without you.
Jasper Whitlock.
Neither Rose nor I said a thing as we gathered up the cards and our belongings. I was just reaching for a little envelope in my draw that had been hidden for the last 2 months when I heard him.
"I meant every word. You have everything I have, everything I am, and everything I ever will. I'm in love with you. I have been since that night and I will be for the rest of my life." With each word he spoke, he moved into my office taking careful steps; slowly coming closer, but he wasn't coming fast enough. I walked around to the front of my desk and stood there. We stood there staring at each other, barely inches apart.
"I love you too. And I don't plan on letting you go any time soon." And with that little declaration, our lips met passion, fire, love, and every hope that I had for him, for us was placed on the altar of what may come.
